Would $25 Change Your Life?

“Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed, but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead.”  James 2: 15-17

 On July 27^th, an American woman named Margaret attended a Dorcas Widows Meeting.  She had visited the women once before and was awestruck at the challenges they face and at their tenacious belief in God’s goodness despite their circumstances.  So, quietly…without any advanced notice Margaret stopped by to see the widows. 

She announced at the meeting that she would buy 50,000 Ugsh ($25) worth of beaded jewelry from each woman at the meeting.   At first the women just stared at her in disbelief…then they began to jump up and down screaming.  Joy oozed from every pore of their bodies.  After receiving the money one widow named Stephania ran around the compound of the church waving the money in the air…tears of joy running down her face screaming in Luganda…”I have 50,000, I have 50,000, I have 50,000.”  She was completely overwhelmed as they all were…they could not imagine a woman coming seemingly out of the blue and giving them each such a large sum of money.

This last Tuesday the women testified about what they did with their unexpected blessing.  Since many of you could not be there, I wanted to share their testimonies with you…

Helen: Prior to coming to the meeting that night Helen’s son was sent home from school because she couldn’t pay the remainder of his school fees.  Her business had collapsed as she had spent all her money on treatment for herself and for two of her sick children.  Then on top of that she had to spend what little was left over on a relative’s funeral.  She felt helpless…tapped out…she had no idea how God would provide the money to send her child back to school. When she came for the meeting she asked the group to pray for her…to ask God to do something to get her out of this mess. So, when Margret gave her the 50,000…she couldn’t believe it and waited with the money outstretched thinking surely the woman would want a balance…that she wouldn’t let her keep such a sizable amount.   She kept quiet and waited to see what would happen.  Then she saw that all the widows were being given 50,000 each.  She was overwhelmed because this lady gave her the ability to pay the school fees, buy new bed sheets and to buy food for her children.  Even a week later, she can’t believe it…that God would so immediately answer her prayer…that a stranger would come in the name of Jesus and bless her so abundantly.

Nancy: Nancy is HIV AIDS positive and struggles with constant pain in her legs making it hard for her to work long hours. One of her sons is also sick, so much of her money goes for medical treatment. She struggles every week to buy enough food for the house.  At this point paying school fees for her children seemed like a luxury she could not afford. She came to the meeting expecting emotional support and prayer…that other widows would understand her situation and give her encouragement. Nancy was shocked…I mean shocked to find Margaret at the meeting giving each woman 50,000 Ugsh. Never in her wildest dreams would she have thought that someone would give her so much money at one time. Even when she was going home she kept telling other widows, “I can’t believe I am going back with 50,000. God alone knows what she can do for that lady.” She used the money to send one of her children to school...all of sudden she could afford that luxury.  What a great gift!  She also stocked her house full of food…no going hungry this week!

Stephania: Stephania is HIV AIDS positive.  She sells school supplies but it is not enough to cater for all her family’s needs. When Margaret gave her the money, she counted it over and over.  She wondered if she really was holding 50,000 or if she was counting it wrong.  She was worried about not being able to feed her children.  She had also borrowed some notebooks of paper for her children; which was not paid.  When she received the money, she celebrated her blessing by buying meat for her whole household.  They had not had meat in a long, long time.   She also cleared her debt for the notebooks and stocked the house with food. She regrets not thanking the lady properly as she was so shocked she just ran around the compound yelling, “I have 50,000!  I have 50,000!”

Lucy: Lucy sells fish, but since she stays in a poorly constructed house with holes everywhere, every time she is away…thieves sneak in and steal her fish.  This constant loss of inventory causes her to loose a lot of the profit of her business. Unfortunately, she cannot leave that house because she stays there free of charge and she just can’t afford to pay rent anywhere else.   Because of this, she has incurred a lot of debts. She had promised one of the creditors that she would pay him on Friday, but she was only trusting God for that money.  She hoped she could get at least part of the 15,000 from somewhere to pay the creditor, but never dreamed she could pay him 15,000 all at once. So, the money given to her was a huge miracle. She had been praying and praying for a way to clear this debt.  As she shared her testimony, she was awestruck at what God had done for her.  Then she thanked Margaret for remembering the widows.  She told her, “It is now only God who can reward you.” 

Esther: Esther came to the meeting worried because she was unable to pay her daughter’s examination fee and the deadline was July 30th.  She sells candy in the market and it was not going well.  She did not have the money to pay her daughter’s fee and was asking God to please provide.  So, the 50,000 she received was a miracle to her…a direct answer to her plea.  She screamed, “It is like I have one million!”  She was able to pay the examination fee and stock her house with food.  Her great provider had used his follower to create a miracle in the life of her family.

Rose: Rose has been having a problem with her neighbors since she failed to contribute for the shared electricity bill.  She was worried and ashamed of herself.  She had no hope since all she could do was give empty promises to her neighbors.  She was also worried as children were coming back to school and she had no food in the house.  She thought it would now be better to be disconnected from the electricity because she could not pay the bill, but they refused until she cleared her debt.  As she came to the meeting, her only hope was found in prayer.  She asked the other widows to please pray for her…that God would allow her to pay all her debts and to fix her relationships with the neighbors.  After she received the 50,000, she paid her electricity bill and was able to restore those strained relationships.  She also was able to stock the house with food.  God not only answered, but created peace in the place she feared the most.

These are only a few stories of how a gift of $25 changed the lives of life’s most destitute women.  Isn’t glorious to see another follower of Jesus bless those Jesus loves?  For Margaret praying for these women was a gift of faith, yet she has learned that faith without action is dead…so she gave.  She fed them, she kept them warm and met some of their physical needs…and in the process they felt the warm tender hands of the savior envelop them and give them life.  I have a feeling that Jesus will one day hold Margaret’s hands and say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”

The Battle is mine says the Lord...

I woke up today still thinking about the bombings...I guess I'm still in shock.  I have spent the better part of today online reading everything I can about it and watching all the news reports I can.  Somewhere in the middle of it all, I just broke down and cried.  This great swell of melancholy swept over me...one mother of 3 lost her husband last night...countless others lost spouses, children, parents.  The sense of loss was just so immense...so totally life changing.  I just needed to grieve with them...to feel the weight of the sadness with them, so I just let it all engulf me.  Some friends of mine were at the Rugby Club last night...they ran, jumped over bodies and climbed fences to safety...I am so grateful to God that they survived. I don't know...it is hard to even imagine.  It really breaks my heart to think of the city I love so much in so much pain.  It was interesting though in the middle of all that sadness...all that grieving over the immense loss...I felt something tender...something holding me.  Those are the times when I know Jesus is real...when I know he is there beside me...comforting me.  I forget sometimes how present Jesus is in times of extreme pain.  I also got a sense that the war we all are avoiding will not be contained any more...evil wants his day in the sun...it says in scripture that the enemy, the evil one, walks around looking for whom he may devour.  It seems evil is on the move...our one consolation is that God's love, truth and mercy will always be more powerful than evil's most diabolical attack....there will be casualties though and that is what breaks my heart and will always keep me longing for peace.  The war is upon us...we can no longer fool ourselves about that, but we can stand like powerful warriors...our personal relationship with Jesus is our protection and our weapon aganist all the evil surrounding us...in Christ we know that we may not win every battle, but we will win the war.  When the final battle is done...Love, Mercy and Justice will remain standing. Oh how I long for that day!

May this post be a tribute to all who lost their lives or who were injured in the bombings in Kampala, Uganda July 11, 2010  

Following Where The Wind Blows

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8

Have you ever intently looked for another person only to find that you just missed them? They were there only minutes before you arrived…even their perfume or cologne is still lingering in the air, but they are no longer there. They have moved on and so you keep following their trail in hopes that you will catch up with them. Each place you reach has their essence there…you can tell they’ve been there…they have left their mark; yet you can’t seem to meet them face-to-face. I had that experience this month…the spirit of God was on the move and everywhere I went I saw his fingerprints…felt his essence, yet when I arrived I never saw him face to face. It was like chasing the wind.

Two weeks ago I arrived at Logogo Baptist Church for our weekly Tuesday night meeting with the women. It was a day just like every other. At first glance nothing seemed unusual or out of the ordinary. As I walked around the side of the church to the widows meeting, I saw Lillian sitting away from the others. Her head was down. She was staring intently at her hands. She glanced up as I walked by forced herself to smile and greeted me. I knew something was not right. The pain was etched into her face. I asked Suzan if she knew what was wrong with Lillian. She shook her head no and then walked past me and sat down next to her. As I continued the meeting with the other women, Suzan spoke to her softly in Luo. Lillian told Suzan that she was scared and worried. Her landlord was threatening to evict her. When Suzan inquired why. Lillian told her that she had chosen to spend the money she made on feeding her children and she had not paid the rent in 3 months. Now she needed the equivalent of $75 in order to avoid being kicked out on the street. Suzan listened patiently and then simply told her that the Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund could help pay that rent. When Lillian heard that, she began to weep. Simple tears did not just roll down her cheeks, she shook and sobbed and wiped her nose. In Luo, she told Suzan how grateful she was and asked her, “How could God love me this much?” Suddenly, I smelled the sweet perfume of God’s compassion. He had been there, but as my eyes swept the compound I didn’t physically see him.

The following Thursday, we were at St. Peter’s Church in the middle of the “Quarters,” a slum area behind Nakawa market. The widows had gathered for our weekly meeting. Just like before, there was nothing out of the ordinary about this meeting….nothing to set it apart from all the other ones, until Perruth asked to share. Perruth is a grandmother now; the years of hardship show up in each wrinkle of her face. Several weeks ago Perruth was evicted from her home. Another woman allowed her to live in the wooden structure attached to her house, but as the weeks have gone on that woman has become tired of her constant needs. That woman began to shout at her and quarrel with her. Perruth was greatly distressed. She sat down and cried and prayed. As she was praying, Ruth, another one of the widows, came by and saw her pain. Ruth immediately went back to her home and gave Perruth some food…not only for that day but for the week as well. Perruth was overwhelmed. As she testified about Ruth’s kindness, she smiled so wide the joy took up her whole face. In that moment of one widow loving another, I again sensed Jehovah Jirea’s provision. I looked frantically for him, but just like the wind he was gone, yet it was unmistakable that he had been there.

That same Thursday, one of the widows named Alice came. (Pictured above)  Alice had once been a gifted teacher, but when her husband infected her with HIV her whole life changed. As a result of one of the sicknesses that complicated her HIV, she went blind. Now she has to be led around by her son. It is difficult for her to do even simple tasks, yet she is not depressed. Far from it, she has joy that seems deeply rooted from within. Now that she is blind, she has time to pray and sing praises. I can’t see Jesus, but it seems through her blindness she can.

When Perruth finished testifying, Alice asked to speak to the group. With her eyes tightly shut, she began to speak, “Praise God ladies! I have been through something difficult this month.” She went on the explain that she had received a call from her son’s boarding school about a month ago requesting her to come pick up her son. She traveled with her other son to the school. Upon arriving, she was told that her son had been beaten so severely by his teacher that he had two broken ribs. After hearing this news, Alice said she broke down and began to sob. She couldn’t even speak. After composing herself, she asked her son to explain what happened. He told her that because his school fees are sponsored by Meeting Point, the teacher always calls him, “Needy Boy” instead of his name. Finally, he refused to answer to this name, so the teacher beat him. Alice was overwhelmed with grief, anger and shock. She took her son home and sought immediate medical attention. The doctor confirmed that the ribs were broken and advised Alice to sue the school for all it is worth. She could then be a rich lady and justice would be done. Alice decided to go see her pastor to seek advice. The pastor reminded her of the scripture where Jesus asks us to forgive our enemies and to pray for those that persecute you. She went home and spent days praying, fasting and asking God for direction. Finally, when her son was well, she took him back to the school. Upon arriving, her son led her into the headmistress’ office where the teacher sat. Before they could speak or explain, Alice said, “I have been praying and asking Jesus what to do. God has asked me to forgive you for beating my son. I will not seek to sue this school. I only ask that you both consider becoming followers of Jesus Christ.” They were very quiet. The teacher only kept saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” Alice then said, “I have already forgiven you.” Then she asked her fellow widows to pray that this teacher becomes a follower of Jesus. I felt this strong surge of emotion in my throat…Jesus’ tender mercy was hanging in the air. It was so strong I thought I might see him standing behind Alice, but there was nothing there.

We have all seen the wind blow and it’s effects are as plain as day, so it is with the spirit of God…when he moves there is no mistaking it.

The Courage to Believe

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.” Psalms 71: 20-21

I’ve learned that it takes a tremendous amount of courage to believe in restoration…to believe that you will ever feel comforted again…to believe that you are worth being honored. All the pain that comes…all the troubles that seem to plague your life are all too real and then eventually they are the only things that feel real. They take up residence inside your soul and begin to dictate who you are and what you believe about yourself and somehow you just don’t have the strength to evict them. The bitterness that comes with these troubles slowly poisons your self-esteem. It is then you feel trapped at the bottom of dark pit, but even worse you believe it is your destiny to be there.

It is then your heart begins to wonder what the truth really is…is it the pain that is real or is it the hope of restoration…the promise of healing that is real? If you go by feelings then the pain wins hands down…when you are in constant pain it is the only thing you can think about. If you go by your head, the problems win hands down…if you logically look at the pattern of your life and see nothing but pain and problems, then you must conclude it is real and to be expected. But if you look by faith…by faith in a God that loves you and promises to carry you when you feel weak…then and only then does the glimmer of restoration seem real or even remotely possible. Then you wonder…do I have enough courage to walk by faith and not by sight? Do I have enough courage to evict all my pain, problems and bitterness from my heart?

For the last 20 years, I have prayed for a mate…someone to share my life with…someone to finally see my beauty…someone I could love and who could love me. Yet, all I have experienced is one failed relationship after another. I have been lied to, cheated on, emotionally abused…one man told me that no man would ever marry me because I wasn’t worth the effort. He told me that I was comfortable to have around like an old sock, but not a great beauty anyone would sacrifice anything for or do anything to be with…there just was nothing beautiful, exciting or sexy about me. Recently, I spent 2 years dating a man who told me he loved me only to get me to give him things. I was so blinded by love for him that I didn’t see that he was lying to me. He never really loved me…he loved that I was so easily manipulated. He left me for another woman whom he said was “the real thing,” while I was only a distraction…a means to an end for him. I was left deeply, deeply hurt, humiliated and rejected. So, after 20 long years of deep disappointment, rejection and humiliation…how do I have the courage to believe that there will be any man who will see anything of value in me? How do I believe that I have any beauty that will catch a man’s eye? How do I believe that there are any single men past the age of 30 who are faithful and believe in God’s definition of beauty? How do I believe that I will ever be free of this constant loneliness? When I was 28, somehow I was able to get courageous enough to believe…to have faith in God’s promise of restoration and healing in this painful part of my life, but now at 38…I keep looking inside for the courage to believe it, but it just isn’t there. I want it to be there…I want to evict all the bitterness and the pain from that tender place, but my voice just isn’t loud enough for the pain and rejection to take me seriously. Somehow they just laugh at me and point back to the last 20 years; at that point I just sit back down and sigh.

A couple weeks ago, I shared my pain with Joyce, a dear widow friend. She listened so patiently holding my hand in hers. Then she said, “Come.” I sat down with her on the church steps and looked into her eyes. She simply said, “Let’s pray.” I closed my eyes touched that she would stop everything and pray with me then and there, but not expecting any real change. This hurt is just too tender and too deep. Suddenly, I felt the power of her voice…I even opened my eyes and looked at her. She was speaking with such an authority…with such courage. I was totally taken aback. Her strength radiated out of her face…her jaw set…her expression serious and her hands were gripping mine so tightly. It was then that I heard her say, “…Lake of Fire!” I didn’t catch the beginning of the sentence, but it was clear she was in battle. Quickly, I focused my mind on what she was saying; “You say in your scriptures that it is not right for a man to be alone, so there is a man who is missing this woman. I throw any spirit who would tell her that she is not beautiful or worthy into the lake of fire! In the name of Jesus, I throw any hindrance the evil one would put in the path of that man to find her in the lake of fire! Remove all the evil spoken against her by these other men or pain these other men have caused and throw it into the lake of fire!” I began to cry…here was this widow…this woman who struggled in feeding her family, who struggled in sending her children to school…this woman who knows loneliness and who herself misses the touch of her husband…had somehow gathered the courage to fight the demons of rejection and unworthiness I didn’t have the strength to fight myself. Somehow in relationship…in sharing that deep pain with each other…God provides the courage to evict those bitter things from the soul.

Later that week, I experienced a freedom from that pain that I hadn’t felt in years. I had moments of courage…moments where I felt that I might be beautiful at least to someone somewhere…moments where I didn’t feel that oppressive feeling of rejection and unworthiness. The battle for my heart and my worth is still being fought, but this week God intervened and gave me a small bit of courage. My friend stood up and defended me…she would not let me wither and give in to the bullies in my heart, instead she stood firm, tough and demanded them to leave me alone…and they did. It made a difference. I can’t explain why or give proof, but it was real. Suddenly, faith…the faith to believe that God does heal painful places…the faith to believe that broken things will be restored was real and possible.

That is what is so great about the Dorcas Widows Ministry…we stand with each other and fight the bullies in each other’s hearts. Two weeks ago, I also had the opportunity to be the fighter…to chase the pain from Nabale’s heart. Nabale had been working as a nursery teacher which provided just enough for her to feed and house her children, but suddenly about 3 weeks ago they let her go due to budget restraints. Then within the same week, she found out that the NGO that had promised to sponsor her son, Mark, was also going to close due to loss of funding. She became overwhelmed to the point of despair. Sometimes, too much happens at once and the weight of being a widow just throws you down into a deep dark hole. She wept and wept and couldn’t imagine that anything could change her dire situation. Annet, our sponsorship coordinator, came to me and told me of Nabale’s despair and desperation. We then asked Lisa, Dorcas Widows Sponsorship Coordinator in the US, to find a sponsor for Mark. Then we prayed alongside of Nabale…every widows meeting we grabbed her hand and reminded her that God would restore her and told the bullies of her heart to leave her alone. A short time later, Lisa emailed saying that she had found a sponsor for Mark. Annet rushed to tell Nabale that Mark now had a sponsor and would be returning to school. She was shocked…in fact she was speechless for a moment. I know that moment…when you can’t quite believe that the problem has been beaten…when faith is suddenly real and the problems aren’t. Mark was her major worry and now through that sponsor, God had restored her situation…suddenly what was broken was now healed. That is a lot to take in at once. After being totally speechless, she suddenly began to run mad in all directions screaming, crying, dancing and praising the Lord. The bullies of her heart had told her that her son’s education was over…that she was a bad mother…that she was not worth helping, but God had used her sponsor, Lisa, Annet and I to chase her bullies and to give her healing.

Yes, the troubles we will all have will be many and bitter, but if we let Him, God will restore us, heal us and give us back our honor…not just supernaturally, but through each other. We all have the opportunity to be rescued and to rescue others….we can fight each other’s bullies and give each other the courage to believe that God does love us and that he will restore us.

From Mourning to Dancing

“…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61: 3

The widows and I ended 2009 emotionally battered and bruised. We were beyond weary…death had stolen 2 of our most beloved members and one of our sick children in the three months leading up to Christmas. Despair and deep sadness grabbed hold of us and drained us of any sign of life. Grieving was exhausting. We had loved them and now we had lost them. Here we were in the valley of the shadow of death… a dark place filled with dark emotions. I wanted to be a good leader…I wanted to lead us out of that place, but the sadness was just too much for me. Instead, I sat down in that painful place and sobbed…then I stared out into the darkness…unable to move. My soul was in deep anguish and any movement sent shock waves of pain through my emotions.

I wanted to get up…to be free of this overwhelming feeling of despair. I wanted to feel the warm light of love on my face…to know joy again. Ever so slowly, I began to faintly call to the lover of my soul. My voice was barely a whisper and it was a simple prayer, “Help me,” is all I managed to say. Yet at the time, it felt like it took all my energy to say anything at all. I was stuck in mourning…in despair…in hopelessness. I needed a rescuer and I remembered that God said he would turn my mourning into dancing. So, without any eloquent words or big gestures and with tears running down my face, I mouthed the words, “Help me.” It was then that those that love me most put their arms around me, fed me, sent words of encouragement, prayed with me and over me, took me to grief counselors. They were literally the hands and feet of Jesus. They picked me up and carried me into the light. It was hard for me to adjust to the light of their love at first, I was so used to the dark. But slowly, the despair began to fade. The world again had moments of love and joy. I have not forgotten Jane or Idah, but I no longer live overwhelmed by grief.

As I emerged from the valley of the shadow of death, I began to look around for the other widows. Now that I was on my feet, I wanted to rescue the others. In our first meeting after I returned from the States, Widow Ruth told me that she had called the ladies to a day of prayer just before Christmas. The women had fasted and prayed and asked God to lift the deep sadness and despair that had settled over the group. They asked God for healing and to restore their joy. They also asked God to provide for them as a husband would…food at Christmas and something new to enjoy. Before I left the Dorcas Widows Fund gave each widow 3 kilos of rice and 2 kilos of beans (thanks to 3 special donors!). Ruth said this was the beginning of the miracle of joy. I looked at her and said, “I don’t know what you mean.” She smiled and then announced, “Let the testimonies of what God did to give you back your joy begin.”

Beatrice stood up first. “Praise God!” she shouted. “I was unsure how I was going to make a feast for my children on Christmas Day, but God prepared one for me. First I received the rice and beans, then my relative came with 5 kilos of beef and another neighbor gave me a chicken. We ate and ate and ate. We even had enough to share with our neighbors. Imagine a widow feeding a family on Christmas day!” She shook her head and laughed.

Then Justine stood up, “Praise God!” she shouted. At this point we were all getting excited…something joyful and electrifying was in the air. Justine told us that she had also received beef, chicken and millet flour to go along with the beans and rice. “Do you know that someone who used to know me 10 years ago came to my home with milk from his cow? You know how expensive milk is in Kampala…well my friends we drank milk all day! “ Then her eyes began to fill up with tears as she explained that a relative showed up with new clothes for her children. Big tears rolled down her face as she said, “My children have never had new clothes. Imagine these are clothes no other person has worn before. God is so good.” My eyes welled up with tears too, but not heavy tears filled with despair, they were light happy tears.

One by one, each of the 40 women at the meeting stood up and told miraculous stories of how God had fed them on Christmas day and how he had given gifts to them and their children. It was then that I realized that God had rescued all of us. We had made a mass exodus out of the valley of despair into God’s love and protection. We decided to meet again the following week to have a time of prayer and fasting in order to thank God for his great love and mercy. We stood in a wide circle and all began to pray at once. About 50 women spoke with passionate voices in their own language. It sounded like a chorus of angles. It was our love song for a savior who didn’t leave us in the valley of despair…who saw our need and provided for it…who gave us back our joy…who turned our mourning into dancing.

A Personal Note from Kari:
As you may have picked up 2009 was a difficult year filled with a lot of sadness, but because of God’s great mercy…the ladies and I are looking forward to God’s new blessings in 2010. The reality is that 2/3rds of our women are HIV positive and it is incurable, so death will most likely always be a part of our ministry. Even though it hurts more than words can say to lose a friend…a member of our group, it is an incredible gift to be able to love these forgotten women. Widows are truly at the bottom of society, so it is an honor to give them the respect and love they deserve. I wouldn’t want to do anything else! I can honestly say with full conviction that the pain is worth it…the blessing far, far, far outweighs the despair.

It was a joy to be able to help feed the widows at Christmas, but the reality is that we need help all throughout the year. Widows need help feeding their families. They need help paying hospital bills. They need capital for their businesses. They need the widow’s community to become a reality. Therefore, we need some of YOU to help keep this ministry of loving widows going by becoming a monthly DONOR. Our love for the women is strong, but our budget for helping them is weak. If you are a faithful follower of this blog or if you support our work with widows then please consider becoming a financial supporter of our ministry. We cannot do it alone…We need you! Please go to our website www.dorcaswidows.org for more information.

...And I Will Dwell In The House of The Lord Forever...

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4

Last Wednesday night, I got a call from widow Joyce. When I picked up the phone she greeted me and I greeted her, but her voice sounded weary…tired, not the tired you get from not sleeping, but the tired you get from too many emotions swirling around deep inside your heart. She told me that Jane, my dear sweet widow friend, was “badly off.” She encouraged me to come and see her the next day, as she was sure God could take her home at any moment. She ended our brief conversation by saying; “She is in God’s hands now. Only He can help her now.” I didn’t quite realize yet how true that statement would be.

On Thursday, after the widows meeting, Suzan, Annet and I went to see Jane. As we entered her house, we found Ida, another one of our widows, praying with Jane’s aunty and caregiver. Her Aunty was leaning against the doorframe, shoulders hunched over sobbing on Ida’s shoulder. Ida was praying softly while rubbing her back. We slowly entered the house as to not disturb the comfort Ida was trying to give to Jane’s Aunty. But, it is a small house, so it was only seconds before they noticed us and welcomed us into Jane’s room. The three of us kneeled in front of Jane’s bed as the Aunty continued to sob. She then walked towards Jane’s bed and pulled the covers off of Jane’s body and choked out the words, “You want to see Jane. This is Jane. This is not how things are supposed to be. She vomits and has diarrhea all day long! She is in constant pain! This is not a life!” We looked at the deformed body in front of us. She was naked except for a homemade diaper. The skin was tightly clinging to each rib-each indentation between the ribs was deep enough to fit the width of your finger. As the ribs ended, there was no stomach…it was as if the skin fell directly to her spine and then stretched over her pelvic bone. She was now just a skeleton…a collection of bones. I couldn’t help but breathe in sharply when I saw the grotesque shape of her body. I remembered seeing films of Holocaust victims in school and now I was seeing the same horror right before my eyes. I blinked back tears and tried to compose myself. All I could think of was how evil AIDS really was and I wanted to scream, “DAMN YOU AIDS. DAMN YOU TO HELL!”


Ida took the Aunty outside to comfort her as I leaned towards Jane’s face and greeted her…very softly, tenderly I said, “Jane…Suzan, Annet and I have come to see you. Do you remember who I am?”
Very weakly, she turned her eyes toward me and said, “Aunt Kari.”
“Yes, that’s right. I wanted to come and tell you that I love you and that God loves you very much. How are you feeling today?” I asked.
“I don’t know…breathing is hard, but God is with me. He is here with me.” At that point, she had the most peaceful look on her face…even amidst all the pain, all the diarrhea, all the vomiting…God was there…seated next to her, holding her. She didn’t recognize Suzan or Annet, but she did keep repeating that God was there. It was then that I thought AIDS will destroy the body, but never, never the soul. She was becoming tired so I asked if I could pray for her. I wasn’t sure if I could hold it together long enough to pray for her, but suddenly I felt a courage and strength I didn’t even know I had. I asked God to continue to sit with her, to hold her, to comfort her. I asked him to lead her home…to release her from her suffering. As I prayed, I sensed that God was getting ready to lead her home…that she would be leaving us soon.

On Saturday, I attended the graduation party of widow Jenifer’s daughter. Phiona was graduating from university and had already secured a job in her field. It was a miracle of God that Jenifer was able to secure a sponsorship for all of Phiona’s schooling! The quarters where the ladies live was filled with singing and dancing. It was an incredible party full of pure joy. I was overjoyed to celebrate God’s faithfulness with them. As, Annet and I enjoyed ourselves; widow Rebecca came and asked to speak to us privately. We gathered around her and tried to hear her over the loud African music.

Without anyone knowing, the Aunty had left Jane’s house early that morning. She had left Jane’s 4-year-old girl, Mary, and Jane alone all day. Mary sat next to her mommy’s bed all day and got water for her mother to drink when Jane was lucid enough to talk to her. There was no one there to feed Mary or to help her care for her sick mother. Then in the afternoon, Kathy, Jane’s oldest, came home from boarding school. She had finished her exams early and was excited to come home and see her mother. When Kathy entered the house she saw her baby sister sitting by Jane’s bed crying and the house smelled like a mixture of diarrhea and vomit. When she called Jane’s name, she didn’t move. So Kathy began hysterically screaming and crying. Not knowing what to do, she picked Mary up and ran to Rebecca’s house. Rebecca then left Mary with her older children and ran with Kathy back to the house. When Rebecca found Jane, she was still breathing. So, she assured Kathy that her mom was still alive and helped her calm down. Kathy begged Rebecca to take her mother to the hospital, but when they phoned Jane’s doctor he told her that the TB had eaten her lungs and that she was in the final stage of AIDS…there was nothing the hospital could do for her anymore. Kathy burst into tears again, so Rebecca just held her as she cried. Then she and Kathy picked Jane up and bathed her and cleaned the sheets. When she was cleaned up and Kathy was calmer, Rebecca came to find us.

At that point we knew we needed to go check on the children. Annet and I rushed to Jane’s home. It was now dark and there was no power in the quarters. The night was inky black and it was difficult to see your hand in front of your face. As we approached the house, we heard Kathy crying and wailing. I began to shake. I wondered if Jane had already died and now we would see her dead body in the dark. Annet quickly threw her arms around Kathy and held her while Kathy cried on her shoulder. Annet then said, “We won’t leave you. We will stand with you until the end. We won’t leave you.” I softly rubbed her back and assured her that we would stay with her. We entered the home each holding one of Kathy’s hands and approached Jane. At that moment Jane opened her eyes and I could see she was still breathing. I kneeled down and told Jane that we had come to visit her again. She wasn’t sure who I was, but she said that God was there with her. She even asked Rebecca if she was dead. We then softly told her that she was still alive, but that if she wanted to follow Jesus it was okay. It was then that Annet and I noticed a shadow towards the back of the room. I have great difficulty seeing in the dark, so I asked Annet, “Can you see who that is?” She noticed right away that it was Bernard, Jane’s second oldest son. I went over and hugged him. He seemed scared to get close to his mother and yet at the same time he seemed to want to be near her.

The children had not eaten at all, so I called widow Ruth and asked her to bring some food for the children to eat. Then I called Widow Joyce and told her that the children were here alone, as the Aunty had gone missing. Ruth showed up moments later with food. Joyce also arrived quickly—Jane is her best friend. Joyce immediately took control of the situation…using my phone to call the Aunty and convince her to return. Jane’s Aunty had just gotten overwhelmed at the thought of watching her niece die such a painful death. As Ruth set out the food, Jane suddenly became full of energy and began to talk. She asked each of her children to come sit next to her and then showed her love for them. She pleaded with Kathy to keep studying well and to be the woman God had created her to be. Then she smiled at her daughter. She continued to tell them that God was here with her and that she was okay. It was then that I realized that she was saying goodbye. I wanted to break down and cry. I was going to miss her so much and I knew that she would follow Jesus soon…that it wouldn’t be long now. Joyce offered to stay with the children until the Aunty returned, so Annet and I left. As I left, I knew somewhere deep inside that I would not see my friend again this side of heaven.

Joyce stayed up all night with Jane…talking with her, remembering the laughter and the sorrows they had shared over the years. Joyce did most of the talking, but it felt good to be with her one last time. At 2:00 am Joyce bathed her friend one last time, she didn’t want her to die with vomit or diarrhea on her. Finally at 3:45 in the morning she breathed her last breath and followed Jesus to the House of the Lord.

I heard the news of her death at 5:00am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I laid in bed thinking about all the special times we had spent together, the times we had wasted whole afternoons laughing and trading stories. I felt a deep sadness enter my soul, not despair, but just a sadness in losing someone you love…knowing it will be a long time until you see them again. But, strangely enough, I also felt a strong sense of peace in knowing that she wasn’t suffering anymore…that she was not in pain and never would be again.

On Sunday, I went to Jane’s house to comfort the children and to support her grieving family. As I arrived, her aunty grabbed my hand and led me into the house where Jane’s body lay. I walked slowly into the room, there was a pastor standing in the corner praying for her and for those who are suffering now that she is gone. Then, although there were other people in the room, I didn’t hear them or see them. I dropped to my knees beside her body and began to cry…really cry. What I saw just overwhelmed me. You see she was wearing the Dorcas Widows Gomasi (dress). All the widows had made the same Ugandan dress, so that they could wear it when they represented our group somewhere or to welcome special visitors or to a special function. Jane was never able to wear her dress because she had been so ill for so long. The dress was brand-new…never been worn. Now, she was wearing that beautiful dress to go meet the savior. She was representing the widows in the courts of heaven. She looked so beautiful. Her face was so peaceful. It was then I realized that it was the first time I had seen her face without the mark of pain.

So now my dear sweet friend is in the arms of the savior…laughing, loving and free…free of pain, free of suffering, free of AIDS…just free. She is dancing in her beautiful dress and praising the God who rescued her from her body of death. Oh, how sweet it will be to join you in that party someday….

“Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalms 23:6
In Loving Memory of Jane Francis Adakini
1971-2009

Reasons To Rejoice

**I have BIG personal news to share. Make sure you read until the end!**

“Sing to God, sing praises to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds—his name is the Lord—and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.” Psalm 68:4,5

As Suzan, Annet and I sat in our weekly meeting this week, we marveled at how tenderly Jesus had shown himself to us in the last month. We had been swirling about with the widows in chaos…in death…in violence…in sickness, for a while it seemed like one problem led into another greater one with no real solutions in sight. In the last couple of months we reached the end of ourselves and could think of only one thing to do…to humble ourselves before the Lord of Peace and beg for him to help quiet our souls. Jesus told us he would give us peace, not as the world gives, but lasting eternal and internal peace. It is amazing how peaceful we felt this week amidst the storm that still rages around us. But, I assure you it is not blindness to the pain around us or numbness to the issues; instead it is a real stable sense of peace in the middle of the battle. In these next few stories I hope you see the peace…the encouragement…the reasons we have to rejoice in what God is doing.

On Thursday, widow Joyce Okwanga and I went to see Jane. She has been in and out of the hospital and is rarely without an IV these days. She has reached the 3rd stage of AIDS and now has resistant TB. She is now just bones draped with baggy skin. She labors to breathe through the tiny lung capacity she has left and shakes uncontrollably when she sits. It is exhausting for her to carry on a conversation. She doesn’t say many words now, it is just too hard to get them out…too much energy that she doesn’t have. As we entered her home, we found her lying on her bed laboring to breathe in and out. Her auntie stays with her now and feeds her when her stomach is settled enough to eat. Her auntie bathes her and cares for her like a mother would care for an infant. Our ministry pays school fees for her children as well as for all her medical treatment. We also buy the jewelry she has left in her home in order to keep feeding her. We are committed to supporting her until God takes her home. I smiled at her as I knelt beside her bed and hugged her bony frame. I told her that I loved her and had been praying for her. Joyce also greeted her and told her how much the other widows were praying for her. The last time I had visited her, I had anointed her head with oil and asked Jesus to invade her spirit and to encourage her from the inside out. Joyce and I encouraged her by telling her how much Jesus loves her and how much he longs to give her peace amidst all this pain. Her breathing suddenly changed…it became more rapid, I could tell she was trying to talk. We leaned toward her and listened to her quiet rasping voice. She said, “I am in pain all the time now, but God is telling me he is keeping me alive for a purpose. He still has a purpose for me.” She repeated the word purpose several times and then closed her eyes to catch her breath. As she spends every day lying in bed writhing in pain, she hears God telling her that she is special and created for a purpose…a purpose that even in her invalid state she can fulfill for the kingdom of God. She doesn’t sound as her body looks…her body is dying, but her spirit is alive. Joyce and I just sat in quiet awe of this beautiful soul whose body is decaying, but whose spirit is living with peace only Jesus can give.

That same Thursday, I also went to see Joyce Anywar. For the last few weeks, she has been sick with one complicating illness after another. Joyce is HIV positive, but religious about taking her ARV’s. She is known in our group as being “the strong one…the one who can persevere…the one who can make lemonade out of lemons.” Even though she is HIV positive, she has stayed fairly healthy over the last three years, so these recent sicknesses have shaken her usual confidence. After attending the burial of our fellow widow, Idah, last month she has been sick with one complicating illness after another. We have anointed her with oil and prayed with her in person and on the phone asking God to show his great healing power. We have helped her pay for treatment and gone to the doctor with her providing encouragement whenever we can. When I saw her on Thursday, she was feeling somewhat better, but so discouraged. She had missed working in the market for several days and was worried about supporting herself and her children. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “What will happen to my grandchildren, Paul and Ester…and to Winnie…who will care for Winne…who but me will care for an HIV positive child?” I was quiet for a moment, then I held her and whispered in her ear…God is not weak…his hand is not too short to save you…to heal you. God is with you and because God is with you…we are with you. You are not alone. You are still living, so let’s ask God to show himself as the great healer and the great provider. She squeezed my hand and smiled at me. The dark cloud of worry was no longer settled in the lines of her face. A short time later, a woman from Seattle who had heard about the Drocas Widows Fund and read some about us on our web site, arrived in Uganda. She had come to visit another ministry she supports, but wanted to be sure to visit our widows. When I met her she told me she wanted to buy a 100-beaded purses. Immediately, I knew God was showing himself as the great provider. Joyce is the one who makes those purses and who needs the extra income. So in the middle of all the sickness and the worry, there again was Jesus…our peacemaker.

On Friday, Widow Ruth, Suzan, Annet and I went to see the orphans we had saved from Nakawa in their new respective Cornerstone homes. Barbara, the only girl of the family, age 16, had been selling herself to buy food and other materials for her brothers when Ruth found her and asked me to please help her find a way out. God opened an opportunity for her to go to the Cornerstone home for girls who were trying to escape prostitution. They had given her a new bed, new sheets, a footlocker, food, soap…everything she had been selling her body to get for her brothers. It was almost too wonderful for words…she laughed and jumped up and down. Barbara was overcome with emotion and so grateful for this new life. It was a beautiful thing to see. Then recently we saw her walking around Nakawa, where she had been previously living with her brothers. When we saw her we asked why she had come back. Barbara then told us that her oldest brother had called her back home saying he was sick. Annet and Ruth then did some asking around in the community, only to find the brother missed the money he was making off of selling her, so he tricked her into coming back forcing her to sell herself. At that point, we gave her transport money to return to the home and told her not to return to Nakawa. So, yesterday, Ruth, Annet, Suzan and I went to the Cornerstone house to see Barbara. When we entered the compound, she squealed with delight like a little girl seeing her mommy coming home from work. She hugged each of us and ushered us into the home. We sat with her and told her how proud we were of her…she had been learning tailoring and jewelry making.

Then Ruth asked her to come sit beside her. Ruth spoke so tenderly, so softly to her. She told Barbara how much we all loved her, how much worth she had as a daughter of Jesus, how we longed for the day when we will dance at her high school graduation…at her wedding. Ruth told her how much Jesus wanted to give her a husband that would treat her as a valued women…full of worth and virtue. Barbara just looked at her hands as tears formed in her eyes. Ruth tenderly continued to tell her that she is a new creation in Christ. That she is now safe here. That it is okay not to obey her brother. Ruth told her that she would take care of the older brother if he is sick, so there is no reason for her to come home ever again. Then she told Barbara to pray for her older brother…that his heart may be changed, that he may learn to see his own worth and value. Ruth told her again that she is safe…no one can enter this compound without permission. Barbara just looked so defeated…so small…so ashamed. Then Ruth reached out to her held her hand, smiled and told her again how worthy God had made her. We all then looked this vulnerable girl in the eye and told her how valuable she was to God and to us. We each held her and kissed her on the cheek. Suddenly, there it was…peace…it was in her eyes. She told us that she was not going back again and thanked us for helping her escape. She told us she wants to believe Jesus…to believe that she really can be worthy. The mentors then told us not to worry, they would keep praying with her…counseling her. Ruth smiled at her, called her daughter and then told her how proud she was to call her daughter…God’s two beloved women…a widow comforting an orphan. In the middle of all this ugliness, there was grace…there was love and then there was peace.

The storms of life will come and go, pain will invade our bodies and our spirit, suffering will rest on all of us at one time or another, but through it all Jesus will guard our souls with the warriors of peace, grace, love, hope and unreasonable joy.


BIG NEWS—Personal news—

I have been praying for quite some time about how to support myself as I do ministry here with the widows. Up to this point, I had been teaching in Minneapolis and then living off my savings while I am here. Starting in June, I took a year leave of absence from my job in Minneapolis to see if I could find a job here in Uganda. In only a few short weeks, I was interviewing at the International School of Uganda (google The International School of Uganda and check out the campus). Then at the end of September I was hired to work with students with special needs. So, I am now teaching full time and seeing the women after work and on weekends. This is a HUGE blessing for me as it allows me to live here full time and do the ministry I love. I have now purchased a car and it will be coming from Japan in mid-September. I am hopeful that I will find a place to live with Suzan by the first of December. (A HUGE THANK YOU to the Kabi’s for letting me live with them for these last 3 years. You really are my family here!) So, feel free to visit us here in Uganda…you definitely have a place to stay!

ANOTHER BIG NEWS-COOL GOD THING-personal-

In 2005 I went to Swaziland for the month of July. I went alone…well not exactly alone…it was my first trip with just Jesus and I. While I was in Swaziland, I volunteered my time each day at the government hospital in Mbabane, clearly a place of death and disease. There were 3 infants who had been abandoned shortly after I arrived in Swaziland and they were living in the hospital. I spent my days taking care of these precious little ones. I got especially close to one of the babies. I fed her, changed her, sang to her, cuddled her…my family all thought I might come home with a child. While I was at the hospital, I met an American couple, Claud and Mary. They were church planters there and had been working with a Swazi social worker to adopt a baby. So, often when I was in the hospital, they were there too caring for the baby they were waiting to take home and adopt. Then a week before I left, I felt this overwhelming sadness and despair at leaving “my baby” at the hospital. So, there I sat in the hospital holding her close and crying at the same time. Then I reached up took my tears and baptized this baby…claiming her for Jesus, as his special infant. Then I asked God to save her…to give her a home. In the next couple of days, I arrived in the hospital only to find out that one of the babies had died during the night. I ran into the hospital ward shaking…wondering…only to find out that the American couple’s baby had died. The next day, I was in town having dinner with some new friends when I felt a presence behind me…it was Claud. His face was tense and all he said was, “I need to talk to you right now.” My heart started to beat incredibly fast. I stood up and walked out into the parking lot with him. His wife Mary was there. He asked me if I heard what happened to their baby as their eyes welled up with tears. I nodded my head yes as I cried with them. Then Claud looked me straight in the eye and said, “Our social worker told us today that we have an opportunity to now adopt “your baby.” Is it okay with you?” I burst into tears and said, “yes” over and over again. God had answered my prayer! Well over the years, we have kept in touch by email. Imagine my surprise when two weeks ago I got an email from Claud saying that God had now called them to Uganda and that they would be in Kampala the following day. So, last week I had dinner with “my baby!”—actually she is 4 and a half now, beautiful, talkative, joyful, playful. I have cried off and on about it since I saw her last week. Only Claud, Mary and I know the pain, despair and filth we rescued her from. They introduced me as her “auntie.” I was overjoyed. God does beautiful things doesn’t he?