Ordinary Stories with a Divine Twist

Pressing On: A year in Review

2012-01-07T18:31:00.001+03:00

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3: 10-14

The year 2011 started amidst cries of joy and excitement. Last January, the widows and I stood outside St. Peter’s Church in Nakawa singing and dancing…laughing at how much God had done for his brides. All the widows that started 2010 were now beginning 2011…we had beaten death. Those deeply ill had been pulled back from the grave. The ladies had begun a mushroom business and were starting to see a small profit from the business. Our land was fertile and growing food for the women. Life was in no way perfect or completely just, but it was better…we were moving toward abundance…a feeling of blessing swept through the women. Ruth pulled me aside and told me that 2011 would be the year of jubilee…the year of answered prayer.

In fact Ruth and Joyce both told me that God would bring my husband this year. They told me that my years of deep loneliness were soon to be over and that it was a year for rejoicing. When I heard them say this to me, I smiled and nodded my head, but inside my heart was just too afraid to believe that after 20 years of waiting it could finally be over. Ruth looked deep into my eyes and said, “You don’t believe me do you? Well, you go out and buy a man’s coat and hang it in your closet so you can physically see the promise the Lord has made to you.” You see for these last few years I have stood with Ruth and Joyce and Mary and Agnes and all the rest in their pain and sorrow and they have stood with me in mine. God does not just call us to love others, but to learn to receive love from others too. I am not in a ministry to widows…I am in relationship with women who happen to be widows. Thus the stern warning from my auntie Ruth about believing that 2011 would in fact be our Jubilee year.

To my great astonishment a short time later, a coworker of mine at the International School of Uganda confessed he had feelings for me. I was shocked as we had been friends for some time, but delighted as he was a handsome Godly man. Every day I pinched myself to see if this was really happening. I was falling in love. Then in late June, Isaac proposed and we got engaged. Idah, one of my widow friends, walked up to Isaac at church and said, “Do you know how long we have prayed for you?? We are trusting you to take good care of our daughter.” I think I had a permanent grin on my face for the whole month of June. We rejoiced together and I cried tears of happiness…Ruth and Joyce were right…God had resurrected a dead place in my heart and given me an abundance of love for one of his sons. The widows and I decided to host a big celebration to honor what God had done for their growing mushroom business and for my tender heart. We decided to have it shortly after my parents arrived for a visit. As we planned the party women were laughing and we all had tremendous confidence that blessing was just around the corner.

Then in the blink of an eye tragedy struck…early one morning I got a call that Agnes had passed away. She was in constant pain from the stomach ulcers she had and AIDS had eaten away at her body until almost nothing remained. After a year of regained health, death had come like a thief in the night and taken Agnes. Our ministry grieved the loss of Agnes and were comforted that she was now in the presence of Jesus and living in a new healthy body. At the time, we felt so dejected wondering why God had taken her so abruptly.

Early in the morning of July 4, large bulldozers came into the Nakawa slum area and demolished the widows’ small homes without warning and with heavy police deployment. It was then I saw how merciful God is…Agnes could have never endured what came next. As the large graders came through they moved with no mercy breaking down homes irregardless of who was inside or what was inside. Many of the widows lost all their belongings and watched helplessly as their homes were run over. I stood with them and watched. We cried and screamed…it was unbelievable…how could this be happening? In the course of one day, over half of the widows lost everything. Even our newly founded mushroom business was in shambles…it was destroyed beyond repair. I held Grace as she cried and wailed, “What will I do? What will I do?” I had no immediate answers, but I stood with her, cried with her and held her.

Somehow I pulled myself together enough to formulate a plan to help these women. Together with many of our donors we gave each evicted woman enough money to rent a small house somewhere else in Kampala. It was enough to keep them in this new house for 3 months. We then gave out food supplies to each family. Then we gave women money to replace some of the essentials they lost in the eviction. Suzan, our social worker, was working around the clock…taking calls in the middle of night…visiting women at all hours. The women were scattered all over town and felt not only the loss of their belongings, but the deep loss of community as well.

I called Ruth and comforted her…prayed with her. Almost as an aside I said, “Let’s just cancel the party…it doesn’t seem right to celebrate right now.” After a long silence, she said, “No…God is still the same as he was two weeks ago. God has still answered your prayer and ended your emotional suffering. That encourages us to believe that God will end ours too.” I wish I could say that I sighed nodded my head and said, “yes…God is faithful.” But, truthfully, I said, “What?! You all have just lost everything…widows are crying and devastated. How do I celebrate God’s goodness to me? Isn’t that just rubbing in my blessing in their face?” Ruth cut me off, “Kari, I believe God is faithful…he is our husband…he will turn our mourning into dancing.” I cried as I hung up the phone. I was angry at the injustice of it all. How could the government be so ruthless? Why in the midst of the first time our ministry was moving forward did this tragedy happen?

My parents came in July and we held the party. Honestly, I was unsure if the women would come or if it would feel more like a funeral then a party. As I entered I saw Ruth in front organizing the ladies a wide smile on her face. As my parents entered they gave them a welcome so full of love and joy I wondered if these were the same women I held sobbing on my shoulder over the last couple of weeks. We sang, we danced, and then we ate a great feast. At the end my father stood before these dear women and said, “We know the great loss you have endured just a few days ago and our hearts are grieved. We and some other donors from the US want to show you that we are standing with you, so we are giving each woman here 50,000 Ugsh (about $23).” When the last word left my father’s mouth, the women jumped up and ran around screaming. It was as if they had just been told they had won the lottery. Then they came and knelt in front of my father and thanked him. Later that afternoon, Ruth hugged me and said in my ear, “See I told you God does not forget his brides…he will provide for us and turn our mourning into dancing!” I just cried and nodded my head.

In the months that followed, we were able to help the women with 3 more months of rent. This has tremendously helped them keep away from living on the street. But, life has been hard…harder than it was before the eviction. Mary came to the meeting about a month ago and sat down next to me. She stared at her hands and then just began to weep. I rubbed her back and pulled her close. “I don’t know how I am going to make it. The place I was selling vegetables was destroyed in the eviction. I have no work. I am trying but I just can’t manage to feed us.” Then she just sobbed. I held her and then gave her some money to feed her family. A lot of meetings are like that now. Here God has relieved my personal pain and resurrected a cold part of my heart, but at the same time these women I love have been thrown into a pit of despair worse than the one they were in before. I couldn’t help but ask God, “Why…why would you allow this? We were just climbing out of this pit only to be thrown back in?”

Finally, by the end of the year, we had replanted 500 mushroom gardens on our land in Matuga. We hope to harvest them by the end of February. It is our hope that this business can be reborn and that our women can again have hope of income. We also gave the women rice, beans and porsho flour for the Christmas season. As most of the women are now in homes with a poor water supply, the ministry was able (with your help!) to give each woman a Tiva Water purifying system. This will greatly improve their health and the health of their families.

And so 2011 ended. A year that started with such hope, excitement and joy for the women has ended with pain, suffering and heartache. It hurts to watch your friends suffer and cry in despair. We have shed a lot of tears together this year. So now at the end of this year, I asked God, “why…why give me my heart’s desire…why resurrect my heart and leave theirs more broken then they were before?” As I sat in prayer and finally stopped ranting and raving at Jesus, he quietly whispered Philippians 3 in my ear. My dear, if you or the women want to know resurrection, you have to taste death. Have you not known emotional death…heartache so deep words cannot speak of it? It is in that place that resurrection happens, so don’t despair for my brides…my widows…they now taste death, but open your eyes and be ready because resurrection is coming. It is a site too beautiful for words.

Now as we look toward 2012…the woman are forgetting what is behind…the death, the suffering…and straining toward what is ahead…a powerful resurrection of their situation that will be too beautiful to behold. We are beginning to build on our property and I know that will be part of God’s great resurrection. Oh…and we will dance at my wedding too!

Eviction

2011-08-15T20:24:00.000+03:00

“…He sent me to bind up the broken hearted…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61: 1, 3

My July 4th was very different from most of yours. Instead of picnics, parades and fireworks, I watched as one widow's house after another was demolished by large graders. These massive machines came without warning early that Monday morning and ran over house after house without any care as to who or what was inside. As the concrete walls fell large swells of dust and concrete particles filled the air. It was suffocating. People were running to get as much out of their homes as they could before the whole house was destroyed by these large unyielding machines. The military in full riot gear surrounded the quarters machine guns in hand making sure the people had no choice but to watch as their house and most of their belongings were crushed and buried in large piles of rubble. I held widows as they cried and wailed. In that moment all I could do was cry and stand in that terrible pain with them.

That night many of them slept outside on the street...homeless...without water...without food...without anything. I received call after call from them...their voices trembled...they asked me what to do...where they should go. If it was only one, we could compensate them, but our ministry had 46 families homeless overnight. For us it was a devastating disaster of monumental proportions. Suzan, Annet and I cried...large tears rolling down our cheeks for these women we love so much. It just seemed so overwhelming...how do we find housing for that many people in one night? We felt as helpless as they did.

On Tuesday, July 5th we contacted the US office of Dorcas Widows Fund and told Lisa about the massive disaster in Nakawa/Naguru Quarters. She was as shocked and saddened as we were, but we formulated a plan. She quickly let the donors know about the widow’s homelessness and they responded. Immediately she sent $5,000 USD, which DWF used to pay 3 months rent on temporary houses for each of the women who were evicted. It took about a week, but eventually all 46 of the women were in some type of structure and no longer on the street. The women were amazed that our little ministry was able to love and support them...all of them, not just some. We rescued them in their darkest hour of need. We filled a gap that no one...no one was willing to fill for them. We saved them from being homeless...we loved them when they felt the most unloved...we stood with them in their pain and helped them find a way out of it. I can’t tell you how awesome and beautiful it is to love like Jesus loves.

The following week, my parents came to visit the widows for the first time. Emotionally, the ladies had been to hell and back, but they remained determined to welcome them with all the love they had left to give. So, they came early that day to cook for them…to make a feast for them. They dressed in their gomesi’s they received from Dorcas Widows Fund last Christmas and greeted my parents like they were royalty from another place. They knelt and hugged them…kissed them and told them that they loved them. Even though the pain and heartache of the last week was still fresh, they chose joy. It was hard for them…it ached at times to choose joy over this painful sorrow, but they did it. They sang and danced and ate. It was an incredible display of courage. Inside my head, I was hearing the words of a chorus I used to sing in Sunday school…” WhenI am weak and he is strong, Yes, Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me.” I am convinced it is only God that gave them the courage to love and give and dance and sing in the midst of the great pain they were feeling. I knew because at that moment they were displaying his splendor and it was glorious.

As the party came to a close, I gave my parents some of the money you donated and asked them to give 50,000 Ugsh ($24) to each woman. As they announced your gift, some widows screamed…some ran around…some danced and some just fell to their knees and cried. They could not believe it. They could not believe that anyone would notice their pain and be so willing to give them so much money at one time. It was a rejoicing I will never forget.

The next week, we met with the widows again. They came ready and excited to share what that 50,000 Ugsh meant to them.

One woman, Jenifer, started her testimony by shaking her head and crying. She then told us that as she was cooking potatoes for the feast her mouth began to water as she had not eaten in a couple of days. So, she took some of the potatoes and ate them. As she ate them large swells of guilt came over her as her children were at home with nothing to eat and here she was eating potatoes. She was feeling so unworthy…as a mother, as a provider…in fact she was beating herself up inside all during the party. Then when my father announced that she would receive the 50,000 Ugsh she almost fainted. She ran to my father and put her arms around his neck and cried. She left that meeting and bought enough food to feed her children for a month. God had heard her cry and lifted her out of her pit of despair.

Another woman, Justine, told us that her daughter had been abandoned by her husband and was about to give birth. Before receiving the 50,000 Ugsh she had no money to pay for the birth of the child. In fact the daughter’s due date was the date of my parent’s party, but her daughter was still feeling no pain, so Justine went to the party. In receiving that money Justine knew it would cover the birth of the child at the government hospital. So, a couple days later a baby girl was born in a local hospital, but with no outstanding debt. Justine was so happy and so grateful that she named the child after my mother. When she finished testifying she danced and sang and marveled at how God provides.

Each widow has her own story and I could write for pages if I told them all, but please know that God is using your dollars and donations. Real lives of real women are being rescued and loved. Thank you so much for all you have done for these women. However, we are not done yet, we are still hoping to build a more permenant widows community for these women. If God so moves you, please consider donating to the Dorcas Widows Fund and make this a reality.

May God continue to bless you…God is using you to change the lives of those he loves!

A Promise Kept

2011-07-02T19:49:00.000+03:00

Yesterday morning Agnes lost her battle with AIDS and cancer, but regained her freedom from pain and is now in eternal peace. Agnes had been sick for many years and in the last year her pain had become unbearable. She had multiple ulcers in her stomach from the cancer drugs which caused a great fire in her belly anytime she ate anything. Her head ached daily from lack of food and her digestive system either was blocked or would cause her to have diarrhea for hours at a time. She had become bone thin and finally could no longer take care of herself. For the last 2 months she has been bedridden in the hospital. Her daughter who is 15 has been taking care of her. She slept on a mat below her mother's hospital bed wondering which day she would see her mother die. It has been a painful road for both of them, but God has held them close every step of the way. The day before Agnes died, she was in pain but full of peace...a strange combination...one only possible when you are in the palm of God.

Her daughter was at her bedside crying...begging her mother not to die...asking her what she will do with her body...how will I get a coffin? how will I transport your body? pay for the burial? Calmly, Agnes looked into her daughter's eyes and said, "Don't worry about any of that. Jesus told me that he will provide the coffin, that a car will be sent with petrol already in it and there will be nothing you have to do." Her daughter just shook her head and thought that her mother was talking nonsense.

The next day Agnes died. Shortly after her death, Meeting Point (another NGO that helped Agnes with her HIV treatment) paid the bill for everything in the hospital including preparing the body for burial and the coffin. Another woman from Agnes' church was prompted by the holy spirit to give her family's truck free of charge in order to transport her body to Northern Uganda. And like Jesus promised the woman put a full tank of fuel in the truck before handing over the keys to Agnes' family. The only thing that remained was to find a beautiful dress to bury her mother in...as the girl looked in her mother's things, the only nice dress Agnes had was the Gomesi given to her last Christmas by Dorcas Widows Fund. Just like Jane, Agnes was buried in the beautiful dress we provided for her at Christmas. She looked so beautiful...mostly because she was at peace...no more pain...no more sorrow...now only the joy of heaven. Dancing with the savior at the wedding feast in the most beautiful dress....

Her daughter was awestruck to see the miracles God provided...to see how much he loves the widow and the orphan. Now the girl will stay with a priest who was close to the family. She will be taken care of and loved by the family of God. Isn't it amazing to watch God keep his promises???

In loving memory of Agnes Oyio...a widow who was dearly loved by God.

Lost and Found

2011-03-08T15:41:00.000+03:00

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

I know what it’s like to hope for something for not just months, but for years…to spend over 20 years hoping that God will fulfill my deepest desire. My desire has yet remained unfulfilled and I can attest that my heart has been incredibly undeniably sick. It is a pain only fellow ‘wait-ers’ can understand. Your heart literally hurts every day all the time. There is no relief…no comfort until that longing is satisfied. Maybe that is our human nature or maybe that is the curse of hoping for something that may never be ours. Those of you who long desperately for a child…or to be married…or to have a stable job…or to have peace in your family…know what I am talking about.

Since, I know what it is like to be nearly 40 and unmarried, I know what it feels like to be heartsick over a hope deferred. Maybe that is why I connect so deeply with the widows…I know that pain of longing for something to be different…I know how hopeless life sometimes feels. Most of our widow meetings, we focus so much on what it feels like to have our hope deferred that we sometimes miss the second half of the proverb…”but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” It is the hope that Jesus will provide a “tree of life” for our deepest longing that keeps us hoping in the first place. I mean isn’t Jesus called “the tree of life?”

Last Thursday, Rosemary got her “tree of life” and it was spectacularly beautiful.

Around this time last year, I received a frantic call telling me that Rosemary had tried to kill herself. I was heart broken to hear that she had felt so alone and so discouraged that her only option seemed to be to end it all. Several of us went to see her after she was discharged from the hospital. Her suicide attempt was unsuccessful, but it was clear that her pain was still real and overwhelming. Her oldest son had fallen into the wrong crowd and had been stealing money from her. When he came home drunk, he was beating her up. The aunties on her husband’s side had kidnapped her first-born daughter and she hadn’t seen her or heard from her in 25 years. All her attempts to find her daughter after all these years had ended in heartbreak. One of her young nieces had just been raped while staying in the village. Her other daughter had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend and now her and the new baby were living with her. Not to mention that her own diabetes had been causing her much pain and discomfort. All these intense problems were just too much for Rosemary. She had long since stopped coming to the Dorcas Widows Meetings, as she just couldn’t get the energy to come. Fortunately, several widows had taken to visiting her. They tried to encourage her as best they could, but that fateful night she just lost hope…her heart became sick and she just gave up.

After the suicide attempt, we all became very involved in Rosemary’s life. We helped her keep food in the house, we helped find a way to keep her safe from her son, and we tried to help her find a place for her niece to receive treatment. We also encouraged her to get back involved with her church and with the Dorcas Widows Ministry. She did both of those things and slowly by slowly we saw Rosemary come back to life. The overwhelming spirit of despair that hung over her life was sent away and replaced again with hope…the hope that Jesus would stand beside her…that he would comfort her…that he would begin to unravel all her problems.

So, it was that Rosemary stood in front of the women on Thursday…stretched her hands toward heaven and just cried. At first, I was concerned that her heart had become too sick again, but when she began to talk I realized that these were now tears of overwhelming joy. She said, “Ladies, God had done a miracle…something I never, never believed possible. What I wanted most has happened.” Then she put her head in her hands and cried. We all sat there dumbfounded wondering what had happened that had made her this happy. She looked up again and said, “My long lost daughter is alive and has been found.” All our mouths dropped open…all eyes became wide…then almost all at once a loud cheer erupted from all of us. She just stood in the midst of us looking up at the sky with huge tears rolling down her cheeks.

After we quieted ourselves down, she began to tell us what had happened. “My pastor encouraged us to spend 3 weeks fasting and praying. So I decided to fast and pray, but the only thing I asked God for was my first-born daughter. I haven’t seen her for 25 years and I just wanted to know where she was and if she was fine.” At the end of Rosemary’s fast, the pastor’s wife came to her house. She had rushed there and seemed out of breath when she arrived. Rosemary invited her in not knowing what had caused this sudden visit. The pastor’s wife smiled and shook her head, her eyes filling up with tears. Rosemary asked her what was wrong. The pastor’s wife then said, “You daughter contacted us and wants to talk to you, but we had no way to reach you as you don’t have a phone.” Rosemary said she felt immediately weak and fell into the chair behind her. “Please, please don’t tease me about this. I am not strong enough. Are you sure? Are you really sure she is MY daughter?” The pastor’s wife then confirmed the name of her daughter and several other details that would indeed leave no doubt that she had found her long lost daughter. Rosemary couldn’t believe it.

Then the Pastor’s wife gave her a phone and told her to wait, as her daughter would call her shortly. A while later the phone began to ring. She was so overcome with emotion, she had her other daughter answer it. It was her long lost daughter calling from Sweden as that is where she had been finally found. Rosemary took the phone and just wept calling her daughter’s name over and over. Her 30-year-old daughter also wept saying “mommy, mommy, mommy” over and over again. After they had cried with each other, they began to unravel what had kept them apart.

Twenty-five years ago Rosemary had left her then 4-year-old daughter with her sister while she went into town. A group of men showed up at the sister’s home and kidnapped her daughter by gunpoint. The sister almost died at their hands trying to protect Rosemary’s daughter, but it was no use. They took her and that was the last time anyone had seen her. Her daughter explained that it was the aunties of her father that took her immediately to Sweden. The aunties then used her passport to kidnap other children and bring them to Sweden. The aunties mistreated her and kept her drugged most of the time. Whenever the daughter would ask about her mother, the aunties would tell her that they had no idea who her mother was and no contact information for her. Finally at 18 years old, the daughter ran away from the aunties’ house in Sweden and was found by Swedish social workers. The daughter was incredibly sick when they found her. She had sickle cell anemia and needed immediate intense treatment. These social workers probably saved her life. They helped her get educated and find a job. Now in the last few years they have been helping her find her mother. During the time when Rosemary was fasting and praying in Uganda, one social worker in Sweden asked if she could send her name to a pastor she knew in Uganda on the outside chance he might be able to find a woman named Rosemary Amony. The pastor that Swedish woman sent the daughter’s name to was in fact Rosemary’s pastor.

As Rosemary finished telling this incredible story, we all had big tears rolling down our cheeks. It was unbelievable…after 25 years God had managed to connect a widow without a phone with her daughter living thousands of miles away in Sweden. I watched Rosemary as she cried…it wasn’t a defeated cry, but one of incredible power. As she reached her hands to heaven and smiled through her tears, she really did look like a tree of life.

A True Warrior

2011-03-02T20:18:00.000+03:00

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm.” Ephesians 6:12

When you think of a warrior…you think of bulging biceps and of a menacing face. Someone you could count on to protect you in any and all situations…someone fearless and aggressive. To a warrior fighting is just like breathing…as natural to living as eating and sleeping. They are born to dominate and to never take no for answer. Hollywood reinforces this definition of a warrior, but I am beginning to think that it isn’t really who a true warrior is. This week God showed me a different kind of warrior…maybe the truest kind of warrior there is.

A couple weeks ago, Nancy came to the widows meeting and sat near the back. During the meeting she didn’t say much, but her face spoke volumes. The stress and pain in her eyes was screaming out her trouble. After the meeting, she pulled Suzan aside and told her that she had not eaten yesterday and that she would not be able to feed her children that night either. In an instant Suzan put her arm around Nancy and without any fanfare or many words, she gave her the equivalent of $15. Nancy stared speechless at the money in her hand for a moment and then started to cry. Not a sweet cry, but one of incredible shock and relief. Big tears streamed down her face and she buried her head in her hands. That $15 gave her relief from the agony of not being able to feed her children and of not eating herself. You see Nancy is HIV positive and taking the drugs on an empty stomach causes her incredible discomfort and pain. Not the mention the pain a mother endures as she watches her children suffer. As I watched her hold Susan and cry, I cried too. It was beautiful to see someone in pain be comforted.

I met Nancy again last night. This time she entered the widows meeting with her mouth twitching as if the words were just fighting to come out. After greeting each other, she immediately asked if she could share a story with the group. Nancy began to speak very quickly in her language and with great expression. She said that about a month ago an elderly woman had been chased from the home she was renting because she had fallen sick and could not pay the rent. The old woman walked out of the little room she could no longer afford and sat in the dust and cried while the neighbors looked on. Nancy broke through the crowd and asked the woman what had happened and tried to comfort her. The woman told her that although she was 65 she had started to bleed again. She tries to keep herself clean, but she seems to weaken every day. Nancy immediately wondered if the woman had cervical cancer. Nancy lives in a two-roomed house with her children, as it is they live on top of each other and they struggle to eat every day. But that never entered her mind.

“I follow Jesus,” Nancy told the woman, “So you can stay with me and I will take care of you.” She then picked the woman up and helped her into the house. After entering into the house she realized that the woman smelled of dried blood and urine. With her daughter helping her, she bathed the woman and washed her clothes. Now for the last month and a half, she has been caring for this woman every day…all the time. She has tried to get some little extra money to bring the woman to the hospital to get tested for cancer. So, here she was at the meeting begging the Dorcas Widows Fund to help this poor woman. Nancy looked at us and said, “This woman is the one who is truly suffering.” I wondered how she defined suffering…Nancy gets sores from HIV and is sick often, she struggles to feed her family, pay house rent and take care of her children. She continued to plead of this woman. She told us that as of now the woman’s only health care is her prayers over her at night; which, as I was about to find out are as powerful as any medicine any doctor could give.

After we agreed to help her help this woman, Nancy said, “Oh, I have one more prayer request.” She said as if it was a commonplace prayer request…something people always ask for. “At about 9 o’clock last night I heard a commotion outside my home. It was so loud that my daughter and I decided to find out what was happening.” As Nancy, stepped outside she was horrified to see two men beating a 15-year-old girl with their rosaries. She ran to the girl and asked the men why they were beating her. The men said, “Stay back. This girl is possessed by demons. She is talking in many different voices and is trying to hit, kick and bite other people. Just let us handle it.” Nancy stood her ground and calmly said, “Gentlemen, please let me handle this for you. I am born again and I can rid this girl of the demons.” The men shook their heads, but allowed her to take control of the situation. At that point Matilda, another Dorcas Widow, joined Nancy and they began to pray in full force. The demons first laughed at her and told her that “We are 30 and you are only two. What can you do to us?" She responded by saying that Jesus had given her full authority over them and that the blood of Jesus was enough to battle them with. Matilda and Nancy prayed and battled for this girl’s soul until midnight. Finally, all the demons left the girl and the girl came back to her senses. At that point both Nancy and Matilda shared the love of Christ with the girl and her mother. They both decided to become followers of Jesus. “So, please pray with Matilda and I as we continue to share Jesus with this girl and her mother.”

I stared at her in complete amazement. At first I didn’t even know what to say. Then I asked her if she was scared when she encountered this demon-possessed girl. She looked at me strangely as if my question was completely bizarre. Then she said, “No, Kari, God told us that we have power over demons. There is nothing they can do to us. Isn’t that what Jesus told us we should do?” I just nodded my head.

I spent the rest of the meeting looking at this HIV positive woman wearing old worn out clothes realizing that this is what a true fearless warrior looks like. She battles hunger in her house…sickness in her body…sadness in her inability to provide for her children and demons in the community…but the key is she doesn’t go into battle alone. Jesus…her protector, her lover, her friend, her powerful ally goes with her everywhere she goes. With human eyes she is only wearing a faded blue skirt, a blouse missing a couple buttons and shoes that barely fit, but in God’s eyes she is covered in the full armor of God. She has a beautiful belt of truth buckled around her waist, a shiny golden breastplate of righteousness and a solid shield of faith, which will extinguish all the fiery arrows of the evil one. She is one of the most beautiful warriors I have ever seen and also one of the most fierce.

Immanuel: God With Us

2010-12-05T16:47:00.004+03:00

“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel-which means, “God with us.” Matthew 1:23

This year we have seen God be Immanuel...with us…beside us…all around us. He has never left our side or abandoned us. As Christmas draws near and I hear the name Emmanuel sung in Christmas Carols all over town, I feel as though God is saying over and over…I am with you…I have always been with you and I will always be with you. This year the Dorcas Widows learned to experience God as Immanuel…our closest brother, our tender lover and our most gracious savior.

Last January, we felt battered and bruised as a ministry. We had just lost 3 widows to AIDS…were caring for other sick women and had land that we didn’t have money to develop. Not knowing what else to do, the widows and I spent some hours in prayer. We lifted our hands to God and praised him, glorified him; then we cried, quite literally, out to God asking him to be with us…in all the sickness, in all the poverty, in all the misery. More specifically, we asked Him to keep all the widows safe in 2010…that 2010 would be a year where everyone in our ministry lived to see 2011 as a testimony of God’s goodness and mercy. We prayed for wisdom and financial resources to develop our land. We prayed that those who were the sickest would be made well. Humbly, we called on the name of Jesus…the name above all names…the one who is able to do more than we can ask or imagine. Then we stepped boldly into 2010.

Now in December of the same year, I am pleased to say that not one woman has died this year…not one! In miraculous ways, God came down and sat with us…he reached out his healing hand and did what we cried out for him to do. All of us who started 2010 will see 2011. Agnes should have died…she has end stages of AIDS and has cancer of the stomach. I have seen her on death’s doorstep so many times this year, but somehow God continues to do for her what he did for Lazarus so many years ago. Joyce Anywar was barely living in August. Every night I went to sleep expecting the phone to ring…to hear of her passing. Yet, I walked with her down to the market the other day…still HIV positive, but strong and full of life. She knows the only reason she is alive is because Jesus decided to heal her. These are just two of the many…the widows were so sick this year, but death had no power over them. Immanuel was with us.

This year some sizable donations came into our ministry…ones we had not solicited or applied for. They seemed to come direct from God’s hand. These donations allowed us to begin farming our land in Matuuga. We planted maize, cassava, beans and sweet potatoes. The widows have all gotten food from our farm. They were given sweet potatoes last month, maize last week and will get cassava soon. This small little farm is helping to feed 80 widows and their families. The land is no longer idle…God has given us the wisdom to feed our women. In 2011 we are hoping to have enough money to house our women too! Other donations have allowed us to give all the widows beans, porsho and rice to feed their families this Christmas season. The donations also allowed us to give each woman a beautiful Gomesi (traditional dress). As a collection of believers in Jesus, we were able to give each woman a crown of beauty instead of ashes. It was a beautiful sight to behold…truly God’s glory on earth.

So it is with great joy and thanksgiving that we are ending 2010. The Dorcas Widows stand as a testimony of God’s goodness…of his love for his bride. God was with us…our dear sweet Immanuel never left our side and this year we all lived to praise him for it.

Would $25 Change Your Life?

2010-08-11T16:29:00.000+03:00

“Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed, but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead.” James 2: 15-17

On July 27^th, an American woman named Margaret attended a Dorcas Widows Meeting. She had visited the women once before and was awestruck at the challenges they face and at their tenacious belief in God’s goodness despite their circumstances. So, quietly…without any advanced notice Margaret stopped by to see the widows.

She announced at the meeting that she would buy 50,000 Ugsh ($25) worth of beaded jewelry from each woman at the meeting. At first the women just stared at her in disbelief…then they began to jump up and down screaming. Joy oozed from every pore of their bodies. After receiving the money one widow named Stephania ran around the compound of the church waving the money in the air…tears of joy running down her face screaming in Luganda…”I have 50,000, I have 50,000, I have 50,000.” She was completely overwhelmed as they all were…they could not imagine a woman coming seemingly out of the blue and giving them each such a large sum of money.

This last Tuesday the women testified about what they did with their unexpected blessing. Since many of you could not be there, I wanted to share their testimonies with you…

Helen: Prior to coming to the meeting that night Helen’s son was sent home from school because she couldn’t pay the remainder of his school fees. Her business had collapsed as she had spent all her money on treatment for herself and for two of her sick children. Then on top of that she had to spend what little was left over on a relative’s funeral. She felt helpless…tapped out…she had no idea how God would provide the money to send her child back to school. When she came for the meeting she asked the group to pray for her…to ask God to do something to get her out of this mess. So, when Margret gave her the 50,000…she couldn’t believe it and waited with the money outstretched thinking surely the woman would want a balance…that she wouldn’t let her keep such a sizable amount. She kept quiet and waited to see what would happen. Then she saw that all the widows were being given 50,000 each. She was overwhelmed because this lady gave her the ability to pay the school fees, buy new bed sheets and to buy food for her children. Even a week later, she can’t believe it…that God would so immediately answer her prayer…that a stranger would come in the name of Jesus and bless her so abundantly.

Nancy: Nancy is HIV AIDS positive and struggles with constant pain in her legs making it hard for her to work long hours. One of her sons is also sick, so much of her money goes for medical treatment. She struggles every week to buy enough food for the house. At this point paying school fees for her children seemed like a luxury she could not afford. She came to the meeting expecting emotional support and prayer…that other widows would understand her situation and give her encouragement. Nancy was shocked…I mean shocked to find Margaret at the meeting giving each woman 50,000 Ugsh. Never in her wildest dreams would she have thought that someone would give her so much money at one time. Even when she was going home she kept telling other widows, “I can’t believe I am going back with 50,000. God alone knows what she can do for that lady.” She used the money to send one of her children to school...all of sudden she could afford that luxury. What a great gift! She also stocked her house full of food…no going hungry this week!

Stephania: Stephania is HIV AIDS positive. She sells school supplies but it is not enough to cater for all her family’s needs. When Margaret gave her the money, she counted it over and over. She wondered if she really was holding 50,000 or if she was counting it wrong. She was worried about not being able to feed her children. She had also borrowed some notebooks of paper for her children; which was not paid. When she received the money, she celebrated her blessing by buying meat for her whole household. They had not had meat in a long, long time. She also cleared her debt for the notebooks and stocked the house with food. She regrets not thanking the lady properly as she was so shocked she just ran around the compound yelling, “I have 50,000! I have 50,000!”

Lucy: Lucy sells fish, but since she stays in a poorly constructed house with holes everywhere, every time she is away…thieves sneak in and steal her fish. This constant loss of inventory causes her to loose a lot of the profit of her business. Unfortunately, she cannot leave that house because she stays there free of charge and she just can’t afford to pay rent anywhere else. Because of this, she has incurred a lot of debts. She had promised one of the creditors that she would pay him on Friday, but she was only trusting God for that money. She hoped she could get at least part of the 15,000 from somewhere to pay the creditor, but never dreamed she could pay him 15,000 all at once. So, the money given to her was a huge miracle. She had been praying and praying for a way to clear this debt. As she shared her testimony, she was awestruck at what God had done for her. Then she thanked Margaret for remembering the widows. She told her, “It is now only God who can reward you.”

Esther: Esther came to the meeting worried because she was unable to pay her daughter’s examination fee and the deadline was July 30th. She sells candy in the market and it was not going well. She did not have the money to pay her daughter’s fee and was asking God to please provide. So, the 50,000 she received was a miracle to her…a direct answer to her plea. She screamed, “It is like I have one million!” She was able to pay the examination fee and stock her house with food. Her great provider had used his follower to create a miracle in the life of her family.

Rose: Rose has been having a problem with her neighbors since she failed to contribute for the shared electricity bill. She was worried and ashamed of herself. She had no hope since all she could do was give empty promises to her neighbors. She was also worried as children were coming back to school and she had no food in the house. She thought it would now be better to be disconnected from the electricity because she could not pay the bill, but they refused until she cleared her debt. As she came to the meeting, her only hope was found in prayer. She asked the other widows to please pray for her…that God would allow her to pay all her debts and to fix her relationships with the neighbors. After she received the 50,000, she paid her electricity bill and was able to restore those strained relationships. She also was able to stock the house with food. God not only answered, but created peace in the place she feared the most.

These are only a few stories of how a gift of $25 changed the lives of life’s most destitute women. Isn’t glorious to see another follower of Jesus bless those Jesus loves? For Margaret praying for these women was a gift of faith, yet she has learned that faith without action is dead…so she gave. She fed them, she kept them warm and met some of their physical needs…and in the process they felt the warm tender hands of the savior envelop them and give them life. I have a feeling that Jesus will one day hold Margaret’s hands and say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”

The Battle is mine says the Lord...

2010-07-12T22:05:00.000+03:00

I woke up today still thinking about the bombings...I guess I'm still in shock. I have spent the better part of today online reading everything I can about it and watching all the news reports I can. Somewhere in the middle of it all, I just broke down and cried. This great swell of melancholy swept over me...one mother of 3 lost her husband last night...countless others lost spouses, children, parents. The sense of loss was just so immense...so totally life changing. I just needed to grieve with them...to feel the weight of the sadness with them, so I just let it all engulf me. Some friends of mine were at the Rugby Club last night...they ran, jumped over bodies and climbed fences to safety...I am so grateful to God that they survived. I don't know...it is hard to even imagine. It really breaks my heart to think of the city I love so much in so much pain. It was interesting though in the middle of all that sadness...all that grieving over the immense loss...I felt something tender...something holding me. Those are the times when I know Jesus is real...when I know he is there beside me...comforting me. I forget sometimes how present Jesus is in times of extreme pain. I also got a sense that the war we all are avoiding will not be contained any more...evil wants his day in the sun...it says in scripture that the enemy, the evil one, walks around looking for whom he may devour. It seems evil is on the move...our one consolation is that God's love, truth and mercy will always be more powerful than evil's most diabolical attack....there will be casualties though and that is what breaks my heart and will always keep me longing for peace. The war is upon us...we can no longer fool ourselves about that, but we can stand like powerful warriors...our personal relationship with Jesus is our protection and our weapon aganist all the evil surrounding us...in Christ we know that we may not win every battle, but we will win the war. When the final battle is done...Love, Mercy and Justice will remain standing. Oh how I long for that day!

May this post be a tribute to all who lost their lives or who were injured in the bombings in Kampala, Uganda July 11, 2010

Following Where The Wind Blows

2010-03-31T17:59:00.001+03:00

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8

Have you ever intently looked for another person only to find that you just missed them? They were there only minutes before you arrived…even their perfume or cologne is still lingering in the air, but they are no longer there. They have moved on and so you keep following their trail in hopes that you will catch up with them. Each place you reach has their essence there…you can tell they’ve been there…they have left their mark; yet you can’t seem to meet them face-to-face. I had that experience this month…the spirit of God was on the move and everywhere I went I saw his fingerprints…felt his essence, yet when I arrived I never saw him face to face. It was like chasing the wind.

Two weeks ago I arrived at Logogo Baptist Church for our weekly Tuesday night meeting with the women. It was a day just like every other. At first glance nothing seemed unusual or out of the ordinary. As I walked around the side of the church to the widows meeting, I saw Lillian sitting away from the others. Her head was down. She was staring intently at her hands. She glanced up as I walked by forced herself to smile and greeted me. I knew something was not right. The pain was etched into her face. I asked Suzan if she knew what was wrong with Lillian. She shook her head no and then walked past me and sat down next to her. As I continued the meeting with the other women, Suzan spoke to her softly in Luo. Lillian told Suzan that she was scared and worried. Her landlord was threatening to evict her. When Suzan inquired why. Lillian told her that she had chosen to spend the money she made on feeding her children and she had not paid the rent in 3 months. Now she needed the equivalent of $75 in order to avoid being kicked out on the street. Suzan listened patiently and then simply told her that the Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund could help pay that rent. When Lillian heard that, she began to weep. Simple tears did not just roll down her cheeks, she shook and sobbed and wiped her nose. In Luo, she told Suzan how grateful she was and asked her, “How could God love me this much?” Suddenly, I smelled the sweet perfume of God’s compassion. He had been there, but as my eyes swept the compound I didn’t physically see him.

The following Thursday, we were at St. Peter’s Church in the middle of the “Quarters,” a slum area behind Nakawa market. The widows had gathered for our weekly meeting. Just like before, there was nothing out of the ordinary about this meeting….nothing to set it apart from all the other ones, until Perruth asked to share. Perruth is a grandmother now; the years of hardship show up in each wrinkle of her face. Several weeks ago Perruth was evicted from her home. Another woman allowed her to live in the wooden structure attached to her house, but as the weeks have gone on that woman has become tired of her constant needs. That woman began to shout at her and quarrel with her. Perruth was greatly distressed. She sat down and cried and prayed. As she was praying, Ruth, another one of the widows, came by and saw her pain. Ruth immediately went back to her home and gave Perruth some food…not only for that day but for the week as well. Perruth was overwhelmed. As she testified about Ruth’s kindness, she smiled so wide the joy took up her whole face. In that moment of one widow loving another, I again sensed Jehovah Jirea’s provision. I looked frantically for him, but just like the wind he was gone, yet it was unmistakable that he had been there.

That same Thursday, one of the widows named Alice came. (Pictured above) Alice had once been a gifted teacher, but when her husband infected her with HIV her whole life changed. As a result of one of the sicknesses that complicated her HIV, she went blind. Now she has to be led around by her son. It is difficult for her to do even simple tasks, yet she is not depressed. Far from it, she has joy that seems deeply rooted from within. Now that she is blind, she has time to pray and sing praises. I can’t see Jesus, but it seems through her blindness she can.

When Perruth finished testifying, Alice asked to speak to the group. With her eyes tightly shut, she began to speak, “Praise God ladies! I have been through something difficult this month.” She went on the explain that she had received a call from her son’s boarding school about a month ago requesting her to come pick up her son. She traveled with her other son to the school. Upon arriving, she was told that her son had been beaten so severely by his teacher that he had two broken ribs. After hearing this news, Alice said she broke down and began to sob. She couldn’t even speak. After composing herself, she asked her son to explain what happened. He told her that because his school fees are sponsored by Meeting Point, the teacher always calls him, “Needy Boy” instead of his name. Finally, he refused to answer to this name, so the teacher beat him. Alice was overwhelmed with grief, anger and shock. She took her son home and sought immediate medical attention. The doctor confirmed that the ribs were broken and advised Alice to sue the school for all it is worth. She could then be a rich lady and justice would be done. Alice decided to go see her pastor to seek advice. The pastor reminded her of the scripture where Jesus asks us to forgive our enemies and to pray for those that persecute you. She went home and spent days praying, fasting and asking God for direction. Finally, when her son was well, she took him back to the school. Upon arriving, her son led her into the headmistress’ office where the teacher sat. Before they could speak or explain, Alice said, “I have been praying and asking Jesus what to do. God has asked me to forgive you for beating my son. I will not seek to sue this school. I only ask that you both consider becoming followers of Jesus Christ.” They were very quiet. The teacher only kept saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” Alice then said, “I have already forgiven you.” Then she asked her fellow widows to pray that this teacher becomes a follower of Jesus. I felt this strong surge of emotion in my throat…Jesus’ tender mercy was hanging in the air. It was so strong I thought I might see him standing behind Alice, but there was nothing there.

We have all seen the wind blow and it’s effects are as plain as day, so it is with the spirit of God…when he moves there is no mistaking it.

The Courage to Believe

2010-02-20T18:20:00.002+03:00

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.” Psalms 71: 20-21

I’ve learned that it takes a tremendous amount of courage to believe in restoration…to believe that you will ever feel comforted again…to believe that you are worth being honored. All the pain that comes…all the troubles that seem to plague your life are all too real and then eventually they are the only things that feel real. They take up residence inside your soul and begin to dictate who you are and what you believe about yourself and somehow you just don’t have the strength to evict them. The bitterness that comes with these troubles slowly poisons your self-esteem. It is then you feel trapped at the bottom of dark pit, but even worse you believe it is your destiny to be there.

It is then your heart begins to wonder what the truth really is…is it the pain that is real or is it the hope of restoration…the promise of healing that is real? If you go by feelings then the pain wins hands down…when you are in constant pain it is the only thing you can think about. If you go by your head, the problems win hands down…if you logically look at the pattern of your life and see nothing but pain and problems, then you must conclude it is real and to be expected. But if you look by faith…by faith in a God that loves you and promises to carry you when you feel weak…then and only then does the glimmer of restoration seem real or even remotely possible. Then you wonder…do I have enough courage to walk by faith and not by sight? Do I have enough courage to evict all my pain, problems and bitterness from my heart?

For the last 20 years, I have prayed for a mate…someone to share my life with…someone to finally see my beauty…someone I could love and who could love me. Yet, all I have experienced is one failed relationship after another. I have been lied to, cheated on, emotionally abused…one man told me that no man would ever marry me because I wasn’t worth the effort. He told me that I was comfortable to have around like an old sock, but not a great beauty anyone would sacrifice anything for or do anything to be with…there just was nothing beautiful, exciting or sexy about me. Recently, I spent 2 years dating a man who told me he loved me only to get me to give him things. I was so blinded by love for him that I didn’t see that he was lying to me. He never really loved me…he loved that I was so easily manipulated. He left me for another woman whom he said was “the real thing,” while I was only a distraction…a means to an end for him. I was left deeply, deeply hurt, humiliated and rejected. So, after 20 long years of deep disappointment, rejection and humiliation…how do I have the courage to believe that there will be any man who will see anything of value in me? How do I believe that I have any beauty that will catch a man’s eye? How do I believe that there are any single men past the age of 30 who are faithful and believe in God’s definition of beauty? How do I believe that I will ever be free of this constant loneliness? When I was 28, somehow I was able to get courageous enough to believe…to have faith in God’s promise of restoration and healing in this painful part of my life, but now at 38…I keep looking inside for the courage to believe it, but it just isn’t there. I want it to be there…I want to evict all the bitterness and the pain from that tender place, but my voice just isn’t loud enough for the pain and rejection to take me seriously. Somehow they just laugh at me and point back to the last 20 years; at that point I just sit back down and sigh.

A couple weeks ago, I shared my pain with Joyce, a dear widow friend. She listened so patiently holding my hand in hers. Then she said, “Come.” I sat down with her on the church steps and looked into her eyes. She simply said, “Let’s pray.” I closed my eyes touched that she would stop everything and pray with me then and there, but not expecting any real change. This hurt is just too tender and too deep. Suddenly, I felt the power of her voice…I even opened my eyes and looked at her. She was speaking with such an authority…with such courage. I was totally taken aback. Her strength radiated out of her face…her jaw set…her expression serious and her hands were gripping mine so tightly. It was then that I heard her say, “…Lake of Fire!” I didn’t catch the beginning of the sentence, but it was clear she was in battle. Quickly, I focused my mind on what she was saying; “You say in your scriptures that it is not right for a man to be alone, so there is a man who is missing this woman. I throw any spirit who would tell her that she is not beautiful or worthy into the lake of fire! In the name of Jesus, I throw any hindrance the evil one would put in the path of that man to find her in the lake of fire! Remove all the evil spoken against her by these other men or pain these other men have caused and throw it into the lake of fire!” I began to cry…here was this widow…this woman who struggled in feeding her family, who struggled in sending her children to school…this woman who knows loneliness and who herself misses the touch of her husband…had somehow gathered the courage to fight the demons of rejection and unworthiness I didn’t have the strength to fight myself. Somehow in relationship…in sharing that deep pain with each other…God provides the courage to evict those bitter things from the soul.

Later that week, I experienced a freedom from that pain that I hadn’t felt in years. I had moments of courage…moments where I felt that I might be beautiful at least to someone somewhere…moments where I didn’t feel that oppressive feeling of rejection and unworthiness. The battle for my heart and my worth is still being fought, but this week God intervened and gave me a small bit of courage. My friend stood up and defended me…she would not let me wither and give in to the bullies in my heart, instead she stood firm, tough and demanded them to leave me alone…and they did. It made a difference. I can’t explain why or give proof, but it was real. Suddenly, faith…the faith to believe that God does heal painful places…the faith to believe that broken things will be restored was real and possible.

That is what is so great about the Dorcas Widows Ministry…we stand with each other and fight the bullies in each other’s hearts. Two weeks ago, I also had the opportunity to be the fighter…to chase the pain from Nabale’s heart. Nabale had been working as a nursery teacher which provided just enough for her to feed and house her children, but suddenly about 3 weeks ago they let her go due to budget restraints. Then within the same week, she found out that the NGO that had promised to sponsor her son, Mark, was also going to close due to loss of funding. She became overwhelmed to the point of despair. Sometimes, too much happens at once and the weight of being a widow just throws you down into a deep dark hole. She wept and wept and couldn’t imagine that anything could change her dire situation. Annet, our sponsorship coordinator, came to me and told me of Nabale’s despair and desperation. We then asked Lisa, Dorcas Widows Sponsorship Coordinator in the US, to find a sponsor for Mark. Then we prayed alongside of Nabale…every widows meeting we grabbed her hand and reminded her that God would restore her and told the bullies of her heart to leave her alone. A short time later, Lisa emailed saying that she had found a sponsor for Mark. Annet rushed to tell Nabale that Mark now had a sponsor and would be returning to school. She was shocked…in fact she was speechless for a moment. I know that moment…when you can’t quite believe that the problem has been beaten…when faith is suddenly real and the problems aren’t. Mark was her major worry and now through that sponsor, God had restored her situation…suddenly what was broken was now healed. That is a lot to take in at once. After being totally speechless, she suddenly began to run mad in all directions screaming, crying, dancing and praising the Lord. The bullies of her heart had told her that her son’s education was over…that she was a bad mother…that she was not worth helping, but God had used her sponsor, Lisa, Annet and I to chase her bullies and to give her healing.

Yes, the troubles we will all have will be many and bitter, but if we let Him, God will restore us, heal us and give us back our honor…not just supernaturally, but through each other. We all have the opportunity to be rescued and to rescue others….we can fight each other’s bullies and give each other the courage to believe that God does love us and that he will restore us.

From Mourning to Dancing

2010-01-26T15:58:00.001+03:00

“…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61: 3

The widows and I ended 2009 emotionally battered and bruised. We were beyond weary…death had stolen 2 of our most beloved members and one of our sick children in the three months leading up to Christmas. Despair and deep sadness grabbed hold of us and drained us of any sign of life. Grieving was exhausting. We had loved them and now we had lost them. Here we were in the valley of the shadow of death… a dark place filled with dark emotions. I wanted to be a good leader…I wanted to lead us out of that place, but the sadness was just too much for me. Instead, I sat down in that painful place and sobbed…then I stared out into the darkness…unable to move. My soul was in deep anguish and any movement sent shock waves of pain through my emotions.

I wanted to get up…to be free of this overwhelming feeling of despair. I wanted to feel the warm light of love on my face…to know joy again. Ever so slowly, I began to faintly call to the lover of my soul. My voice was barely a whisper and it was a simple prayer, “Help me,” is all I managed to say. Yet at the time, it felt like it took all my energy to say anything at all. I was stuck in mourning…in despair…in hopelessness. I needed a rescuer and I remembered that God said he would turn my mourning into dancing. So, without any eloquent words or big gestures and with tears running down my face, I mouthed the words, “Help me.” It was then that those that love me most put their arms around me, fed me, sent words of encouragement, prayed with me and over me, took me to grief counselors. They were literally the hands and feet of Jesus. They picked me up and carried me into the light. It was hard for me to adjust to the light of their love at first, I was so used to the dark. But slowly, the despair began to fade. The world again had moments of love and joy. I have not forgotten Jane or Idah, but I no longer live overwhelmed by grief.

As I emerged from the valley of the shadow of death, I began to look around for the other widows. Now that I was on my feet, I wanted to rescue the others. In our first meeting after I returned from the States, Widow Ruth told me that she had called the ladies to a day of prayer just before Christmas. The women had fasted and prayed and asked God to lift the deep sadness and despair that had settled over the group. They asked God for healing and to restore their joy. They also asked God to provide for them as a husband would…food at Christmas and something new to enjoy. Before I left the Dorcas Widows Fund gave each widow 3 kilos of rice and 2 kilos of beans (thanks to 3 special donors!). Ruth said this was the beginning of the miracle of joy. I looked at her and said, “I don’t know what you mean.” She smiled and then announced, “Let the testimonies of what God did to give you back your joy begin.”

Beatrice stood up first. “Praise God!” she shouted. “I was unsure how I was going to make a feast for my children on Christmas Day, but God prepared one for me. First I received the rice and beans, then my relative came with 5 kilos of beef and another neighbor gave me a chicken. We ate and ate and ate. We even had enough to share with our neighbors. Imagine a widow feeding a family on Christmas day!” She shook her head and laughed.

Then Justine stood up, “Praise God!” she shouted. At this point we were all getting excited…something joyful and electrifying was in the air. Justine told us that she had also received beef, chicken and millet flour to go along with the beans and rice. “Do you know that someone who used to know me 10 years ago came to my home with milk from his cow? You know how expensive milk is in Kampala…well my friends we drank milk all day! “ Then her eyes began to fill up with tears as she explained that a relative showed up with new clothes for her children. Big tears rolled down her face as she said, “My children have never had new clothes. Imagine these are clothes no other person has worn before. God is so good.” My eyes welled up with tears too, but not heavy tears filled with despair, they were light happy tears.

One by one, each of the 40 women at the meeting stood up and told miraculous stories of how God had fed them on Christmas day and how he had given gifts to them and their children. It was then that I realized that God had rescued all of us. We had made a mass exodus out of the valley of despair into God’s love and protection. We decided to meet again the following week to have a time of prayer and fasting in order to thank God for his great love and mercy. We stood in a wide circle and all began to pray at once. About 50 women spoke with passionate voices in their own language. It sounded like a chorus of angles. It was our love song for a savior who didn’t leave us in the valley of despair…who saw our need and provided for it…who gave us back our joy…who turned our mourning into dancing.

A Personal Note from Kari:
As you may have picked up 2009 was a difficult year filled with a lot of sadness, but because of God’s great mercy…the ladies and I are looking forward to God’s new blessings in 2010. The reality is that 2/3rds of our women are HIV positive and it is incurable, so death will most likely always be a part of our ministry. Even though it hurts more than words can say to lose a friend…a member of our group, it is an incredible gift to be able to love these forgotten women. Widows are truly at the bottom of society, so it is an honor to give them the respect and love they deserve. I wouldn’t want to do anything else! I can honestly say with full conviction that the pain is worth it…the blessing far, far, far outweighs the despair.

It was a joy to be able to help feed the widows at Christmas, but the reality is that we need help all throughout the year. Widows need help feeding their families. They need help paying hospital bills. They need capital for their businesses. They need the widow’s community to become a reality. Therefore, we need some of YOU to help keep this ministry of loving widows going by becoming a monthly DONOR. Our love for the women is strong, but our budget for helping them is weak. If you are a faithful follower of this blog or if you support our work with widows then please consider becoming a financial supporter of our ministry. We cannot do it alone…We need you! Please go to our website www.dorcaswidows.org for more information.

...And I Will Dwell In The House of The Lord Forever...

2009-11-09T13:34:00.001+03:00

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4

Last Wednesday night, I got a call from widow Joyce. When I picked up the phone she greeted me and I greeted her, but her voice sounded weary…tired, not the tired you get from not sleeping, but the tired you get from too many emotions swirling around deep inside your heart. She told me that Jane, my dear sweet widow friend, was “badly off.” She encouraged me to come and see her the next day, as she was sure God could take her home at any moment. She ended our brief conversation by saying; “She is in God’s hands now. Only He can help her now.” I didn’t quite realize yet how true that statement would be.

On Thursday, after the widows meeting, Suzan, Annet and I went to see Jane. As we entered her house, we found Ida, another one of our widows, praying with Jane’s aunty and caregiver. Her Aunty was leaning against the doorframe, shoulders hunched over sobbing on Ida’s shoulder. Ida was praying softly while rubbing her back. We slowly entered the house as to not disturb the comfort Ida was trying to give to Jane’s Aunty. But, it is a small house, so it was only seconds before they noticed us and welcomed us into Jane’s room. The three of us kneeled in front of Jane’s bed as the Aunty continued to sob. She then walked towards Jane’s bed and pulled the covers off of Jane’s body and choked out the words, “You want to see Jane. This is Jane. This is not how things are supposed to be. She vomits and has diarrhea all day long! She is in constant pain! This is not a life!” We looked at the deformed body in front of us. She was naked except for a homemade diaper. The skin was tightly clinging to each rib-each indentation between the ribs was deep enough to fit the width of your finger. As the ribs ended, there was no stomach…it was as if the skin fell directly to her spine and then stretched over her pelvic bone. She was now just a skeleton…a collection of bones. I couldn’t help but breathe in sharply when I saw the grotesque shape of her body. I remembered seeing films of Holocaust victims in school and now I was seeing the same horror right before my eyes. I blinked back tears and tried to compose myself. All I could think of was how evil AIDS really was and I wanted to scream, “DAMN YOU AIDS. DAMN YOU TO HELL!”

Ida took the Aunty outside to comfort her as I leaned towards Jane’s face and greeted her…very softly, tenderly I said, “Jane…Suzan, Annet and I have come to see you. Do you remember who I am?”
Very weakly, she turned her eyes toward me and said, “Aunt Kari.”
“Yes, that’s right. I wanted to come and tell you that I love you and that God loves you very much. How are you feeling today?” I asked.
“I don’t know…breathing is hard, but God is with me. He is here with me.” At that point, she had the most peaceful look on her face…even amidst all the pain, all the diarrhea, all the vomiting…God was there…seated next to her, holding her. She didn’t recognize Suzan or Annet, but she did keep repeating that God was there. It was then that I thought AIDS will destroy the body, but never, never the soul. She was becoming tired so I asked if I could pray for her. I wasn’t sure if I could hold it together long enough to pray for her, but suddenly I felt a courage and strength I didn’t even know I had. I asked God to continue to sit with her, to hold her, to comfort her. I asked him to lead her home…to release her from her suffering. As I prayed, I sensed that God was getting ready to lead her home…that she would be leaving us soon.

On Saturday, I attended the graduation party of widow Jenifer’s daughter. Phiona was graduating from university and had already secured a job in her field. It was a miracle of God that Jenifer was able to secure a sponsorship for all of Phiona’s schooling! The quarters where the ladies live was filled with singing and dancing. It was an incredible party full of pure joy. I was overjoyed to celebrate God’s faithfulness with them. As, Annet and I enjoyed ourselves; widow Rebecca came and asked to speak to us privately. We gathered around her and tried to hear her over the loud African music.

Without anyone knowing, the Aunty had left Jane’s house early that morning. She had left Jane’s 4-year-old girl, Mary, and Jane alone all day. Mary sat next to her mommy’s bed all day and got water for her mother to drink when Jane was lucid enough to talk to her. There was no one there to feed Mary or to help her care for her sick mother. Then in the afternoon, Kathy, Jane’s oldest, came home from boarding school. She had finished her exams early and was excited to come home and see her mother. When Kathy entered the house she saw her baby sister sitting by Jane’s bed crying and the house smelled like a mixture of diarrhea and vomit. When she called Jane’s name, she didn’t move. So Kathy began hysterically screaming and crying. Not knowing what to do, she picked Mary up and ran to Rebecca’s house. Rebecca then left Mary with her older children and ran with Kathy back to the house. When Rebecca found Jane, she was still breathing. So, she assured Kathy that her mom was still alive and helped her calm down. Kathy begged Rebecca to take her mother to the hospital, but when they phoned Jane’s doctor he told her that the TB had eaten her lungs and that she was in the final stage of AIDS…there was nothing the hospital could do for her anymore. Kathy burst into tears again, so Rebecca just held her as she cried. Then she and Kathy picked Jane up and bathed her and cleaned the sheets. When she was cleaned up and Kathy was calmer, Rebecca came to find us.

At that point we knew we needed to go check on the children. Annet and I rushed to Jane’s home. It was now dark and there was no power in the quarters. The night was inky black and it was difficult to see your hand in front of your face. As we approached the house, we heard Kathy crying and wailing. I began to shake. I wondered if Jane had already died and now we would see her dead body in the dark. Annet quickly threw her arms around Kathy and held her while Kathy cried on her shoulder. Annet then said, “We won’t leave you. We will stand with you until the end. We won’t leave you.” I softly rubbed her back and assured her that we would stay with her. We entered the home each holding one of Kathy’s hands and approached Jane. At that moment Jane opened her eyes and I could see she was still breathing. I kneeled down and told Jane that we had come to visit her again. She wasn’t sure who I was, but she said that God was there with her. She even asked Rebecca if she was dead. We then softly told her that she was still alive, but that if she wanted to follow Jesus it was okay. It was then that Annet and I noticed a shadow towards the back of the room. I have great difficulty seeing in the dark, so I asked Annet, “Can you see who that is?” She noticed right away that it was Bernard, Jane’s second oldest son. I went over and hugged him. He seemed scared to get close to his mother and yet at the same time he seemed to want to be near her.

The children had not eaten at all, so I called widow Ruth and asked her to bring some food for the children to eat. Then I called Widow Joyce and told her that the children were here alone, as the Aunty had gone missing. Ruth showed up moments later with food. Joyce also arrived quickly—Jane is her best friend. Joyce immediately took control of the situation…using my phone to call the Aunty and convince her to return. Jane’s Aunty had just gotten overwhelmed at the thought of watching her niece die such a painful death. As Ruth set out the food, Jane suddenly became full of energy and began to talk. She asked each of her children to come sit next to her and then showed her love for them. She pleaded with Kathy to keep studying well and to be the woman God had created her to be. Then she smiled at her daughter. She continued to tell them that God was here with her and that she was okay. It was then that I realized that she was saying goodbye. I wanted to break down and cry. I was going to miss her so much and I knew that she would follow Jesus soon…that it wouldn’t be long now. Joyce offered to stay with the children until the Aunty returned, so Annet and I left. As I left, I knew somewhere deep inside that I would not see my friend again this side of heaven.

Joyce stayed up all night with Jane…talking with her, remembering the laughter and the sorrows they had shared over the years. Joyce did most of the talking, but it felt good to be with her one last time. At 2:00 am Joyce bathed her friend one last time, she didn’t want her to die with vomit or diarrhea on her. Finally at 3:45 in the morning she breathed her last breath and followed Jesus to the House of the Lord.

I heard the news of her death at 5:00am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I laid in bed thinking about all the special times we had spent together, the times we had wasted whole afternoons laughing and trading stories. I felt a deep sadness enter my soul, not despair, but just a sadness in losing someone you love…knowing it will be a long time until you see them again. But, strangely enough, I also felt a strong sense of peace in knowing that she wasn’t suffering anymore…that she was not in pain and never would be again.

On Sunday, I went to Jane’s house to comfort the children and to support her grieving family. As I arrived, her aunty grabbed my hand and led me into the house where Jane’s body lay. I walked slowly into the room, there was a pastor standing in the corner praying for her and for those who are suffering now that she is gone. Then, although there were other people in the room, I didn’t hear them or see them. I dropped to my knees beside her body and began to cry…really cry. What I saw just overwhelmed me. You see she was wearing the Dorcas Widows Gomasi (dress). All the widows had made the same Ugandan dress, so that they could wear it when they represented our group somewhere or to welcome special visitors or to a special function. Jane was never able to wear her dress because she had been so ill for so long. The dress was brand-new…never been worn. Now, she was wearing that beautiful dress to go meet the savior. She was representing the widows in the courts of heaven. She looked so beautiful. Her face was so peaceful. It was then I realized that it was the first time I had seen her face without the mark of pain.

So now my dear sweet friend is in the arms of the savior…laughing, loving and free…free of pain, free of suffering, free of AIDS…just free. She is dancing in her beautiful dress and praising the God who rescued her from her body of death. Oh, how sweet it will be to join you in that party someday….

“Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalms 23:6
In Loving Memory of Jane Francis Adakini
1971-2009

Reasons To Rejoice

2009-10-17T15:33:00.000+03:00

**I have BIG personal news to share. Make sure you read until the end!**

“Sing to God, sing praises to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds—his name is the Lord—and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.” Psalm 68:4,5

As Suzan, Annet and I sat in our weekly meeting this week, we marveled at how tenderly Jesus had shown himself to us in the last month. We had been swirling about with the widows in chaos…in death…in violence…in sickness, for a while it seemed like one problem led into another greater one with no real solutions in sight. In the last couple of months we reached the end of ourselves and could think of only one thing to do…to humble ourselves before the Lord of Peace and beg for him to help quiet our souls. Jesus told us he would give us peace, not as the world gives, but lasting eternal and internal peace. It is amazing how peaceful we felt this week amidst the storm that still rages around us. But, I assure you it is not blindness to the pain around us or numbness to the issues; instead it is a real stable sense of peace in the middle of the battle. In these next few stories I hope you see the peace…the encouragement…the reasons we have to rejoice in what God is doing.

On Thursday, widow Joyce Okwanga and I went to see Jane. She has been in and out of the hospital and is rarely without an IV these days. She has reached the 3rd stage of AIDS and now has resistant TB. She is now just bones draped with baggy skin. She labors to breathe through the tiny lung capacity she has left and shakes uncontrollably when she sits. It is exhausting for her to carry on a conversation. She doesn’t say many words now, it is just too hard to get them out…too much energy that she doesn’t have. As we entered her home, we found her lying on her bed laboring to breathe in and out. Her auntie stays with her now and feeds her when her stomach is settled enough to eat. Her auntie bathes her and cares for her like a mother would care for an infant. Our ministry pays school fees for her children as well as for all her medical treatment. We also buy the jewelry she has left in her home in order to keep feeding her. We are committed to supporting her until God takes her home. I smiled at her as I knelt beside her bed and hugged her bony frame. I told her that I loved her and had been praying for her. Joyce also greeted her and told her how much the other widows were praying for her. The last time I had visited her, I had anointed her head with oil and asked Jesus to invade her spirit and to encourage her from the inside out. Joyce and I encouraged her by telling her how much Jesus loves her and how much he longs to give her peace amidst all this pain. Her breathing suddenly changed…it became more rapid, I could tell she was trying to talk. We leaned toward her and listened to her quiet rasping voice. She said, “I am in pain all the time now, but God is telling me he is keeping me alive for a purpose. He still has a purpose for me.” She repeated the word purpose several times and then closed her eyes to catch her breath. As she spends every day lying in bed writhing in pain, she hears God telling her that she is special and created for a purpose…a purpose that even in her invalid state she can fulfill for the kingdom of God. She doesn’t sound as her body looks…her body is dying, but her spirit is alive. Joyce and I just sat in quiet awe of this beautiful soul whose body is decaying, but whose spirit is living with peace only Jesus can give.

That same Thursday, I also went to see Joyce Anywar. For the last few weeks, she has been sick with one complicating illness after another. Joyce is HIV positive, but religious about taking her ARV’s. She is known in our group as being “the strong one…the one who can persevere…the one who can make lemonade out of lemons.” Even though she is HIV positive, she has stayed fairly healthy over the last three years, so these recent sicknesses have shaken her usual confidence. After attending the burial of our fellow widow, Idah, last month she has been sick with one complicating illness after another. We have anointed her with oil and prayed with her in person and on the phone asking God to show his great healing power. We have helped her pay for treatment and gone to the doctor with her providing encouragement whenever we can. When I saw her on Thursday, she was feeling somewhat better, but so discouraged. She had missed working in the market for several days and was worried about supporting herself and her children. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “What will happen to my grandchildren, Paul and Ester…and to Winnie…who will care for Winne…who but me will care for an HIV positive child?” I was quiet for a moment, then I held her and whispered in her ear…God is not weak…his hand is not too short to save you…to heal you. God is with you and because God is with you…we are with you. You are not alone. You are still living, so let’s ask God to show himself as the great healer and the great provider. She squeezed my hand and smiled at me. The dark cloud of worry was no longer settled in the lines of her face. A short time later, a woman from Seattle who had heard about the Drocas Widows Fund and read some about us on our web site, arrived in Uganda. She had come to visit another ministry she supports, but wanted to be sure to visit our widows. When I met her she told me she wanted to buy a 100-beaded purses. Immediately, I knew God was showing himself as the great provider. Joyce is the one who makes those purses and who needs the extra income. So in the middle of all the sickness and the worry, there again was Jesus…our peacemaker.

On Friday, Widow Ruth, Suzan, Annet and I went to see the orphans we had saved from Nakawa in their new respective Cornerstone homes. Barbara, the only girl of the family, age 16, had been selling herself to buy food and other materials for her brothers when Ruth found her and asked me to please help her find a way out. God opened an opportunity for her to go to the Cornerstone home for girls who were trying to escape prostitution. They had given her a new bed, new sheets, a footlocker, food, soap…everything she had been selling her body to get for her brothers. It was almost too wonderful for words…she laughed and jumped up and down. Barbara was overcome with emotion and so grateful for this new life. It was a beautiful thing to see. Then recently we saw her walking around Nakawa, where she had been previously living with her brothers. When we saw her we asked why she had come back. Barbara then told us that her oldest brother had called her back home saying he was sick. Annet and Ruth then did some asking around in the community, only to find the brother missed the money he was making off of selling her, so he tricked her into coming back forcing her to sell herself. At that point, we gave her transport money to return to the home and told her not to return to Nakawa. So, yesterday, Ruth, Annet, Suzan and I went to the Cornerstone house to see Barbara. When we entered the compound, she squealed with delight like a little girl seeing her mommy coming home from work. She hugged each of us and ushered us into the home. We sat with her and told her how proud we were of her…she had been learning tailoring and jewelry making.

Then Ruth asked her to come sit beside her. Ruth spoke so tenderly, so softly to her. She told Barbara how much we all loved her, how much worth she had as a daughter of Jesus, how we longed for the day when we will dance at her high school graduation…at her wedding. Ruth told her how much Jesus wanted to give her a husband that would treat her as a valued women…full of worth and virtue. Barbara just looked at her hands as tears formed in her eyes. Ruth tenderly continued to tell her that she is a new creation in Christ. That she is now safe here. That it is okay not to obey her brother. Ruth told her that she would take care of the older brother if he is sick, so there is no reason for her to come home ever again. Then she told Barbara to pray for her older brother…that his heart may be changed, that he may learn to see his own worth and value. Ruth told her again that she is safe…no one can enter this compound without permission. Barbara just looked so defeated…so small…so ashamed. Then Ruth reached out to her held her hand, smiled and told her again how worthy God had made her. We all then looked this vulnerable girl in the eye and told her how valuable she was to God and to us. We each held her and kissed her on the cheek. Suddenly, there it was…peace…it was in her eyes. She told us that she was not going back again and thanked us for helping her escape. She told us she wants to believe Jesus…to believe that she really can be worthy. The mentors then told us not to worry, they would keep praying with her…counseling her. Ruth smiled at her, called her daughter and then told her how proud she was to call her daughter…God’s two beloved women…a widow comforting an orphan. In the middle of all this ugliness, there was grace…there was love and then there was peace.

The storms of life will come and go, pain will invade our bodies and our spirit, suffering will rest on all of us at one time or another, but through it all Jesus will guard our souls with the warriors of peace, grace, love, hope and unreasonable joy.

BIG NEWS—Personal news—

I have been praying for quite some time about how to support myself as I do ministry here with the widows. Up to this point, I had been teaching in Minneapolis and then living off my savings while I am here. Starting in June, I took a year leave of absence from my job in Minneapolis to see if I could find a job here in Uganda. In only a few short weeks, I was interviewing at the International School of Uganda (google The International School of Uganda and check out the campus). Then at the end of September I was hired to work with students with special needs. So, I am now teaching full time and seeing the women after work and on weekends. This is a HUGE blessing for me as it allows me to live here full time and do the ministry I love. I have now purchased a car and it will be coming from Japan in mid-September. I am hopeful that I will find a place to live with Suzan by the first of December. (A HUGE THANK YOU to the Kabi’s for letting me live with them for these last 3 years. You really are my family here!) So, feel free to visit us here in Uganda…you definitely have a place to stay!

ANOTHER BIG NEWS-COOL GOD THING-personal-

In 2005 I went to Swaziland for the month of July. I went alone…well not exactly alone…it was my first trip with just Jesus and I. While I was in Swaziland, I volunteered my time each day at the government hospital in Mbabane, clearly a place of death and disease. There were 3 infants who had been abandoned shortly after I arrived in Swaziland and they were living in the hospital. I spent my days taking care of these precious little ones. I got especially close to one of the babies. I fed her, changed her, sang to her, cuddled her…my family all thought I might come home with a child. While I was at the hospital, I met an American couple, Claud and Mary. They were church planters there and had been working with a Swazi social worker to adopt a baby. So, often when I was in the hospital, they were there too caring for the baby they were waiting to take home and adopt. Then a week before I left, I felt this overwhelming sadness and despair at leaving “my baby” at the hospital. So, there I sat in the hospital holding her close and crying at the same time. Then I reached up took my tears and baptized this baby…claiming her for Jesus, as his special infant. Then I asked God to save her…to give her a home. In the next couple of days, I arrived in the hospital only to find out that one of the babies had died during the night. I ran into the hospital ward shaking…wondering…only to find out that the American couple’s baby had died. The next day, I was in town having dinner with some new friends when I felt a presence behind me…it was Claud. His face was tense and all he said was, “I need to talk to you right now.” My heart started to beat incredibly fast. I stood up and walked out into the parking lot with him. His wife Mary was there. He asked me if I heard what happened to their baby as their eyes welled up with tears. I nodded my head yes as I cried with them. Then Claud looked me straight in the eye and said, “Our social worker told us today that we have an opportunity to now adopt “your baby.” Is it okay with you?” I burst into tears and said, “yes” over and over again. God had answered my prayer! Well over the years, we have kept in touch by email. Imagine my surprise when two weeks ago I got an email from Claud saying that God had now called them to Uganda and that they would be in Kampala the following day. So, last week I had dinner with “my baby!”—actually she is 4 and a half now, beautiful, talkative, joyful, playful. I have cried off and on about it since I saw her last week. Only Claud, Mary and I know the pain, despair and filth we rescued her from. They introduced me as her “auntie.” I was overjoyed. God does beautiful things doesn’t he?

Peace Amidst the Chaos

2009-09-16T13:05:00.001+03:00

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

In the last month, I have felt bombarded with chaos. Not just great change, but a feeling of being swirled about in an unpredictable tornado. Suddenly wondering which way is up and how to find a firm footing again. Even my thoughts seem to fly about inside my head with no predictable pattern. I guess that is why I haven’t written much in the last few weeks. Putting more than one thought together seemed like an impossible task. Events in my life and the lives of the ladies seemed to have no solution. The only thing I could think to do was pray and when I did God impressed heavily on me that even as I fly wildly about, he is placed his peace and clam inside me. It is an odd feeling to be totally enveloped in chaos and yet at the same time feel a sense of deep serenity.

It all started about a month ago. My phone rang just after 6:30 in the morning. I woke from a dead sleep and groggily said hello. Joyce’s voice on the other end of the phone was shrill and full of panic, so unusual for her. I shook the sleep from my head and interrupted her, “Joyce, tell me slowly…what happened?” Joyce explained that Idah had begun convulsing at about 4:00 in the morning. Her young daughter had run to get Joyce, as she had allowed Idah and her children to build a small wooden structure near her small home when Idah was evicted. Joyce had prayed over Idah, but she never regained consciousness. Joyce then brought Idah to the government hospital. However, they wouldn’t treat her without her medical record, so Joyce was now frantically searching through Idah’s things looking for her medical papers. I told her that Annet, our Dorcas Widows Social Worker, would come immediately to help her. Annet lives close to her and was able to be there in 15 minutes. They were able to find the card and jumped on Bodas (motorcycles for hire) and sped to the hospital. I then called Suzanne, another Dorcas Widows Social Worker, and asked her to go immediately to the hospital to sit with Idah and her daughter. I live the farthest away from the hospital, so I told them I would meet them there later.

Suzanne, Annet and Joyce arrived at the hospital in time to see the doctor and to give him her medical record. Idah was in the advanced stage AIDS with significant liver disease and had now contracted Hepatitis. The doctor suggested some medicine that might help her regain consciousness, so Annet and Suzanne rushed to the hospital pharmacy only to find they were out of that medicine. So, they rushed to another pharmacy in town only to find nothing again. Finally, after the 4th pharmacy they were able to get the medicine. They rushed back into the hospital only to reach her bedside as she breathed her last breath. She died peacefully with her daughters and her mother by her side. Suzanne then called me and told me that I had missed her. That she had already gone home to be with the Lord. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I had so wanted to say good-bye. I was already headed to the hospital, but Suzanne asked me to turn around and go tell the other widows so that we could support Idah’s mother and children.

Annet and Suzanne had the gruesome task of taking the body to the morgue…a room full of dead, stiff naked bodies in various stages of decay…no refrigeration, so the smell alone will knock you down. They feared I would not be strong enough to handle it and they were right. Our ministry paid to have Idah’s body prepared for burial and while they were preparing her, Suzanne went into town to buy a coffin for her and to arrange a truck to come and pick her body. In Acholi tradition, the coffin is then taken to the mother’s house and laid inside the home. Then neighbors, friends and family come to mourn together over Idah.

I gathered the other widows at St. Peter’s Church and then we walked to the mother’s house as the coffin arrived. Idah’s mother wailed…a cry so piercing and so full of sadness. Her two daughters just sat there staring off into space with red eyes and look of total despair. The Dorcas Widows arrived en mass and one by one grieved, cried and hugged the family. We sat quietly outside the mother’s small home partly in shock and partly relieved that Idah’s pain is now over and she is dancing and singing in the presence of the Lord. Suddenly, one of the ladies, Phyllis learned over to me and said, “I feel the Lord telling me to speak to the crowd that has gathered…to comfort them…to tell them about our hope in Jesus.” So, she stood up, gathered their attention and then began to speak in the local language about our confidence that Idah was with Jesus, about how Jesus wants to have a personal relationship with them, about how God is asking each of us to choose to follow and serve him. It was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever witnessed. Then, the ladies and I began to sing praise hymns. Suddenly, there it was… the tangible feeling of peace amidst the chaos.

The next day, we arrived at St. Peter’s Church for the funeral. Idah was a member of the Luo Service Church Choir, so her fellow choir members surrounded her coffin and sang a beautiful song of praise…Idah’s favorite. Then I stood and told the congregation how much we loved Idah…all the special things we will remember about her. As the service ended the body was to be taken back to her village to be buried. Two of our widows, Joyce and Ruth, would accompany the mother and other relatives in order to represent us and to support the family.

After such a lovely remembrance of Idah’s life, Ruth and Joyce were shocked to find the mother quarreling with the members of her own family and her own husband after reaching Kitgum. The mother was not welcomed warmly by the village as they had chased her from their midst for being a trouble maker and for inciting some witchcraft against people. Suddenly, a fight broke out between Idah’s mother and her extended family. Joyce and Ruth tried to serve as peacemakers, but were abused in the process. They argued all night and finally in the morning Idah was laid to rest amidst arguing and fighting. As they sat in the truck returning to Kampala, the mother threatened Ruth and Joyce telling them to tell no one about the fighting or else they would be sorry.

Both Joyce and Ruth were quite shaken when they returned to Kampala. They both called me right away to relay the strange events that had just transpired. Joyce was particularly worried about Idah’s children, as this grandmother did not seem stable. Suzanne, Annet and I tried hard to investigate what could be done for the children. Then two days later, we heard that the police had been called to the mother’s place because the neighbor had witnessed her seriously beating Idah’s children with a large stick. The oldest child was somehow able to grab the stick and hit the grandmother on the head to stop the violence. Joyce then asked the children to stay with her. The grandmother then went to Joyce’s house and threatened to beat her or curse her if she did not give the children back. Joyce held her ground, but was terrified of the violent nature of this woman. Joyce then asked the mother if they could sort their dispute with the oldest male relative of that family which is culturally appropriate. The mother hesitantly agreed, but threatened that bad things would begin happening to Joyce. As I write this now, Joyce is been in the hospital for two days on an IV fighting for her life as we pray seriously for God to intervene. As westerners, we naively think witchcraft is some ancient hocus-pocus…something like believing in the tooth fairy, but I can assure you that evil still roams the earth and can wound us. God told us that we were in the middle of a battle and indeed we are. It seems like I am on the front line these days.

As we tried to intervene in this tense situation with Idah’s mother, Jane also became incredibly ill and needed an immediate IV and medical attention. The oldest boy of the family of orphans Dorcas Widows has been helping fell into a diabetic coma and needed us to rush him to the hospital. His life hung in the balance for 24 hours, but God intervened and he is now better. Then if all the sickness of these women were not enough all hell broke loose in Kampala. The Kabaka (king) of Buganda (a large tribe in Uganda) was insulted by a less populous tribe in his own territory and was furious at this blatant lack of respect, so his people took to the streets in massive riots. Suddenly, bullets were flying everywhere, tires were burning, stones were being thrown indiscriminately and people were being beaten or killed if they were not Buganda or did not publicly respect Buganda traditions. The military was sent in and an all scale battle broke out in the middle of down town. Hundreds of people were wounded and many were killed…most of them innocent people caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone connected with the Dorcas Widows was instructed to stay locked inside their home. This proved to be the safest way to remain untouched by the violence. In fact, to the glory of God we all survived unharmed.

After the violence stopped on Saturday, we planned to meet on Tuesday afternoon at Logogo Baptist Church in order to get on our knees and pray for peace and protection from the evil around us. So, last night we gathered together and sang with arms outstretched and danced before our God with wild abandon. Then each lady prayed in her own language to the Lord reminding him of how mighty his hand is and how vulnerable we are; of his promise of peace and how we are being tossed about; of how he is the great healer and of how sick in body and mind some of us are. Tears flowed down our faces as we knelt before him asking him to intervene in the trauma that has followed Idah’s death, into the sicknesses of so many of our women and into the violence of our beloved city. In the midst of all the voices crying out before the throne of God, I felt a powerful peace wash over my body…it was tangible…I felt if I opened my eyes I would see Jesus face to face. He whispered to me, “In this world you will have trouble, but don’t fear…I have overcome the world.”

So now, I am waiting to see the sick become well, the vulnerable become safe and the violent become calm. In the weeks that come, you will hear from us great testimonies of victory for our great God is on the move.

Lost Sheep

2009-08-06T13:40:00.001+03:00

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to the disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9:36-37

Shortly after I returned to Uganda, Ruth, one of my dearest widow friends came to me with an urgent request. Her eyes were blazing with concern and fierce determination as she grabbed my hands and sat me down next to her. “I am a mother,” she began, “and when mothers see children suffering they have to act.” I looked intently back at her and asked, “What happened Ruth?” She explained that she had been taking food to Jane some months ago when Jane was terribly sick. One day as she was bringing the food to Jane, a teenage boy followed her. When she left Jane’s place, she noticed the boy following her again. As she reached home, Ruth turned and asked the boy why he was following her. The boy was weak, thin and looked terribly sick. He fell to his knees and told Ruth that he was hungry. She asked him why he hadn’t eaten and where his parents were. He told her that his parents were dead and that he and his 3 other siblings were living alone.

At that point Ruth took him into her home and began cooking for him. She fed him and sent him home with food for his siblings. He thanked her and then slowly made his way back to the room he was living in. The house they were living in had been sold when their father died and then rented out to different men. The current man living there allowed them to stay in one room of the house.

Since that day, Ruth had been feeding these children and checking on them when she could. “We need to help them, Kari. They have no one and they are badly off.” Immediately, the medic and I left to see the children. The medic found the oldest teenage boy, Ben, in bed unable to move. He had diabetes and had been milking the same bottle of insulin for months with the same dull dirty needle. Giving himself the wrong dose of insulin could have killed him, yet he was still breathing. Ben also wondered if he was HIV positive, but had not yet been tested. Brenda, his 16 year old sister, was doing her best to care for him, but with nothing to eat in the house but the handouts they were receiving from Ruth; his diet was impossible to control. She also had to go out and look for food for her two younger brothers, Immanuel, 14, and Godfrey, 12.

The medic gave Ben the correct insulin dosage, a clean syringe and information about the right foods to eat to control his diabetes. I was just overwhelmed. Ben looked like he could die taking his next breath and the other children looked scared and hopeless. I thought of the verse in Matthew where Jesus looks on the crowd and describes them as looking harassed and helpless. These children were lost…completely lost…invisible to everyone but Ruth the widow.

The next day, I brought Annet, the Dorcas Widows Fund Sponsorship Coordinator, with me to talk to them in their own language. I wanted to know how they ended up so alone and so vulnerable. Annet has a kind and gentle spirit and she started talking to them slowly and with great compassion. The children warmed up to her and began to tell her their painful story. Both of their parents had contracted HIV. Their mother died first when Brenda was 5 and Godfrey was an infant. After their mother’s death, their father remarried a younger woman. Things were okay for a while, until their father’s new wife found out that he had given her HIV. Their father was already showing signs of the disease…becoming thin, weak and sickly. The new wife was furious and plotted revenge on her new husband. She decided to infect his oldest son, so she began to repeatedly rape Ben when the father was not around. It was a living nightmare. After a year or so, she also became too sick and left the father.

At 8 years old Brenda nursed her father and did all the cooking, even taking care of her two younger brothers. Their father died a slow painful death. For the next 5 years, he would yo-yo between better and worse until one day he went to sleep and never woke up. Their uncle had been supporting them while their father was alive, but now that he was dead the uncle sold their home to pay himself back for all the money he had spent caring for them. Ben was now the heir to his father’s land in the village, a very fertile land, one coveted by his relatives. The uncles then plotted to get the land, so they threatened to curse them if Ben or any of his siblings ever came back to the village. So, 3 years ago, these 4 children were left homeless, penniless and completely alone.

They began to beg the neighbors for food and that worked for a while, but after several months the neighbors grew tired of helping them. So, with no other option, Brenda began sleeping with men for food or some small money. Now for two years, selling her young body has kept them alive. Brenda stared at her hands looking hopeless and the room suddenly became very quiet. I fought back tears. I was both heart broken and furious that this was their reality. Annet spoke first, very softly. She too was overwhelmed with emotion. We both hugged Brenda and told her that God had heard her cries and had sent us to help them. I looked at all of them and said, “We will love you and take care of you. We see you and hear all you have passed through. This should never have happened to you, but God will redeem even this. Just wait and see.”

First things first, Annet took the children to be tested for HIV. We all feared the worst especially for Ben and Brenda, but much to our delight all the children tested negative. The next day Annet and Ruth took the children to the market and bought enough food for two months including pots, pans, plates, charcoal…everything they needed to be healthy and to cook for themselves. Annet called me later and told me that the children were running around the yard singing, dancing, laughing and jumping. This was the first time in years that someone had given them something more than one meal. They were overjoyed.

I wanted more than that for them. I wanted to give them a hope and a future…isn’t that what Jesus would give them? I was at Cornerstone that day to meet with Dennis and Kristin about the possibility of getting the boys into their homes for street children. After some discussion, I found that there were two openings in the same home for the youngest boys. In this home, they would live with mentors who will love them, guide them and teach them to be men of God. Eventually, they will be able to go back to school. I was also able to get Brenda in their home for former prostitutes. There she will receive the counseling she so desperately needs and a chance to return to school.

The following day, Annet told the Brenda, Immanuel and Godfrey the good news. They fell to the ground and began to cry. They just shook their head in disbelief. Brenda looked at Annet and said, “I never knew God would send me a white mother.” Annet held them and they all began to laugh and shout for joy. Before the boys could go to the home, we needed to purchase a mattress, bedding and a mosquito net for each of them to sleep on. Annet took the boys to the market to pick out their very first bed. Immanuel looked at Annet and said, “I never thought we would be rich. Only rich people sleep in beds.” Annet just laughed and hugged them. Brenda was also overjoyed to be given a new life…one where she doesn’t have to sell herself in order to survive. Because Ben is now 20, he is too old for these programs, but we are trying to help him look at some vocational programs where he could learn a trade and begin to work. In just a couple weeks God had given each of these children a new life…a new beginning…a future.

These children were indeed helpless and harassed with no one to defend them. Until one poor widow saw them and gave of what she had to help them. She fed them until I came back. Ruth knows my heart is close to widows and orphans. Immediately we intervened…we had compassion on them not just in words or prayers, but in action. The workers of Christ’s Kingdom are few…too few for the pain in this world, but the harvest is also more plentiful than we can imagine. I am confident that God will carry those children onto health, hope and great things. Is there anything better than to harvest the souls and potential of people? Jesus is calling all who follow in his ways…all who claim to know him and want to serve him to go out into the fields of harassed and helpless people and do something to help them grow and become; so we can harvest the potential of each of God’s beautiful creations.

Here is the letter I just received from Brenda:

Dear mum Kari,

I kindly greet you in the name of one and only Jesus Christ. And I would like you to know that you are really a gift sent to us from heaven. You really brought back hope and happiness to our family because when we became orphans we thought that everything had come to an end but in you we’ve restored love, joy and happiness and also got someone we can call mama and loves us very much.

We really thank you for the food and things you are sending and buying for us because before you helped us we sometimes used to sleep hungry because we had no money. But you’ve got to know that we love you so much but we can’t express but just to God that he may pay back whatever you are planting in us.

I won’t disappoint you. May the good Lord Bless you!!
From daughter Brenda

Hope And Healing

2009-07-24T17:23:00.001+03:00

Love In The Midst Of Pain

2009-05-25T22:59:00.001+03:00

“If you love those that love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them…. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” Luke 6:32,35

Over the last few years, I have written about love, swam in the love of others, given love to those who need it and yearned to know the depth of God’s love. It was love that introduced me to the 80 widows in Kampala, Uganda that I now call friends. It was love that changed the course of my life and gave me purpose. It was love that gave me joy beyond measure. It was love that started and grew the Drocas Widows Fund. Love was my hero, my healer, my encourager, my closest friend, and my purpose in life.

So riding high on God’s great love, I came back to the US last August for a few months of rest overjoyed to be with my family and friends. My time at home was going to be one filled with laughter, love and the extreme joy of a heart’s desire being finally fulfilled. Every day I woke up excited to see what this new day would hold and feeling high on love’s sweet embrace. Months before I had invited Jesus to see the secret desires of my heart…longings that go unspoken, but are yearned for just the same. It was this tender place that I thought love had finally found. Day by day, I was watching love give me the desires I had always secretly longed for. Love was victorious and powerful…nothing could stand in its way.

Somehow I didn’t notice the dark clouds forming overhead. I thought love was invincible, untouchable and always resulted in joy. It never crossed my mind that love could be overpowered. Then suddenly a storm with the size and intensity of Katrina swept through my life and shattered my whole existence. An emotional tidal wave knocked me down and left me drowning in loneliness and despair. I was left emotionally bruised and battered. The pain was excruciating. This kind of pain was new to me. I had never before in the entirety of my life, lived with such gut wrenching pain. It took every ounce of energy I had just to get out of bed in the morning. The exhaustion I felt every day was oppressive…somehow the weight of the world had attached itself to my shoulders. I cried gallons upon gallons of tears. Those closest to me saw me slipping into a depression of darkness and confusion. One day I accidentally put my phone in the washing machine ruining it completely. I became forgetful and had trouble concentrating on even the simplest of tasks. I was weak, incredibly wounded and unsure if I would ever survive this great chasm of sadness. In this state of unending darkness, I kept asking where love was…why was it not more powerful than the rejection and betrayal I was experiencing? Why had it brought me here? Why had it exposed my tender place only to leave it unprotected? Why had this love ended in complete failure?

In late March as Easter approached, I have never in my life felt such a connection with Good Friday. As I sat bleary eyed and numb in the church, I stared intensely at the cross. In the quiet darkness, a thought floated through the stillness of my mind…”Kari for me the cross was both boundless love and unimaginable pain.” But Jesus, how can that kind of unfathomable pain and life giving love exist together? The thought captivated me for the rest of the service. Here I was in the midst of my own dark night of the soul…a blinding despair…a bone crushing loneliness dragging my weary self to the foot of the cross asking why love can be overshadowed by pain. I had loved so well…I had given all of myself to the success of another person…I had put my needs last and theirs first…I had spoken words of love and encouragement only to be met with rejection and betrayal. I opened my heart fully only to be struck down. “Kari…did I not experience the same? Is the servant better than the master? Do you still only love those who love you? Even the sinners do that. True love just loves no matter the outcome.” Those last haunting words rang in my ears and began to unsettle my heart. Tears started to run down my face and I knew I had to accept the pain if I was ever going to be truly healed…if I was ever going to truly learn to love.

As they went through the Stations of the Cross, I saw Judas like I had never seen him before. Jesus loved Judas for 3 years…encouraging him, teaching him, comforting him, meeting his needs, being his friend, showing him the beauty of God’s great love and power…only to be betrayed and rejected. The pain of that betrayal was beyond what we can ever imagine or even comprehend. There is no greater lover of our souls than Jesus and still the one he loved rejected and betrayed him. Still today, people reject the love Jesus offers even as he loves them and gives them good gifts. A hard, painful truth was beginning to emerge in the ashes of my heart…love is good, powerful, mighty, glorious, joyful, but only to those who chose to receive it. “Will you still offer love even when people reject your offering? My darling, in doing that you will truly learn what I have created love to be.” Jesus whispered ever so softly to my aching heart. After some time, I could only honestly reply, “I don’t think I can survive another rejection. Maybe, I am just too weak to make love my purpose in life.” In the gentlest of voices Jesus said, “Where you are weak, I, my dear, am strong. I will never leave you alone. Your love will be my love. Good Friday was not the end, I rose on Easter giving love the final word. Rejection will wound you, but love will always heal you.”

For the past two months, I have clung to that truth whispered to my heart in the darkness of that Good Friday service. A few days later, I was looking for a new ring tone for my new phone when I came across Chris Tomlin’s new song, “I Will Rise.” So, now every time my phone rings, I hear Chris Tomlin sing, “I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise.” Ever so slowly, Jesus has lifted me out of the darkness, the despair and the crushing loneliness. He continues to call my name and keep his promise to never leave me. In fact, last week I was walking my dog around the lake on a beautiful spring day, when I heard Sara Groves sing, “Friend even though your heart is raw, Love is still a worthy cause.” As I heard those words echo in my ears, I felt a surge of emotion rise to the surface. Even in the pain, even despite the scars that will rest in my heart for the rest of my life, love is still the most worthy of causes. For in loving like Jesus, we become like him and just as his scars healed and became symbols of love’s greatest sacrifice, ours will too.

So, now in a couple of weeks, I will return to the place where my heart loves as I am loved. Where my still bruised and wounded heart can be loved and can receive healing. The women of the Dorcas Widows Ministry have known rejection and heartache more than I ever will and yet they have taught me that healing is possible in relationships where God’s love resides. With still weak knees and a frail heart, I am going to recommit myself to love no matter the cost remembering that as more wounds come I will be healed because that is what love does.

I Remember...

2009-02-17T01:10:00.002+03:00

“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” Isaiah 49:13

Hey Lord…Do you see me here? I want to sing a song for you…something altogether beautiful…full of joy! Here I am hiding in your shadow, clutching the bottom of your cloak…following behind you. I wanted to be where you are…go where you are going and to see what you will see today. I just want to be with you. Spending time with you is always so peaceful…so exciting…so thought provoking…so easy. Our intimacy knows no boundaries. We are always discovering new things about each other…learning new ways to love each other. Your love for me always heals my wounds, gives power to my dreams and creates peace amidst the chaos.

It is in these tender moments that I let my heart open completely and pour out all my hopes, fears, joys and sorrows. Today as I talk to you I am remembering my dear friends…the women we love with such great ferocity and abandon.

I am remembering Ida, Jaja, Obia and Jane. They have struggled with pain and sickness for months now. They love you and call out to you to be their healer. HIV is eating away at their bodies and they seem powerless to fight it. But, you, my compassionate friend, can give them mercy and healing. You can encourage them in their deepest places. Tell them that their bodies are only temporary…their affliction will only last for a night, but your rest…your healing will last for all of eternity. Lord, my friends are crying…my friends are in pain…my friends are weak. You say that you are strong in our weaknesses, so send your great strength to them. I want to see your beauty in their lives…your strength in their weakness.

I am remembering Josephine, Susan and Betty. They have all lost someone they love recently to the grave. They are grieving and pouring out their sadness to your listening ear. Betty is weak in spirit and body and is lost in her despair over losing her granddaughter. Her heart aches and she wonders how she will go on living. Susan lost her mother last week and is nursing her gravely ill sister as well. She feels overwhelmed with grief, despair and exhaustion. Will her suffering ever see an end? Josephine lost her coworker and her friend. Her heart is left with a gaping hole where her friend’s laughter and love used to be. Lord, you long to comfort your people. Reach your arms around them and shower them with love. Lead them beside the path of grief and with your gentle healing hand turn their mourning into rejoicing. When they lose all their strength and their tears cannot be stopped give them your tender comfort and your magnificent strength.

I am remembering all the widows who are looking for school fees for their children. These women long to give their children a hope and a future…one where poverty cannot find them and where they can become all that God has created them to be. It is the deepest cry of their heart to pay the school fees of their children. Even now Ida is rejoicing that her daughter passed her exams and is now able to move to Senior 5. We rejoice with her! Oh great Jehovah, Provider…husband to the widow, open up opportunities for the children of these women to be in school. We thank you for the sponsors we have so far and pray for many more to come. We also ask that you open up scholarships and other sources of funding for these dear children. I also remember that you can do more than we can ask or imagine, so we will await your provision and praise you when it comes!

I am remembering the prayer you prayed for us when you were last here. You prayed that we would be unified and that we would love each other, so that the whole world would know that love was your deepest desire. Lord, please teach us to love each other. The widows of the Dorcas Widows Ministry want to be unified and to be great lovers of people. Where there is jealousy…root it out. Where there is disharmony…create peace. Where there is mistrust…speak your truth. Most of all, give us a deep abiding love for each other. Help us reflect your unity…your joy and more importantly you love.

Thank you for your love for us. Thank you for your provision. Thank you for your tender healing. I love you Jesus and I love following you. I just love being with you.

A Prayer For Those We Love

2009-02-02T03:17:00.000+03:00

“Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well: the Lord will raise him up.” James 5: 13-15

Recently, I received some prayer requests from the widows. So here I am on my knees in God’s throne room beseeching Him on their behalf. Please join me if you can…

Here I am Father…it’s me…I’ve come to see you, spend time with you and to enjoy you. There is no one else like you…You are the most powerful being in the universe and yet you are so incredibly tender. In your eyes, I am beautiful and in my eyes you one that loves me the best. You see my potential and create opportunities for my success. You forgive me when I hurt you; and when I deserve judgment, you give me mercy instead. Our relationship is so intimate, so vulnerable and yet so safe. You long to be with me as I long to be with you. So, here I am snuggled up close to you…relaxed in the safety of your love and peace. I love to bask in the glow of your love. It warms me to the core. As I lay my head against you and let our love for each other wash over me, I want to tell you what is on my heart.

I am not here today to talk about me. Today my tears are for my friends…the other women you so tenderly love. Lord, your widows are crying…

Oh, my great healer, Jane is so very sick. AIDS and TB are wreaking havoc in her body causing her great pain and suffering. She is in desperate need of your healing. All it would take is one word from your mouth, yet I bow my will for her life to yours. Lord, she has been in and out of the hospital in the last two weeks. Her body is fighting, but she is losing her strength and she is scared that this is the end. Please go to her…comfort her…if you are leading her home, take her by the hand and show her every step of the way. Give her peace amidst her suffering. Give her relief from the constant pain. You promise to be with us always…so be with her…don’t leave her.

Oh, my Great Lover, she is not the only one who is sick. Ida is also suffering as HIV weakens and destroys her body. She is confined to her bed and wondering where you are. My great love…please go to her and shower her with love…flood your love in such a great torrent around her that she drowns in your love for her. Her medicine makes her nauseous and feverish. Lord, these new medicines she is taking are not working. They are making her feel worse. Oh, God of Justice, please stand up for her. Send someone to give her the right medicine…medicine that creates health, not destroys it.

Oh, my provider, Rosemary has been evicted from her home and has nowhere to go. You and Rosemary are so close. Your love for each other is so evident her eyes. As her great provider…her husband…open up a place for her to live…put a roof over her head. Give Suzanne discernment in finding a new place for her. I give you the glory and honor for the people who have given to the Dorcas Widows Fund, as we now have money to find her a new place to live. Thank you for allowing us the stand in the gap with her. I love being your hands and feet!

Oh, my comforter, Betty is grieving the loss of her grand daughter. Sickness came like a thief in the night and stole her away. It was so sudden. First Betty lost her own child and now she has lost her grand child. Enough is enough. She is tired of grieving and of losing the ones she loves. Lord, she wonders why…why they had to die and yet she lives? She needs you to hold her while she weeps…to give her your complete comfort. Her sadness knows no end, yet you promise to turn our mourning into dancing. Through Betty’s mourning may she experience you in a powerful way…where she feels only weakness, may you surprise her with strength…where she feels only sadness, may you surprise her with joy…where she feels only loss and loneliness, may you surprise her with friends that love her!

Oh, giver of mercy, the widows are feeling so overwhelmed with all their daily responsibilities…paying school fees, getting food for their families to eat, paying house rent, getting simple supplies to live…sometimes it all seems too much to bear and they are in desperate need of your intervention. They are so tired…can you give them even some rest from this daily stress? I humbly ask you to move any heart in your care to help these women pay school fees for their children. Where someone has plenty…move them to give it to them. I want to be like you and love like you, so move me, move those I love and move those I don’t know to meet the needs of these women.

Well, my love, as you collect my tears remember who they were for. I am curled up next to you begging you to love these women and to move in a powerful way on their behalf. I know how powerful even one word from you mouth is…it can shake the very foundations of the earth. So, with that complete confidence in your ability to love and provide for these women, I leave these words in the palm of your hand. I love that I can trust you and believe wholly in your goodness and mercy.

Much love to my powerful warrior & my soul’s deepest lover,
Kari

Another Atypical New Year’s letter: Love’s Freedom

2009-01-05T04:37:00.002+03:00

The Way I Was Made
Performed by Chris Tomlin
“Arriving”

“…Feels like I’m tied up, what’s holding me?
Just praying today would be the day I go free

I want to live like there is no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one is around
I want to sing like nobody is listening
Before I lay my body down

I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the “man” I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made”

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life”

~Music and lyrics by Chris Tomlin

Ever since I read the famous children’s story, “The Velveteen Rabbit” I have marveled at how the rabbit became real. That stuffed bunny wanted to live and move and eat and play just like a real live rabbit. He wanted it so much it almost drove him crazy with desire, but even so he wanted to love the boy more than he wanted his freedom. So it was an incredible turn of events that in loving the boy with all that he had he became real. No longer was he a stuffed animal sitting on the boy’s bed…a mere plaything, he was real…alive…able to move at his own will…able to choose where to go and when. It was a deep glorious freedom he had never known before. In loving this boy with his entire being he had somehow released himself from the bondage of cotton stuffing, buttons and faded satin and became his truest self…the one he was meant to be.

I love Chris Tomlin’s song “The Way I Was Made” because it is a declaration of freedom. It is a demand to be released from all that tries to hold us to being tame…to being fearful…to being less than we were made to be. In fact the fist time I heard it my soul screamed the lyrics from somewhere deep within me. I remember being alone in my house shouting these lyrics at the top of my lungs longing for the day, just like the rabbit, when I would be real…alive…free…I would be exactly who God made me to be. No more pretending, no more holding myself back, no more trying to look the part, no more fear. Love was the deepest cry of my heart in 2008 and in learning to love, I have been led to freedom. Sweet, glorious, beautiful, exhilarating freedom which interestingly only exists as you love and are loved.

“I want to live like there is no tomorrow”
I lived most of 2008 in Kampala, Uganda. Amidst a world in financial crisis when it seemed holding on tightly to what you have was the best way to proceed, I sold my home, I left my job, I gave some of my furniture away and I bought a plane ticket to Kampala to be with the ones I love. Over the last two years, I have fallen in love with some beautiful women who happen to be widows…who happen to be poor…and many of who happen to be sick. But, I just know them as Joyce, Aida, Josephine, Margaret, Jane, Rebecca, Ruth, Rosemary…I could go on and on. Each woman is so unique and a treasured friend. I wanted to live with them and know them deeply. We loved each other and grew intimate friendships. When I left the US, I didn’t care whether my financial world would come crumbling down around my ears or if my job would still be there, I just wanted to live…to breathe in God’s great beauty…to become intoxicated on love…to swim in an ocean of peace. To live like my friends did…fully in the moment resting in the knowledge that God is big enough to provide for my needs. I squeezed every drop of life out of every day and I lived like there was no tomorrow.

“I want to dance like no one is around, I want to sing like nobody is listening”
Every Tuesday, I met the ladies at Logogo Baptist Church. I remember speeding through Kampala on the back of a motorbike (Boda Boda) not wanting to miss a minute of our time together and especially not wanting to be late. Whenever any of us arrived late to the meeting, we would have to dance for the rest of the group. I had, so far, not had to endure this comical “punishment,” but on more than one occasion I had watched several of the women dance and sing for the rest of the group. It always ended in hilarious fits of laughter, but since I didn’t know the dances to begin with I wanted to make sure I was never late.

As I sat on the back of the Boda Boda, I realized that I was not going to make it on time. I would have to dance, I would have to sing and there would be an audience. Yikes! When I arrived, I walked sheepishly towards them smiling my best, “please don’t make me dance and sing in front of all these people” smile. Suddenly, Joyce and Josephine were at my side hugging and welcoming me, for a moment I thought they may have forgotten; but then Joyce said with a gleam in her eye, “We are all so excited to watch you dance.” I took a deep breath, exhaled and then looked around to see who was watching. We were out in the middle of the compound so I was easily seen by the people walking by the church, every Bible study group in the adjacent rooms and the men constructing the new bathrooms on the property.

Suddenly, I smiled a great big smile and took a big leap of faith. Instead of fear, I chose freedom. I shook every part of my body that would shake and I started to sing, “Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me, yes, Jesus loves me the Bible tells me so” at the top of my lungs. As you would imagine, a white woman with no rhythm and a tone deaf ear was quite a site to see. As I looked up I saw the women laughing and holding their sides, but I also saw them rising. Suddenly we were all dancing and I was doing my best to copy their moves. Josephine then began to sing praise songs in Luo. Before I knew it I was dancing with wild abandon and singing in a language I didn’t know at the top of my lungs. About a half hour into it, we had quite a large group of onlookers, but I didn’t care. I was enveloped in joy. It was bursting out of my mouth, my fingers, my arms, my feet, my legs and yes, even my hips. I laughed until my sides hurt and my cheeks ached, but I kept dancing and singing. At that moment, HIV, hunger, pain, loss, grief held no power over us, we were awash in joy! We were free!

“I want to give like I have plenty”
When I arrived in Kampala in February of last year, I made a conscious decision to give my money away to whoever needed it whenever I felt God telling me to do so. I didn’t tell anyone what I had decided nor did I want anyone to know it was from me, so I told them it was from the Dorcas Widows Fund, which at that time did not have an emergency fund. I wanted to see what God could do in the lives of those I loved if I treated money as something to give instead of something to keep.

Not long after I had arrived, I went to see Rosemary. She had sores all over her tongue making it difficult to talk and sores on her legs making it difficult to walk. She was in constant pain and had not been able to work in months. She also had a raging case of diabetes. Other widows were giving her and her family food in order to survive, but she was in desperate need of house rent and food. My heart broke for the pain my friend was enduring. It was my honor and privilege to give her enough to pay her back house rent and to buy groceries. Then Agnes called. Agnes is no more than 90 pounds and in a more advanced stage of AIDS. She had not eaten for a couple days and borrowed her neighbors phone to call me for help. I was able to provide some food and medical care for her. Soon, I was giving often and allowing God to break my heart for his beloved widows. I used to wrestle with God about how he could allow these women to be so destitute…so sick…so poor, until I realized that I was the one who knew them…who loved them…who could help meet some of their needs. He sent me to love them and to give them what God had given me. God had blessed me with a job and a savings account so I could bless them…simple Kingdom economics.

The trips to the ATM were no longer about me and what I wanted, but about who I could bless this week. God was using my money to quite literally save lives. That’s when I realized the money I had access to was not mine, it was what God has entrusted to me for my use and for the use of his kingdom. When I realized that I became fearless in giving. I gave all the money I had in my wallet at times, saving only coins to ride the bus home. Finally, I was free…money had no hold on me. I could have it and use it or give it and walk home, either way I gained this intense sense of life at it’s fullest.

It was then that Lisa, my friend from home and overseer of my bank accounts, began to see my savings dwindle. When she asked what I was doing with all the money, I was hesitant to tell her at first, but was itching to tell someone about what God was doing with all this money. As I told her how God was meeting the needs of these women, she told me that others may want to join my little revolution too. She also wanted to give away her money and watch God do amazing things. Thus, the Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund was born in late March. Now our fund provides emergency feeding, house rent, medical care and school fees. Thanks to many of you who have wanted to give with abandon, the Dorcas Widows Fund continues to help dozens of women in crisis.

“I want to love like I’m not afraid”
Over the last year I have fallen deeply in love. My whole heart and mind have become consumed with the very nature of love. With some fear and trembling, I have ventured deep into love’s unknown territory past the superficial love so common to our world and into the vulnerable places I once feared to go. In doing so I had to leave everything I had once used to protect my heart and instead continue the journey completely naked with only the great lover of my soul to protect me. It was risky to so completely expose myself to pain, heartache, and disappointment knowing that I could easily be wounded and scarred for life. So many times, I thought about turning back. I wanted to run at top speed and go back to that place where I wore the protective armor around my heart. Yet every time fear tried to beckon me back to safety, Jesus held my hand tight and walked me into love’s deeper places. I began to see that love is wider and deeper than I ever imagined and at its core exists a fierce wildness that cannot be tamed. It is both intoxicatingly beautiful and incredibly powerful. You are completely vulnerable, yet in that vulnerability there is great peace. It isn’t safe, but it is tender and full of compassion.

Chris Tomlin’s lyric found a home in my heart as I realized how well it communicated my deepest longing about this love that I have been experiencing. I want to love without fear…knowing the danger, but not fearing it. Knowing that love is the place where God’s spirit resides and where fear has no real power. Knowing full well that I will, at times, be wounded, but knowing in an even deeper place that the author of love will heal those wounds or use those scars to increase my capacity to give and receive His great beautiful love.

I love Jane and Jane loves me. I met her over a year ago and at our first meeting I was taken aback at how sick she was. She was no more than 90 pounds, frail and emotionally distraught. Her skeletal frame labored to breathe. Every few minutes she spit mucus into her handkerchief. AIDS and TB had taken residence inside of her and were wreaking tremendous havoc leaving her a mere shell of the person she once was. She was too sick to work, so her children were drinking tea or watered down porridge to stay alive. I remember her standing in front of me, shaking, sobbing, and begging the other widows to help feed her children. I had never seen such raw despair. I had never seen someone so sick and in so much misery. My first reaction was to step back, however shameful that is to admit, I wanted to run from it, to close my eyes and erase that painful memory from my mind. Fear gripped my heart and whispered in my ear, “Don’t get close to her. It will be uncomfortable for you. She will become a burden to you. She will beg from you constantly. She will die someday….can you really handle that? Are you strong enough to watch someone die?”

Later, when my mind settled and fear decided that his work was done for the day, a still small quiet voice whispered another message in my ear, “I tried to show you love today. I tried to show you how big and beautiful love is, but you refused to see it. Fear lied to you and you believed him. There is nothing more beautiful than to love and be loved, but to experience it you have to stop protecting your heart…you have to stop weighing the cost…you have to stop imagining the pain it may cause you…instead you have to trust in my love for you…trust that I will protect you…and trust that love is worth the cost you may have to pay.” Immediately, a feeling of shame washed over me, I had come to Uganda to learn how to love like Jesus loves and instead I had refused the opportunity to love the woman Jesus loves. I cried that night over my own weakness and selfishness, but a small seed was planted that day in my soul…a small courage began to bubble up…with deep trembling I decided to reach out for the hand of Jesus and let him teach me how to love.

This last year, I went to her home almost every week and at times several times a week. We talked about everything from Ugandan politics to her first kiss under the mango tree. I learned that she loved to cook…something she learned from her late mother and that she has an incredibly artistic eye. She loves creating the beaded jewelry because it gives her an outlet to create true works of art. In quieter moments, she revealed that she deeply loves her children and wants to give them everything she possibly can. It is incredibly painful for her to know that she may never live long enough to see her children graduate from high school, get married or have children of their own. She feels deep guilt over the inevitability of leaving them orphans. Being an orphan herself she knows intimately the pain they will pass through. She was overwhelmingly grateful for the sponsor I found for her children. Now she was resting easier knowing that no matter what happens to her, her children will still be able to go to school. I also began to share my own joys and sorrows with her. I told her intimate things about myself. I let her know me deeply and completely. Sometimes, I cried over my own pain as she held me and prayed with me. Suddenly, I realized one day that I loved her…I really truly loved her.

My love for her is real and deep. She is an amazing woman full of wisdom, love, patience and great courage. She is compassionate and unbelievably generous. Yet I know that she lives with an incurable disease. One day AIDS will take her from me and I will mourn and not be comforted. I will scream in agony and shed a thousand tears. It is a deep pain that I know is coming. It is a wound that will pierce a tender place in my heart and I have nothing to protect myself. Everything I once feared will come to pass, but not in the way I thought. Now I consider it pure joy to pay medical bills for my friend. I am elated to take care of her children and give them what they need to survive. Yes, I will watch her die, and it is more painful than words can express, but the love I have experienced with her is worth it. She is worth it. This love between us is powerful, beautiful, intoxicating, uncontrollable and incredibly tender. It will leave me with a scar, but I am confident that God will use it for his glory. Even though Jane will die, love will live.

“I want to be the “man” I was meant to be. I want to be the way I was made”
This year I lived like there was no tomorrow, I danced like no one was around, I sang like no one was listening, I gave like I had plenty and I loved even though at times I am still afraid. With many apologies to Chris Tomlin, I became the woman I was meant to be and got a taste of being the way I was made…of living the life I was meant to live. Love made it all possible…love makes each moment worth living, it is the music we dance to, it is the song we sing, the reason we give…and that perfect love drives out all fear allowing us to love others deeply from the heart. Living a life so devoted to love allows me to live as my truest self…the way I was meant to be. As I have become enveloped in love I have experienced total and complete freedom and it is exihirating!!

So this is the place I find myself as 2009 begins. If you see me around you know the anthem my heart will be singing and I invite you to sing along.

WE HAVE LAND!!!

2008-09-21T01:25:00.003+03:00

I am thrilled to share with all of you the latest and greatest of God’s miracles! As many of you know we have been looking for land for the Dorcas Widows since July 2007. The search has been long and taken us down many a winding road, however, we remained steadfast that God would, at the right time, provide just the right place. In late July this year (exactly one year after our search began), I went to look at a beautiful piece of land about 40 minutes outside of Kampala. It was 100 meters from the main road and the soil was rich and ready for planting. We immediately put in a bid and began to go through the process of bartering. During this process, another buyer came forward and offered to buy the whole 20 acre plot thus forcing us out of the running. At that point we were sorely disappointed that another exceptional piece of land had slipped through our fingers. However, about a month later, after I had returned to Minneapolis I received one of the best calls of my life.

Joyce, one my dearest widow friends (pictured above), called me and told me the most exciting news. She said that the buyers who wanted to acquire the whole 20 acres were not able to come up with the funds, so the sellers contacted our representative and asked if we were still interested in buying the property. After that it only took a week for us to purchase 2.85 acres of prime land in Matuuga. When Joyce told me that the land was now ours, I started to scream “yes, yes, yes!!” and she started to laugh uncontrollably. After over a year of waiting, God had given his widows a beautiful piece of property. We both laughed, cried and thanked God together. It was a thrilling moment and I will never forget it! (For those of you in Minneapolis, we will be having a bazzar/fundraiser next Sunday, Sept. 28th—come and hear more of the story!! Check www.dorcaswidows.org for details!)

As many of you know, I have physically returned back to Minneapolis, but my heart and my soul remain in Uganda with the women I love. However, one of the greatest blessings in being home has been to see how my partners in this ministry, Lisa Tschetter and Carol Daly Vogt have used their extraordinary spiritual gifts to create a structure and a solid base for The Dorcas Widows Fund. I have never seen God bring together a team so perfectly suited for each other and for this ministry. So, in this public forum, I wanted to thank them and tell them how much I love them both. God is doing mighty things through them, through me and through the ladies. I can almost feel it pulsing through my veins at times and I love it!

In being home, I have been asked so many thoughtful, interesting, creative questions about the Dorcas Widows Ministry, so I have decided to post a copy of an interview I did with an online magazine called Wrecked For The Ordinary (www.Wreckedfortheordinary.com). If you are one of the people who have loved these women through prayer or though financial giving, then please read my answers to these thoughtful questions. It may give you a better glimpse into the comprehensive nature of this ministry. Just scroll down and see if they asked me some of the questions you would have loved to ask me! It is a good window into what God has developed over the last year. Enjoy! If it raises any other questions, feel free to contact me at karimillermn@gmail.com

Interview questions:

Can you tell us a little bit about your ministry, Dorcas Widows Ministry, and your involvement with widows in Uganda? How did you get started? What do you do now?

I went to Kampala, Uganda in May 2007 not knowing what I would do or whom I would meet, but I knew I wanted to love the poor. I knew I wanted to learn what it means to follow the teachings of Jesus. After I arrived, I met a widow named Joyce who introduced me to the Dorcas Widows Ministry. The Dorcas Widows Ministry is a Ugandan based group for widows who have lost their husbands due to the war in northern Uganda, HIV/AIDS, malaria, TB, or other diseases. It is a support group that helps widows cope with the loss of their spouse and the devastating circumstances they find themselves in. I began to create friendships with these ladies and to learn about their challenges. I saw how hard they worked just to stay alive. I spent weeks visiting them in their homes, talking with them, praying with them and sharing my life with them. It was out of a deep love and friendship that our partnership began.

My involvement with them is and always has been one of friendship and love. I looked for ways to love my friends in their pain. Their biggest needs were feeding their children, paying school fees, house rent and medical costs. At first, I just gave my own money whenever I felt God nudge me to do so. I didn’t tell anyone, I just did it. As I began to tell the stories of my friends on my blog, other people began to email me and ask how they could help. Suddenly over a period of one month God had raised $20,000 for these women. I asked them what we should do with the money and they decided we should build a widow’s community where they could live rent-free and grow their own food. Still other donors began to give me money to help those in the most desperate circumstances, which is how our emergency fund began.

When I arrived back in Minneapolis in August of 2007, I knew I had to organize a better and more secure way of collecting donated money. So, with my best friend, we created the Dorcas Widows Fund. The Dorcas Widows Fund is an American based non-profit 501c(3) that financially supports the Dorcas Widows Ministry in the areas of income generation, emergency feeding, school fees and health care.

When I arrived back in Uganda in February 2008, I was so excited to see my widow friends again. It is the relationships we have that are the cornerstone of our partnership. In coming back, I have formalized our emergency fund program. When a widow is in a desperate situation, we help fill the gap for them by providing some emergency money. Most often we help women feed their children or pay medical expenses. It was out of one of the most critical emergency situations with a women in the end stages of HIV, that I first asked those that read my blog to consider paying school fees for this woman. A donor came forward to do so and that sparked others to support the children of other women who are HIV positive. So, in March of 2008, we began a school sponsorship component to our ministry. We now sponsor 13 children.

One of the most exciting things that has developed in the last 2 months has been the Beaded Jewelry business. The ladies are expert craftsmen at rolling slips of paper in beads and then creating beautiful jewelry from those beads. We sent some samples back to the states in March of 2008 in hopes of finding a market for the product. Since that time we have sold about a 1,000 beaded necklaces. Twice a week the ladies meet to roll beads and to pray for more business. God has so far begun to bless the work of their hands as we have had at least one order every week for the past two months. Every time the ladies receive their payment, they tithe 10% back to Jesus. It is like watching the widow put in her “mite’ every week. I see why Jesus thought it was so beautiful.

Since February, we have been actively looking for 3 acres of land to build our Dorcas Widows Community. Due to the fact that house rent is so expensive and that the government is removing them from the slums they live in, we are praying earnestly for a land of our own. This land will contain 30 simple homes for the widows to live in rent-free where they can grow their own food. We are also planning on building a community center where we can hold business seminars as well as other trainings. One of our most fervent prayers was to acquire a piece of land where the women could live without worrying about being chased away by a greedy landlords.

In essence, the Dorcas Widows Ministry seeks to love Jesus and follow his command to take care of widows and orphans in their distress. Our overall mission is to support the widows and children who are members of the Dorcas Widows Ministry in Kampala, Uganda in their journey from poverty to self-sufficiency. If you want to learn more about any of our projects, please check out our website www.dorcaswidows.org

How has your relationship with the widows changed over time? Have you seen a level of intimacy grow between you and the women?

When I first met these widows, I was so guarded. I wondered if it was even possible to have real friendships with women so completely different from me. What does an HIV positive woman in abject poverty have in common with a healthy woman from the wealthiest country on the planet? With a prejudice I didn’t even know I had, I doubted that real friendships would ever be possible. After all, their needs were so enormous, I was sure they would only see me as a gateway to money. So, I was loving “toward” them. I was kind. I listened and prayed with them. I gave them money when I thought it was appropriate. I even expected them to share their deep places with me, but I never let them into mine. I answered their attempts to know me with vague responses turning the questions back toward them. I was so sincere…I really thought I was loving them and protecting myself. After all, the prejudice inside me told me that if I revealed too much they would press me for money. In fact, for many months I kept my phone number from them. I thought I would be bombarded with calls begging me for help. I had this misguided belief that somehow I was their only hope for a better future. When I think of the woman I was just a few months ago, I want to shake her and scream at the top of my lungs, “YOU ARE MISSING IT! YOU DON’T HAVE AN INTIMATE LOVE, YOU ONLY HAVE AN IMITATION OF LOVE!!”

Slowly, God began to open my eyes to the prejudice that had a choke hold on my heart. All of a sudden I saw how grotesque it was. The barriers I thought I set up to protect myself were actually blocking the love I so desperately wanted to experience. As I moved among the women, I saw them sitting in doorways together engaged in deep conversation. I saw them entering each other’s homes to clean the infected wounds of the dying. These women seemed so close, so deeply connected. It was then that I realized that the love they had for each other was always just out of my reach. I had blocked myself from having any real relationships with them, so I was at that point destined to remain an outsider….a foreigner who had come to ‘help the poor.”

It was then that I decided to stop being a helper and start being a friend. Instead of vague answers, I shared my real thoughts. When they talked about the pain in their life, I also talked about mine. When they reminisced about their husband, I listened and laughed with them about the good times that had been. When my phone rang, I no longer braced myself for “a call for help”, but instead smiled as I saw the name of a friend flashing on the screen. More often than not, the ladies call just to say hello or to ask me how I’m doing. I now have several friends that call just to encourage me or to say that they are praying for me. The walls of my heart have now come down and I have laid myself open before these women and they have laid themselves open before me. They are not “the people I am helping,” they are my friends. They are people I like to spend time with. They are the people I call when I am in physical or emotional crisis. They are spiritual companions on my journey of faith. There is a depth to our relationship that wasn’t there before. There is a love that is growing that is intimate and real.

I have now developed many intimate friendships with women who are nothing like me. They are black and I am white. They are Acholi and I am American. They are incredibly poor and I am wealthy. They are sick and I am well. Yet these women hold a piece of my heart and I hold a piece of theirs. Our journeys are now intertwined. They don’t depend on me--we depend on each other. They aren’t calling me begging for help, I am calling them offering to stand with them in their place of need. I am not making appointments to talk to the widows—I am going to visit my friends in their homes. I am not loving “at” them anymore; instead I am just loving them. We are learning to intimately know each other. We show each other our strengths and weaknesses. We speak the truth to one another even when it’s hard. We encourage each other to trust that God is big enough to meet the needs we have. Most of all, we just like spending time together.

What have you learned from these women?

Love. I have learned to love and be loved, not that I have attained perfection in it –far from it, but I am a greater lover than I was before. I have opened my heart and my soul to these women and they have opened theirs to me. We make sacrifices for each other, putting our own needs and worries behind us, so we can give fully to the one in the most pain. Now when I see a need, I don’t give out of my excess, I give it all. When one of us is sick, we stop what we are doing and we go to them. We pray with each other in our deepest need and our deepest pain. I have learned that you can’t love “toward” someone; you can only love “with” someone. You can’t love without intimacy…without sharing your honest self. I’ve learned that love is about showing your weakness to another person, so that they can love you back. Receiving love is just as important as giving it. I’ve learned that where there is love, Jesus is there in powerful ways that I sometimes can’t even explain. Jesus said that the greatest of these is love and I have learned that he was telling the truth. For when you have love, you also have deep peace, joy and contentment.

What practical strides has the ministry taken to help the environment and physical situation of the widows?

Dorcas Widows Ministry practically helps the widows in the following ways:
• Emergency Funds: When a widow is unable to provide food or medical care for herself or her children, we give funds to provide those things for her.
• Scholarships for School children: We help find sponsors to pay school fees for the children the widows are caring for.
• Income Generation: We have formed two groups of widows who make beaded necklaces. We are finding markets to sell this jewelry in order to provide these women with more consistent income.
• Widows Community: We have just purchased 2.85 acres of land to form a widow’s community where the widows can live rent-free, grow their own food and receive business training at a community center.
• Encouragement: Members of the Dorcas Widows group take care of other members who are sick, praying with them, feeding them and getting them to a clinic.

How have their lives been affected spiritually?

The great thing about Jesus is that we have an opportunity to develop intimacy with him. Each of our love relationships with him will be unique…full of our own intimate secrets, pains and joys. Like a wife talking about her husband, we will share with others about the love we have for one another, but we will not reveal the deepest intimacy between us. It is somehow too special, too tender to share with any other person than our lover. Each of my widow friends has a unique love relationship with Jesus. Each lady has seen her heavenly husband do miraculous things for her and her children. When I look into their eyes as they discuss the love and faithfulness of God, I can sense that there is a greater intimacy between themselves and their savior than I will ever be privileged to know. All I can say is that becoming a widow in country where poverty is as common as seeing the sun rise every day either throws you into the arms of Jesus or into total despair and often times both. Some of my widow friends were lost in despair and alcoholism before being rescued by our Savior, while others have deepened their love relationship with Jesus as the grief washed over them. Even while all of them are in deep poverty and while most are suffering from HIV and other related illnesses, they still see a God that is good…that is kind…that is powerful…that is compassionate…that is a healer…that is a provider…that is an encourager…and most of all that is a lover.

How can we be a source of help for the marginalized women of northern Uganda?

My greatest dream is for people to see these widowed women not as “the marginalized women of Northern Uganda,” but as real people, unique people with personalities, hopes, fears, dreams, struggles, and joys. It is my hope that we would really know them…not as “the poor” or “the sick” but as our fellow sisters in Christ, as part of our extended spiritual family. That as fellow believers in Jesus, we would form a worldwide community with them where out of love and care for each other, we would give and receive as we have need or have plenty.

Here are the ways you can receive from my widowed friends:
• They make beautiful handcrafted beaded necklaces, earrings, and bracelets. You can purchase some if you wish. They are made from discarded paper that is rolled into differently shaped beads. If you wish to order any of these necklaces, you can contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com
• They love to pray for you and to know you as much as you want to know them. You can read their stories on the Dorcas Widows web site: www.dorcaswidows.org If you would like us to pray for you please send your request to karimillermn@gmail.com

Here are the ways you can give to my widowed friends:
• You can donate to the Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund. The emergency fund provides money for widows in crisis. It often helps feed a family or pay for unexpected medical treatment due to illness. If you want to donate to that fund you can visit our website: www.dorcaswidows.org or email Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net
• You can pay school fees for one or more of the widows children. A primary school student is about $150 a year and a secondary student is about $600 a year. These fees are impossible for these women to pay without assistance from a sponsor or an NGO. If you want to learn more about sponsoring a widow’s child through school, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net
• You can donate to our Widow’s Community Project. We have already raised enough money to buy 2.85 acres of land and are hoping to build 30 homes and one community center on that property for the most disadvantaged widows to live in. Each house will cost approximately $10,000 to construct. If you are interested in donating or learning more about this project, please go to our web site (www.dorcaswidows.org) or contact Carol Daly Vogt directly at dalyvogt@hotmail.com
• Pray for them. Read their stories on the Dorcas Widows web site: www.dorcaswidows.org and commit to praying for them. If you have any encouraging words for them, you can send it to my email and I will share it with them. (karimillermn@gmail.com)

Love Lives!

2008-08-06T17:53:00.001+03:00

“…the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Galatians 5:6

Over the last several months I have fallen deeply in love. My whole heart and mind have become consumed with the very nature of love. With some fear and trembling, I have ventured deep into love’s unknown territory past the superficial love so common to our world and into the vulnerable places I once feared to go. In doing so I had to leave everything I had once used to protect my heart and instead continue the journey completely naked with only the great lover of my soul to protect me. It was risky to so completely expose myself to pain, heartache, and disappointment knowing that I could easily be wounded and scarred for life. So many times, I thought about turning back. I wanted to run at top speed and go back to that place where I wore the protective armor around my heart. Yet every time fear tried to beckon me back to safety, Jesus held my hand tight and walked me into love’s deeper places. I began to see that love is wider and deeper than I ever imagined and at its core exists a fierce wildness that cannot be tamed. It is both intoxicatingly beautiful and incredibly powerful. You are completely vulnerable, yet in that vulnerability there is great peace. It isn’t safe, but it is tender and full of compassion.

Chris Tomlin sings a song entitled, “The Way I Was Made,” in which he emphatically sings, “I want to love like I’m not afraid.” That lyric found a home in my heart as I realized how well it communicated my deepest longing about this love that I have been experiencing. I want to love without fear…knowing the danger, but not fearing it. Knowing that love is the place where God’s spirit resides and where fear has no real power. Knowing full well that I will, at times, be wounded, but knowing in an even deeper place that the author of love will heal those wounds or use those scars to increase by capacity to give and receive His great beautiful love. So I began to sing louder and louder… “I want to love like I’m not afraid. I WANT to LOVE like I’m not afraid. I WANT TO LOVE LIKE I’M NOT AFRAID!!” Then I went out to love and be loved.

I love Jane and Jane loves me. I met her over a year ago and at our first meeting I was taken aback at how sick she was. She was no more than 90 pounds, frail and emotionally distraught. Her skeletal frame labored to breathe. Every few minutes she spit mucus into her handkerchief. AIDS and TB had taken residence inside of her and were wreaking tremendous havoc leaving her a mere shell of the person she once was. She was too sick to work, so her children were drinking tea or watered down porridge to stay alive. I remember her standing in front of me, shaking, sobbing, and begging the other widows to help feed her children. I had never seen such raw despair. I had never seen someone so sick and in so much misery. My first reaction was to step back, however shameful that is to admit, I wanted to run from it, to close my eyes and erase that painful memory from my mind. Fear gripped my heart and whispered in my ear, “Don’t get close to her. It will be uncomfortable for you. She will become a burden to you. She will beg from you constantly. She will die someday….can you really handle that? Are you strong enough to watch someone die? If you get close, you will be the one who is responsible for her care or for her children. Can you really handle that responsibility? Your life will become consumed by her problems. If you help her once, she will wear you out with her constant needs.” Once fear begins to speak, his voice is relentless. Somehow he knows all your deepest concerns…the ones you are too ashamed to say out loud for fear of looking selfish or uncompassionate, yet are the very things we consider to be protective measures to ensure our heart’s health. Fear’s voice was loud that day and I listened to it. I gave just enough money to look compassionate, but emotionally I kept my distance. All the while patting myself on the back for protecting myself from her deep misery.

Later, when my mind settled and fear decided that his work was done for the day, a still small quiet voice whispered another message in my ear, “I tried to show you love today. I tried to show you how big and beautiful love is, but you refused to see it. Fear lied to you and you believed him. There is nothing more beautiful than to love and be loved, but to experience it you have to stop protecting your heart…you have to stop weighing the cost…you have to stop imagining the pain it may cause you…instead you have to trust in my love for you…trust that I will protect you…and trust that love is worth the cost you may have to pay.” Immediately, a feeling of shame washed over me, I had come to Uganda to learn how to love like Jesus loves and instead I had refused the opportunity to love the woman Jesus loves. I cried that night over my own weakness and selfishness, but a small seed was planted that day in my soul…a small courage began to bubble up…with deep trembling I decided to reach out for the hand of Jesus and let him teach me how to love.

A couple weeks later, I went to visit Jane at her home. As I approached her small concrete home, I trembled with nervousness. Could I really love someone…I mean really truly love someone this desperate? It took her a long time to come to the door and when I saw her, I couldn’t help but notice her frailty and deep despair. Part of me wanted to run, but this time I reached out my hand, smiled and followed her into her sitting room. At first the awkward silence made my heart race, but finally she began to speak to me. She thanked me for coming to visit her and asked me some simple questions about my family. To this day, I credit her for drawing me into friendship. She took the first step towards me.

Soon, we were talking. I began to relax and notice how soft her eyes were and how well she spoke English. Since she had first inquired about my family, I then asked her about hers. She looked intently down at her hands and began to speak softly. Jane’s parents had both died leaving the responsibility of raising her younger siblings to her. Her husband had died of AIDS leaving her infected, pregnant and alone to raise her soon to be 4 children. Suddenly huge tears rolled down her cheeks and instinctively I reached out to hold her boney shoulders. After Jane gave birth, her health deteriorated dramatically and she hovered near death for 3 months. Her husband’s family took the children while she was sick. No one thought she would survive, so his family told the children that she was dead. They took everything in her house and divided it among themselves never believing that she would recover.

She looked up at me and through her tears she emphatically said that God had saved her from certain death. She prayed constantly when she was in the hospital asking God to bring her back to health and back to her children. Then one day, the doctors told her she was well enough to go home. She was still very weak, but she no longer needed to be in the hospital. Immediately upon leaving, she went to find her children. Her husband’s family looked at her as if seeing a ghost and her children were terrified to see the mother they were told was dead. She tried to take her children back home, but soon realized that she had no home to return to…everything was gone…the pots, the pans, the furniture, her clothes and even the pictures she had saved of her and her husband. Jane was now breathing hard and having trouble talking, so we ended our visit. I prayed for her and asked God to heal her body and to heal her wounded heart. As I walked away from her home, I felt deep compassion for her and a longing to see her again.

Over the next year, I went to her home almost every week and at times several times a week. We talked about everything from Ugandan politics to her first kiss under the mango tree. I learned that she loved to cook…something she learned from her late mother and that she has an incredibly artistic eye. She loves creating the beaded jewelry because it gives her an outlet to create true works of art. In quieter moments, she revealed that she deeply loves her children and wants to give them everything she possibly can. It is incredibly painful for her to know that she may never live long enough to see her children graduate from high school, get married or have children of their own. She feels deep guilt over the inevitability of leaving them orphans. Being an orphan herself she knows intimately the pain they will pass through. She was overwhelmingly grateful for the sponsor I found for her children. Now she was resting easier knowing that no matter what happens to her, her children will still be able to go to school. I also began to share my own joys and sorrows with her. I told her intimate things about myself. I let her know me deeply and completely. Sometimes, I cried over my own pain as she held me and prayed with me. Suddenly, I realized one day that I loved her…I really truly loved her.

About a month ago, my friend Joyce called. She told me that Jane was suffering from a severe case of malaria. Since Jane is HIV positive and is also being treated for TB, I knew it was serious. My heart broke because I love her and just couldn’t imagine my life without her. I started to cry and pray for my friend. Then I went to her house to see her. As I approached her small concrete home, I heard Joyce softly singing to Jane while she bathed her 90-pound body. “Jane, I’m here,” I said outside the door. Joyce told me to come on in and get some juice ready for Jane to drink. I know Jane’s house well. I have been there so many times and I had just spent the previous Sunday afternoon there having lunch, laughing and talking about just about everything under the sun. I poured the juice and readied her small bed for her. Joyce held Jane close as she walked her to her bed. Jane was shaking with fever. I gave her the juice and held her while Joyce got her medicine. While we sat there I prayed for her and told her that I loved her. “I love you too,” she said weakly. Then we laid her down and I covered her with her blankets. While she slept, I knelt beside her bed and prayed for her healing. All I could think was “my friend is sick, my friend is sick. Oh, Jesus, I love her. Please, please heal her.” Tears welled up in my eyes, as I couldn’t imagine loosing this woman I have come to know and love. The next day Joyce took her to the hospital where she received some other advanced treatment. I called her and she called me many times in the 48 hours she was there. Finally, she came back home and slowly began feeling better.

Last weekend, she came to my home so that we could be together one last time before I go back to the States. When she arrived, she was tired and coughing. I gave her some tea and she lay down on the floor to rest. After she rested a bit, she opened the bag she brought and pulled out two beautiful dresses she had made for me. My eyes sparkled and I squealed with joy. I was so surprised. She laughed and told me that she wanted to do something to show how much she loved me. I hugged her and told her how much I loved her too. Then she laughed and said, “Okay, we are all girls here. You try them on so I can see.” I quickly stripped off my clothes and put on these uniquely African dresses. I felt like a princess. A huge smile spread across her face and she clapped her hands. “Oh, oh, you look beautiful, my daughter. Just beautiful!” I felt beautiful, more than that…I felt wrapped in love.

My love for her is real and deep. She is an amazing woman full of wisdom, love, patience and great courage. She is compassionate and unbelievably generous. Yet I know that she lives with an incurable disease. One day AIDS will take her from me and I will mourn and not be comforted. I will scream in agony and shed a thousand tears. It is a deep pain that I know is coming. It is a wound that will pierce a tender place in my heart and I have nothing to protect myself. Everything I once feared will come to pass, but not in the way I thought. Now I consider it pure joy to pay medical bills for my friend. I am elated to take care of her children and give them what they need to survive. Yes, I will watch her die, and it is more painful than words can express, but the love I have experienced with her is worth it. She is worth it. This love between us is powerful, beautiful, intoxicating, uncontrollable and incredibly tender. It will leave me with a scar, but I am confident that God will use it for his glory. Even though Jane will die, love will live.

Update on the Widows:

This week has not been easy for many reasons. I have lived a roller coaster of emotion in the last week…joy, pain, sorrow, anger…you name it, I felt it. Luckily, God is stable and a good rock to depend on. First, the land we were so hoping to purchase this week was lost. Another buyer came and was willing to purchase the whole 20-acre plot…we were only able to purchase 5 acres. So, we are back at square one! I know God has a plan for these ladies he loves, so I am just trying to be patient.

Secondly, I am leaving next week for the States and I am incredibly sad. I really love these women and it is so hard to imagine a week without seeing them. My heart just feels so broken and wounded. Please pray for our separation. It will not be easy for them or for me. However, I need to go back and earn more money. I can’t live on nothing, so back to work I go. On the other hand, I am excited to see my family and friends. I also have other personal things I need to take care of in the States, so I know God is bringing me back…not forever, but for a little while. I take comfort in the fact that I know I will be back! The ladies and I are having a party tomorrow (Thursday, August 7) to celebrate our time together and to give me a joyful send off. I am really looking forward to it!

I am thrilled however to announce that I have hired a brilliant, compassionate Ugandan Acholi woman to take my place in the ministry. Her name is Suzanne Anyeko and I am confident God will do great things through her for these women! It gives my heart great peace to know that Suzanne will be here loving these women while I am away!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 2 women this week. Lovincer received money for an emergency trip she needs to make to visit her sick mother in the village and Joyce received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 600 beaded necklaces. We were able to pay 25 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Please pray that God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: The second term is ending this week and children will be coming home from school. If you are paying school fees for a widow, please contact Lisa so you can send money for the upcoming 3rd term. Trough our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school this last term! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Love Lives!

2008-08-06T17:53:00.000+03:00

Peace At Last

2008-07-17T13:52:00.000+03:00

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears he will answer you.” Isaiah 30: 18-19

Last week evil launched an attack on us that was wild, fierce and loud. Reports from every media source…the newspapers, the television, the radio…repeated the threats of the government official to evacuate the slum area or risk being violently removed. Defeat seemed to hang in the air. Fear tried to set up house in the deepest part of our hearts. The intense battle forced us to our knees. All that was left was to close our eyes and pray to our mighty warrior, the Lion of Judah. With our eyes closed tight, we could still hear the shouts of eviction and the whispers of hopelessness, but we continued to pray. Finally, all became quiet…the voices had been silenced. Slowly, we opened our eyes and as the dust settled on the battlefield, we noticed that God’s beloved had escaped unharmed. Our mighty warrior had rescued us from all that meant to do us harm. Our great lover had protected us and given us back the peace we had longed for.

Last Thursday, I approached the church where the widows had gathered eager to hear the latest news about Otafire’s threat of eviction. Otafire, a retired general, is the top government official in charge of redeveloping the slum areas of Kampala. He was recently quoted in the local paper as saying, “The poor will never enter heaven. They are lazy and useless and even God doesn’t want them.” He ran an ad in the paper last month stating that all those that reside in the slum areas of Nakawa and Nanguru must evacuate by July 12th or risk being forcibly removed. So, here we were on July 10th meeting together and staring eviction in the face.

The ladies were somber when I arrived. We greeted each other and then Rosemary began the meeting. The ladies explained that Otafire had continued to issue his threat of violence if they didn’t leave by Saturday, but that the IGG (Attorney General of Uganda) had also come to the quarters to tell them to say put until the case against Otafire was resolved. The IGG had accused Otafire of evicting the people of the quarters without providing adequate lower income housing for them to move into. These two government officials began to publicly attack each other; each asking the president to intervene on their behalf. As of yet the president has remained quiet or at least not made any public statement.

So, the ladies looked at me and asked, “What do we do? Where do we go?” I had no answer, “I don’t know,” I said as I shook my head and stared intently at the ground at my feet, “I don’t know. God is the only one who can help you now. He is the only one who can make a way out of this mess.” As soon as I uttered those words, a couple of the ladies stood up and encouraged the other women saying, “God can do anything. He is mighty and powerful. He will intervene for us. We are his beloved. A husband always protects his wife. God is more powerful than any man. We don’t need to fear, we need to fast and pray.” Suddenly a chorus of “amen’s” erupted from the ladies. Then we all stood up joined hands and began to cry out to God for a miracle. There we stood praying in at least 3 different languages asking the same God to protect his women.

The next day, I went back to the quarters to be with my friends as this ominous deadline approached. The police had spent the morning walking through the quarters carrying their rifles and warning people to move or face the consequences. They only stayed a couple of hours but they had made their point crystal clear. I sat with Joyce in her small sitting room as we both wondered what the next day would be like. “What will you do if they come and chase you?’ I asked. She looked at me, smiled and sighed. “What can we do? I have a bag packed just in case and if God decides to move me, I will move to where he tells me to go. But, in the mean time, I will go live on the lawn of the Parliament building. We have all decided that we will live there until the government listens to us.” “I hope it doesn’t come to that,” I said back to her. She laughed again, “Kari, God has kept me for 10 years and has never left me in the cold. I am not worried. I’m trusting in him. He will take care of me.” I smiled back at her, but wondered deep inside my heart how she could look so calm. My own insides were shaking with worry as I thought of what tomorrow might hold. Before I left I spent time in prayer with her and with her neighbor asking God to protect these dear friends of mine. As I went to bed that night, my stomach felt tied in knots and I drifted between sleep and prayer all night long. I begged God to keep my friends safe, to somehow allow them to stay where they were.

As the sun came up on Saturday, July 12th my heart was pounding inside my chest. I continued to ask God to intervene and I read every scripture I could find on God’s love and mercy for his widows. Joyce said she would call me and let me know what was happening, but when I hadn’t heard from her by 10am I decided to call her. My hand was shaking as I held the phone and my heart was beating in my ears as the phone began to ring. Suddenly, I heard her voice, ”My daughter, how are you?” Her voice was light and happy. “I’m fine. What’s happening?” I blurted out. She very simply said, “Nothing. No one has come and the IGG has said that nothing is to happen until Otafire’s case is resolved. See, I told you God would protect us.” She said it so matter of factly…like God’s miracles were an every day occurrence. I was stunned. This general had been threatening these people on every media outlet for over a month and had sent the police to intimidate the residents just yesterday, so all of sudden today he decides to listen to the IGG? I was simply shocked at what God had done. He had stopped the eviction of 7,000 of the poorest people in Kampala…overnight!

I waited to see what would happen in the days that followed. Was Otafire waiting for the element of surprise to evict all these people or had God in fact saved his beloved? Sunday, Monday and Tuesday went by with no word from Otafire or the IGG, but all remained quiet…peaceful. Finally, early this morning we received word that the residents would indeed need to move from the quarters, but that it would be a slow 3-month peaceful process. I have been sitting here all day amazed at the power of God. To think that he stopped violence in its tracks…he changed the tactics of a ruthless man…all in a few hours…it is absolutely incredible. The ladies will have to find new housing, but God has given us time to do it. And now that I have seen his mighty power and compassion, I have no fear that He will find a place for each every one of these dear friends of mine.

For I have learned that our great lover is also our great warrior. When evil rages against us, he will swing his sword and defend us. He will protect us from even the most powerful of earthly men. Like a mighty lion, he will make his presence known causing fear and trembling to all that would dare to come against him. He is the mighty conqueror…the all-powerful king and the lover of our souls.

Update on the widows: (www.dorcaswidows.org)

Wow! What a week-what a roller coaster of emotion! I want to say a BIG thank you to all of you who prayed for the ladies this last week! It was your prayers that moved God is such a powerful way on their behalf. It is so beautiful when we can all come together to love each other! As you have now heard, the ladies will need to relocate. We are very close to purchasing a piece of land. In fact, we are only waiting for the green light from the director of Cornerstone, as the money is located in a Cornerstone account. At the moment, he is in Arusha, Tanzania. He will be back next Wednesday, so it is our hope to finalize our purchase at that time. Then we will be fundraising like crazy to build some homes for the ladies to live in. As this property is about 30 minutes outside of Kampala, some of the ladies who have employment in the city may wish to find a room to rent in town. We will do the best we can to help each of them find a place they can afford. Please keep us in your prayers!

Another HUGE prayer was answered this week—Jane was able to find some TB medication to hold her over until the new shipment arrives. Last week, all the hospitals ran out of TB medication…many pharmacies as well. In fact, we looked every day for almost 2 weeks for this medication. This medication is supposed to be given free of charge, but some unscrupulous people have been selling it to patients instead. We had to buy this medicine, but we had to have it. TB treatment is very regimented and if you miss one day, you have to begin the 8-month treatment again, so we were thrilled to have found this medication. Now we are praying a new shipment arrives soon!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 3 women this week. Jane received money for the purchase of her TB drugs and Rosemary & Joyce received money for housing and feeding, and medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled one order; which totaled 590 beaded necklaces from some recent visitors. We were able to pay 47 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. An American missionary living here in Uganda is putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: The Ugandan School year is coming to a close in August. At that time many students will be back home with their mothers/guardians for the holiday break. Many of these children would not be schooling at all if it weren’t for your generosity. We do still have children of these widows who are unable to attend school, so if you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are very close to finalizing a purchase. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Conquerors

2008-07-07T15:36:00.000+03:00

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

The battle seems fierce this week. Everything that seemed peaceful now seems chaotic. Everything that seemed safe is now full of uncertainty. Relationships that seemed solid as an oak now seem to be planted in shifting sand. The forces of evil are raging war all around me and it is exhausting. And to make matters worse, I am not handling it well. Fear and worry have whispered in my ear and I have listened to them. As the battle rages around me, I feel more like a coward then a conqueror.

Many of the ladies live in the Nanguru and Nakawa Housing Estates located just outside the city center of Kampala. Recently, the government authorized the sale of these estates and gave all the residents until July 12th to vacate their homes. Many of the women have nowhere else to go and cannot afford to rent even a small one-room home in town. We have been actively looking for land for the ladies to settle on, but have not yet been successful for various reasons. This week, I have felt so angry at so many people…the government, the new owners of the land, the brokers who have not yet found a good land for us, at God for being so slow in this process and at myself. I raised money for this land a year ago and have failed to find anything. The other day, I was talking with a group of the widows about my anger and frustration. I was admittedly throwing a temper tantrum. I was getting so worked up…throwing insults, shaking my fists, raising my voice. Suddenly, I felt one the woman put her hand on my shoulder. I stopped my tantrum momentarily to look at her. She cocked her head to one side smiled and said, “Kari, the Lord took care of us before we lived in these estates and will take care of us long after we are chased out. We don’t need to worry, we need to pray.” At that instant I felt so shamed at my decision to cling to fear and to lead others into fear’s grasp. “You’re right, “ I whispered back to her.

At Thursday’s widow’s meeting, I greeted Jostine as she approached the group. She was forcing a smile, but I could sense that something was disturbing her. “Are you okay?” I asked as she came up to greet me. “I am overwhelmed with thoughts. I feel I can’t think straight, but with God’s help I will manage,” she replied. With all the other ladies arriving and so much to discuss in the meeting, our conversation was interrupted. As the meeting was ending, she asked if she could share a prayer request with the group. She stood in front of the group looked down and then began talking, “I am taking care of my brother’s children as he was paralyzed in an accident several years ago. One of his boys is 10 years old. That boy went with friends to watch a nearby rugby match. As he was crossing the road, a motor car hit him killing him instantly.” The whole group gasped and began to murmur, “Oh Lord Jesus, Oh Lord Jesus.” Jostine told us that the man who hit the boy refused to give them even one coin towards the burial of the boy. So in the last week, she borrowed money from every relative and friend she has to get his body to Apach for burial. They hired a car to take his body, but it was too small to fit the paralyzed father as well, so the father was unable to attend the funeral. Her voice trembled when she explained why the boy’s father could not attend the funeral of his young son. Then the very day she got back from the funeral, she received a call from the headmaster at her child’s school saying that he was extremely sick. She went to get the boy from school only to find him vomiting and shaking with fever. He had not eaten anything in several days. She thought it might be malaria, but had no money left to treat him. “Ladies,” she said, “only God can help me now.” As she sat down, the other women began to comfort her. They prayed for her, for her brother and for her sick child. I prayed for her too. Then I gave her some money from our emergency fund to help treat the boy and cover some of the costs of the burial. I left that meeting wondering why such tragedy has to happen to people already so beaten down. I come to that same place where I shake my fists at God and accuse him of being the absent father…the negligent husband. Why can’t he take care of them? Then, when I am done accusing him of his absence, he whispers in my ear, “My dear, I’m not absent…I sent you.”

I got a call from Lovincer on Thursday asking for some help with her daughter. Her 8 year old was violently sick with malaria. Her fever was very high and she had been vomiting all night. I got dressed quickly and met her early in the morning to give her some money for treatment. As we talked, she told me that her employer had not been happy that her child was sick, so she wanted to take the child to work with her. I advised her against it, but she felt certain that that her employer would not allow her to miss one more day of work.

Her employers are an American missionary couple who just moved to Uganda in order to “love the poor and the oppressed.” They had met me one day at the Cornerstone office and had asked to employ one of the widows in the group as their housemaid. They said that they really wanted to bless someone who needed it. I was delighted and immediately introduced them to Lovincer. She was honest and upfront about her HIV status telling them that she had lived positive now for 6 years. She also told them that she was the mother of 6 children all under the age of 14. The missionary couple hired her on the spot. Lovincer was overjoyed and took her new employment very seriously.

About 3 weeks after they hired her Lovincer fell sick with the flu. She was worried about missing work, but her employers assured her that her job was secure. After a couple trips to the hospital, she regained her strength 10 days later. Again, she worked diligently for this couple and their children. This month two of her children have come down with serious cases of malaria causing her to miss work in order to take care of them. This last Thursday, she felt particularly bad about missing work again for her sick little girl. So, she brought the child to work. She cleaned their home, did all their ironing, washed all their clothes while she tried to also nurse her sick child. It was not easy. Then at the end of the work day, the missionary couple asked to meet with her.

She sat down with them and was completely taken by surprise when they told her that they were not happy with the amount of days she had missed recently due to the illnesses of her sick children. They felt her absence this month had hindered the amount of ministry they were able to accomplish. So, they gave her some money and sent her home. They fired her. She called me sobbing. It was hard to even understand her at times. Over and over again, she said, “How can fellow Christians do this to me?” Her heart was broken. She had worked hard for them; her only fault had been caring for her sick children. The missionaries also called telling me that her inconsistency this month kept them from doing what they wanted to do...kept them from their “ministry to the poor.” Apparently, you need a clean house every day in order to do ministry to the poor. I was furious, actually furious seems like too timid a word to describe how I felt. How could they get rid of her just because her children had been sick? Without a job how will she feed her kids? Treat them when they are sick? Pay house rent? This woman is “the poor” that they “came to serve” and yet they had no compassion for her. It made me sick to my stomach. I was livid. They are living in a gated community in the wealthiest part of the city and yet they wouldn’t even provide lunch for her during her work day. How could these people not feed an HIV positive woman? She worked 8 hours a day with no food! All of a sudden I couldn’t see straight and I think steam was actually coming out of my ears.

I called Lovincer early Saturday morning ready to demean this missionary couple with every ounce of energy I had. I wanted to curse them, but when I tried to talk to Lovincer about it. She simply said, “The life of a widow is not easy. I hope God helps them see the pain us women go through. We just have to let God speak to them.” I stayed quiet on the other end of the phone and shook my head. I wasn’t ready to play nice with them and offer them grace. Finally, when I talked to her on Sunday, she was calmly telling me that God’s plans are always good and that he would take care of her. I was calm enough to agree with her. I know God has good things for those he loves and I know he loves Lovincer, but I am still struggling to have grace for the missionaries. I am struggling to forgive them for the callous decision they made. I am struggling to understand how they can preach God’s love in one breath and fire Lovincer in the next. As I sat fuming about all that had happened, a whisp of a memory came floating through my mind. I remembered the first time I met my friend Jane. Her body was riddled with HIV and TB and she had not eaten in two days. I was asked to give out of my resources to help her and I gave very little. It was one of the most shameful moments of my life. I think God allowed that memory to enter my consciousness to remind me that I have not always loved well. My heart is still angry with them, but the light of forgiveness and grace is starting to soften my angry heart.

As I look back over this last week, I have never felt so full of failure. I have been angry, frustrated, irritated and despaired. I have felt the full weight of my humanness and have forgotten that I am God’s beloved conqueror. Yet, even in the battle, even despite my bad choices, the Lord still loves me and calls me a conqueror. He still teaches me about himself. He still provides me with an opportunity to say NO to all the evil and despair in my circumstances and in my own heart. The battle has indeed been fierce this week for myself and the ladies, but the love God has for us will conquer whatever evil the demons of hell throw our way. In the end, God will provide for the women he loves and love will indeed conquer all.

Update on the Widows: (www.dorcaswidows.org)

A BIG THANK YOU to Wendy, Marsha, Holly, Casey and Sarah for providing the widows with new chemically treated mosquito nets and reading glasses. Wendy, her mother and her friends came to Kampala from Minneapolis to encourage the Dorcas Widows Group and believe me they did! Wendy was able to get two grants to buy each widow a new top of the line mosquito net. She organized a “Net Party” for the women which was such a blessing for the them. They even did a very informative and might I say hilarious skit explaining how to best use the nets. After the skit, all the women were chanting, “No More Malaria, no more malaria!” The women truly loved having them around and showered them with gifts and affection at a goodbye party they arranged for them. Love was in the air! They also bought many beaded necklaces from the women which gave them some much needed income. Wendy’s family and friends have been a great support to our ministry and I just wanted to publicly thank them for their kind tender hearts! We love you!

We are waiting to hear from the lawyers this week concerning the land we are looking to purchase. If the land title is valid, we will begin the bargaining process this week. Currently, the ladies are expected to leave their homes by next weekend, so unless the government intervenes…there will be mass chaos next week. It is possible that they date will be extended as the IGG (top legal office in Uganda) is accusing the Land developers of misleading the parliament and the president. Originally, the developers promised to build low income housing for the residents to move to before removing them from their homes, but have failed to do so therefore it is possible that the parliament may force them to keep their word. Only God know!! Keep praying for this situation…it is only God who can help them now!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 3 women this week. Jostine’s family received money for burial and Rosemary & Lovincer received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled one order; which totaled 150 beaded necklaces from some recent visitors. We were able to pay 36 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. An American boy visiting Uganda is putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: A new school term just began and through our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3to 5 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Innocence Lost

2008-06-15T17:10:00.001+03:00

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68: 5-6

Joyce grew up in the quiet peacefulness of village life. She loved her parents and they loved her taking god care of her. She learned to cook traditional Acholi food from her mother. Her mother was known as a great cook and neighbors loved to come to their home to eat her delicious food. When the whole village gathered she learned to dance their traditional dances. Her childhood was filled with love, laughter and joy. Her mother and father loved each other and she hoped to have a marriage as strong and loving as theirs someday.

One of her chores was to fetch water from the nearby well. It was a physically demanding task, but one she loved because the cutest boy she had ever seen was always on the road at the same time. To her great delight, he spoke to her and over time struck up a friendship with her. Quickly, Paul became her best friend and her heart would skip a best every time she saw him coming toward her. She found herself laughing at all his jokes and blushing every time he called her beautiful. Throughout secondary school, their childhood crush developed into true love. She truly loved him and he truly loved her.

One day she found her mother and father digging in the garden and decided to confess the love she had for Paul. Of course, her mother and father already knew how much her heart loved him. They had been watching them develop their friendship and love from afar all these years. Her mother and father liked Paul and his family and were willing to support their marriage to Joyce’s great delight. Joyce had found true love and it was breathtaking and filled her heart in a way she never had thought possible. She was sure that their life together would be full of love and joy just like her parents.

A few weeks before the wedding, her mother asked her to take a walk through their gardens. As they walked her mother told her all the things she liked about Paul and his family. Joyce was so delighted to hear her mother praise Paul and his family. She felt so proud that he had chosen her. Then as they reached the far end of their property, her mother stopped and turned to face her. “There is just one thing about Paul that causes me great worry…” her mother began. Joyce couldn’t believe her ears. How could there be anything about Paul that was less than honorable? She gave her mother a surprised and somewhat angry look. “He said that he wants to join the army and be a soldier. That could mean a lot of heartache for you. He could be gone for long periods of time. He could be killed in battle. The rebels are gaining strength and violence seems to be headed our way. Marrying him could be a very hard life, my dear.” Joyce was disgusted with her mother for even suggesting that Joyce was making a mistake in marrying him. She shouted at her mother telling her how wrong she was then ran off. “ How dare she say something like that? Didn’t she see how much they loved each other? How devoted Paul was to her? After all Paul wanted to provide for her…to build her a house and take care of their future children, so he had to have a good job. She decided that her mother was just being overprotective.”

Their wedding was so fun. She and Paul were so close. It seemed like they couldn’t get enough of each other. She knew she had made the right decision. He was the love of her life. She had never been with any other man but him. As his new wife, she was devoted to him. She organized their homestead, cooked food for their relatives and neighbors just like her mother had done, and encouraged his dreams. He trained hard to become a soldier in the Ugandan army and performed well in his duties. Then she became pregnant and they were both elated. Several months later she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Life was so good.

Then like a bad omen to come, the LRA rebels attacked a neighboring village a few months later. The fighting had now become intense and her husband was called to active duty. Every day he was gone she prayed for his safety…prayed he would come back to her healthy and whole. He came back when he could, but it was only for a day or two. Then came the day when he left and told her he may not be back for several months. He felt strongly that they had to fight these rebels. He had to protect her and his new daughter by beating this rebel army once and for all. She cried for days after he left. Her heart could barely stand the separation from him, but she had to be strong for their daughter.

In just a few short months, life became a terrifying game of hide and seek. The rebels came into her village on numerous occasions killing her neighbors. Each time she heard people screaming, she picked up her daughter and ran into the bush and hid until all seemed quiet again. Her nerves were raw and she missed Paul. She needed him; she needed his protection…his reassurance that they would live through this nightmare. Then one day tragedy came to her family. The rebels attacked her mother and father’s compound killing two of her brother’s and their wives. When the news reached her, she collapsed under the weight of the grief. When will this madness end?

Paul came back for the burial of her family members and she clung to him. She was devastated and terrified that she and her daughter could end up in the ground next to them. The stress of wondering whether you were next victim of rebel violence as well as trying to live this nightmare without her husband made her weak. Paul held her and comforted her. When he was with her, it took the edge off the intense pain she felt most of the time. But, he only stayed for few days and then left to rejoin his unit. It was unbearable to watch him leave. Joyce was now responsible for all of her brothers and sisters children. Now instead of taking care of herself and her daughter, she was taking care of 8 more children. How would she feed them? How would she keep them safe? How would she do this without Paul?

As the war dragged on, she learned to live without the love she had once swam in. Paul came home once or twice a year and only stayed for a couple days. When he was home, he was distant, never mean or rude, just mentally somewhere else. Still, Joyce prayed for the day when the war would be over and they could rebuild their lives and reclaim the love they once had. She still had childlike faith in God’s power to end the violence and to give her back all the years they had lost.

Several months later, tragedy struck again this time at Paul’s family compound. His parents had been slaughtered by rebel machetes. Joyce was there just minutes after it happened. It was horrific. She felt as if she might vomit and never stop, but she managed to pull their bodies to the side of the compound. Other family members began to prepare them for burial. The cries of grief seemed to never end…sometimes they were quiet cries…sometimes they were loud shrieks. Paul came back from the fighting to bury his parents and he seemed so heartbroken. He was so thin and the war had taken every emotion from his face. He seemed like the walking dead. Joyce tried to comfort him as he had comforted her, but he wouldn’t be comforted.

After his parent’s death, he refused to go back to his unit. He had had enough of war for one lifetime and he had been sick since he had arrived home. Joyce was glad he wasn’t going back. Finally, she would have her husband back. It would now be their love for each other that would bring him back emotionally. It was the first thing in years that felt right. Not too long after he arrived home, the army came looking for him. They accused him of deserting his post and put him in the local jail. Joyce went and pleaded with the commanding officer to please allow her husband to come home. She explained that he had been sick and she was caring for him. The commander told her to come back the next day for his decision.

She prayed that she would gain favor with him and that he would release Paul. War had stolen enough time, love and joy from them. It was time now to rebuild their lives. As she reached the army barracks where Paul was being held, the commander asked to see her. Their meeting was very brief. “You can take him home. He tested positive for HIV.” Suddenly, she felt dizzy…maybe she hadn’t heard him right. “What?” Joyce asked him again. “He has AIDS. He is of no use to us now. He is going to die.” Joyce felt like she couldn’t breathe. How could this be happening?

As she approached her husband’s cell, she saw him with new eyes. He was just skin draped on a skeleton. His eyes were red and he had terrible vomiting and diarrhea. Her mind couldn’t take it all in…my husband, the love of my life, has AIDS. But how? Slowly, her mind realized that the man she loved more than any other had slept with someone else. Due to the war, she had little emotional reserve and this pushed her over the edge. She started crying and couldn’t stop. Instead of taking him home, she ran to the clinic. While she cried they drew her blood and 20 minutes later told her that she too was HIV positive. At that point she collapsed. It was just all too much too bear. When she awoke, she went back home to the children, put on a brave face and cooked dinner. When they were all in bed, she prayed through intense sobs. She asked God why he had allowed this disease to enter her body. She kept telling God that she was innocent. ‘I have never slept with another man. I am faithful to my husband. I love you Jesus and worship you, so why, Lord, why?”

The next day, she returned to the barracks to see Paul. Her hands were shaking and she felt like she couldn’t breathe, still she knew she needed to talk to him. When she entered his cell, she found only a shell of the man she had once loved. He was dying and now she could really see it. She looked at him and felt such intense rage. He had cheated on her with another woman or maybe with many other women. He had betrayed her in the deepest place. She could barely look at him. Her heart now felt shattered into a million pieces. Yet, some part of her fractured heart still loved him. He had been her only love…her true love from childhood. How could she have been so stupid? How had she not known that he was sleeping with another? She stood silent before him staring at the ground. She thought for a long time before, she managed to say, “They say you have AIDS and that you are going to die.” Paul labored to nod his head. Then Joyce gathered her strength and said; “Now you have killed me too.” Paul looked up at her and then down at his hands. His lower lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears as he choked out, “I’m sorry…. so sorry.” At that Joyce turned and left him. She just couldn’t take him home, not yet.

It was only a few days later that a soldier arrived at her doorstep to tell her that Paul was dead. Even with the rage she felt toward him, she still wept bitterly. There was a time when they loved each other and that love was real and beautiful. Even though he had betrayed her and given her a deadly disease, she still missed him. He had always been her best friend. Those next few days were not easy. She buried her husband and her brother-in-law chased her away from her home. He had always wanted his brother’s property, so she left with nothing but the clothes on her back and the 9 children she was caring for.

“So, that is how I came to Kampala,” Joyce explained to me over tea one Monday afternoon. “I really loved my husband and I was so innocent,” she began to cry as she said, “now I am going to die. It is a daily constant reminder that my husband cheated on me. That he didn’t love me like I loved him.” Even 10 years after the death of her husband, Joyce is still reduced to sobs. I sat there stunned with tears in my eyes too. I rubbed her back as she said again, “AIDS is going to kill me.” My throat felt tight and tears were streaming down my face as I said, “yes, yes, it will.” I just couldn’t say anymore, so I sat there and held her.

Suddenly, she said, “But do you know who has never betrayed me, who has always loved me and kept me alive these last 10 years? It is God. When my husband died, I decided to become Jesus’ wife, to know him and love him and you know what? I am still alive, I have a place to shelter these children and most days I have food to eat. He has never left me or betrayed me.” I nodded my head as I rubbed her back. “For so many years, I have been so lonely. But now, God has given me your friendship and the love of your family. I asked God to give me a friend, someone who I could share my pain with and now God has given me…you. I just wanted you to know that you are a blessing to me and I love you.” I held her tight and cried with her. “I love you too. God has given you to me and I am so grateful.”

It was a tender honest moment between friends—no big words—no big theology…Just someone who was caught in a nightmare sharing about the God who rescued her.

Update on the widows: (www.dorcaswidows.org/)

This has been a hard week for us as a group. One of our members, Hellen Okello, died. She was a warm, compassionate lady who deeply loved her children. She left behind 6 children and 3 total orphans. Her 3 youngest children are finishing senior high school and the 3 orphans she was caring for are quite young. They are in nursery and Primary school. I sat with the family on Monday grieving with them and praying with them. We were able to give them some emergency money for the funeral. Many other widows from our group came to support this family.

The second hardship this week involves the land the widows are currently living on. That land was purchased by Qudaffi (spelling?) in order to build an Islamic University. Next Tuesday, President Musevini, is coming to put down the official boundary stones for the new university. Police came last week to put some boundary markers and were stoned by the local residents of that place. It was quite a fight, so I am sure more military and police will be there next week. Once the boundary stones are in place, the ladies as well as all other “squatters” must vacate the land ASAP. I have been praying like crazy for two things: 1) NO VIOLENCE & 2) for a land of our own!! I have looked at 5 pieces of land this week. I liked two of them, so now we are looking for documentation…land titles, proof of ownership, etc… Please pray. I have been very upset over this issue and I have no idea where ladies, like Joyce in the blog above, will go. It is a scary time for us, but one where God has to be big.

Emergency fund: I was able to help 2 women this week. Hellen’s family received money for burial and Joyce received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 200 beaded necklaces from some recent visitors. We were able to pay 36 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Some current American visitors in Uganda are putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: A new school term just began and through our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

What Do You Do Every Day?

2008-06-03T15:56:00.000+03:00

I get asked this question often. Friends, family, followers of my blog want to know what my life in Uganda is really like. When do I get up? When do I go to bed? Do I have a schedule? How often do I see the widows? Is it a 9 to 5 thing? Do I have free time? Do I ever feel overwhelmed? Am I happy? Is it hard to move around the city? How do I find out if a widow is sick? What do I do about it if she is? Do I ever get tired of being here? Do I miss the US?

So, I thought I would break from my usual storytelling, to answer some of these questions. It is my hope that people see how simple and easy my life here really is. I’m not a superstar humanitarian. I’m not a holier than thou Christian. I’m certainly not “suffering for Jesus.” I’m just living life with people I have come to know and love while I try to follow the teachings of Jesus. My life is really that simple. I kept a diary of sorts last week. Every day, I tried to keep track of what I did or how I felt. Read the whole week at once if you want or read it a day at a time. I just thought some of you might be interested in what living here and loving the widows is like. Enjoy!

Monday:
I woke up late today, not for any particular reason other than my bed just felt so comfortable. At about 9:30 am, I finally put the kettle on the stove to heat some water for tea. I ate breakfast, took my daily anti-Malaria medication, showered and then left the house by 10:45. Transportation here is incredibly convenient. I picked up a taxi (small bus) right outside my door and was in town 20 minutes later. After getting out of the taxi, I walked 10 minutes to the Cornerstone office. Every Monday, the Cornerstone staff meets for a couple of hours to sing worship songs, study the Bible and report how the current programs/ministries are going. This Monday, Pastoore shared several scriptures about the peace of God. He asked us the think about how we can be peacemakers in our every day lives and in our ministries. I was thinking that peace can’t exist without love. Somehow we have to accept and practice God’s love before we can experience true peace. I let that thought linger in my mind for a while. Near the end of the meeting, Joyce (a widow who works at Cornerstone—my partner in ministry) and I shared about what was happening with Dorcas Widows. We were excited to report that a giant order for beaded necklaces had just come in and that two of the ladies had found employment in the last two weeks.

After the meeting was over, I had lunch with Joyce and Isaac. During lunch I received a call from Jane, an HIV positive widow currently being treated for TB. Her voice was weak. She told me she was sick. She had been vomiting all night and was shaking with fever. Her whole body ached. I asked her if anyone was there with her. She told me that Joyce Anywar, her best friend, was taking care of her. I told her that I would be praying for her and that I would come see her tomorrow. I then went with my friend Isaac to his office. Isaac had been visiting Cornerstone, but works with Shelter for Life. I jumped at the chance to use a fast wireless connection for FREE! I spent all afternoon working in his office returning email, writing up a current financial report and just having fun surfing the Internet. During the afternoon, my phone rang..it was Rosemary, another widow suffering from diabetes and caring for 19 children. Our ministry was able to find a place for one of the orphans to study in Lira free of charge, so I told her that I would come see her tomorrow to arrange things. When the office was closing, Isaac asked if I wanted to join him and his friends for some Cuban food in the city. I jumped at the chance…I just love spicy food and fun conversation. We laughed and talked until almost 10:00. Then he drove me home. I was tired so I went to bed.

Tuesday:

I woke up around 9am fully rested and still thinking about what a good time I had the night before. As I ate breakfast, I prayed for Jane. Jane has become such a good friend of mine that it is hard to accept how sick she is sometimes. I just kept asking God to heal her. My roommate was home, so I spent some time talking with her. I cleaned my room and organized my things for the day. Then I showered and left the house by 11:00. I took a different taxi bus to another part of town, so I could see Rosemary. She lives by the Nakawa market, one of the biggest open-air markets in Kampala. The conductor on the taxi bus was trying to overcharge people, so the taxi stopped while some passengers and the conductor argued with each other. Finally the passengers telephoned the police to report this thieving conductor. It wasn’t scary. I was never in danger, but I was annoyed. The conductor was blatantly trying to steal money from us and everybody knew it. The police never did come, but we staged a protest of sorts and finally the man backed down. Needless to say, I was late meeting Rosemary; but the great thing about being here is that time is somewhat relative. Being late is not a sign of disrespect, but something that just happens…you often can’t control it when it does.

As I approached Rosemary, she was smiling from ear to ear. We embraced each other and I proceeded to tell her about the naughty conductor. We both just laughed and shook our heads. Then we walked back into the “quarters,” a shantytown of shacks where many of the women live. White people there are very rare, so I felt every eye on me. I am never quite comfortable with that kind of attention, but I have learned to deal with it. I have learned that I never want to be famous. We greeted some of the other widows and then finally settled ourselves on a straw mat just outside her home. Her cousin Lucy had come to spend time with me as well. She sent one of her children to go get me a soda as lunch was cooking. We talked about the plan to move the orphan girl she was caring for to Lira, so she could stay in the Youth Core Home and go back to school. The girl was elated. Rosemary told me how hard feeding these children had become. She had taken in 6 more street children in the last year. She told me that she just couldn’t turn them away. In fact she has become known as the “mama” that will feed you if you have nothing. She told me that she waters down the soup and asks each kid to always leave something in the pot in case someone comes later. She is running her own soup kitchen for street children out of her 2 room run down concrete home. I listened and was amazed. “God’s given me the love for children, so what can I do?” she said. I gave her some money from our emergency fund, hoping that would help with feeding for a few days. We then ate lunch together and really talked about our lives. She told me that she was “the walking dead,” when Jesus found her. She began drinking heavily when her husband died just to numb the pain. But somehow in the midst of her deep grief Jesus found her. She stopped drinking and has been taking care of her own children and orphans ever since. I then told her about the deepest pain in my own life and how Jesus had come into it. How he had given me value and a purpose. Hours went by and it felt like just a few minutes. In the midst of our conversation, Jane’s brother called to say that she had been admitted into the hospital and was on an IV. She was very weak and needed prayer. Rosemary and I prayed for her asking God for a miracle of healing. Somehow when I pray with these women, I really believe that miracles are possible.

At about 4:00 I left Rosemary’s house and walked about 10 minutes to Logogo Baptist church to meet with the “Tuesday” group. The widows split their group into two, so that people had a choice of when and where to meet. These 15 ladies meet on Tuesdays from 5:00-7:00. We meet and roll paper beads together while we talk about our lives. Then we sing praises to Jesus and pray for each other. As the women came to the meeting one by one, I ran to each of them, hugged them and told them the great news—the group had received an order for 250 beaded necklaces! As each of the women heard the news, they screamed, laughed and began singing and dancing. It was a moment of spontaneous joy. It was so beautiful. Instead of sitting right away to make the beads, we decided to sing praise songs to Jesus in Luo while doing traditional Acholi dancing. It was so fun!!!! Just like a child I stood behind them and tried to move my body just like them. I laughed at how awkward I am sure I looked, but I was also just caught up in the joy of the moment. They loved watching me dance…I think because I am sure it looked funny, but also because we were celebrating God’s goodness together. It felt like heaven on earth…for a moment all that existed was joy, love and peace. It was an amazing, beautiful experience. We didn’t make any beads that night, but it was a party I will never forget.

As it got dark, we prayed with each other. Then set out into the night to catch a taxi bus for home. When I got home, I was still grinning with excitement. I made spaghetti for my roommate and I. We ate dinner while we watched our favorite Mexican soap opera, dubbed in English of course. It is one of those mindless things I love to do before I go to bed.

Wednesday:

I woke up at 7am to my phone ringing. I picked it up and mumbled a garbled hello. It was the American woman who had hired Lovincer. She told me that she hadn’t heard from Lovincer in a couple days and that she had not come into work. Shelia was worried about her. All of a sudden I was fully awake. “ Let me call her and then I will call you back.” I immediately called Lovincer. It rang several times before I heard her frail voice pick up the phone. I greeted her and then asked her if she was okay. Lovincer’s voice was barely audible. She had been vomiting all night, was weak and had a high fever. “The devil is a liar. The devil is a liar,” she said several times. I asked her what he was lying about. She told me that she was being tormented by this feeling that she would now loose her job. I told her that the devil was in fact lying to her and that I had just spoken to Shelia. “Your job is secure, so let that worry leave you.” I then asked her if anyone was there taking care of her. She told me that her 15-year-old daughter was staying home from school to care for her. She had gone to the clinic the day before to get malaria treatment hoping that would help her get better. She told me that she was going to wait and see if the medicine would help her. I told her that I would pray for her healing and come to visit her soon. Being now fully awake, I ate breakfast, showered and got ready for the day.

I went into the Cornerstone Office to greet 5 people who had just arrived the night before from my home church. They have all been supporters of the Dorcas Widows Ministry, so I wanted to welcome them. I met with them for about 2 hours, explaining how our ministry operated and about the condition of the women themselves. They wanted to visit some of the ladies, so I called Ruth, the widow in charge of the Thursday group. She then set up some home visits for us to do the following day.

After meeting with the visitors, I called Jane to see how she was feeling. She could barely speak and was still being treated in the hospital. I tried my best to encourage her and to tell her how great God is, but truthfully, I am always a little scared when she is sick. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I am just scared that one day she won’t get better and she will die. It makes my stomach ache. She thought she would be released tomorrow, so I committed myself to seeing her the next day. I also called Lovincer later in the afternoon and she didn’t sound any better. These women had gotten so sick so fast.

I met a friend in town for dinner, as I just needed to talk about everything that was happening. I needed to vent my frustration at a disease that just won’t be tamed. At a situation that sometimes seems hopeless, even when good things happen…like the bead orders…it won’t stop AIDS from killing them. I do this often. I go out with my friends and just talk it all out. Sometimes I am hopeful in a God who can do anything. Sometimes I am so weary…so tired of the pain. Sometimes I am angry…not sure at what or who, but I’m angry. I just let those feelings come and when I need to I talk about it, I ask a friend to have dinner with me. It helps release some of it, so I can stay emotionally healthy. As I sat on the taxi bus heading toward home, I got a call from Jane’s best friend, Joyce. Thieves in the market had attacked Joyce and had stolen all of her money. She was shaken and so disappointed to have lost all her income. I tried to encourage her, but all I could say was, “Oh, Jesus.” I went straight to bed when I got home.

Thursday:

I got up late, as two neighborhood dogs had spent a better part of the night fighting, growling and generally making it impossible to sleep. I think I finally had breakfast at 10:30. I spent some time praying for Jane and Lovincer. I couldn’t stop thinking about them. I hoped that they would be better by the time I saw them. Before I left the house, Lovincer called and told me that she was still vomiting and feverish. I told her that she should go immediately to the hospital. She asked if I could find a vehicle to take her. I called several people, but couldn’t find anyone available to pick her up. By the time I called back, her daughter had already taken her to the road to pick a public taxi. I felt so awful that I couldn’t find a ride for her. I couldn’t even imagine how horrible she felt and how awful it would feel to be crammed inside a public taxi. I really felt terrible. I felt like a failure. Just one simple thing and I couldn’t do it. She had come to care for me when I was sick and now I couldn’t do the one thing she had asked from me.

I left the house and headed into town to meet the visitors. We left Cornerstone at about 2pm to visit some of the widows. We went to see Alice first. Complications with HIV have made Alice blind and virtually incapable of caring for herself. She now totally depends on relatives to take care of her. Her skin has sores developing all over her arms and legs. She used to be a primary school teacher, but now is confined to her home. The visitors spent time praying with her; which really encouraged her. Then we went to visit Helen. Helen is living in a condemned public bath house with 6 of her grandchildren and one of her daughters who is HIV positive. She sells greens in the market and makes beads to survive. She is one of the ladies benefiting from the sale of the beaded necklaces. She gave each of the visitors a bracelet as a welcoming gift. We prayed and blessed her asking Jesus to create a home, a real home for her. Then we went to Jane’s home. I walked so fast, I practically ran. When I got there, I didn’t wait for the visitors, I just entered and knelt beside Jane’s bed. Her friend Joyce was already there sleeping on the mat beside her bed. I reached out and held Jane’s hand. “How are you feeling?” She opened her eyes and said weakly, “ a little bit better. I have stopped vomiting and have no fever.” “God is going to heal you. He is.” I answered her. Then the visitors came and talked with her for a short time and then prayed for her. After the visitors left the house, I stayed for a few minutes longer just to hold her hand and tell her that I love her. Then I went to Joyce’s house where she told us how the thieves had attacked her. My eyes filled with tears…Joyce is my friend. It just hurts sometimes. We prayed for her and then left for the Widow’s meeting at St. Peter’s church.

As we approached the church, the women had gathered with their beads. I bought the latest order then was so excited to tell them that we had another order for 250 more beaded necklaces. The women began to stand and cheer. Just like on Tuesday night, they began to sing, dance and thank Jesus. All of a sudden, all the sorrow of the day had turned to laughter. God had brought a blessing. We spent the rest of our group time together singing, dancing and laughing. I thought of the verse that says, “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” I looked at these HIV positive women dancing…they looked so strong. I think it was the joy that made them look so powerful.

After a long day, I went home ate dinner and then called Lovincer. She had been at the hospital receiving treatment, but was now being released. I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. “I will come see you tomorrow. I do love you!” I said promising to come see her tomorrow. Then I went to bed.

Friday:

Again I got up late, one of these days I am going to have to admit that I am not a morning person. I spent a relaxing morning at home and then headed into town to meet the Joyce, my partner at Cornerstone. We both wanted to visit Lovincer together. After eating lunch, we took a boda (back of a motorcycle) to her home. Lovincer stays in a one room mud structure just big enough for a twin bed and one wooden bench. When we got to her home, she was asleep on the bed and all the children were home from school. They woke her up…I felt bad about that, but I knew she wanted to see us. We entered the little room and sat on the bench next to her bed. She told us that the vomiting had stopped and the fever had left her which was music to my ears. She sat up and we began to talk. When the children left the room, she said that they were too afraid to go to school for fear that she would die when they were gone. They had stayed up most of the night kneeling beside her bed praying for her. She asked if we could help talk to her children and assure them that she would be all right. We called the children and hugged them and did our level best to assure them that their mom was not going to die. I assured Lovincer again that her job was secure which I could tell greatly relieved her. Before we left, we prayed with her and called down healing for her. I am just so tired of sickness, but I never tire of watching God heal.

After leaving Lovincer’s we decided to visit one of Joyce’s friends who had recently given birth to a stillborn child. It took about 1 and a half hours to get to her place. We both had no idea that it would be so far out of town, but once we committed to go…we were going to go. When we finally did arrive, I am glad we were there. Joyce and I listened to the pain of loss of this wife and mother. Joyce loved her and shared her own experience of a stillborn birth with her. The feelings shared were honest, real and painful, but God’s comfort also seemed to be there. We prayed for her and played with her daughter. By the time we left, the woman felt loved, not yet through the pain, but loved. Then we traveled the long bus ride back. I was so exhausted when I came home. I ate dinner late, watched again my Mexican soap opera and then slept.

Saturday:

I love Saturdays. Everything seems relaxed on Saturdays. In the late morning, my roommate and I sat at the kitchen table and made a grocery list. Then we cooked lunch at home….rice and vegetables. Then we took the taxi into town. Capital Shoppers, a supermarket in the middle of town, has the best prices so we head there once a week to get all the staples….rice, cookies (for me cookies are a staple), meat, noodles, cleaning supplies. Then we shop for vegetables at the open air market. On our way home, neither one of us felt like cooking, so we picked up some take out. We came home, ate and then watched at movie on my computer. My best friend’s kids also had a birthday party in the States, so I called and joined the party by phone. It was so fun to be a part of the festivities from afar. After speaking to them I watched another movie on the computer and then went to bed. Ahhh Sabbath rest…..

Sunday:

I woke up fairly early, at least before 8:30 because I need desperately to do laundry. I quickly ate breakfast, then proceeded to fill up 3 basins with water. One I fill with detergent and the others I use to rinse the clothes. All washing is done by hand and I am happy to say that I have gotten really good at it. It only took about an hour to wash all my clothes and put them on the line to dry. Of course, every time I do wash it rains…always! Today was no exception, so the clothes finished drying on the backs of the furniture in the house. Oh well!

After washing the clothes, I showered, got dressed and left to see Joyce and Jane. Instead of going to church, I just wanted to see how they were doing. When I got to Joyce’s house, we sat in the sitting room and had tea. She was overjoyed because the sponsor of 4 of her children had called her from the US. She felt so incredibly encouraged by her love and support. It has been so fun for me to watch these relationships develop between my American friends and my African friends. We talked about so many things. It is always easy with her. We are truly friends. As we were about to leave to visit Jane, Joyce pulled some papers out for me to look at. They were reports from the hospital. Her CD4 count was in the danger zone. It seemed the medicine was not controlling the HIV in her body. “What does this mean?” I asked. The doctor told her that her body was not responding to the drugs she was taking. He wanted her to go in for an expensive test so he could find out what was happening inside her to readjust her medicine. I knew she couldn’t afford the test, so I took some of the emergency money and gave it to her. “Go take the tests.” She just hugged me with tears in her eyes. As I hugged her, my eyes filled with tears too. I don’t want her to die…not for a long time.

Then we walked to Jane’s home. When I entered, she was eating lunch with her brother. I jumped up and down. “Wow, you look great!!” Her eyes were sparkling and she had enough strength to stand. She was smiling from ear to ear. I was so happy!! Then her brother served us food and we ate with them. I sat there for hours just talking and laughing. I always have so much fun with them. Finally, the sun began to go down, so I knew I should start heading home. Joyce walked me back through the market to the taxi stage. I hugged her goodbye and headed home.

When I reached home, I started to prepare dinner with my roommate. My parents called later and I got all the latest news from home. Of course, we watched our Mexican soap opera and then we went to bed.

Widows Update:

New web site: www.dorcaswidows.org/

A terrible flu is spreading through our widows community, so please be praying for our continued health. Both Jane and Lovincer are now well! Praise the Lord! My relationships with the women are deepening and I now really have true friends. This truly is a ministry of love relationships!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 3 women this week. Rosemary received some money to help feed the orphans she was caring for and both Jane and Joyce received money to help with medical costs. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 500 beaded necklaces. We were able to pay 36 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Some current American visitors in Uganda are putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: A new school term just began and through our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Intimacy Becoming Reality

2008-05-20T15:01:00.001+03:00

“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart.” 1 Peter 1:22

We all long to be known…I mean really known. We long to invite someone else into the vulnerable place where our heart lives. We long for someone to notice our uniqueness…to notice the beauty God has created in our individuality. When we are in pain we long for someone to come along side us and hold us until the storms of life quiet down. We long for someone to celebrate our blessings with us. We want the intimacy that comes from knowing someone deeply. When just one look speaks volumes and where we can be ourselves…no pretending, just two people living their real lives together in complete honesty. That kind of intimacy creates a safe environment where love can flourish and peace can reside.

I know my soul aches for that kind of deep intimacy, yet I often put barriers up around my heart keeping people at a distance, especially people different from me, not allowing them too close to my fragile inner self. Like most people I fear adding more wounds to my already bruised heart, so; over the years I have learned how to give out limited access passes to my inner self. In knowing me, people get a guided tour of certain parts of my heart, but very, very few get free reign to move as they please in that fragile place. I was proud that I had matured to a place where I knew how to protect myself from knowing people too deeply. I had mastered how to make close friendships while still keeping my vulnerable place hidden and locked to the outside world.

There is just one problem…love and intimacy go hand in hand. These last few years I have been on a journey of love. I asked the Lord to show me how to love and be loved. I wanted to know how to love others deeply from the heart. This journey led me to Kampala, Uganda into the lives of the poorest of women.

When I first met these widows, I was so guarded. I wondered if it was even possible to have real friendships with women so completely different from me. What does an HIV positive woman in abject poverty have in common with a healthy woman from the most wealthy country on the planet? With a prejudice I didn’t even know I had, I doubted that real friendships would ever be possible. After all, their needs were so enormous, I was sure they would only see me as a gateway to money. So, I was loving “toward” them. I was kind. I listened and prayed with them. I gave them money when I thought it was appropriate. I even expected them to share their deep places with me, but I never let them into mine. I answered their attempts to know me with vague responses turning the questions back toward them. I was so sincere…I really thought I was loving them and protecting myself. After all, the prejudice inside me told me that if I revealed too much they would press me for money. In fact, for many months I kept my phone number from them. I thought I would be bombarded with calls begging me for help. I had this misguided belief that somehow I was their only hope for a better future. When I think of the woman I was just a few months ago, I want to shake her and scream at the top of my lungs, “YOU ARE MISSING IT! YOU DON’T HAVE AN INTIMATE LOVE, YOU ONLY HAVE AN IMITATION OF LOVE!!”

Slowly, God began to open my eyes to the prejudice that had a choke hold on my heart. All of a sudden I saw how grotesque it was. The barriers I thought I set up to protect myself were actually blocking the love I so desperately wanted to experience. As I moved among the women, I saw them sitting in doorways together engaged in deep conversation. I saw them entering each other’s homes to clean the infected wounds of the dying. These women seemed so close, so deeply connected. It was then that I realized that the love they had for each other was always just out of my reach. I had blocked myself from having any real relationships with them, so I was at that point destined to remain an outsider….a foreigner who had come to ‘help the poor.”

It was then that I decided to stop being a helper and start being a friend. Instead of vague answers, I shared my real thoughts. When they talked about the pain in their life, I also talked about mine. When they reminisced about their husband, I listened and laughed with them about the good times that had been. When my phone rang, I no longer braced myself for “a call for help”, but instead smiled as I saw the name of a friend flashing on the screen. More often than not, the ladies call just to say hello or to ask me how I’m doing. I now have several friends that call just to encourage me or to say that they are praying for me. The walls of my heart have now come down and I have laid myself open before these women and they have laid themselves open before me. They are not “the people I am helping,” they are my friends. They are people I like to spend time with. They are the people I call when I am in physical or emotional crisis. They are spiritual companions on my journey of faith. There is a depth to our relationship that wasn’t there before. There is a love that is growing that is intimate and real.

This week my friend Joyce called. She told me that our friend Jane was suffering from a severe case of malaria. My friend Jane is HIV positive and is also being treated for TB, so I knew it was serious. My heart broke because I have come to love her. I started to cry and pray for my friend. Then I went to her house to see her. As I approached her small concrete home, I heard Joyce softly singing to Jane while she bathed her 90 pound body. “Jane, I’m here,” I said outside the door. Joyce told me to come on in and get some juice ready for Jane to drink. I know Jane’s house well. I have been there so many times and I had just spent the previous Sunday afternoon there having lunch, laughing and talking about just about everything under the sun. I poured the juice and readied her small bed for her. Joyce held Jane close as she walked her to her bed. Jane was shaking with fever. I gave her the juice and held her while Joyce got her medicine. While we sat there I prayed for her and told her that I loved her. “I love you too,” she said weakly. Then we laid her down and I covered her with her blankets. While she slept, I knelt beside her bed and prayed for her healing. All I could think was “my friend is sick, my friend is sick. Oh, Jesus, my friend is sick.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I couldn’t imagine loosing this woman I have come to know and love. The next day Joyce took her to the hospital where she received some other advanced treatment. I called her and she called me many times in the 48 hours she was there. Now she is finally back home and slowly feeling better. My friend is getting well and my heart is so relieved.

I can honestly say that I love Joyce and Jane as my friends. However they are not the only friends I have made, I have now developed many intimate friendships with women who are nothing like me. They are black and I am white. They are Acholi and I am American. They are incredibly poor and I am wealthy. They are sick and I am well. Yet these women hold a piece of my heart and I hold a piece of theirs. Our journeys are now intertwined. They don’t depend on me--we depend on each other. They aren’t calling me begging for help, I am calling them offering to stand with them in their place of need. I am not making appointments to talk to the widows—I am going to visit my friends in their homes. I am not loving “at” them anymore, instead I am just loving them. We are learning to intimately know each other. We show each other our strengths and weaknesses. We speak the truth to one another even when its hard. We encourage each other to trust that God is big enough to meet the needs we have. Most of all, we just like spending time together.

Jesus was right, when you love someone deeply from the heart intimacy comes and fills up your soul with a peace and joy you never thought imaginable.

Update on the widows: NEW WEB SITE: www.dorcaswidows.org/
God did something GREAT, God did something GREAT!!! Two of my friends in this widows group, were hired as house help for 2 missionary families here!! I have written about Lovincer many times in the last couple of months. She had been struggling to feed her kids and living in what can only be described as a mud shack the size of a pantry. Through a connection God gave me, Lovincer was hired last Friday as the house help for a new missionary family from the States. This week she is moving into a new house—still small and simple, but so much better than where she was. She will now be earning enough to feed her family herself! Her kids school fees have been paid by a sponsor, so she is now no longer in need of emergency assistance. You should have seen Lovincer dance and sing!! Wow! We laughed and praised God for hours! Jennifer, another lady who had lost her job, also was hired as house help this week becoming self sustaining! That is what God can do!!!

The widows are also rejoicing that 2 more orders for necklaces came providing them with some much needed income! The jewelry is beautiful and I know those in the US that have ordered it have been so happy with their purchase. Keep praying that this jewelry business grows! (email Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com if interested in purchasing jewelry)

The Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund is being used every week to help widows who are in dire circumstances. Last week I was able to provide a widow with money to pay for clothes and food for her child. I also helped a lady with her medical expenses. This fund is truly filling the gap for people in crisis!

Thank you, thank you to those of you who have committed to paying school fees for some of the widows children. There are now 12 children in school who otherwise would have been sitting at home. God is creating a better future for them out of your love and generosity, so thank you! If any of you are interested in helping a widow pay school fees for her children, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net.

We are still asking the Lord to open a piece of property we can purchase for the widows. It is still our dream to create a “Dorcas Widows Community” where they can live rent free. We are constantly looking at property and hopeful that God will provide just the right spot at just the right time.

As I listed above, our new web site is up and running!! Please check it out at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Sick In Body, Healthy In Heart

2008-05-02T16:36:00.000+03:00

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Follow the way of love…”
1 Corinthians 13:13-14

Last Friday, I came down with the flu. Not the flu you see depicted on TV where the person lightly blows their nose with a pristine white Kleenex, coughs delicately in between dialogue and despite lying on some couch looks fresh as a daisy. Oh no, I spent most of Friday night and Saturday morning in spastic convulsions throwing up everything I have ever eaten including all my stomach acid and as if that weren’t bad enough my colon decided to twist itself into knots. At one point, I wasn’t sure which end to face toward the toilet. When my body had nothing left to expel except for air, I lay down on my bed and shook from head to toe with fever. My eyes were red and swollen. My mouth was tasted like sour milk. My stomach was still churning while sharp pains pricked me each time I took a breath. My hair was damp and I generally looked like something that crawled out of the gutter. My arms and legs felt like rubber and my mind felt lost somewhere in between reality and dreamland. I was sick!

I knew I needed help, so I called my best friend here in Uganda. He came to my rescue helping me get medicine to calm my angry stomach. He brought juice, bananas and searched the local grocery store for something that resembled Campbell’s chicken soup. He was my angel when I was too weak to even boil tea for myself, but I also knew my friend had some important things to attend to on Sunday afternoon. So, I began to mentally go through everyone I knew trying to select those I thought might have the time and the resources to help me.

As I lay on the couch trying to think of whom to call my phone rang. It was Joyce, a widow I have come to know and love. She is currently caring for 15 of her relative’s children. Two weeks ago, I had visited her when she had been sick. Her HIV positive status has weakened her body causing her to be sick quite often. She has been in and out of the hospital several times since December. She hadn’t called for any particular purpose other than to say that she was thinking about me. I was weak and mumbled a quiet thank you back to her. At which point her voice rose as she quickly asked, “Are you well? Are you sick?”

At that moment, I wondered whether I should tell her how sick I really was. I didn’t want to burden her with another worry. She could barely take care of her own family, what could she do for me? In fact the Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund helps feed her family most weeks. In that instant I considered hiding my sickness from her, but in my desperate weakened state I just couldn’t pretend. So, I told her how the flu was ravaging my body, how I was shaking with fever, how my stomach ached and how weak I felt. I knew she was a woman of great prayer, so I was delighted to think that God’s bride might pray for my healing. I was, however, completely shocked at what I heard her say back to me. “Kari. I am coming to you. I am coming to Kiwatule to take care of you.” Before I could protest or even answer she had hung up the phone.
Some time later, I woke up to my phone ringing. It was Joyce. She was here in Kiwatule, so I directed her to my home. When she knocked, I stood slowly and shuffled to the door slightly hunched over. As I opened it, she came inside quickly and held me tight to her side. Still holding me against her, she helped me back to the couch where she sat beside me while I laid my head on her shoulder. She began to smooth my hair down and rock me slightly. After a few minutes, she told me that she had brought food for me to eat. “You need to get stronger. You need to eat.” I tried to protest as I was still feeling quite nauseous, but she continued to unpack what she had brought. Even in my sick haze, I wondered how she got so much food. She had brought spinach, rice, porsho, and beef. It was the beef that astounded me the most. For her, this is a luxury item. As I held the plate, she continued to gently rub my back and coax me to eat bite after bite. “Just one more bite. That’s good, that’s good. You need your strength.” In that moment I felt like a small child with the mother that loves her.

After I had eaten what I could, I leaned my head back against her shoulder and we began to talk. We talked about our families as I drifted in and out of quiet rest. In those silent moments, I marveled that I was in the arms of an HIV positive woman who lives day to day in almost abject poverty. It dawned on me that in a few days I will be back to compete health and she will still be sick. She will never be completely healthy this side of heaven. It was almost too much to take in at once. Feeling somewhat stronger, I sat up with tears in my eyes looked at her and said, “Thank you, thank you for loving me. Thank you for taking care of me.” “Kari, you have loved us and now we get to love you,” she replied back to me. She told me that the other widows wanted to come, but some were too weak to make the journey. “The widows wanted me to tell you that they are praying for you.” Then she stood and pulled me up beside her. While we stood holding each other, she began to pray in Luo. My ears didn’t understand one syllable, but my heart understood every word. She was calling down healing from heaven for the friend she loves. I closed my eyes and drank it in. My body was so sick, but my heart was so loved.

The love from the widows and their care for me while I was sick was truly astounding. The next day after Joyce’s visit, another HIV positive widow named Lovincer spent her one-day off a week to come and be with me. She cleaned the house, fed me breakfast, and just sat with me while I slept. Then later that same afternoon, Joyce from Cornerstone, my dearest widow friend brought lunch and laughter. She brought so much food and so much joy. Then Joyce sat with me until the sun went down. She prayed for me in the same powerfully gentle way and it seemed the whole house filled with God’s presence. It was the prayers and the loving care of these dear widows that brought healing back to my body and love to my soul.

Jesus was right…the greatest of these is…love.

Update on the widows:
Well, as you can see, this week I was more the recipient of the Widows love than they were the recipient of mine. It was my worst week physically and my best week spiritually. Sometimes, I make it so complicated…this business of “ministry.” All it really is is friendship and love and sharing what you have with those that need it. Jesus is right…it can be that simple.

The widows are also rejoicing that 2 orders for necklaces came providing them with some much needed income! The jewelry is beautiful and I know those in the US that have ordered it have been so happy with their purchase. Keep praying that this jewelry business grows! (email lisatschetter@comcast.net if interested in purchasing jewelry)

The Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund is being used every week to help widows who are in dire circumstances. Last week I was able to provide food for two widows who were struggling to feed their families. It is an incredible blessing to be able to keep a family from sleeping hungry! I was also able to pay a hospital bill for a widow who was sick and in desperate need of care.

Thank you, thank you to those of you who have committed to paying school fees for some of the widows children. There are now 12 children in school who otherwise would have been sitting at home. God is creating a better future for them out of your love and generosity, so thank you! If any of you are interested in helping a widow pay school fees for her children, please contact Lisa Tschetter at the email above.

We are still asking the Lord to open a piece of property we can purchase for the widows. It is still our dream to create a “Dorcas Widows Community” where they can live rent free. We are constantly looking at property and hopeful that God will provide just the right spot at just the right time.

Update on my life:
I am finally well!! Praise the Lord! I am now finally feeling strong enough to move around town and to get back to the work I love. Thank you for all your prayer and support!

Kari

Relief

2008-04-14T15:15:00.001+03:00

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35

The other day it rained. I mean RAINED. The water poured from the sky, the thunder shook the heavens and the lightening crashed toward the ground. In a storm of that magnitude you are forced to find shelter and wait for peace to return to the skies. As I watched that massive storm roll through, I thought about the emotional storms I had seen that week. I had spent time with widows who were struggling to feed their families, who were one day away from being chased from their homes, who were sick with fatal diseases and who had no humanly possible way to pay for their children’s school fees. The storm was raging all around them and it seemed ferocious in its intensity. Then, as all storms do, the clouds break, the rain softens and the thunder and lightening become quiet. Suddenly, after all that wildness there is a moment of peace.

On Sunday, I had lunch with Joyce, an HIV positive widow who is caring for 15 children. Some of her siblings and their spouses have died leaving her with an extraordinary number of children to provide for. She had been cooking all morning when I arrived. Sweat beads glistened on her forehead and the aroma coming from the pots immediately made me hungry. She was excited to share her tribe’s traditional food with me. As she set the small table, she told me that these ceramic plates had been a gift from her daughter. She had told her mother to use them only on special occasions and only with those you love. Not too long after those plates were given to her, her daughter died in a car accident. So, I held that plate in my lap with tender care and ate every delicious morsel of food she prepared for me. It was a tender blessing she had bestowed on me and I accepted it with humble gratitude. Then we went to her bedroom and sat on her bed. We both lay back after that big meal and just relaxed enjoying each other’s company.

We talked about so many things…our families, our dreams, our challenges. She told me how her husband died and how she ran from the ones that killed him. She told me how much she missed him. She told me about her siblings and what they were like before AIDS took them. She told me how hard she works. She is up at 5am getting the youngest children ready for school and giving the HIV positive children their medication. Then she goes across town to sell in the market until 8pm. When she finally reaches home, she makes sure the kids have something to eat. Then she checks on her HIV positive neighbor who is too weak to work. Then she sleeps for a few hours. “Kari, I need help. I can’t manage these children alone. So many times I come in here and fall to my knees and cry out to God. And do you know what? He answers me.” She told me story after story of how God had miraculously fed and clothed them over the years. I listened amazed at the lengths God will go to save the ones he loves.

As I left her place, I asked God how my resources could best help her. Out of love for her I wanted to meet a physical need. Just a few hours later, my best friend contacted me and said that she wanted to support a widow in need. I shook my head as I realized that God had already created a way to love his bride. The next day I went back to Joyce’s home, early in the morning before she left for the market. She greeted me warmly and invited me in. As I sat down, my heart was beating with excitement and I couldn’t stop smiling. She looked at me and smiled, “You have the joy of the Lord this morning.” “Yes, I do.” I responded. Then I told her of how God had provided a sponsor to pay school fees for 4 of her children. She took a deep breath in and then jumped up in the air screaming “Praise Jesus, praise Jesus, praise Jesus.” Then she fell to her knees and began to pray in her own language as tears streamed down her cheeks. Then we sang songs to Jesus in Lwo. Then she stood and rubbed my back as she continued to pray in with her mother tongue. Even though I couldn’t understand the words, I understood her heart. It was a beautiful, holy, joyful moment. We praised Jesus for almost an hour before I left. Somehow in that moment, the storm had passed and the sky was blue and intoxicatingly beautiful.

Update on the Widows:

Praise the Lord, it has been a good week! I saw Lovincer today and she was delighted to report that the landlord had been pain his back rent and was no longer threatening her. She said that she was sleeping better, some sense of peace has returned for her. However, after visitng her home today, I must say that her living conditions are wretched. Three of her children sleep under the bed while the other 3 and Lovincer sleep on top of the bed. The room is no bigger than a pantry and too small for her large family. Please pray God opens up a housemaid job for her! She needs to get out of that “house” before it falls in on her! Both Jane and Agnes, those most sick with HIV, are feeling better this week. Both were up and moving around. Not to say all challenges have been met, there are still two other widows desperate for school fees, but the loud storm seemed to have quieted a bit.

We are working hard to get a website for this ministry up and running. It won’t be long now!! We are also looking for a way to market the widows beautiful jewelry (beaded necklaces), so if you are gifted in business and want to help—please drop me an email- karimillermn@gmail.com

The land is still in process. We are waiting for the appropriate documentation in order to move forward, but we do have a particular piece of land in mind. As soon as things move ahead, I will let you know!

Update on my life:

I have really settled into my life here and it feels good. I have good friends, people that really love me and an opportunity to love others. It is the best of both worlds. I am excited to see what God might do in the next few months! Essentially, I am happy and healthy…what more could you ask for?

Kari

Where Do Widows Find Rest?

2008-04-04T17:08:00.001+03:00

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.” -Jesus

I went to Northern Uganda this last week and rested in Gulu. It may seem odd to rest in a place that 3 years ago was a war zone, but now that peace has come it is quite lovely and quiet. I spent time with friends, napped in the middle of the afternoon, and watched some episodes of The Office on the computer. I went into town and ate good wholesome food. I even watched an exciting local soccer match. Each day I sat in the silence and listened to the birds sing as I prayed and read scripture. My body, my mind and my soul were renewed, energized and rested, but what about the widows- where do they find rest? Is rest only an option for the privileged?

It is odd that I went to Gulu for rest and the widows I love left Gulu to find rest. War drove them from their homes, took many of their husbands and left emotional scars that may never heal. They came south looking to find peace and prosperity. They found a place without war, but not the peace and security they were looking for. I haven’t ever heard one of the widows tell me that they felt rested. In fact, there is a weariness that seems to attach itself to each woman.

I went to see Lovincer when I returned from Gulu. She was taking her lunch break, eating some few pieces of cassava, when I found her. We embraced each other and she asked me about my trip. Was I rested? Did I have fun? I babbled on about how great it felt to relax in such a beautiful place. Then I asked how she was doing. “I’ve been working hard every day. I miss my children. Now the landlord is threatening to chase us from the place.” She still owes him about $80. I was glad to be able to tell her that funds had been found to cover the cost of her back house rent and for some school fees. But as I listened, I wondered when does this mother of 6 rest. When does her weary soul get a break?

Yesterday, I saw Agnes, an HIV positive widow who quite literally almost died a couple weeks ago. Her bony arms embraced me and she smiled from ear to ear. “Welcome back from Gulu! How was your trip? Are you now rested?” Again I told her how wonderful it is to relax and sit in the peace of the moment. She smiled and hugged me again rubbing my back. “I’m so glad.” She then pulled me away from the other ladies and said, “Kari, can you forgive me?” I was confused, what had she done to need my forgiveness? “I am sorry to ask you, but since I have been so sick I have no rent money for the landlord. He is going to chase me from my place tomorrow and I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?” She went on to tell me that she had spent several sleepless nights while I was gone praying and worrying—feeling helpless. I was her last resort. I gave her some money-enough to pay the landlord her back rent. She thanked me and I wondered, where is her rest? Even as HIV destroys her body, she has no time to relax. Can she not even die in peace?

At the widow’s meeting last night, I looked for Joyce. I knew that she had been quite sick with malaria. Before I left for my rest, she was in the hospital. Malaria is quite dangerous for her as she is HIV positive. When I didn’t see her, I asked how she was doing. She is still shaking with fever and having bad headaches they told me. I asked if I could go now to visit her. “Oh, she is not there. Even though she is sick, she went to sell in the market. How will her children eat if she does not work?” The other widows looked at me as if I had asked a ridiculous question. “How will they eat?” they asked me again. I just sat there stunned and shook my head. Where is her rest? Can she not even be sick? Can she not even take one day to heal her body?

Suddenly, I felt selfish in taking so many days to do nothing. I didn’t rest because I was sick, or because I had some problem to work through, or because I was chronically ill with a deadly disease; I rested because I felt like it. I realized in that moment that my ability to rest was a privilege that the widows hadn’t seen in years and may never see in a lifetime. I felt sick to my stomach. It wasn’t guilt. It wasn’t the feeling like I had done something wrong. It was a deep gut wrenching sadness. The very ones who deserve rest the most will probably never see it. It was the deep pain of injustice. That kind of pain sits in your belly and squeezes you from the inside out. Righteous anger wells up inside and you want to punch, kick and hurt something, but nothing you do relieves that kind of pain. Injustice can only be healed through justice-through righting the wrong, but how do I right this wrong? Is rest for them ever possible? Is it only a heavenly right for them?

Didn’t Jesus call all those who are weary and heavy laden to come to him so he can give them rest? Where is their rest? Tell me. I want to know. I want to lead them to it. How can I be allowed to rest when the sick and the dying have no rest?

Update on the widows:

We are seriously considering a piece of land about 30 minutes from Kampala. It is near a market, a good health center, schools and has access to electricity and water. Cornerstone is also looking for land for a housing project that will cater to former Cornerstone boys and girls who are now working. They are building a subdivision of sorts. If we can buy land together it will help us get more bang for our buck and give the widows some people to work for. I am hopeful that this will work! Keep praying!

We are still working on marketing the beads the widows are making so we can get a sustainable business going. We are also working on developing a website in order to provide more information on these ladies as well as the current projects we have going. As soon as we have it I will post it to the blog.

Thank you, thank you to those of you who have given generously to the Dorcas Widows Emergency fund. That money has helped many widows who are in dire need and kept at least two of them alive! You are a blessing!

My life:

I think I have said enough about my rest in Gulu. I do love that place and it really is beautiful! I also got to spend time with the Youth Corps kids (formerly abducted kids). It was so nice to be able to play games with them and to see them acting like children.

I am now back in Kampala and visiting widows. I really did miss them when I was gone and am looking forward to having lunch at one of the widow’s homes this Sunday. Spending time with them is so fun for me!

Thanks for praying for me. It really does make a huge difference to know that people are bringing me to the foot of the cross. I really am feeling empowered this week and excited about what God will show me next! As you can see from this blog, not all questions are yet answered. Some I will know later and some I think I will only know in heaven, but the journey is worth all the uncertainty.

Feel free to email, I can be reached at karimillermn@gmail.com

Victory Amidst The Battle

2008-03-17T15:43:00.003+03:00

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

We all want to be conquerors. We want to come to the end of a long battle of pain and suffering and rise like a phoenix out of the ashes. We want to know that sweet taste of victory after those long years of bitter hardship. It just is so hard to believe that victory is possible when pain covers you like a thick blanket and fear snuggles up close to you. When all you see is failure, tragedy and hopelessness, it is hard to even imagine a day when the war will be over. Victory seems like a mirage in the desert, always hoped for, never attained. Yet, we serve a God who left the grave empty on Easter morning conquering the worst of human tragedy. Despite the worst of worst, Jesus promises us victory, but are we strong enough to believe it?

I went to check my email last Thursday at Garden City mall near the heart of Kampala. I love the Internet café in the mall as it always has electricity and a strong Internet signal. I spent about an hour responding to my friends and family and then left to find a restroom. As I walked to the bathrooms on the third floor, I saw Lovincer out of the corner of my eye. I met Lovincer last year as she worked as house help for a friend of mine. She is a widow and a mother of 4 children. I was surprised to see her on this side of town. As I came closer our eyes met and she came quickly over to greet me. We embraced each other and I noticed that she had grown very thin. Thin is not a compliment in Uganda as being thin is often the hallmark of hunger or disease.

I sat on a nearby bench with her and listened to what had happened to her in the last 5 months. The woman she worked for had left Uganda 4 months prior and since that time she had not been able to find employment. Now her landlord was pressuring her everyday for the back rent and threatening to throw her out of her one room apartment. Lovincer looked at me and said, “You can see how thin I am. I have not been able to properly feed my children or to take them to the clinic when they are sick. It is only God who can help me now.” She then told me that the sponsor who had been paying the children’s school fees could no longer do it after this term. At that point, she just stared out into the distance and shook her head. “I do have one good thing though. I just started a new job today cleaning this mall; although I am walking almost an hour and a half to get here, as I have no money for transportation. Also, I am not home for my children and some are still in primary school, but what can I do? We need to eat.” At that point the battle for survival just seemed so intense. There we sat huddled together like two scared people in a foxhole. I reached in my bag and gave her some money to get her through the next few days. It wasn’t the victory she needed. I was only the medic on the battlefield stabilizing the patient enough to survive the next few hours.

After I left the mall, I went back to the Cornerstone offices. As I entered I saw Phyllis, an older widow, standing in the entryway waiting for me. I closed my eyes and wondered if I was strong enough to hear what she had to say. The battle seemed to be raging so fierce today. I greeted her and she hugged me tight telling me that I looked so fat. “You must really be eating. You look good.” It has taken me a year, but this American woman can finally smile to being called fat and say “Thank you.” I held her hands and quietly asked, “Phyllis, what has happened?” She explained that her father had just died. When a relative dies it is expected that each family member give money for the burial, so she gave all she had towards the burial of her father. Phyllis found 5 children wandering around Kampala begging for food five years ago. These children had left Gulu, where the Lord’s Resistance Army has been terrorizing the people, to find peace in Kampala. When Phyllis found them, she had compassion on them and took them to live with her. She also cares for another widow who is dying from AIDS and a daughter who has now become pregnant with nowhere to go. “Everyone is looking to me to feed them and provide for them. I am trying to get my brick making business going, but it is not enough. I can’t pay school fees so the children sit at home and the widow with AIDS gets sicker by the minute when I can’t feed her consistently.” Phyllis then looked out into the distance put her hands in a prayerful position up to her face and shook her head. There seemed to be no words left to say. Again the battle for survival seemed to be raging in my ears. How do you even take it all in? Victory was nowhere to be found, so like any good medic, I gave her just enough to survive.

I went home that night exhausted and defeated. Lord, where is the victory? You say you are the husband to the widow and the father to the fatherless, so where are you? You say if we ask for bread, you won’t give us stones, so why are these ladies holding bags of rocks? You say you will feed the poor, so where is the food? Like Job of long ago, I hurled questions and accusations at God demanding to be heard, to be answered. I shook my little fists and stomped my feet. Finally after I had tantrumed for over an hour, I just lay quietly on my bed, still fuming but totally out of words. Only one question came whispered back to me, “Where were you?” Is this a joke, what do you mean, “where was I?” I was there. “Exactly,” he whispered.

The next morning I went to see Jane, a widow whose body is giving in to AIDS and TB. I had good news for Jane. Both of her children had been sponsored and would be sent back to school. They would also be put into other homes where they could be fed regularly and where their other needs for clothing, soap and other necessities would be met. Jane was too sick now to care for them herself. I had come to take the oldest, Katherine, to a Cornerstone home 15 minutes away. This home had other girls who had lost mothers to HIV and mentors who were trained to counsel her through the upcoming sadness. I thought I would see defeat and deep battle wounds, but when I looked around, I noticed the eerie silence of peace. When I looked at their faces, I saw joy--pure celebration and elation. Suddenly I realized I was standing in victory. I wouldn’t have recognized it, but here it was. When Katherine went in the other room to pack, Jane raised her bony hand and began to speak to the mentors of the home. “Please give my daughter courage. Let her know that someone in the world loves her and cares about her.” “That is our only job in the home. We love the girls and give them hope for the future,” they replied. Jane sighed deeply and smiled, then she said, “God can do anything. He has given me my heart’s desire.”

It was the strangest victory I had ever seen--a dying woman giving her children to someone else because she can no longer care for them. Elation that someone else will feed, clothe and love her children into adulthood. All the while knowing somewhere deep inside her that she will miss all those special moments to come. I came prepared for pain, heartache and deep sadness, but they were nowhere to be found. Somehow Jane had found the strength to give her children the life she wanted them to have and the result was peace and the deep joy of victory.

The battle for survival rages on and the fighting is fierce, but miraculously amidst all the pain and suffering victory still stands victorious. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.

Update on the widows:

Well, it has been another rollercoaster ride this week. As you have just read, I spend much of my time in crisis management—feeding those that are hungry, helping them keep their small one room houses for another month and when I can find a sponsor sending their children back to school. It is sometimes emotionally exhausting, but the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

I saw two different plots of land this week. One of the plots is too far out of town and not near enough to a clinic for those who are sick. The other one is better located, but still a little far out of town. I am hoping to see two more plots this week. Buying land is such a HUGE deal, so please pray that God opens our eyes to the right one.

One ENOURMOUS answer to prayer also came last week. Carol, a widow in Minneapolis, also joined our team as lead fundraiser for this project. Lisa and I are so thrilled! We had prayed for someone with knowledge in this area to join us and God brought her right to us!

We will be fundraising to start phase two of this project. We would like to construct 30 homes and one office on the land we purchase. The widows most badly off can live there rent-free for as long as they need to. We are hoping this will give them a push to self-sufficiency. With no money going to rent, they will hopefully be able to better feed their families and put more money into their businesses. We would like to host seminars on business principles to help them as well once the land is set up. We are also hoping to market their beautiful beaded necklaces to stores in the States. If you want to know more about either of these projects, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net She would be happy to help you!

Update on my life:

I feel like there is nothing left to say as so much of my time is spent with the ladies, but I am trying to take care of myself too. I make time every week to see friends and to rest. I have found it is good for my psyche.

This might give you a better picture of where I am at emotionally-- The other day I was sitting in the front of a taxi bus bumping in and out of every large pot hole when I noticed a “Boda” in front of us. (A Boda is a motorcycle you can hire to take you places.) The Boda had 4 chicken cages tied to the seat just behind the driver. Then there were about 15-20 other chickens tied by their legs to the outside of the cages. The chickens were all alive as I could hear them squawk loudly as they went in and out of each pothole. Now please know that I am not in any way shape or form for animal cruelty, but this whole scene just made me laugh. For twenty minutes I heard their squawks rise in decibel level every time they bumped in and out of those potholes. Suddenly, I laughed out loud and thought “wow, that is exactly how I feel.” It was like the chickens were flapping their wings screaming, “Oh no, here we go again. AHHHH! CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK” It was like watching a chicken roller coaster. It brought new meaning to the term Des Colores!

I guess I’ll end with some prayer requests: 1) pray for the ladies—feeding, housing, school fees 2) for the right piece of land 3) for the right contractor for the houses 4) for our fundraising efforts 4) for my relationships/friendships—they are my lifeline here 5) that I keep loving even when it just seems too damn hard 6) that I keep journeying with Jesus.

Much love,
Kari

A Blessing Given, A Blessing Received

2008-03-06T09:37:00.000+03:00

“Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action is dead.” James 2: 15-17

Last Friday, I was busy finishing the last of my breakfast and going through a mental checklist of what I needed for the day when my phone began to ring. Suddenly, I was in a mad dash around the house looking for my often-misplaced cell phone. I reached quickly for the phone and answered it. “Karo, Karo. I need help. I need help.” I stopped immediately, listened intently and said, “This is Kari. Who am I speaking to?” The panicked voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Agnes, a widow suffering from HIV and the latest opportunistic infection. In the calmest voice I could muster I asked, “Agnes, Agnes, what is happening?” “I am sick, Karo. I am not well. I can’t walk. I haven’t eaten since you fed me on Monday. I don’t know what to do. Please, Karo, can you help me? Please can you help me?” Her voice was rising to a terrified sob and she just continued to repeat her cries for help. Again I tried to keep my voice even, comforting and calming. I interrupted her, “Agnes, Agnes, I will help you. I will get money to you and I will send someone to go to the market to get food for you. I will help you. I will help you.” After getting some vague details about where she was staying, I set out to feed Agnes.

Yet somewhere deep inside me, I was scared to death, quite literally that this was the end for her. I have seen what AIDS can do. It is a monster of a disease. Its only aim is to destroy the one who carries it. It shows no mercy and gains strength as the one fighting it weakens. It robs you of your own dignity and steals your very ability to care for yourself. Its craving for death is insatiable. It is not easily intimidated and will stand its ground against even the fiercest attack. This monster is dangerous and will always be fatal. So, it is always with great respect for this horrific disease that I go armed with the only thing that can destroy it. This is a fight for God himself. Only he can battle this beast and win. So, I hold the hand of my father, the mighty warrior, and set out for battle.

I was quite far from Agnes when the call reached me and I knew that she needed help quickly, so I called Lisa, a young 20 something American girl, who had come to Africa to see what God was doing here. I had known her only a few days, but she was available and in the right area. I wanted to go myself, but my travel time would delay the help for Agnes, so I gave the blessing to someone else. This was hard, as I love Agnes and I wanted to see her for myself. I wanted to hold her. I have come to crave these kinds of adventures with God. The kind where God takes you into pain, into darkness and then suddenly shows his magnificent light. It is both humbling and empowering to love another person in the presence of Jesus himself. In those moments I long to become less, so he can become more. Even so God was going to send this young girl in my place.

I directed Lisa as best as I could by phone to Nakawa where the widow Rebecca lived. Rebecca would then help Lisa find the room where Agnes was waiting. Lisa wandered through the slums of Nakawa for some time asking each person if they knew the widow Rebecca. Finally, after about 20 minutes, an older man approached her and asked if she was looking for the widows. He then took her to see Widow Joyce. Joyce was overjoyed to see Lisa and invited her in for tea. As they drank tea, Lisa explained about Agnes’ frantic call. Joyce then stood, took Lisa by the hand and marched her straight to Widow Rebecca’s home.

Widow Rebecca had just finished washing her clothes and getting ready for the day. After hearing about Agnes’ frantic call for help, they set out to find her. Rebecca is terrified of riding motorcycles, so instead of taking a boda to Agnes’ home, they walked and walked and walked. Agnes lives on the top of a high hill just outside of Kampala. As they walked the long steep dusty road in the heat of the day, Rebecca told Lisa that she was unsure which path led to Agnes’ home. Lisa was close to frustration. It had taken two hours now to get to this place and now they had no idea how to find her.

In total desperation, they began to ask the men working in the rock quarry if they knew a widow named Agnes who had one daughter. Each person seemed to know a different Agnes, but not one knew the one they were looking for. Lisa was getting worried that they might never find her. Then a gentlemen driving one of the rock trucks overheard them speaking and told them that he was sure he knew where Agnes stayed. He took them down a path that lead to a small dilapidated home. As they approached the home, Agnes slowly stumbled forward and then collapsed into the dust. Lisa, Rebecca and the driver rushed to her side. Her skeletal frame seemed to have to no muscle to hold it up.

The driver picked her up in one swift motion and brought her into the house. Lisa came into the small house and watched as he put her sick frail body down on the mat. She began to thank Lisa over and over for coming to her rescue. Then she reached her shaky hand out and with great effort picked up a bar of soap. Agnes commented that Lisa’s feet were dirty. Then she asked for a basin of water and began to wash Lisa’s feet and shoes. Lisa tried over and over again to tell her to rest and not to bother with her feet, but Agnes remained determined to do what she could to love Lisa in the same way she felt loved by her. Lisa was overwhelmed by her act of love and in awe of how God can show up in the strangest places.

Rebecca took the money, went to the market and then spent the rest of the day cooking for Agnes. Rebecca helped her to the toilet, helped her eat and helped her get medicine for her aches and pains. Rebecca gave up working in the market. She gave up earning money for her own family in order to help her fellow widow. She has seen first hand what AIDS can do, so she stayed and prayed with this sick frail woman hoping that God would show up in the darkness.

Over the weekend, I had prayed for Agnes and sent messages of hope and encouragement to her. Then on Sunday night I received another call. It was Agnes, only this time her voice was calm. She simply said, “Thank you Karo. Thank you for loving me.”

Update on the widows:
I wanted so badly to upload a picture of Agnes, but the computer just wouldn't cooperate. Oh well! I have some good God sized news. Jane is still alive and God has brought another widow from another land to pay the money for Jane’s children to go to school. Her oldest daughter will be staying in a Cornerstone home and returning to school next quarter. Her son will be attending a day school near her home. This news is so recent I haven’t yet been able to break the news to Jane. I know she will be overjoyed! One of Rosemary’s daughters will be also going to a Cornerstone home and then back to school next quarter. Rosemary was overjoyed and immediately started praising Jesus. It was beautiful to watch. She still has sores all over her tongue from the diabetes and is in constant pain, but God is still standing beside her and so am I.

We are in the middle of looking at two pieces of land. I am hopeful that we will get the final okay to go survey the land this week. Keep praying!! Otherwise, I love the widows from one crisis to another! A good friend emailed and suggested starting an emergency fund for food, medicine and school fees. If you are interested in donating to something like this please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net Let’s see what God might do!!

My life:

I have had a strange week. I went from the depths to the heights and it has been an unsettling journey. On Sunday, I left the widows for a large house outside on Kampala, so that I could teach at the International School. It is an elite place where tuition is $15,000 a year. I am with the wealthiest families in a country where people are dying of hunger. Every part of me wants to leave this place, but I will keep my commitment. I will be back to Simon’s on Friday and I can’t wait!

Living in God’s great presence,
Kari

Desperate Women, Desperate Times

2008-02-22T15:42:00.000+03:00

The life of a widow is an exercise in patience, persistence and deep disappointment, especially in Uganda. First comes the grieving. The deep, deep sadness in losing the one you love, the one you committed your life to, the one you had your children with. The memory of that exceedingly happy day when you got married now only serves to deepen the sorrow of your loss. It seems as if a part of your soul has died with him. If only for the children, you keep on surviving, you keep on living. After the intensity of the grief lessens, you realize that it is up to you to feed them, to clothe them, provide school fees for them and to love them into maturity. You go to the market every day and sell what ever you can, but it is never enough. You heart breaks every time you have to tell your children that there will not be anything to eat tonight. Then you go into your room and cry your self to sleep. How long can you survive like this? The weight of all of it feels as though it might crush you completely. Your only hope is that God is real and that he hears your cries for help.

Now back on Ugandan soil, I longed to see the widows. I wasn’t sure what I would find and I was even more unsure of what I would hear, but I knew I had to see them. Love was drawing me back into a place I knew would be painful, but even I had no idea of what I was about to hear.

In the last 6 months the property where their small homes are located has been sold to a developer. So, one by one they are being forced from their homes. Now, only the sick remain as they are too weak to move.

As the motorcycle pulled up to the church where the widows were waiting, my heart leaped inside of me. Here were my friends--smiling and laughing and coming towards me to embrace me. I remembered each of them by name and held them close. Love seemed to fill up the space between us. As I scanned the widows seated outside the church, I saw Jane, thin and frail, but alive. She was nothing more than skin and bones, but when I walked over to her she smiled weakly and let me hold her. I kept saying, “I am so glad you’re still here. I prayed for you so many times hoping that I would see you again.” She smiled back and told me how happy she was to see me again, yet I could see the pain behind her eyes. She was not well.

Then I saw Rosemary. She came slowly painfully toward me. She now had diabetes and her legs ached terribly every time she moved, but she told me that the pain was worth it to see me again. I held her and then helped her find a place to sit down. After some encouraging words between us, she held my hand and told me that she had some sad news. Bracing myself, I squeezed her hand and looked into her face. “Remember the woman with HIV who had the fungus in her vagina, the one who you helped get the medicine.”

Of course I remembered her. Rosemary had taken me to her home only months before pleading with me to help her. This lady had no money to buy the medicine to treat this raging infection. When I got there the lady lifted her dress to show me the fungus that was eating her thighs and her insides. It was grotesque and as a woman I could not even imagine that kind of pain. I made sure she was treated immediately. It wasn’t long before she was walking and sitting upright at our widow’s meetings. I remember seeing her smile. I remember her holding me and thanking God that she was no longer in pain.

Rosemary explained that she had told the woman that I was coming back and the woman was elated. She wanted to show me how healthy she had become. Then 3 weeks ago, she contracted meningitis and died. As Rosemary told me about her death, I started to tremble. My eyes filled with tears and I closed my mouth tight to keep the sobs from coming out. I just shook my head and cried. Then Rosemary told me of another widow who had died of AIDS. I remembered that lady too. I remembered putting my face on her feverish one and praying for her health to return. My soul felt so grieved. I was at a loss for words.

Right at that moment, Joyce called me over to where she and several other widows were seated around Jane. Still processing the news of my friends’ deaths, I sat down in this circle of ladies. They were already engaged in intense conversation in their own language. After a couple minutes, the widows asked Jane to tell me what had happened to her. Jane’s bony arms were resting on her bony thighs. She lifted her head slightly to meet my gaze. As she began to speak, she mentioned her children then broke down into sobs. Joyce comforted her, and then proceeded to speak for her.

Jane has HIV and TB. She has had TB for over a year now and has gone through treatment twice. I remembered providing the money for her first round of treatment 6 months ago. I was so fearful then that she wouldn’t survive the treatment, but to God’s great credit she is still alive. Jane is unable to work due to the severity of her sickness, so she relies totally on her fellow widows to share their small amounts of food with her and her children. Two days ago, Joyce found Jane collapsed on the floor of her home. She rushed to her side to help her. She was still breathing, but very weak. Joyce spent hours at her home watching over her, giving her tea and talking to her when she was conscious.

She had collapsed because she had not eaten for couple of days, instead wanting her children to eat the small amount of food given to them by her fellow widows. She had also been emotionally overwrought when she found out that her children’s school fees would not be paid by a local charity. She had applied to this charity on behalf of her children and had not received the help. Now she was devastated, knowing that her children now had no hope of attending school, no hope of a future. She is dying and is desperate for her children to be able to go to school.

I sighed deeply and tried to intake the great disappointment that was before us. Immediately the other widows and I began to brainstorm ways to get Jane’s kids to school. We came up with several options and will spend the better part of next week trying to get her children to school and into a home for orphans. All of it was suffocating. Jane will not live. There will be a day when I hear of her death and I go to her burial. Her children will be orphans. I sat there for some time trying to seem okay, but I wasn’t. Deep sorrow had come and rested itself inside my heart.

After leaving Jane’s home, I walked with Rosemary up to the market in order to catch a bus. It was pitch dark by now, yet the market was teeming with people, motorbikes and commerce. It is a loud place, so as we walked and talked we leaned close to each other. I let Rosemary hold onto me and use me as a crutch, as I knew her legs were throbbing by now. I asked her how she was doing. She was quiet for a moment seeming to look for just the right English words to describe her own hardships. “It is hard,” she said. Several weeks ago the diabetes had gotten so bad that she had lost all use of her legs and had become bedridden. She then called in her medical team…they consisted of a pastor and several prayer warriors. They prayed for her and then several days later she was walking again, quite painfully, but she was walking. “God can do amazing things,” she said. Then she was quiet again. We walked some more.

After several minutes, she began to speak again this time with a quiver in her voice. “I have made so many beaded necklaces hoping to create a business to support myself and my children, but there is no market. I can’t sell enough of them.” She was quiet again and this time not moving. In the darkness, the light of a motorbike caught her face and I saw tears streaming down her face. I put both my arms around her and held her very close. “You are not alone,” I said. She then cried as she told me that her youngest boy now has ulcers because she has not been able to feed him regularly. He kept her up all night last night crying and asking her, “Mommy, why don’t you feed me?” She then began to sob. “What can I do?’ she asked me, “What can I do?” Again I sighed a deep sigh and let the weight of her pain rest on me too. I gave her some money so she could get the rest of the way home without walking and so she could feed her son and other orphans she cares for, but I know it is a temporary fix. It is like trying to stop a 6 foot hole in a dam with a toothpick.

So I will spend the better part of the next week looking for a way to sell her beads or to get her signed up with a feeding program for widows. I will also get down on my knees and beg for God to come rescue these women, but I know his answer. He will say, “I am rescuing them, I sent you.” What is God thinking? How could he do such a foolish thing? Does he know what a coward I am? Does he know my aversion to pain? Does he know that I often seek my own needs before I seek the needs of others? Does he know how painful it is to see death, disease, hunger and injustice on a minute by minute basis? Does he know that I often fail? Does he know that I often don’t have any idea how to really help? How could he risk the lives of these dear people with someone as flawed as me?

Then somewhere deep in the recesses of my spirit, I hear God whisper, “My darling, that is how everyone in love feels. You wonder if you really can love someone else. You wonder if you really can give yourself to another person. You wonder if you really can put another’s needs ahead of your own. But don’t be afraid, I created love and I created you. Keep standing in the pain with them. Meet what physical needs you can with what I give you. Listen to them, pray with them and most of all love them. My darling, I created you to be a lover….don’t be afraid for I will love them through you.”

Update on the widows:
If you read my blog, then you know that things are not good. They are really struggling to feed themselves and their children. They are struggling to pay school fees. They are desperate for a place to live. On that front, two Cornerstone staff, Simon & Alfred, are aggressively looking for land. We want to purchase something ASAP. Please keep praying that happens. If you have any suggestions for helping with feeding, schooling or how to build the houses, I am very, very open to hear them. I am praying God brings someone forward to partner with me.

Update on my life:
I am now living at Simon Kabi’s house which is a familiar place for me. Thank you so much to the Kabi’s for graciously opening their home to me! In so many ways I feel I am home. It is a fabulous feeling. It is as if I were lost and now have found myself wandering around Uganda. It is a glorious reunion!

I am subbing sporadically for the International School. I will be teaching second grade for a week in March; which will be fun as there are only 10 students in the class. It will be a good way for me to earn some extra money!

Much love,
Kari

What do I know about love?

2008-01-22T04:50:00.000+03:00

I Saw What I Saw
Performed by Sara Groves

I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it
I heard what I heard and I can’t go back
I know what I know and I can’t deny it

Something along the road cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of and what I know of love

We’ve done what we’ve done and we can’t erase it
We are what we are and it is more than enough
We have what we have but it is no substitution

Something along the road cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am made of and what I know of love

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have but I’m giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something along the road cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dreams inspire
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of …
Your courage asks me what I am made of…
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of and what I know of love and what I know of God.

Album: Tell Me What You Know
*Hear it on itunes!

I love this song by Sara Groves. When I first stumbled across it on itunes, a huge rush of emotion came over me. Have you had that experience? A song suddenly plays and somehow it puts words to a place that before seemed to be indescribable. It was as if the song was written just for you…in that moment….to put words to something you only felt, but could never express. At that moment something comes alive in your spirit and you are drawn inward. You relive moments long gone, you remember people you love, sometimes the pain in your life comes to the surface, still other times joy filled moments spread an uncontrollable smile across your face. Everything else fades away and you are lost somewhere inside yourself.

I don’t know about you but as I travel inward, I often meet God there. He seems to speak through the music or at least to use it as a medium to invite me to a quiet place inside my own mind and emotion. Once I get there it usually isn’t so much of a conversation as a long embrace of intimacy. Whatever the private moment I am experiencing, there he is beside me… his hand in mine. Then as I look over he usually only has a few words to say. They are powerful yet gentle. Those few words then linger in my head for days and inevitably some part of me is never the same.

The lyrics of this beautiful song brought a tidal wave of powerful memories and a torrent of intense emotion. Suddenly, I was reliving the first time I saw Jane, a bone thin Ugandan widow suffering from AIDS and TB. Her skin was draped on her frail body and she coughed in painful spasms. She was standing there in front of me weeping, her shoulders hunched over, her eyes full of indescribable pain. She couldn’t feed herself or her children. The memory still reduces me to sobs. It still feels as intense as the day it happened. Then I saw another HIV positive widow named Joyce. Years earlier she watched in horror as her parents, her brothers and sisters and her husband were slaughtered by rebel soldiers wielding sharp machetes. Her and her daughter were the only survivors. She somehow managed to dig their graves bury them herself. Then she took her siblings’ children with her to Kampala…all 15 of them. Last year, her only biological daughter was killed in a car accident. The injustice of it all brings an intense white-hot anger. Then one after the other I remembered all 120 of them each with a unique story to tell. I choked back sobs and refused to shake free of the memory. As hard as it was, I sat in it…all of it. As the memories of these widows washed over me, I looked over and the only thing I could say to Jesus was ‘I love them.” He gently smiled and said, “Do you know what love is?”

Do I know what love is? This questioned lingered in my mind for days. There is no doubt I feel deep empathy and compassion for these dear widows. There is no doubt that some of them have become my friends. There is no doubt that I have given my resources to meet their physical needs. There is no doubt that I have tried to share their courage, hopes and dreams with anyone who will listen. But, does that answer the question? Is that love or is it social action? Is it love or is it a stroke to my own ego? Is it love or does it fill a deeper desire of mine to help the unfortunate? Suddenly I felt nervous and scared. Why did Jesus always have to look so deeply into my motives? Why was the authenticity of my love always in question? Why was I being so defensive?

About a year ago, I asked the God to teach me to love….really love--like he does. Now a year later, it seemed as if God was going to peel the onion a little deeper. As it turns out, you never really master the art of loving. It is a lifelong process…at least for me. So, I lowered by defenses, turned back into the memories and asked myself that question that seemed to probe into a tender place. Do I really love them?

I have been communicating with the widows since I have returned to the US and life for them has not improved. Although, we raised $16,000 in order to purchase a piece of land for them, no land has yet become available. It has been a much more difficult task then any of us anticipated to purchase a good sized piece of land. I just spoke with them the other day only to find out that they have to be out of their current houses by January 31st. Time is running out. They are scared and clinging to the slim hope of finding a piece of land in the next week. As you can imagine, conversations with them are becoming more frantic and I have found myself wanting to avoid the phone call. Wondering if it would be easier to distance myself from the weight of it all.

Some Christians have told me that I was foolish to try to help them in the first place. In their opinion it is better left to the “professionals” in big ministries and big NGO’s. Some have tried to comfort me, saying, “You tried your best. You did more than most people. God will bring someone else forward.” Still others try to spiritualize it all by saying that if God doesn’t find the women land, he just isn’t “in the project.” So, here I am wading deep in the memories of women I have come to know and love while voices of doubt and rationalization are begging me to escape the stench of failure. In the midst of all that, a beautiful voice sings a song and God asks the question, “Do you know what love is?”

Finally I dare to say, Yes, I know deep down despite all my selfishness that I really do love them. As much as my plan of rescue may have failed, I do love them. It isn’t just emotion, it’s commitment. So what do you do when you love someone in deep distress? Do you back off slightly hoping God brings someone else to help? That would be the easy way out. Or do you throw up your hands and say “I tried”? After all, it is a total failure, right? God doesn’t allow things to fail, does he? Then a small whisp of a memory comes floating by….I see Joseph rotting in prison in Egypt for years. Then I see the Jews wandering the desert for 40 years. Neither one of those plans went “as planned” yet God was not asleep at the switch. It was as if failure was as much a part of his plan as success was. He didn’t love them any less even though they saw more failure then most. Through it all God never left them. He loved them.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that love means standing in the darkness with them. It means letting this looming failure wash over me too. It means clinging to the promises of God in the same frantic way they are. It means standing beside them no matter how difficult it gets. It means putting their needs ahead of my own. It means cozying up to sacrifice. It means saying even when it is easier to leave, I will stay put.

I am scared though. I know my own propensity to opt for the easy way out. I know my own desire for a pain free existence. I want to live a life of happiness, wealth and priviledge…nothing but butterflies, ice cream cones and beautiful sunsets. Yet, I have fallen in love with women whose lives reek with pain, lonliness and despair. It is so much easier to flee…to go back to my comfortable life, but now that I know what I know and have heard what I’ve heard, I just can’t go back.

One thing I know about God is that he is ever present in times of trouble and can be found in the most painful places. So, to love is to stay in the place where Jesus is; therefore, I will love the widows not just in emotion, but in commitment. I will stay with them in the pain and the uncertainty and, yes, even in the failure.

After days of wrestling with this question of love, I look over at Jesus and he smiles nods his head and says, “Your love story has now begun…”

Farther Down the Road, But No Destination in Sight: An Atypical New Years Letter

2008-01-07T02:51:00.000+03:00

Over the last year, I have left the familiar in pursuit of the unknown. I have embraced the wildness of God and accepted his invitation to the journey of a lifetime. I followed God into places where I can’t predict what will happen next and where I have given up all pretences of being in control. In order to be intimate with Jesus I decided to loosen my grip on the life I had created for myself—to watch it all fall away, until everything I had defined myself with was gone. I sold my house. I left my job. I left my friends. I left my community. I left my country. I left my dog. Suddenly, there I was stripped clean. It was then that God began to show me how he defined me. Now that I had lost my life, I finally began to find it.

Beloved. First and foremost, I am loved from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, from the dark recesses of my soul to my bubbly exterior. I am loved deeply and completely. God has imprinted me on the palm of hand and I am the apple of his eye. I left for Uganda early last spring with no idea what I would do and who I would meet. The more I gave up control, the more God created the most amazing ways to care for me. My first day in Uganda, a dear woman of God took me into her home. She cooked for me, taught me to wash my clothes and anticipated my every need. Her hospitality felt like the very hands of Jesus wrapped around me. God then introduced me to others who loved me so deeply and completely, that I saw God’s love in ways that have changed me forever. That beautiful love has altered the course of my life. Those last months in Uganda, I was bathed in love and it was both overwhelming and intoxicatingly beautiful.

Lover. Because I am loved so deeply, God has allowed me to love those he loves. Shortly after arriving in Uganda, I met Joyce, a widow who loves her fellow widows. I spent time with her. I began to know her, and then I began to love her. She then introduced me to 120 other beautiful widows who my heart also loved. Most of these women are refugees from the war in the north and have witnessed atrocities we can’t even imagine. Half of these women are HIV positive and all of them are caring for 5 or more children. They are desperately poor and as of January 31, 2008 they will be kicked off the land they are living on now. I know this because I spent time with each of them in their homes. I listened, I prayed with them, I gave them money when they were sick, I laughed with them, I walked with them, and I held them as they cried. I am committed to standing with them in good times and bad, in sickness and in health as now their happiness is wrapped up in mine. I am in a love relationship with them and it is one of the hardest and most beautiful things I have ever done.

Conqueror. Fear will no longer rule, for I am more than a conqueror with Jesus by my side. I used to get afraid….of so many things. I was afraid that I was unlovable. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid to leave the comfort of my life. But, now I am no longer afraid. Sometimes, I think fear is a lot like the wizard behind the curtain. In Oz he made things look bigger and scarier then they really are, however when Dorothy’s little dog exposed him for who he was; fear ceased to exist—it lost all its power. This year fear lost a lot of its power over my life. Now, with the deadline for the widows quickly approaching and no land to purchase in sight, I am resisting the temptation to be afraid. God said that we will be conquerors, so conquerors we will be. Fear is now making this situation seem big and scary, but God will show us what’s behind the curtain and fear will loose its power! I really have no idea how this will all resolve itself in the next couple of weeks, but I am certain God does.

Communicator. God told me to go to Uganda and listen. He wanted to show himself through the least, the lost and the left out. So, when I arrived, I listened and then wrote down the stories of God’s incredible grace and mercy. I wrote about widows who watched as the rebels slaughtered their loved ones, I wrote about former child soldiers who were crying out to God for strength and healing, I wrote about women who were infected with HIV by husbands who created on them, I wrote about widows who were rescued by the miraculous hand of God. I felt like there were so many stories and not enough time to tell them all. I am incredibly humbled and honored (and frankly somewhat perplexed), that Jesus chose me to be his storyteller. It is my greatest joy and deepest expression of my love for my savior.

So now after traveling deep into the brush of the unknown, I have caught a glimpse of who God has created me to be. It is not all I will be, nor all that I am now, but I much prefer lover to homeowner; beloved to suburbanite; conqueror to safe living; and communicator to silent observer. In 2007, I learned to live, really, really live. I lost everything, but gained more than I ever had before.

How about you? Will you wander with me into God’s wildness in 2008? Be advised it will be dangerous but…. you just might find yourself.

Happy New Year!
Kari

For the traditionalists: Highlights of 2007:

1) Spent 5 months in Uganda loving widows and orphans. Partnered with Dorcas Widows Project to buy land for a group of widows who are being chased off their land. (See Widows Update below) Taught English to a group of orphans at a boys home. Met the love of my life. Spent time in Gulu with former child soldiers & abducted children.
2) Started teaching 4th grade again in August.
3) My brother and his wife had their first baby! We were quite lucky to spend time with him over Christmas.
4) I sold my house.
5) I received another leave of absence from the school district. My last day will be February 1st.
6) I will leave for Uganda on February 12, 2008.

Update on the Dorcas Widows Project:

Wow! What a year! First of all, I want to thank all of you who gave of your resources and your time to support these dear ladies. You are truly helping some of God’s beloved women who have largely been forgotten by the world. We were able to raise $16,000 for the cost of the land. That is an act of God!

The widows are frantically looking for land to purchase by January 31st. They put in a bid on two other pieces of land but were out bid on one and the other piece of land was unlivable. So, now they are looking, looking, looking. I have asked two college interns to attend all their meetings so that I can keep in the loop of what is happening. We need to really get on our knees and pray, pray, pray!!

I have also been calling two of the widows to love and support them as they look. I can’t wait to see them all in person! I still have some of the beautiful necklaces, bracelets and bags that they made. They are really beautiful, so if you are in the Minneapolis area and want to take a look, feel free to email me. We will not sell them, but will accept donations for the widow’s project. They come with a decorative tag that explains about the widows and the project.

If you are interested in supporting these ladies further, please feel free to contact me karimillermn@gmail.com. Dorcas Widows Ministry is now a project under another 5013C ministry, so we are able to provide all tax documentation.

I Am Back, But I Am Not Home

2007-09-17T04:03:00.000+03:00

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39

Have you ever wondered why you were created? I mean deeply wondered why you exist and what the great purpose of your life is. Either late at night or early in the morning, have you sat in the dark silence and felt the weight of unfulfillment? The fear that you are missing the one thing you were supposed to, the one thing that would make you truly happy, truly fulfilled and truly you. Somehow in those quiet moments your heart becomes its most vulnerable and whispers in your ear an undiagnosed sadness. A feeling that your life is not being lived the way it should be or could be. Luckily, the alarm rings or we fall asleep and life as we have made it continues and the profound sense of doubt, unfulfillment and sadness goes back into hiding and we try to convince ourselves that it was all a figment of our imagination. But the more honest part of ourselves knows better, this life we have created for ourselves leaves an emptiness that is unmistakable.

I created a life for myself—a good life based on responsible decisions, good career goals and Godly morality. Financially, I saved money. I paid off my school loans. I had no credit card debt. Then at the right time when the market was favorable to buyers, I bought my house. It was a huge milestone. I was putting down roots in a community that loved me near a church where the music was worshipful and the preaching was dynamic. I had a beautiful Golden Retriever and a house with a white picket fence. In 2000 I graduated with a Masters in Education and became a leader in my profession. I moved up the ladder and was respected. I was dating good Christian men and waiting on God for my husband. I was a tireless advocate for AIDS orphans and widows. Life was good. I was healthy and lacked for nothing. Yet, at night when my house grew quiet and my mind settled down to sleep, restlessness stepped out of hiding and began to hold court in my head. It threw questions at me that I tried to ignore—What if all this stuff doesn’t make the sadness go away? What if I become incredibly successful and get everything I want and still fill empty inside? Is Jesus really enough? If he is, then why do I feel so restless? Where is the peace? Where is the fulfillment? Why is life like bland oatmeal-boring and predictable? Why is every day the same as the next? Isn’t there something more? What am I missing?

Being raised in the church to have faith and to love God without question, I kept my restlessness a secret. Maybe if I loved God more, or did more for the disadvantaged, or got married; then the restlessness would be satisfied and I would know the peace of God. My faith would be real and I would finally understand why it is so incredibly amazing to know Jesus. I wanted to know that, I desperately wanted to know that. I told God over and over when we were alone that I wanted intimacy with him. I wanted him to take me away and tell me who he had created me to be. I wanted him to tell me how to find a life without the constant restlessness that haunted all my quiet moments. Then like a gentle breeze a thought began to invade my waking moments—“Go to Uganda. I have a story to tell about myself and my people.” There was never any more to this thought or any less. It just kind of lingered on the outskirts of my mind for weeks, until I realized that God was speaking to me—inviting me away with him.

Just like the rich young ruler, I was standing with Jesus asking him how to get life—real life—abundant life. I was telling the Lord all the commandments I had kept. I have never stolen anything, killed anyone, lied in court and to the best of my ability I have loved my parents. I have loved the poor. I give money out of the excess of my abundance. And just like the rich young ruler, I was looking deep into Jesus’ eyes asking why do I still feel like I am missing something? Then Jesus gave me the same invitation to life that he gave him all those years ago, “Get rid of your stuff and come be with me.”

My mind reeled and I felt dizzy. From my first steps and my first words, my culture, my church and my schooling had taught me to be reasonable. To carefully follow wise financial policies, to invest my money for the future, to work diligently and to seek leadership opportunities in my profession. Creating security for myself and those I love is paramount to survival. Decisions must be based in rational thought while weighing the pros and cons of each decision carefully. It is the cardinal American sin to mismanage money and resources by making impulsive decisions without first weighing the options and seeking wise council. I know what the rich young ruler was thinking—Do I follow this wild passionate unpredictable Jesus or do I follow what I have been told since I was born? Do I impulsively give all that I have without a guarentee on the return of my investment—without seeing the 5-year business plan of Jesus’ ministry? Is this a good calculated risk or is it foolish? Still, I knew I couldn’t live with a lifetime of restlessness.

Then one day, my desire to quiet the voices of boredom and unfulfillment gained enough courage to leave it all….well almost leave it all. Somehow, I couldn’t fully shake my upbringing, not even for Jesus. I asked my boss for an unpaid leave of absence. They allowed me to leave for 5 months. Then I rented my house. I gave my dog to my parents and I put all my things in storage. So, last April I left for Uganda with no real plan, other than to let Jesus tell me who he had made me to be and to see if he really could satisfy the demands of my restless heart.

When I arrived, I spent time with my Ugandan friends and I volunteered at some ministries that I had supported in the past. I had no schedule. I didn’t really know what to do each day. Some days I just sat in the Cornerstone office and talked with the staff. I began to wonder if I had made a big mistake. I left everything to sit around and read the Ugandan newspaper? Then one day, Joyce, Cornerstone’s cleaning woman, stopped to talk to me. We liked each other instantly. At the end of the conversation, she asked me to come to her widow’s group and meet her friends. With nothing better to do, I went. What I didn’t realize was that Joyce was ushering me into the life God had created for me.

Over the next few months, I spent time with 120 widows. I went to their homes and heard their incredible stories of survival. I listened as they told me about this beloved savior who loves widows and provides supernaturally for them. I held them when they cried and when they were too sick with HIV to move. I prayed with them and for them. My life became bound with theirs. We fell in love with each other and a deep friendship began. I worshiped with them and we all sang praise to an all-powerful God. I saw them give all they had to Jesus—literally every shilling. “Wouldn’t you give your money to your husband?”; they would say. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of Jesus and the magnitude of the suffering of his beloved, but even more awestruck by the way Jesus met them in their suffering to provide for their needs. I love them and I have loved them.

Suddenly, I was writing. I was letting God pour the words on the paper. His stories were flowing out of me and I was alive. For the first time in my life, I was alive—like an electrical current was running through me. I was created in this moment to tell their stories and to give glory to God through them. I was created to live in friendship and love with these widows. I was created to use my influence and resources to meet their physical needs. It was exhilarating. One night, I lay in bed and realized that it was quiet. There were no voices of restlessness, no voices of sadness, no voices of unfulfillment. There was a new voice, I hadn’t heard it before, but it was singing a sweet song in my spirit. It took me a moment, but I finally recognized it—it was peace. I was a soul at rest. I was a life being lived to the fullest. It was a feeling of doing what you were created to do. I was free and it was glorious!

About a month ago, I returned to my home, my job, my dog, my stuff and my former life. Back in April, I was too scared to come away with Jesus fully, so I set up a safety net. Little did I know that I would come back and regret that I didn’t listen to Jesus the first time. As it turns out, Jesus does know me better than I know myself and he will give you life, real, abundant, unpredictable, fulfilling life. When he tells you how to get it, don’t go half way, don’t drag your feet, don’t trust more in our American culture—fall headlong into it with wild abandon. That freefall is scary as hell, but the letting go doesn’t even compare with the deep, beautiful, all encompassing, joy filled fulfillment that begins to live in every part of your soul. It is a freedom you have never known and one that gives you life where peace sings in the quiet moments.

Don’t be fooled, it is not easy, nor is it one without trouble, but whatever storms come, your soul is grounded. You can live at peace even though the storm rages around you. Thankfully God also told the rich young ruler that anything is possible with God, so I now have another chance to leave it all—really leave it all. I am selling my house. I am getting rid of my stuff. I am giving my dog to my parents. I am leaving my job. This time instead of screaming as I free fall into God’s wildness, I think I will swan dive smiling from ear to ear. For as Jesus said anyone who loses his life for me will find it. I did find it—every delicious part of it. Because what does it profit me to gain the whole world, to gain the life I thought I wanted and lose my soul?

Update on the widows:

The picture above is of the wild beautiful party the widows threw for me before I left. First we cried, held each other and couldn’t even imagine not seeing each other. I was sad in the deepest place and they held me as I cried and I held them as they cried. I am not sure who was comforting who—maybe we were comforting each other. We couldn’t leave like that, so we decided to throw a party. On the Tuesday before I left, I arrived to 100 widows singing. It sounded so beautiful. Then they cheered and danced with me as I arrived. Ruth then took me away from the rest of the women to a small two-room house. There on the bed was the dress I am wearing in the picture above. They had saved all their small shillings to give me this beautiful dress. I cried, I jumped for joy—it was everything at once. Ruth helped me put it on and then I went back to the party. The widows were elated that it fit and began to bring gift after gift up to me. Each gift was a symbol of the love we had for each other. It was almost too much to take it at once. It was a moment of incredible joy and deep love and affection. I tore my heart out to leave. I wasn’t sure I would survive it emotionally, but it was worth the pain.

As for the land, two days ago they visited the land to do final inspection and found something that worried them so they chose not to proceed with that piece of land. Simon also confirmed that this was the case, so they still have the $16,000 and will begin searching for a new piece of land. I talked with one of the widows by phone yesterday and I think it was a good thing to know there was a problem before the land was purchased. Keep praying that God will give them the right piece of land with no issues!!

Once the land is purchased we will be going gangbusters to raise money to build some small simple homes for the widows to live in. Lisa and I have met with several people about the best way to collect donations and at this point we have the opportunity to become a project under Church Development, Inc., my dad’s ministry. Therefore all donations will be given through that organization. Then Church Development, Inc will give the money to Cornerstone who will manage the money for the widows. It seems to be a great system and a great way to provide financial accountability. If you have any questions or wish to support this project please either email me at kari.miller@usfamily.net or Lisatschetter@comcast.net

My Life:

Well, I think after reading my blog, you may have a pretty good idea where I am headed, but just to make things real clear—I am moving my life to Uganda for a while. I am selling my house—anyone interested? I am leaving my job. I am leaving my stuff. I am leaving! My heart is with the widows and with the relationships I have made there. I am hoping to get everything wrapped up by February 1st, but with the housing market the way it is, I am not sure that will happen. Please pray that the house sells quickly!

When I am there, I can live on some savings I have, however, I was also offered an opportunity to sub at the International School there -which is possible to turn into a full time position. One thing I know is that God will provide for me!

I am so excited to start this new chapter of my life! I have never felt so secure with a decision in my life. I finally found my life!!!

Much love,
Kari

Rich In Faith

2007-08-08T14:13:00.000+03:00

“Has God not chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?” James 1:5,6

Helen grew up in a family that loved her. Her parents taught her how to grow maize, groundnuts and Irish potatoes. They always had enough to eat and the food was good. She hoped one day to be a good cook like her mother. No one could make millet bread like she could. Sometimes as night, her uncles would take her into the woods to collect honey from the beehives. She would hold the fire up high over her head close to the hive to chase the bees out. Then her uncle would collect the honey. She loved eating that sweet honeycomb. On holidays when her friends and family gathered in her home she would watch her older siblings dance the traditional Acholi dance. She stood behind them and tried to copy their every move. Then her parents would light a fire and the children would listen as the adults told them stories of times long ago. Life at home was full of love and promise. She remembers being so happy. She felt like the richest little girl in the world.

As all little girls do, she grew to be a vibrant fun loving woman. She fell in love with a good man and married him in a grand celebration that the whole village attended. They built their home, planted their crops and dreamed of a great future together. Helen was excited to become a mother and to raise her children to know the rich love she had felt as a child. Her first child came and the whole family came to ooh and aah over this new fat healthy baby. Then just two years later another beautiful baby joined their family. Everything was as it should be and they wanted for nothing.

Shortly after Helen’s second child was born, rumors began to spread around the village that a group of rebels were planning to overthrow the government. She hoped they were rumors. Life was good in her village and no one wanted to go back to the days of Idi Amin. Then one day some Ugandan officers showed up at her home to talk to her husband. She longed to know what they were discussing so intently under that tree. When they left, she approached her husband. He told her that the rebels were indeed beginning to attack villages in their area. The rumors were true. He then told her not to worry-that he would protect her and their children. Suddenly, she knew what he would say next. He had joined the army and was leaving the next day to go and fight the rebels. She cried hysterically and begged him not to go--not to leave them, but he felt that the only way to really protect them was to join the army and fight.

She cried for days after he left. She lay awake each night wondering if he was alive or dead. Her neighbors told her that the rebels were getting closer and that they were ruthless and held no mercy for women and children. She was so terrified, but she had to stay strong for her children. They were so young. She tried to remain calm as she breast-feed her youngest. Even if her life was in chaos, she wanted her children to feel at peace.

One day, a relative came running up the path to her home shouting and crying. Helen ran to her fearing the worst. The woman told her that the rebels had slaughtered her sister and brother in law this morning. Helen dropped to her knees and wept. How could this be happening? Suddenly she remembered her sister’s two small children. Shaking she looked at the woman and tentatively asked about the 3 year old and the infant. “They are alive and with your father,” she said.

She could feel herself drowning in sorrow, so she asked God to give her strength. She was a mother and she knew she couldn’t fall apart—not with two young babies. So got up brushed herself off and fed her children lunch. After feeding them, she went to her father’s house to mourn with him. Helen and her father held each other and cried. It was all too much to bear. Helen knew upon entering the house that her sister’s child would only survive if she breast-fed him. So, she picked up her nephew and wept as she breast-fed her sister’s child. She stayed with her father for a couple weeks and helped with all the funeral arrangements. It was a painful time.

After two weeks, Helen made the decision to return to her home. All the children’s things were there and there were neighbors who could help her care for her sister’s children. So, with 4 children under the age of 3, she returned to the house she had built with her husband. Life was hectic. She seemed to be breast-feeding all the time. Then the other two wanted to be held and cuddled. God was her only source of comfort. He somehow gave her enough strength to keep going. She would get so afraid sometimes. The gunshots and bombs seemed to be getting closer, but when she would pray God would give her peace. Even now, she can’t explain how she felt that peace as the war raged around her.

One day, she heard her neighbors screaming, “The rebels are here.” People were frantic and running with their children. Some were screaming, some were crying and some were praying. Helen ran inside the house and saw 4 small children. There was no time. She had to run, but she couldn’t carry them all. “God forgive me,” she cried and she picked up her sister’s children and hid them under a blanket. Then she took her two children and ran wildly into the bush. Then she hid and silenced herself and her children. After several hours, all was silent and slowly people began to leave the bush. She took her children and forced herself to walk toward her house. She began to shake expecting to see her sister’s children dead. To her great relief, they were scared but alive. She held them so close and wept uncontrollably. The weight of leaving them almost crushed her. She thought of poisoning herself, but who would care for the children?

She wondered how God could love her. How could he forgive her? She felt like she had had no choice. She prayed all night and even in her deep despair, God comforted her. He came to her. She said she felt him holding her saying, “I will never leave you. I know you did the best you could. I will protect you and the children. Depend on me.”

A few days later the rebels came again. Again she chose to run with her children and to leave her sister’s children hidden in the house. As she lay silent in the bush, she prayed for those children. She asked God to supernaturally protect them. Unlike the last time, she felt the peace of God even through the loud pops of gunfire and exploding bombs. God’s presence seemed to be all around her. She could feel it in her bones. When all fell silent, she went back to the house and was shocked to find the children eating. The rebels had cooked food at her place and left some for the children. They had spared her home and her sister’s children. Helen fell to her knees and began to worship the great rescuer. God had promised to save her and the children and he did. That night instead of crying in despair, she sang out loud hymns of praise. As she closed her eyes, she could feel God’s presence. It was so peaceful and so loving.

A few days later, the rebels came again. Again she heard her neighbors begging for mercy before they were murdered. She heard people running and screaming. She went to grab her children and then stopped. She remembered that God had promised to protect her, so with her heart beating wildly she gathered all the children together. As they sat holding each other, Helen began to pray. Her voice was shaking, but she continued to talk to Jesus reminding him of his promise of protection.

Suddenly the door flew open as 3 rebel soldiers rushed in pointing their rifles at her head. They were all shouting at her. She put up her hands and continued to pray. It was loud and confusing. She began to beg them to spare her children. She had heard them slaughter her neighbors, so she was expecting the same. Still she continued to cling to God’s promise of protection. Then something miraculous happened. One of the rebels told her to get up, get her children and run. Immediately, she grabbed the infants and told the other two to grab hold of her skirt. Then they ran. As she looked back she saw them burning her home and everything she had. She had nothing but the clothes they were wearing, but God had kept his promise, she and her children were alive.

Helen’s husband never came back. The great love of her life was gone, but a new love was beginning. Over the next 20 years, Jesus has provided for Helen. He has fed her when she has had nothing to give her children. He has provided school fees in ways too miraculous to believe. He has provided places for her to live when she had nowhere to lay her head. But most of all he has never left her and he has loved her better than any man ever could.

Helen is caring for her grandchildren now as two of her own children have died of AIDS. She lives in a condemned bathhouse and sells brooms in the market. Looking at her is looking at extreme poverty. She has nothing. Her and her 6 grandchildren sleep on the floor of that old bathhouse. It is only God who feeds her. It is only God who gives her peace. It is only God who gives her joy. It is only God who loves her.

As she stood in front of the other widows and told her story of God’s great love for her, she gushed about how good God has been to her. Then she fell to her knees and raised her hands up to heaven and began to praise God for his goodness and provision. In that moment I saw her for who she really was, a bride of the King--a Queen in God’s great kingdom with all the resources of heaven at her disposal. Queen Helen, poor in the eyes of the world, but rich in the eyes of her beloved.

Update on the widows:
Praise the Lord and Bless you!!! We raised about $16,000 for the widows new land. Seven acres of land will be purchased just north of the city of Kampala. It is close to several factories where the women can find work and to an AIDS clinic. There are also several schools for the children in that area. Simon is checking on the land title and going to survey the land and do final negotiations sometime with week. Things here do move slow, but they are moving!! I have also begun researching the best way to construct houses for these dear women. Hopefully, I will have an idea of how to proceed with that before I leave. I am also hiring two interns, University students-graduates of Cornerstone Leadership Academy for Girls, to work with these widows while I am gone. These girls are fantastic!!

When I get back I am hoping to start a new 503C to help fund these projects for the widows. Everything is at the beginning stages, but if you would like to help Lisa and I feel free to contact us. I will be updating everyone on the progress of the widows project in the months to come. God is really doing something exciting!!

Update on me:

I am crying now. This is so hard to write. I am leaving these women and it is so painful. I have heard their stories over the last 4 months and I have tried to tell you just a few of them. I have now met with 103 widows hearing their stories, crying with them, laughing with them and praying with them. I have held those with AIDS close to death. I have paid medical bills. I have provided food, house rent and school fees. Yet these women have loved me more than I have loved them. They reach into their handkerchiefs where they keep their few coins and buy me a soda or put their few coins together and cook me lunch. Walking through the market the other day, Helen, who you just read about, gave me a broom and wouldn’t let me pay for it. They are planning a party for me next Tuesday. They asked me what colors my parents liked. I think they are working hard to collect money to cook for me and to make things for my family and I. I am not sure I can emotionally get through it, so pray for me.

God told me to go to Africa because he had stories for me to hear and to tell about his personality. I totally underestimated how great and glorious those stories would be. I now have a 100 of them sitting inside of me and I try to let one out for you each week, but there are so many more. I have seen God be bigger than I ever thought he could be. I have see God be more loving then I thought possible. I have see God rescue people from deep dark places. I have seen God be a husband, a father, a brother. It is so beautiful to see God being himself that I am not ready to leave. It reduces me to tears every time I think about it. Some of you will understand when I say this is another “grabbing the chair and not letting go” moment. I need someone to come and pry my fingers off. (Sorry for the inside comment, but some of you will understand what I mean.)

How can I leave here in a week? How? I am not ready. I’m not.

I am spending my week with saying goodbye and it is ripping my heart out. It hurts so much, yet I keep telling people “ I am coming back.” But I see the uncertainty in their eyes and it kills me. World Vision has asked me to speak at their chapel on Friday. Please pray that God gives me something other than a tearful goodbye to say. I told the street boys at Kibuli that I was leaving and they spent a half an hour begging me to stay, “Please auntie, who will teach us if you go? Please auntie don’t go.” Then Ezra went outside and pouted for the rest of the time. If you know how emotional I am, you know this is just killing me. Agnes, an HIV positive widow, came to the office the other day and just held me and cried. Then I have made some intensely personal relationships that I have no idea how to separate from. I keep thinking, “my life is here. I am really alive here. Why am I leaving?”

I am sorry to rant and cry and sound so nuts, but it is just where I am. I am not okay. I feel like I am falling apart. I am trying to pray and to rely on God like my widows. I am trying to learn from them how to handle this torrent of emotion. I am still so new in this kind of reliance on God, but I know God will come and he will give me strength to get on the plane and leave. I may come back and be a bit of a mess, but I know God will sort out the pieces. I need an emotional exit plan, but I am just not sure how to make one. I need help, so I keep relying on God and my friend and my widows. They love me so well and they hold me when I cry. They point me to Jesus and pray for me. We will get through it together.

I am weak, He is strong. I am sad, He has joy. I am in despair, he has comfort. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

Kari

Climbing Out Of The Pit

2007-07-25T15:20:00.000+03:00

“Praise the Lord, O my soul; and forget not his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103: 2-5

Have you ever woken up to find that you are deep inside a pit? Life has suddenly begun to collapse around you and it feels as if you might suffocate under the weight of it all. You can’t tell anymore whether it was the foolish choices you made or the foolish choices of others that dug the pit so deep. All you know is that you are in a dark, dank place with little hope of rescue. As if that is not enough, the pit seems to be filling with the heaviness of fear and despair. Everything you try to get yourself out only sinks you deeper. The air begins to feel scarce and panic becomes your closest friend. You begin to wonder if anyone will find you. Will any one care enough to come looking?

Rachel had fallen into a deep pit. Her husband died in 2000 of AIDS, leaving her HIV positive. Losing him was devastating, but equally as devastating was realizing that she was faithful to a man who slept with other women. How do you mourn someone and at the same time burn with rage?

When did he have time to have these affairs? I cooked dinner every night. I took care of our children. I listened to you as told me about the stresses of your day. I mourned with you when our last-born child died in infancy. We walked through this deep valley of grief together and emerged on the other side. Our marriage seemed strong and intimate, was it all an illusion? Why did he do it? Was I not enough? Am I not beautiful? Did he not love me? Was I a bad wife? Was I not a good lover? The questions came at her at lightening speed and tormented her day in and day out.

Each day she nursed her husband to his death and sometimes it took everything in her to care for him—to show compassion to him, to clean him, to listen to his cries. She felt guilty sometimes that she wanted him to suffer. He had broken their sacred bond and had brought death into the house. Finally, he breathed his last and even in her anger, her heart broke. She had loved him. He had been handsome. She remembered falling in love with him. How sweet that time was. She was his princess. Their love was sweet and intoxicating. What went wrong? She had gone from deliriously happy bride, to radiant mother, to ignored wife, to diseased widow. Her emotions swirled inside her like a tempest. They were unpredictable and all consuming. They drove her deep into a pit of fear and despair.

Deep in that pit with her were her two children and the only child of her dead sister. She couldn’t loose it completely; those children depended on her for food, school fees and a safe place to live. She went to the clinic and started the ARV drugs in hopes that she might live long enough to see these children through school. When she feels good she sells small vegetables at the market. She struggles to feed them everyday and to pay their school fees. Now she is being chased away from the one room shack that is her home. They city has condemned it and in doing so condemned her.

Ruth, Elizabeth and I went to visit Rachel. As I approached the wooden structure, she was sitting on a small stool staring off into the distance. When we caught her attention she welcomed us towards her. We sat outside her home in silence for a couple of minutes. Taking her hand in mine, I asked her how she was doing. That is all it took for the floodgates to open. She began to weep while I stroked her arm and her shoulders. We listened as Rachel told us about her pit. It seemed so deep and so dark, but we didn’t let go of her. The other widows gathered around her. She told us every detail. We saw the ugly face of fear. We heard the cries of despair and desperation. We sensed the wildness of rage. We listened and were not intimidated by these bullies of emotion. We held Rachel as she let out all that she was working so hard to keep locked inside of her. Then we prayed to the one who rescues us from even our deepest wounds.

The widows asked Jesus to come with his powerful weapon of love and surround Rachel. They asked him to wage war against her fear and desperation. They asked him to hold her in the palm of his hand. They asked him to reach down into her darkness and shine his great light. As they prayed a powerful sense of love and power filled that place. Rachel’s breathing calmed down and she seemed a little more at peace. We each looked at her and said over and over, “You are not alone. God will not leave you and we will not leave you.” She meekly said, “Thank you. I do love Jesus and I want to be free from this pain. Thank you for coming, I needed to know that God still cares about me.”

In that moment God’s great hand of rescue reached down into her pit and gave her hope in a way out. His light shone down breaking the blackest part of her darkness. She is not yet healed completely, but she is in a community of widows that will not abandon her into the pit. They will stand with her and remind her of God’s faithfulness and compassion. They will hold her when she cries and wage war against the evil forces of fear, despair and rage. Her healing has begun and slowly by slowly it will be completed. There will be a day when a crown will be placed on her head that shines with love and compassion.

Update on the widows:

I have now visited 65 widows and, yes, I do know them by name. I have become their adopted daughter and am called, “my baby,” on a number of occasions. They even gave me an Acholi name this week—Akello which means “bringer of good gifts.” I am a part of them and they are a part of me. It is a relationship that goes deep and one I am exceedingly grateful for. I love them. It breaks my heart to think about leaving them. In fact, I broke down crying with Joyce the widow the other day. She just held me and rubbed my back as I sunk into her shoulder. She just whispered, “Trust the Lord. God has a plan for you that is good. Don’t forget that. He will love you and he will bring you back to us. Let God have it.” Widows truly are God’s beloved wives.

I have compiled some statistics about their issues I thought you might find interesting. I have about 40 more needs assessments to go so it is not completed, but it should give you a sense of the group. 40% are HIV positive, 38% have TB, Malaria or other serious health problems, 83% are taking care of children that are not their own of those 65% are children of dead relatives, 75% have 5 or more children that they are responsible for and 21% have 10 or more children they are responsible for. It is staggering to take it all in and even more overwhelming to know that the people that are hurting are those that I love. Agnes came to the office the other day. She is HIV positive and just barely more than skin and bones. She told me that she had been awake all night with very painful ulcers, but she could not afford the medicine. So, she asked if I knew anyone who could buy her beaded necklaces, so she could get enough to buy the $12 medication. Needless to say, every woman in my family will now have a beautiful beaded necklace made by Agnes the widow. It is my hope to bring some of the necklaces back home and sell them so that people like Agnes can earn enough money to live and care for themselves.

I am meeting with the executive committee tomorrow about the 4 different possibilities of land. It is my hope a decision will be made within the week, but as always anything can happen. Then we will need to begin to raise money to build some small homes. We are getting close to our $15,000 goal, but are still short, so if you wish to help the widows please contact Lisatschetter@comcast.net

God is really doing some amazing things and it is beautiful to watch!

Update on my life:

Well, I only have 3 weeks left and when I am alone at night, I cry with such intensity I am not sure even how to handle it. My heart has fallen in love with these people and this place. An American friend who lives here told me on Saturday that I needed to develop an emotional exit plan, and I think she is right because denial is definitely not working. This has been the best time in my life. I am so alive. I am so happy and I am so content. How do you find your heart’s desire and then leave it? Leaving will surely be the biggest thing I trust God for so far. Please pray for me!!!!!!!!

I will be home August 16th and staying with my parents until Sept. 1st. (I have a renter in my house until then) I will be starting work the last week of August and somehow re-entering my life. I may choose to leave Sprint, so I will keep you posted if I get a new phone number. I want a phone that can send text messages to phones here in Uganda. Anyway, I love you all and see you soon!

Kari

From Death To Life

2007-07-16T09:36:00.000+03:00

“When he heard this, Jesus said,” This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” John 11: 4

This year I set out on a journey to find Jesus. At first I wasn’t quite sure where to find him. There seemed to be a lot of churches and religious people who claimed to know him and I am sure many of them do, but being a deeply relational person, I wanted to know him deep inside my own soul. I wanted to sit with him alone in a secluded spot where we could focus only on each other and talk about intimate things. I wanted to understand how he could love me so deeply and forgive me so easily. I wanted to know why he loves the least and the left out among us. I wanted to get better at loving him. I wanted to know where he spends his time. I wanted to know what makes him smile and what makes him cry.

So, I left my comfortable place and went to the least among us to find him. Surprisingly, he was there-out in the open-easy to spot. There he was in all his glory sitting among the widows and the orphans. He looked at me as if to say, “Finally, what took you so long? I told you I can be found by anyone who looks for me. I am not hiding. Didn’t I say that I would be with the poor? Now let me show you my favorite thing to do.”

I spent time with Jesus this week learning about his “favorite thing to do” at the home of Rosemary the widow. Rosemary’s simple wooden 3-room structure is an unlikely place to meet the God of the universe, yet he’s there and he was full of life and laughter. He was with his bride. Just as he promised, he had become the husband to the widow. Like any loving wife, Rosemary leaned forward and began to tell me the story of how they met.

Rosemary is from Northern Uganda where war has been a part of daily life for the last twenty years. She knows what its like to run from stray bullets sheltering your children as best you can. She knows what its like to see your neighbors killed while you hide in terror. Life was so hard for so long that Rosemary became numb to it all. She drank alcohol and a lot of it just to help get through the day. Then came the final blow. Her husband fell sick—very sick, very fast. She knew this disease all too well. She had seen other neighbors die of slim’s disease. Finally, in 1998 her husband died of AIDS. Then shortly after her co wife died of AIDS. She didn’t need to get tested to know the truth of her grim situation, but she did. Sure enough she was HIV positive. This put a strain on her emotions that she just couldn’t bear. It drove her deep into depression and alcoholism. She then watched as her youngest two children wasted away from AIDS. She buried them and in some respects buried part of herself. She was barely coping, but she still had five children to feed.

One day she was riding on the back of a pick up truck taking her cassava to market, hoping to sell enough to feed her children, when the tire blew causing the truck to loose control. Her only thought was of her 5 children. She remembers screaming out, “God help my children.” When she regained consciousness she realized that she was laying on the roadside with blood running down her body. Her collarbone was broken and protruding through her skin. Her back was broken as well as several ribs, but she was alive. She was taken to the hospital where it took one year for her to heal. She tried to get word about her children, but was not successful. When she returned to Lira, she found them split up among several different homes of “good Samaritans.” She collected her children and made the decision to move out of the war zone. She moved everyone to Kampala, the capital city.

Upon arriving, life was extremely difficult for her. She did not have enough money to send her children to school or to feed them regularly. Her CD4 count was worsening and HIV was now turning to full-blown AIDS. She was just bones and skin. She spent the little money she had on alcohol just to numb the physical and emotional pain. The community she lived in rejected her and shamed her. She learned not to walk out in the open, but through the back passage ways and only at night. Many people in the community thought she was mentally disturbed and wouldn’t come near her.

One day she went to the clinic to get her CD4 count taken and they were not hopeful she would last another week. They told her to go home and prepare for death. Rosemary then lost all hope. That same week, she went to a prayer service to make peace with God before she died. At that prayer service she heard the pastor say that Jesus loved her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. She couldn’t believe it. No one wanted to talk to her or be with her. She was an emotional mess. She was an alcoholic. She was going to die. She was a bad mother. There was nothing about her that drew others to her, yet this pastor continued to tell her that Jesus wanted to love her. With nothing to lose she moved forward to the front of the church and asked the pastor to help her know Jesus. As she prayed she felt an enormous burden lift from her shoulders and a sense of health she hadn’t felt in years. She walked away from that church and for the first time in a long time she didn’t feel like drinking. She went straight home and told her children about this Jesus who wants to love widows and orphans.

The next day she went back to the clinic to get her CD4 count taken again. This time the nurse took it twice. “This is impossible,” she said. “What is impossible?” Rosemary asked. “Your CD4 count is normal.” The nurse then gave her an AIDS test where Rosemary tested negative. The clinic was so shaken by this bizarre result that they sent her to another clinic and then to the main hospital in Kampala. However the result never changed. From that point on she always tested HIV negative. It was then that Rosemary realized that God had healed her emotionally and physically. She was supposed to have been AIDS next victim. Now she was God’s great beauty.

Over the next few weeks, a new Rosemary was born. She gained her strength back and began to work hard at selling things in the market. She fed her children and they all gained weight. She even raised enough money to send her children to school. The community was shocked and had a hard time believing that this was the same woman who was only bones and skin a few months ago. She had been drunk all the time and close to death. How could someone go from certain death to life in such a short amount of time? Instead of walking the back alleyways, she walked down the main street and told anyone who would listen about Jesus-the one who loves deeply, forgives completely and heals absolutely. Then in her slum area, she raised enough money to build a small church where all the broken people could come and meet Jesus. She has also taken in 7 other orphans because she knows that Jesus loves orphans. She still leads this small congregation of once broken people with the savior she loves.

Today, Rosemary laughs as she tells the story of how Jesus found her, loved her and healed her. There is a deep intimate connection between her and Jesus. They are in love and it shows. It was then that Jesus looked at me and said, “I just love to bring the dead back to life. It is my favorite thing to do.” I looked at him and all I could see was his radiant glory.

Update on the widows:

I spent a very intense day with the widows. I visited about 10 widows and heard their stories. Each story is heartbreaking and the conditions in which their living is appalling. One woman I visited lives in a one-room shack with 6 children, yet she continues to tell me how much Jesus loves her and provides for her. It is hard to get my mind around that. Midway through our day, we stopped at Rosemary’s church where several of the widows were gathered including the Muslim widow who became a Christian after I talked to her about Jesus. This former Muslim widow had prepared food for me. She ran up to me, bear hugged me and kept calling me “mama.” Ruth explained that I was her spiritual mother and she wanted to bless me, so she collected money from all the widows to buy food. Then she cooked all day to make this feast of rice, greens, beef and potatoes. Then she sent people to buy me my now favorite drink here-Orange Fanta. It was a gift of epic proportions, especially since I know some of these widows celebrating with me have great trouble feeding their families. As I move through the community of widows now, I am greeted as “my daughter”, hugged and kissed. It is a feast of love every time I am there. I go to love them and they love me more. I also saw Jane Francis on the path. Jane has TB and AIDS. She is skin and bones. She was barely moving. I ran to her held her and asked where she was going. She said that she had just come from the clinic and that she has mucus in her lungs. They prescribed some medicine, but she had no money to buy it. I asked her how much it was. She said 5,000 shillings (about $3). I quickly reached into my purse and asked another widow standing near us to take her prescription and the money and go get it for her. Then we took her to her home to lie down and rest. Amidst all the stories of loss and disease, I find myself buying medicine for those who are dying and then having lunch in a church built on the healing of an AIDS infected widow. I am not sure how I am making it from morning to evening, but God is carrying me like he is carrying them. It is intense and I cry often, but God brings people back to life, so I have hope.

I loved meeting Rosemary. Her story moved me in ways I can’t even put into words, but one thing I know for sure is that I saw Jesus and I fell more in love with him than I thought possible. Rosemary is one of the widows whose house has been sold (she was renting) and will now have to leave that slum. She does not know where she will go as of yet. About 100 widows are being kicked out of their homes this fall. I first mentioned this in my blog and God has now begun to create a way to help these women. Many of you have graciously offered to help support buying a piece of land where they can live permanently. That plan is now quickly becoming a reality!

We are moving ahead on the land for relocation. I spoke with the widows this week about two possibilities. Things are moving and I just know that Jesus will provide a place for his beloved brides! As soon as I have a fixed amount for the land I will let you all know.

Thank you to those of you who have stepped forward to support this project financially. You are making an incredible investment into the Kingdom of God! All of the money will go directly to helping these widows. If you have not helped and would like to, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetterr@comcast.net She is handling everything for me in the US.

We are funding this project through Cornerstone Development in Uganda. Cornerstone has a greater ministry to widows country wide. They hope to create a Widows Center which will provide temporary living accommodations, food, training and economic opportunity for adults, and spiritual support. In the future, it is possible that the Center would offer schooling for children and medical assistance for the residents. The center will comprise of the dormitories, Dinning hall, main hall, chapel and kitchen. It is my hope that when we complete this project for the Dorcas Widows that we can help other widows throughout Uganda.

Update on my life:

I had a fantastic week last week. I was able visit my family’s sponsored children as well as my own and it was pure joy! The lives of these families have been transformed! They are now becoming more self-sufficient and it is beautiful to behold! I only have a month left here and I get so sad every time I think about it. How can I leave these ladies? I am so happy here and so alive. One thing is certain; I know I will be back.

Much love,
Kari

A Widow’s Desperation & God’s Intervention

2007-07-06T15:46:00.000+03:00

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.” Hosea 2: 19,20

Every girl longs to hear a man pledge his undying love to her. She longs to know that he wants to protect and provide for her as long as they both shall live. Somewhere deep down women long to be seen as someone’s beloved. They want to inspire their man to do pursue them with romantic gestures and to do great and mighty things to show the world that he loves her. Little girls dream of that day when the man they love notices them, pursues them and takes them to be their bride. As women, we grow up dreaming about what such a moment will feel like: How will we react? What will we be wearing? How will he ask us to be his radiant bride? It is an electric feeling full of wonder and anticipation. We dream of the day when we will commit our lives to each other; never to be alone again. Love is alive and creating its beauty inside of us.

So, what happens when suddenly the wife’s great love is taken from her? When death inserts its nasty claws into her love nest and snatches her husband, replacing her happiness and security with loneliness and despair. In an instant, she goes from being loved to being alone. Her status as cherished wife suddenly changes to neglected widow. The world crashes down around her and she longs for someone to rescue her from the pit she has fallen into. As she sits at the bottom of the pit crying for a savior; one suddenly appears. God sends his only son to find this widow and claim her as his beloved radiant bride. Jesus weds her and creates a beauty in her she has never known.

Ruth started her life as a radiant bride. Her husband paid her father 10 cows for her and their wedding was a celebration the whole village enjoyed. Her husband treated her with kindness, respect and tender compassion. Ruth had found a good man and she knew it. Life was good, secure and full of promise. Little did she know that life as she knew it would not last. Death came and took her husband in 2003. He died suddenly and without warning. She grieved and mourned his death. In fact she could not figure out how to stop crying. She cried all morning until midday, then she cried all afternoon and often throughout the night. She missed him. It was hard to imagine even one day without him by her side. She was heartbroken. In an instant she lost everything, her friend, her lover, her protector and her provider. How would she feed her five children? How would she pay their school fees?

In the darkest moment of despair, she reached out to her sisters but they told her to go home. They could not help her. They could barely feed their own family and could not support her. Then she reached out to her brother’s in law, but they told her that they had enough problems with their own families. Everyone she reached out to ignored her cries for help. She felt so betrayed and even worse she felt so completely alone. She became full of rage and bitterness. Soon this bitterness developed into a deep depression. She could not get out of bed. She could not stop crying. She could not leave her house. In this haze of despair, she decided to poison her children and then to poison herself.
Before executing her plan, she decided to go to the lunch hour prayer service near her home to make peace with God before she killed her family. As she entered the church, the pastor looked at her and nodded his head. She noticed him looking directly at her and nodding his head. It was odd, but she was so depressed it didn’t seem to matter. As the preacher stood, he pointed to her and said, “Mama, would you stand up?” With every ounce of energy, she stood. The pastor looked directly in her eyes and said, “Jesus loves you. He LOVES you. He sees you. He sees the trouble you are in and he will help you. He will provide for you and not leave you hungry. But, please mama do not do what you have planned to do.” Suddenly, Ruth fell to the ground and sobbed. She wondered how could God love her if he had taken her husband from her. She wondered how she would feed her children. She wondered how she would pay their school fees, but she went home and did not poison her children.

Then the pastor visited her in her home and began to share the scriptures with her. He told her that Jesus did love her and see her. He told her that Jesus weds himself to the widows and becomes their husband in order to meet their every need. In one last desperate attempt, The next morning she began to pray. She asked God to provide food for her children. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. She got up and opened her door. Her neighbor was standing there with her arms full of cooked food. Ruth was shocked and could barely speak. Her neighbor had been praying and God had told her to come feed the Widow Ruth. They ate for 3 days on that food and it nourished their bodies, but more importantly it began to heal the hurt and fear. Another day, another neighbor came with money saying that God had told him to give it to the Widow Ruth. Jesus was keeping his promise. When he vowed to be this widow’s husband. He vowed to take care of her needs, to protect her and to love her. Now daily he was doing just that.

For the last three years Ruth has lived with no income and Jesus has fed her children every day. One day last week, God told Ruth to go to the market to buy food, but she had no money. However, after three years of trusting her heavenly husband, she knew a good surprise was in store for her. She dressed and walked to the market where she waited for God to provide for her. A teenage boy approached her and asked how she was doing. His parents knew her and had asked him to go inquire about her needs. She told the boy that God had sent her to the market to get food, but that she was waiting for him to show her how to buy the food. The boy then gave her 20,000 Schillings (about $15) and told her to buy food for the week. His parents had been praying and sent the boy to find her. Day after day, month after month and year after year, God has been a faithful husband. He found her dirty, lonely and crushed in spirit and has now turned Ruth into a radiant, vibrant, beautiful woman.

As for Ruth, she told me yesterday that she is done with men, she is married now to Jesus and serves him alone. She told me, “Kari, that is what God can do. I bring all my problems to my God, to my husband, and he takes care of them. I am well loved, well protected and well provided for. It is only God who can do that. You just trust him and he will provide. He will love you better than anyone.” Sounds like a woman in love doesn’t it?

As a follower of Jesus, will you be a widow's husband? Will you love, honor and cherish her? Will you provide for her and protect her? One thing is sure, even if you won't--Jesus will.

Update on the Widows:

I am still visiting widows and it is still overwhelming. I am learning that God loves his widows and will do miraculous things to provide for them. He is a good husband! I hope you are as moved by Ruth’s story as I was. I love stories of rescue where love is displayed as the most beautiful part!

We are still working with the widows to get a good plan for the land written on paper. We will meet with them in the next two weeks to get something in writing so you can finally see what we have been doing here. Thank you so much to the many of you that have contributed to helping these widows! God is using it as another confirmation of his great love for his bride!

I think we can get land for about $13,000 but the dollar is steadily dropping in value, so I will let you know what the final price is when we get everything written down. Also, we will need to begin construction of simple homes for the widows after the land is purchased, which is why I put a new target of $15,000. That way some homes could be built with the excess money. Right now, I am estimating how much everything will cost, but as we get everything in writing it will become more fixed.

Thank you so much for your tender hearts for the poor!!

Update on my life:

I am so excited to leave on Monday for Rakai where I will visit my sponsored children. I couldn’t be more excited to see all the fabulous Rakai staff again and to connect with all those we love in that region. At this point Veronica is planning on traveling with me which will be so fun!! I am one lucky girl!

It has been incredibly rainy this week and a little chilly. Many here say that “it is winter today.” I think it feels good not to be roasting, but I understand that they are used to the heat. I am happy and healthy, but keep praying for me. I am sure that is what keeps me going!

Much love,
Kari