WE HAVE LAND!!!

I am thrilled to share with all of you the latest and greatest of God’s miracles! As many of you know we have been looking for land for the Dorcas Widows since July 2007. The search has been long and taken us down many a winding road, however, we remained steadfast that God would, at the right time, provide just the right place. In late July this year (exactly one year after our search began), I went to look at a beautiful piece of land about 40 minutes outside of Kampala. It was 100 meters from the main road and the soil was rich and ready for planting. We immediately put in a bid and began to go through the process of bartering. During this process, another buyer came forward and offered to buy the whole 20 acre plot thus forcing us out of the running. At that point we were sorely disappointed that another exceptional piece of land had slipped through our fingers. However, about a month later, after I had returned to Minneapolis I received one of the best calls of my life.

Joyce, one my dearest widow friends (pictured above), called me and told me the most exciting news. She said that the buyers who wanted to acquire the whole 20 acres were not able to come up with the funds, so the sellers contacted our representative and asked if we were still interested in buying the property. After that it only took a week for us to purchase 2.85 acres of prime land in Matuuga. When Joyce told me that the land was now ours, I started to scream “yes, yes, yes!!” and she started to laugh uncontrollably. After over a year of waiting, God had given his widows a beautiful piece of property. We both laughed, cried and thanked God together. It was a thrilling moment and I will never forget it! (For those of you in Minneapolis, we will be having a bazzar/fundraiser next Sunday, Sept. 28th—come and hear more of the story!! Check www.dorcaswidows.org for details!)

As many of you know, I have physically returned back to Minneapolis, but my heart and my soul remain in Uganda with the women I love. However, one of the greatest blessings in being home has been to see how my partners in this ministry, Lisa Tschetter and Carol Daly Vogt have used their extraordinary spiritual gifts to create a structure and a solid base for The Dorcas Widows Fund. I have never seen God bring together a team so perfectly suited for each other and for this ministry. So, in this public forum, I wanted to thank them and tell them how much I love them both. God is doing mighty things through them, through me and through the ladies. I can almost feel it pulsing through my veins at times and I love it!

In being home, I have been asked so many thoughtful, interesting, creative questions about the Dorcas Widows Ministry, so I have decided to post a copy of an interview I did with an online magazine called Wrecked For The Ordinary (www.Wreckedfortheordinary.com). If you are one of the people who have loved these women through prayer or though financial giving, then please read my answers to these thoughtful questions. It may give you a better glimpse into the comprehensive nature of this ministry. Just scroll down and see if they asked me some of the questions you would have loved to ask me! It is a good window into what God has developed over the last year. Enjoy! If it raises any other questions, feel free to contact me at karimillermn@gmail.com

Interview questions:

Can you tell us a little bit about your ministry, Dorcas Widows Ministry, and your involvement with widows in Uganda? How did you get started? What do you do now?

I went to Kampala, Uganda in May 2007 not knowing what I would do or whom I would meet, but I knew I wanted to love the poor. I knew I wanted to learn what it means to follow the teachings of Jesus. After I arrived, I met a widow named Joyce who introduced me to the Dorcas Widows Ministry. The Dorcas Widows Ministry is a Ugandan based group for widows who have lost their husbands due to the war in northern Uganda, HIV/AIDS, malaria, TB, or other diseases. It is a support group that helps widows cope with the loss of their spouse and the devastating circumstances they find themselves in. I began to create friendships with these ladies and to learn about their challenges. I saw how hard they worked just to stay alive. I spent weeks visiting them in their homes, talking with them, praying with them and sharing my life with them. It was out of a deep love and friendship that our partnership began.

My involvement with them is and always has been one of friendship and love. I looked for ways to love my friends in their pain. Their biggest needs were feeding their children, paying school fees, house rent and medical costs. At first, I just gave my own money whenever I felt God nudge me to do so. I didn’t tell anyone, I just did it. As I began to tell the stories of my friends on my blog, other people began to email me and ask how they could help. Suddenly over a period of one month God had raised $20,000 for these women. I asked them what we should do with the money and they decided we should build a widow’s community where they could live rent-free and grow their own food. Still other donors began to give me money to help those in the most desperate circumstances, which is how our emergency fund began.

When I arrived back in Minneapolis in August of 2007, I knew I had to organize a better and more secure way of collecting donated money. So, with my best friend, we created the Dorcas Widows Fund. The Dorcas Widows Fund is an American based non-profit 501c(3) that financially supports the Dorcas Widows Ministry in the areas of income generation, emergency feeding, school fees and health care.

When I arrived back in Uganda in February 2008, I was so excited to see my widow friends again. It is the relationships we have that are the cornerstone of our partnership. In coming back, I have formalized our emergency fund program. When a widow is in a desperate situation, we help fill the gap for them by providing some emergency money. Most often we help women feed their children or pay medical expenses. It was out of one of the most critical emergency situations with a women in the end stages of HIV, that I first asked those that read my blog to consider paying school fees for this woman. A donor came forward to do so and that sparked others to support the children of other women who are HIV positive. So, in March of 2008, we began a school sponsorship component to our ministry. We now sponsor 13 children.

One of the most exciting things that has developed in the last 2 months has been the Beaded Jewelry business. The ladies are expert craftsmen at rolling slips of paper in beads and then creating beautiful jewelry from those beads. We sent some samples back to the states in March of 2008 in hopes of finding a market for the product. Since that time we have sold about a 1,000 beaded necklaces. Twice a week the ladies meet to roll beads and to pray for more business. God has so far begun to bless the work of their hands as we have had at least one order every week for the past two months. Every time the ladies receive their payment, they tithe 10% back to Jesus. It is like watching the widow put in her “mite’ every week. I see why Jesus thought it was so beautiful.

Since February, we have been actively looking for 3 acres of land to build our Dorcas Widows Community. Due to the fact that house rent is so expensive and that the government is removing them from the slums they live in, we are praying earnestly for a land of our own. This land will contain 30 simple homes for the widows to live in rent-free where they can grow their own food. We are also planning on building a community center where we can hold business seminars as well as other trainings. One of our most fervent prayers was to acquire a piece of land where the women could live without worrying about being chased away by a greedy landlords.


In essence, the Dorcas Widows Ministry seeks to love Jesus and follow his command to take care of widows and orphans in their distress. Our overall mission is to support the widows and children who are members of the Dorcas Widows Ministry in Kampala, Uganda in their journey from poverty to self-sufficiency. If you want to learn more about any of our projects, please check out our website www.dorcaswidows.org



How has your relationship with the widows changed over time? Have you seen a level of intimacy grow between you and the women?


When I first met these widows, I was so guarded. I wondered if it was even possible to have real friendships with women so completely different from me. What does an HIV positive woman in abject poverty have in common with a healthy woman from the wealthiest country on the planet? With a prejudice I didn’t even know I had, I doubted that real friendships would ever be possible. After all, their needs were so enormous, I was sure they would only see me as a gateway to money. So, I was loving “toward” them. I was kind. I listened and prayed with them. I gave them money when I thought it was appropriate. I even expected them to share their deep places with me, but I never let them into mine. I answered their attempts to know me with vague responses turning the questions back toward them. I was so sincere…I really thought I was loving them and protecting myself. After all, the prejudice inside me told me that if I revealed too much they would press me for money. In fact, for many months I kept my phone number from them. I thought I would be bombarded with calls begging me for help. I had this misguided belief that somehow I was their only hope for a better future. When I think of the woman I was just a few months ago, I want to shake her and scream at the top of my lungs, “YOU ARE MISSING IT! YOU DON’T HAVE AN INTIMATE LOVE, YOU ONLY HAVE AN IMITATION OF LOVE!!”

Slowly, God began to open my eyes to the prejudice that had a choke hold on my heart. All of a sudden I saw how grotesque it was. The barriers I thought I set up to protect myself were actually blocking the love I so desperately wanted to experience. As I moved among the women, I saw them sitting in doorways together engaged in deep conversation. I saw them entering each other’s homes to clean the infected wounds of the dying. These women seemed so close, so deeply connected. It was then that I realized that the love they had for each other was always just out of my reach. I had blocked myself from having any real relationships with them, so I was at that point destined to remain an outsider….a foreigner who had come to ‘help the poor.”

It was then that I decided to stop being a helper and start being a friend. Instead of vague answers, I shared my real thoughts. When they talked about the pain in their life, I also talked about mine. When they reminisced about their husband, I listened and laughed with them about the good times that had been. When my phone rang, I no longer braced myself for “a call for help”, but instead smiled as I saw the name of a friend flashing on the screen. More often than not, the ladies call just to say hello or to ask me how I’m doing. I now have several friends that call just to encourage me or to say that they are praying for me. The walls of my heart have now come down and I have laid myself open before these women and they have laid themselves open before me. They are not “the people I am helping,” they are my friends. They are people I like to spend time with. They are the people I call when I am in physical or emotional crisis. They are spiritual companions on my journey of faith. There is a depth to our relationship that wasn’t there before. There is a love that is growing that is intimate and real.

I have now developed many intimate friendships with women who are nothing like me. They are black and I am white. They are Acholi and I am American. They are incredibly poor and I am wealthy. They are sick and I am well. Yet these women hold a piece of my heart and I hold a piece of theirs. Our journeys are now intertwined. They don’t depend on me--we depend on each other. They aren’t calling me begging for help, I am calling them offering to stand with them in their place of need. I am not making appointments to talk to the widows—I am going to visit my friends in their homes. I am not loving “at” them anymore; instead I am just loving them. We are learning to intimately know each other. We show each other our strengths and weaknesses. We speak the truth to one another even when it’s hard. We encourage each other to trust that God is big enough to meet the needs we have. Most of all, we just like spending time together.



What have you learned from these women?

Love. I have learned to love and be loved, not that I have attained perfection in it –far from it, but I am a greater lover than I was before. I have opened my heart and my soul to these women and they have opened theirs to me. We make sacrifices for each other, putting our own needs and worries behind us, so we can give fully to the one in the most pain. Now when I see a need, I don’t give out of my excess, I give it all. When one of us is sick, we stop what we are doing and we go to them. We pray with each other in our deepest need and our deepest pain. I have learned that you can’t love “toward” someone; you can only love “with” someone. You can’t love without intimacy…without sharing your honest self. I’ve learned that love is about showing your weakness to another person, so that they can love you back. Receiving love is just as important as giving it. I’ve learned that where there is love, Jesus is there in powerful ways that I sometimes can’t even explain. Jesus said that the greatest of these is love and I have learned that he was telling the truth. For when you have love, you also have deep peace, joy and contentment.

What practical strides has the ministry taken to help the environment and physical situation of the widows?

Dorcas Widows Ministry practically helps the widows in the following ways:
• Emergency Funds: When a widow is unable to provide food or medical care for herself or her children, we give funds to provide those things for her.
• Scholarships for School children: We help find sponsors to pay school fees for the children the widows are caring for.
• Income Generation: We have formed two groups of widows who make beaded necklaces. We are finding markets to sell this jewelry in order to provide these women with more consistent income.
• Widows Community: We have just purchased 2.85 acres of land to form a widow’s community where the widows can live rent-free, grow their own food and receive business training at a community center.
• Encouragement: Members of the Dorcas Widows group take care of other members who are sick, praying with them, feeding them and getting them to a clinic.




How have their lives been affected spiritually?

The great thing about Jesus is that we have an opportunity to develop intimacy with him. Each of our love relationships with him will be unique…full of our own intimate secrets, pains and joys. Like a wife talking about her husband, we will share with others about the love we have for one another, but we will not reveal the deepest intimacy between us. It is somehow too special, too tender to share with any other person than our lover. Each of my widow friends has a unique love relationship with Jesus. Each lady has seen her heavenly husband do miraculous things for her and her children. When I look into their eyes as they discuss the love and faithfulness of God, I can sense that there is a greater intimacy between themselves and their savior than I will ever be privileged to know. All I can say is that becoming a widow in country where poverty is as common as seeing the sun rise every day either throws you into the arms of Jesus or into total despair and often times both. Some of my widow friends were lost in despair and alcoholism before being rescued by our Savior, while others have deepened their love relationship with Jesus as the grief washed over them. Even while all of them are in deep poverty and while most are suffering from HIV and other related illnesses, they still see a God that is good…that is kind…that is powerful…that is compassionate…that is a healer…that is a provider…that is an encourager…and most of all that is a lover.



How can we be a source of help for the marginalized women of northern Uganda?

My greatest dream is for people to see these widowed women not as “the marginalized women of Northern Uganda,” but as real people, unique people with personalities, hopes, fears, dreams, struggles, and joys. It is my hope that we would really know them…not as “the poor” or “the sick” but as our fellow sisters in Christ, as part of our extended spiritual family. That as fellow believers in Jesus, we would form a worldwide community with them where out of love and care for each other, we would give and receive as we have need or have plenty.

Here are the ways you can receive from my widowed friends:
• They make beautiful handcrafted beaded necklaces, earrings, and bracelets. You can purchase some if you wish. They are made from discarded paper that is rolled into differently shaped beads. If you wish to order any of these necklaces, you can contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com
• They love to pray for you and to know you as much as you want to know them. You can read their stories on the Dorcas Widows web site: www.dorcaswidows.org If you would like us to pray for you please send your request to karimillermn@gmail.com


Here are the ways you can give to my widowed friends:
• You can donate to the Dorcas Widows Emergency Fund. The emergency fund provides money for widows in crisis. It often helps feed a family or pay for unexpected medical treatment due to illness. If you want to donate to that fund you can visit our website: www.dorcaswidows.org or email Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net
• You can pay school fees for one or more of the widows children. A primary school student is about $150 a year and a secondary student is about $600 a year. These fees are impossible for these women to pay without assistance from a sponsor or an NGO. If you want to learn more about sponsoring a widow’s child through school, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net
• You can donate to our Widow’s Community Project. We have already raised enough money to buy 2.85 acres of land and are hoping to build 30 homes and one community center on that property for the most disadvantaged widows to live in. Each house will cost approximately $10,000 to construct. If you are interested in donating or learning more about this project, please go to our web site (www.dorcaswidows.org) or contact Carol Daly Vogt directly at dalyvogt@hotmail.com
• Pray for them. Read their stories on the Dorcas Widows web site: www.dorcaswidows.org and commit to praying for them. If you have any encouraging words for them, you can send it to my email and I will share it with them. (karimillermn@gmail.com)

Love Lives!

“…the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Galatians 5:6


Over the last several months I have fallen deeply in love. My whole heart and mind have become consumed with the very nature of love. With some fear and trembling, I have ventured deep into love’s unknown territory past the superficial love so common to our world and into the vulnerable places I once feared to go. In doing so I had to leave everything I had once used to protect my heart and instead continue the journey completely naked with only the great lover of my soul to protect me. It was risky to so completely expose myself to pain, heartache, and disappointment knowing that I could easily be wounded and scarred for life. So many times, I thought about turning back. I wanted to run at top speed and go back to that place where I wore the protective armor around my heart. Yet every time fear tried to beckon me back to safety, Jesus held my hand tight and walked me into love’s deeper places. I began to see that love is wider and deeper than I ever imagined and at its core exists a fierce wildness that cannot be tamed. It is both intoxicatingly beautiful and incredibly powerful. You are completely vulnerable, yet in that vulnerability there is great peace. It isn’t safe, but it is tender and full of compassion.

Chris Tomlin sings a song entitled, “The Way I Was Made,” in which he emphatically sings, “I want to love like I’m not afraid.” That lyric found a home in my heart as I realized how well it communicated my deepest longing about this love that I have been experiencing. I want to love without fear…knowing the danger, but not fearing it. Knowing that love is the place where God’s spirit resides and where fear has no real power. Knowing full well that I will, at times, be wounded, but knowing in an even deeper place that the author of love will heal those wounds or use those scars to increase by capacity to give and receive His great beautiful love. So I began to sing louder and louder… “I want to love like I’m not afraid. I WANT to LOVE like I’m not afraid. I WANT TO LOVE LIKE I’M NOT AFRAID!!” Then I went out to love and be loved.

I love Jane and Jane loves me. I met her over a year ago and at our first meeting I was taken aback at how sick she was. She was no more than 90 pounds, frail and emotionally distraught. Her skeletal frame labored to breathe. Every few minutes she spit mucus into her handkerchief. AIDS and TB had taken residence inside of her and were wreaking tremendous havoc leaving her a mere shell of the person she once was. She was too sick to work, so her children were drinking tea or watered down porridge to stay alive. I remember her standing in front of me, shaking, sobbing, and begging the other widows to help feed her children. I had never seen such raw despair. I had never seen someone so sick and in so much misery. My first reaction was to step back, however shameful that is to admit, I wanted to run from it, to close my eyes and erase that painful memory from my mind. Fear gripped my heart and whispered in my ear, “Don’t get close to her. It will be uncomfortable for you. She will become a burden to you. She will beg from you constantly. She will die someday….can you really handle that? Are you strong enough to watch someone die? If you get close, you will be the one who is responsible for her care or for her children. Can you really handle that responsibility? Your life will become consumed by her problems. If you help her once, she will wear you out with her constant needs.” Once fear begins to speak, his voice is relentless. Somehow he knows all your deepest concerns…the ones you are too ashamed to say out loud for fear of looking selfish or uncompassionate, yet are the very things we consider to be protective measures to ensure our heart’s health. Fear’s voice was loud that day and I listened to it. I gave just enough money to look compassionate, but emotionally I kept my distance. All the while patting myself on the back for protecting myself from her deep misery.

Later, when my mind settled and fear decided that his work was done for the day, a still small quiet voice whispered another message in my ear, “I tried to show you love today. I tried to show you how big and beautiful love is, but you refused to see it. Fear lied to you and you believed him. There is nothing more beautiful than to love and be loved, but to experience it you have to stop protecting your heart…you have to stop weighing the cost…you have to stop imagining the pain it may cause you…instead you have to trust in my love for you…trust that I will protect you…and trust that love is worth the cost you may have to pay.” Immediately, a feeling of shame washed over me, I had come to Uganda to learn how to love like Jesus loves and instead I had refused the opportunity to love the woman Jesus loves. I cried that night over my own weakness and selfishness, but a small seed was planted that day in my soul…a small courage began to bubble up…with deep trembling I decided to reach out for the hand of Jesus and let him teach me how to love.

A couple weeks later, I went to visit Jane at her home. As I approached her small concrete home, I trembled with nervousness. Could I really love someone…I mean really truly love someone this desperate? It took her a long time to come to the door and when I saw her, I couldn’t help but notice her frailty and deep despair. Part of me wanted to run, but this time I reached out my hand, smiled and followed her into her sitting room. At first the awkward silence made my heart race, but finally she began to speak to me. She thanked me for coming to visit her and asked me some simple questions about my family. To this day, I credit her for drawing me into friendship. She took the first step towards me.

Soon, we were talking. I began to relax and notice how soft her eyes were and how well she spoke English. Since she had first inquired about my family, I then asked her about hers. She looked intently down at her hands and began to speak softly. Jane’s parents had both died leaving the responsibility of raising her younger siblings to her. Her husband had died of AIDS leaving her infected, pregnant and alone to raise her soon to be 4 children. Suddenly huge tears rolled down her cheeks and instinctively I reached out to hold her boney shoulders. After Jane gave birth, her health deteriorated dramatically and she hovered near death for 3 months. Her husband’s family took the children while she was sick. No one thought she would survive, so his family told the children that she was dead. They took everything in her house and divided it among themselves never believing that she would recover.

She looked up at me and through her tears she emphatically said that God had saved her from certain death. She prayed constantly when she was in the hospital asking God to bring her back to health and back to her children. Then one day, the doctors told her she was well enough to go home. She was still very weak, but she no longer needed to be in the hospital. Immediately upon leaving, she went to find her children. Her husband’s family looked at her as if seeing a ghost and her children were terrified to see the mother they were told was dead. She tried to take her children back home, but soon realized that she had no home to return to…everything was gone…the pots, the pans, the furniture, her clothes and even the pictures she had saved of her and her husband. Jane was now breathing hard and having trouble talking, so we ended our visit. I prayed for her and asked God to heal her body and to heal her wounded heart. As I walked away from her home, I felt deep compassion for her and a longing to see her again.

Over the next year, I went to her home almost every week and at times several times a week. We talked about everything from Ugandan politics to her first kiss under the mango tree. I learned that she loved to cook…something she learned from her late mother and that she has an incredibly artistic eye. She loves creating the beaded jewelry because it gives her an outlet to create true works of art. In quieter moments, she revealed that she deeply loves her children and wants to give them everything she possibly can. It is incredibly painful for her to know that she may never live long enough to see her children graduate from high school, get married or have children of their own. She feels deep guilt over the inevitability of leaving them orphans. Being an orphan herself she knows intimately the pain they will pass through. She was overwhelmingly grateful for the sponsor I found for her children. Now she was resting easier knowing that no matter what happens to her, her children will still be able to go to school. I also began to share my own joys and sorrows with her. I told her intimate things about myself. I let her know me deeply and completely. Sometimes, I cried over my own pain as she held me and prayed with me. Suddenly, I realized one day that I loved her…I really truly loved her.

About a month ago, my friend Joyce called. She told me that Jane was suffering from a severe case of malaria. Since Jane is HIV positive and is also being treated for TB, I knew it was serious. My heart broke because I love her and just couldn’t imagine my life without her. I started to cry and pray for my friend. Then I went to her house to see her. As I approached her small concrete home, I heard Joyce softly singing to Jane while she bathed her 90-pound body. “Jane, I’m here,” I said outside the door. Joyce told me to come on in and get some juice ready for Jane to drink. I know Jane’s house well. I have been there so many times and I had just spent the previous Sunday afternoon there having lunch, laughing and talking about just about everything under the sun. I poured the juice and readied her small bed for her. Joyce held Jane close as she walked her to her bed. Jane was shaking with fever. I gave her the juice and held her while Joyce got her medicine. While we sat there I prayed for her and told her that I loved her. “I love you too,” she said weakly. Then we laid her down and I covered her with her blankets. While she slept, I knelt beside her bed and prayed for her healing. All I could think was “my friend is sick, my friend is sick. Oh, Jesus, I love her. Please, please heal her.” Tears welled up in my eyes, as I couldn’t imagine loosing this woman I have come to know and love. The next day Joyce took her to the hospital where she received some other advanced treatment. I called her and she called me many times in the 48 hours she was there. Finally, she came back home and slowly began feeling better.

Last weekend, she came to my home so that we could be together one last time before I go back to the States. When she arrived, she was tired and coughing. I gave her some tea and she lay down on the floor to rest. After she rested a bit, she opened the bag she brought and pulled out two beautiful dresses she had made for me. My eyes sparkled and I squealed with joy. I was so surprised. She laughed and told me that she wanted to do something to show how much she loved me. I hugged her and told her how much I loved her too. Then she laughed and said, “Okay, we are all girls here. You try them on so I can see.” I quickly stripped off my clothes and put on these uniquely African dresses. I felt like a princess. A huge smile spread across her face and she clapped her hands. “Oh, oh, you look beautiful, my daughter. Just beautiful!” I felt beautiful, more than that…I felt wrapped in love.

My love for her is real and deep. She is an amazing woman full of wisdom, love, patience and great courage. She is compassionate and unbelievably generous. Yet I know that she lives with an incurable disease. One day AIDS will take her from me and I will mourn and not be comforted. I will scream in agony and shed a thousand tears. It is a deep pain that I know is coming. It is a wound that will pierce a tender place in my heart and I have nothing to protect myself. Everything I once feared will come to pass, but not in the way I thought. Now I consider it pure joy to pay medical bills for my friend. I am elated to take care of her children and give them what they need to survive. Yes, I will watch her die, and it is more painful than words can express, but the love I have experienced with her is worth it. She is worth it. This love between us is powerful, beautiful, intoxicating, uncontrollable and incredibly tender. It will leave me with a scar, but I am confident that God will use it for his glory. Even though Jane will die, love will live.


Update on the Widows:

This week has not been easy for many reasons. I have lived a roller coaster of emotion in the last week…joy, pain, sorrow, anger…you name it, I felt it. Luckily, God is stable and a good rock to depend on. First, the land we were so hoping to purchase this week was lost. Another buyer came and was willing to purchase the whole 20-acre plot…we were only able to purchase 5 acres. So, we are back at square one! I know God has a plan for these ladies he loves, so I am just trying to be patient.

Secondly, I am leaving next week for the States and I am incredibly sad. I really love these women and it is so hard to imagine a week without seeing them. My heart just feels so broken and wounded. Please pray for our separation. It will not be easy for them or for me. However, I need to go back and earn more money. I can’t live on nothing, so back to work I go. On the other hand, I am excited to see my family and friends. I also have other personal things I need to take care of in the States, so I know God is bringing me back…not forever, but for a little while. I take comfort in the fact that I know I will be back! The ladies and I are having a party tomorrow (Thursday, August 7) to celebrate our time together and to give me a joyful send off. I am really looking forward to it!

I am thrilled however to announce that I have hired a brilliant, compassionate Ugandan Acholi woman to take my place in the ministry. Her name is Suzanne Anyeko and I am confident God will do great things through her for these women! It gives my heart great peace to know that Suzanne will be here loving these women while I am away!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 2 women this week. Lovincer received money for an emergency trip she needs to make to visit her sick mother in the village and Joyce received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 600 beaded necklaces. We were able to pay 25 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Please pray that God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: The second term is ending this week and children will be coming home from school. If you are paying school fees for a widow, please contact Lisa so you can send money for the upcoming 3rd term. Trough our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school this last term! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Love Lives!

“…the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Galatians 5:6


Over the last several months I have fallen deeply in love. My whole heart and mind have become consumed with the very nature of love. With some fear and trembling, I have ventured deep into love’s unknown territory past the superficial love so common to our world and into the vulnerable places I once feared to go. In doing so I had to leave everything I had once used to protect my heart and instead continue the journey completely naked with only the great lover of my soul to protect me. It was risky to so completely expose myself to pain, heartache, and disappointment knowing that I could easily be wounded and scarred for life. So many times, I thought about turning back. I wanted to run at top speed and go back to that place where I wore the protective armor around my heart. Yet every time fear tried to beckon me back to safety, Jesus held my hand tight and walked me into love’s deeper places. I began to see that love is wider and deeper than I ever imagined and at its core exists a fierce wildness that cannot be tamed. It is both intoxicatingly beautiful and incredibly powerful. You are completely vulnerable, yet in that vulnerability there is great peace. It isn’t safe, but it is tender and full of compassion.

Chris Tomlin sings a song entitled, “The Way I Was Made,” in which he emphatically sings, “I want to love like I’m not afraid.” That lyric found a home in my heart as I realized how well it communicated my deepest longing about this love that I have been experiencing. I want to love without fear…knowing the danger, but not fearing it. Knowing that love is the place where God’s spirit resides and where fear has no real power. Knowing full well that I will, at times, be wounded, but knowing in an even deeper place that the author of love will heal those wounds or use those scars to increase by capacity to give and receive His great beautiful love. So I began to sing louder and louder… “I want to love like I’m not afraid. I WANT to LOVE like I’m not afraid. I WANT TO LOVE LIKE I’M NOT AFRAID!!” Then I went out to love and be loved.

I love Jane and Jane loves me. I met her over a year ago and at our first meeting I was taken aback at how sick she was. She was no more than 90 pounds, frail and emotionally distraught. Her skeletal frame labored to breathe. Every few minutes she spit mucus into her handkerchief. AIDS and TB had taken residence inside of her and were wreaking tremendous havoc leaving her a mere shell of the person she once was. She was too sick to work, so her children were drinking tea or watered down porridge to stay alive. I remember her standing in front of me, shaking, sobbing, and begging the other widows to help feed her children. I had never seen such raw despair. I had never seen someone so sick and in so much misery. My first reaction was to step back, however shameful that is to admit, I wanted to run from it, to close my eyes and erase that painful memory from my mind. Fear gripped my heart and whispered in my ear, “Don’t get close to her. It will be uncomfortable for you. She will become a burden to you. She will beg from you constantly. She will die someday….can you really handle that? Are you strong enough to watch someone die? If you get close, you will be the one who is responsible for her care or for her children. Can you really handle that responsibility? Your life will become consumed by her problems. If you help her once, she will wear you out with her constant needs.” Once fear begins to speak, his voice is relentless. Somehow he knows all your deepest concerns…the ones you are too ashamed to say out loud for fear of looking selfish or uncompassionate, yet are the very things we consider to be protective measures to ensure our heart’s health. Fear’s voice was loud that day and I listened to it. I gave just enough money to look compassionate, but emotionally I kept my distance. All the while patting myself on the back for protecting myself from her deep misery.

Later, when my mind settled and fear decided that his work was done for the day, a still small quiet voice whispered another message in my ear, “I tried to show you love today. I tried to show you how big and beautiful love is, but you refused to see it. Fear lied to you and you believed him. There is nothing more beautiful than to love and be loved, but to experience it you have to stop protecting your heart…you have to stop weighing the cost…you have to stop imagining the pain it may cause you…instead you have to trust in my love for you…trust that I will protect you…and trust that love is worth the cost you may have to pay.” Immediately, a feeling of shame washed over me, I had come to Uganda to learn how to love like Jesus loves and instead I had refused the opportunity to love the woman Jesus loves. I cried that night over my own weakness and selfishness, but a small seed was planted that day in my soul…a small courage began to bubble up…with deep trembling I decided to reach out for the hand of Jesus and let him teach me how to love.

A couple weeks later, I went to visit Jane at her home. As I approached her small concrete home, I trembled with nervousness. Could I really love someone…I mean really truly love someone this desperate? It took her a long time to come to the door and when I saw her, I couldn’t help but notice her frailty and deep despair. Part of me wanted to run, but this time I reached out my hand, smiled and followed her into her sitting room. At first the awkward silence made my heart race, but finally she began to speak to me. She thanked me for coming to visit her and asked me some simple questions about my family. To this day, I credit her for drawing me into friendship. She took the first step towards me.

Soon, we were talking. I began to relax and notice how soft her eyes were and how well she spoke English. Since she had first inquired about my family, I then asked her about hers. She looked intently down at her hands and began to speak softly. Jane’s parents had both died leaving the responsibility of raising her younger siblings to her. Her husband had died of AIDS leaving her infected, pregnant and alone to raise her soon to be 4 children. Suddenly huge tears rolled down her cheeks and instinctively I reached out to hold her boney shoulders. After Jane gave birth, her health deteriorated dramatically and she hovered near death for 3 months. Her husband’s family took the children while she was sick. No one thought she would survive, so his family told the children that she was dead. They took everything in her house and divided it among themselves never believing that she would recover.

She looked up at me and through her tears she emphatically said that God had saved her from certain death. She prayed constantly when she was in the hospital asking God to bring her back to health and back to her children. Then one day, the doctors told her she was well enough to go home. She was still very weak, but she no longer needed to be in the hospital. Immediately upon leaving, she went to find her children. Her husband’s family looked at her as if seeing a ghost and her children were terrified to see the mother they were told was dead. She tried to take her children back home, but soon realized that she had no home to return to…everything was gone…the pots, the pans, the furniture, her clothes and even the pictures she had saved of her and her husband. Jane was now breathing hard and having trouble talking, so we ended our visit. I prayed for her and asked God to heal her body and to heal her wounded heart. As I walked away from her home, I felt deep compassion for her and a longing to see her again.

Over the next year, I went to her home almost every week and at times several times a week. We talked about everything from Ugandan politics to her first kiss under the mango tree. I learned that she loved to cook…something she learned from her late mother and that she has an incredibly artistic eye. She loves creating the beaded jewelry because it gives her an outlet to create true works of art. In quieter moments, she revealed that she deeply loves her children and wants to give them everything she possibly can. It is incredibly painful for her to know that she may never live long enough to see her children graduate from high school, get married or have children of their own. She feels deep guilt over the inevitability of leaving them orphans. Being an orphan herself she knows intimately the pain they will pass through. She was overwhelmingly grateful for the sponsor I found for her children. Now she was resting easier knowing that no matter what happens to her, her children will still be able to go to school. I also began to share my own joys and sorrows with her. I told her intimate things about myself. I let her know me deeply and completely. Sometimes, I cried over my own pain as she held me and prayed with me. Suddenly, I realized one day that I loved her…I really truly loved her.

About a month ago, my friend Joyce called. She told me that Jane was suffering from a severe case of malaria. Since Jane is HIV positive and is also being treated for TB, I knew it was serious. My heart broke because I love her and just couldn’t imagine my life without her. I started to cry and pray for my friend. Then I went to her house to see her. As I approached her small concrete home, I heard Joyce softly singing to Jane while she bathed her 90-pound body. “Jane, I’m here,” I said outside the door. Joyce told me to come on in and get some juice ready for Jane to drink. I know Jane’s house well. I have been there so many times and I had just spent the previous Sunday afternoon there having lunch, laughing and talking about just about everything under the sun. I poured the juice and readied her small bed for her. Joyce held Jane close as she walked her to her bed. Jane was shaking with fever. I gave her the juice and held her while Joyce got her medicine. While we sat there I prayed for her and told her that I loved her. “I love you too,” she said weakly. Then we laid her down and I covered her with her blankets. While she slept, I knelt beside her bed and prayed for her healing. All I could think was “my friend is sick, my friend is sick. Oh, Jesus, I love her. Please, please heal her.” Tears welled up in my eyes, as I couldn’t imagine loosing this woman I have come to know and love. The next day Joyce took her to the hospital where she received some other advanced treatment. I called her and she called me many times in the 48 hours she was there. Finally, she came back home and slowly began feeling better.

Last weekend, she came to my home so that we could be together one last time before I go back to the States. When she arrived, she was tired and coughing. I gave her some tea and she lay down on the floor to rest. After she rested a bit, she opened the bag she brought and pulled out two beautiful dresses she had made for me. My eyes sparkled and I squealed with joy. I was so surprised. She laughed and told me that she wanted to do something to show how much she loved me. I hugged her and told her how much I loved her too. Then she laughed and said, “Okay, we are all girls here. You try them on so I can see.” I quickly stripped off my clothes and put on these uniquely African dresses. I felt like a princess. A huge smile spread across her face and she clapped her hands. “Oh, oh, you look beautiful, my daughter. Just beautiful!” I felt beautiful, more than that…I felt wrapped in love.

My love for her is real and deep. She is an amazing woman full of wisdom, love, patience and great courage. She is compassionate and unbelievably generous. Yet I know that she lives with an incurable disease. One day AIDS will take her from me and I will mourn and not be comforted. I will scream in agony and shed a thousand tears. It is a deep pain that I know is coming. It is a wound that will pierce a tender place in my heart and I have nothing to protect myself. Everything I once feared will come to pass, but not in the way I thought. Now I consider it pure joy to pay medical bills for my friend. I am elated to take care of her children and give them what they need to survive. Yes, I will watch her die, and it is more painful than words can express, but the love I have experienced with her is worth it. She is worth it. This love between us is powerful, beautiful, intoxicating, uncontrollable and incredibly tender. It will leave me with a scar, but I am confident that God will use it for his glory. Even though Jane will die, love will live.


Update on the Widows:

This week has not been easy for many reasons. I have lived a roller coaster of emotion in the last week…joy, pain, sorrow, anger…you name it, I felt it. Luckily, God is stable and a good rock to depend on. First, the land we were so hoping to purchase this week was lost. Another buyer came and was willing to purchase the whole 20-acre plot…we were only able to purchase 5 acres. So, we are back at square one! I know God has a plan for these ladies he loves, so I am just trying to be patient.

Secondly, I am leaving next week for the States and I am incredibly sad. I really love these women and it is so hard to imagine a week without seeing them. My heart just feels so broken and wounded. Please pray for our separation. It will not be easy for them or for me. However, I need to go back and earn more money. I can’t live on nothing, so back to work I go. On the other hand, I am excited to see my family and friends. I also have other personal things I need to take care of in the States, so I know God is bringing me back…not forever, but for a little while. I take comfort in the fact that I know I will be back! The ladies and I are having a party tomorrow (Thursday, August 7) to celebrate our time together and to give me a joyful send off. I am really looking forward to it!

I am thrilled however to announce that I have hired a brilliant, compassionate Ugandan Acholi woman to take my place in the ministry. Her name is Suzanne Anyeko and I am confident God will do great things through her for these women! It gives my heart great peace to know that Suzanne will be here loving these women while I am away!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 2 women this week. Lovincer received money for an emergency trip she needs to make to visit her sick mother in the village and Joyce received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 600 beaded necklaces. We were able to pay 25 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Please pray that God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: The second term is ending this week and children will be coming home from school. If you are paying school fees for a widow, please contact Lisa so you can send money for the upcoming 3rd term. Trough our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school this last term! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Peace At Last

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears he will answer you.” Isaiah 30: 18-19

Last week evil launched an attack on us that was wild, fierce and loud. Reports from every media source…the newspapers, the television, the radio…repeated the threats of the government official to evacuate the slum area or risk being violently removed. Defeat seemed to hang in the air. Fear tried to set up house in the deepest part of our hearts. The intense battle forced us to our knees. All that was left was to close our eyes and pray to our mighty warrior, the Lion of Judah. With our eyes closed tight, we could still hear the shouts of eviction and the whispers of hopelessness, but we continued to pray. Finally, all became quiet…the voices had been silenced. Slowly, we opened our eyes and as the dust settled on the battlefield, we noticed that God’s beloved had escaped unharmed. Our mighty warrior had rescued us from all that meant to do us harm. Our great lover had protected us and given us back the peace we had longed for.

Last Thursday, I approached the church where the widows had gathered eager to hear the latest news about Otafire’s threat of eviction. Otafire, a retired general, is the top government official in charge of redeveloping the slum areas of Kampala. He was recently quoted in the local paper as saying, “The poor will never enter heaven. They are lazy and useless and even God doesn’t want them.” He ran an ad in the paper last month stating that all those that reside in the slum areas of Nakawa and Nanguru must evacuate by July 12th or risk being forcibly removed. So, here we were on July 10th meeting together and staring eviction in the face.

The ladies were somber when I arrived. We greeted each other and then Rosemary began the meeting. The ladies explained that Otafire had continued to issue his threat of violence if they didn’t leave by Saturday, but that the IGG (Attorney General of Uganda) had also come to the quarters to tell them to say put until the case against Otafire was resolved. The IGG had accused Otafire of evicting the people of the quarters without providing adequate lower income housing for them to move into. These two government officials began to publicly attack each other; each asking the president to intervene on their behalf. As of yet the president has remained quiet or at least not made any public statement.

So, the ladies looked at me and asked, “What do we do? Where do we go?” I had no answer, “I don’t know,” I said as I shook my head and stared intently at the ground at my feet, “I don’t know. God is the only one who can help you now. He is the only one who can make a way out of this mess.” As soon as I uttered those words, a couple of the ladies stood up and encouraged the other women saying, “God can do anything. He is mighty and powerful. He will intervene for us. We are his beloved. A husband always protects his wife. God is more powerful than any man. We don’t need to fear, we need to fast and pray.” Suddenly a chorus of “amen’s” erupted from the ladies. Then we all stood up joined hands and began to cry out to God for a miracle. There we stood praying in at least 3 different languages asking the same God to protect his women.

The next day, I went back to the quarters to be with my friends as this ominous deadline approached. The police had spent the morning walking through the quarters carrying their rifles and warning people to move or face the consequences. They only stayed a couple of hours but they had made their point crystal clear. I sat with Joyce in her small sitting room as we both wondered what the next day would be like. “What will you do if they come and chase you?’ I asked. She looked at me, smiled and sighed. “What can we do? I have a bag packed just in case and if God decides to move me, I will move to where he tells me to go. But, in the mean time, I will go live on the lawn of the Parliament building. We have all decided that we will live there until the government listens to us.” “I hope it doesn’t come to that,” I said back to her. She laughed again, “Kari, God has kept me for 10 years and has never left me in the cold. I am not worried. I’m trusting in him. He will take care of me.” I smiled back at her, but wondered deep inside my heart how she could look so calm. My own insides were shaking with worry as I thought of what tomorrow might hold. Before I left I spent time in prayer with her and with her neighbor asking God to protect these dear friends of mine. As I went to bed that night, my stomach felt tied in knots and I drifted between sleep and prayer all night long. I begged God to keep my friends safe, to somehow allow them to stay where they were.

As the sun came up on Saturday, July 12th my heart was pounding inside my chest. I continued to ask God to intervene and I read every scripture I could find on God’s love and mercy for his widows. Joyce said she would call me and let me know what was happening, but when I hadn’t heard from her by 10am I decided to call her. My hand was shaking as I held the phone and my heart was beating in my ears as the phone began to ring. Suddenly, I heard her voice, ”My daughter, how are you?” Her voice was light and happy. “I’m fine. What’s happening?” I blurted out. She very simply said, “Nothing. No one has come and the IGG has said that nothing is to happen until Otafire’s case is resolved. See, I told you God would protect us.” She said it so matter of factly…like God’s miracles were an every day occurrence. I was stunned. This general had been threatening these people on every media outlet for over a month and had sent the police to intimidate the residents just yesterday, so all of sudden today he decides to listen to the IGG? I was simply shocked at what God had done. He had stopped the eviction of 7,000 of the poorest people in Kampala…overnight!

I waited to see what would happen in the days that followed. Was Otafire waiting for the element of surprise to evict all these people or had God in fact saved his beloved? Sunday, Monday and Tuesday went by with no word from Otafire or the IGG, but all remained quiet…peaceful. Finally, early this morning we received word that the residents would indeed need to move from the quarters, but that it would be a slow 3-month peaceful process. I have been sitting here all day amazed at the power of God. To think that he stopped violence in its tracks…he changed the tactics of a ruthless man…all in a few hours…it is absolutely incredible. The ladies will have to find new housing, but God has given us time to do it. And now that I have seen his mighty power and compassion, I have no fear that He will find a place for each every one of these dear friends of mine.

For I have learned that our great lover is also our great warrior. When evil rages against us, he will swing his sword and defend us. He will protect us from even the most powerful of earthly men. Like a mighty lion, he will make his presence known causing fear and trembling to all that would dare to come against him. He is the mighty conqueror…the all-powerful king and the lover of our souls.

Update on the widows: (www.dorcaswidows.org)

Wow! What a week-what a roller coaster of emotion! I want to say a BIG thank you to all of you who prayed for the ladies this last week! It was your prayers that moved God is such a powerful way on their behalf. It is so beautiful when we can all come together to love each other! As you have now heard, the ladies will need to relocate. We are very close to purchasing a piece of land. In fact, we are only waiting for the green light from the director of Cornerstone, as the money is located in a Cornerstone account. At the moment, he is in Arusha, Tanzania. He will be back next Wednesday, so it is our hope to finalize our purchase at that time. Then we will be fundraising like crazy to build some homes for the ladies to live in. As this property is about 30 minutes outside of Kampala, some of the ladies who have employment in the city may wish to find a room to rent in town. We will do the best we can to help each of them find a place they can afford. Please keep us in your prayers!

Another HUGE prayer was answered this week—Jane was able to find some TB medication to hold her over until the new shipment arrives. Last week, all the hospitals ran out of TB medication…many pharmacies as well. In fact, we looked every day for almost 2 weeks for this medication. This medication is supposed to be given free of charge, but some unscrupulous people have been selling it to patients instead. We had to buy this medicine, but we had to have it. TB treatment is very regimented and if you miss one day, you have to begin the 8-month treatment again, so we were thrilled to have found this medication. Now we are praying a new shipment arrives soon!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 3 women this week. Jane received money for the purchase of her TB drugs and Rosemary & Joyce received money for housing and feeding, and medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled one order; which totaled 590 beaded necklaces from some recent visitors. We were able to pay 47 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. An American missionary living here in Uganda is putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: The Ugandan School year is coming to a close in August. At that time many students will be back home with their mothers/guardians for the holiday break. Many of these children would not be schooling at all if it weren’t for your generosity. We do still have children of these widows who are unable to attend school, so if you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are very close to finalizing a purchase. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Conquerors

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

The battle seems fierce this week. Everything that seemed peaceful now seems chaotic. Everything that seemed safe is now full of uncertainty. Relationships that seemed solid as an oak now seem to be planted in shifting sand. The forces of evil are raging war all around me and it is exhausting. And to make matters worse, I am not handling it well. Fear and worry have whispered in my ear and I have listened to them. As the battle rages around me, I feel more like a coward then a conqueror.

Many of the ladies live in the Nanguru and Nakawa Housing Estates located just outside the city center of Kampala. Recently, the government authorized the sale of these estates and gave all the residents until July 12th to vacate their homes. Many of the women have nowhere else to go and cannot afford to rent even a small one-room home in town. We have been actively looking for land for the ladies to settle on, but have not yet been successful for various reasons. This week, I have felt so angry at so many people…the government, the new owners of the land, the brokers who have not yet found a good land for us, at God for being so slow in this process and at myself. I raised money for this land a year ago and have failed to find anything. The other day, I was talking with a group of the widows about my anger and frustration. I was admittedly throwing a temper tantrum. I was getting so worked up…throwing insults, shaking my fists, raising my voice. Suddenly, I felt one the woman put her hand on my shoulder. I stopped my tantrum momentarily to look at her. She cocked her head to one side smiled and said, “Kari, the Lord took care of us before we lived in these estates and will take care of us long after we are chased out. We don’t need to worry, we need to pray.” At that instant I felt so shamed at my decision to cling to fear and to lead others into fear’s grasp. “You’re right, “ I whispered back to her.

At Thursday’s widow’s meeting, I greeted Jostine as she approached the group. She was forcing a smile, but I could sense that something was disturbing her. “Are you okay?” I asked as she came up to greet me. “I am overwhelmed with thoughts. I feel I can’t think straight, but with God’s help I will manage,” she replied. With all the other ladies arriving and so much to discuss in the meeting, our conversation was interrupted. As the meeting was ending, she asked if she could share a prayer request with the group. She stood in front of the group looked down and then began talking, “I am taking care of my brother’s children as he was paralyzed in an accident several years ago. One of his boys is 10 years old. That boy went with friends to watch a nearby rugby match. As he was crossing the road, a motor car hit him killing him instantly.” The whole group gasped and began to murmur, “Oh Lord Jesus, Oh Lord Jesus.” Jostine told us that the man who hit the boy refused to give them even one coin towards the burial of the boy. So in the last week, she borrowed money from every relative and friend she has to get his body to Apach for burial. They hired a car to take his body, but it was too small to fit the paralyzed father as well, so the father was unable to attend the funeral. Her voice trembled when she explained why the boy’s father could not attend the funeral of his young son. Then the very day she got back from the funeral, she received a call from the headmaster at her child’s school saying that he was extremely sick. She went to get the boy from school only to find him vomiting and shaking with fever. He had not eaten anything in several days. She thought it might be malaria, but had no money left to treat him. “Ladies,” she said, “only God can help me now.” As she sat down, the other women began to comfort her. They prayed for her, for her brother and for her sick child. I prayed for her too. Then I gave her some money from our emergency fund to help treat the boy and cover some of the costs of the burial. I left that meeting wondering why such tragedy has to happen to people already so beaten down. I come to that same place where I shake my fists at God and accuse him of being the absent father…the negligent husband. Why can’t he take care of them? Then, when I am done accusing him of his absence, he whispers in my ear, “My dear, I’m not absent…I sent you.”

I got a call from Lovincer on Thursday asking for some help with her daughter. Her 8 year old was violently sick with malaria. Her fever was very high and she had been vomiting all night. I got dressed quickly and met her early in the morning to give her some money for treatment. As we talked, she told me that her employer had not been happy that her child was sick, so she wanted to take the child to work with her. I advised her against it, but she felt certain that that her employer would not allow her to miss one more day of work.

Her employers are an American missionary couple who just moved to Uganda in order to “love the poor and the oppressed.” They had met me one day at the Cornerstone office and had asked to employ one of the widows in the group as their housemaid. They said that they really wanted to bless someone who needed it. I was delighted and immediately introduced them to Lovincer. She was honest and upfront about her HIV status telling them that she had lived positive now for 6 years. She also told them that she was the mother of 6 children all under the age of 14. The missionary couple hired her on the spot. Lovincer was overjoyed and took her new employment very seriously.

About 3 weeks after they hired her Lovincer fell sick with the flu. She was worried about missing work, but her employers assured her that her job was secure. After a couple trips to the hospital, she regained her strength 10 days later. Again, she worked diligently for this couple and their children. This month two of her children have come down with serious cases of malaria causing her to miss work in order to take care of them. This last Thursday, she felt particularly bad about missing work again for her sick little girl. So, she brought the child to work. She cleaned their home, did all their ironing, washed all their clothes while she tried to also nurse her sick child. It was not easy. Then at the end of the work day, the missionary couple asked to meet with her.

She sat down with them and was completely taken by surprise when they told her that they were not happy with the amount of days she had missed recently due to the illnesses of her sick children. They felt her absence this month had hindered the amount of ministry they were able to accomplish. So, they gave her some money and sent her home. They fired her. She called me sobbing. It was hard to even understand her at times. Over and over again, she said, “How can fellow Christians do this to me?” Her heart was broken. She had worked hard for them; her only fault had been caring for her sick children. The missionaries also called telling me that her inconsistency this month kept them from doing what they wanted to do...kept them from their “ministry to the poor.” Apparently, you need a clean house every day in order to do ministry to the poor. I was furious, actually furious seems like too timid a word to describe how I felt. How could they get rid of her just because her children had been sick? Without a job how will she feed her kids? Treat them when they are sick? Pay house rent? This woman is “the poor” that they “came to serve” and yet they had no compassion for her. It made me sick to my stomach. I was livid. They are living in a gated community in the wealthiest part of the city and yet they wouldn’t even provide lunch for her during her work day. How could these people not feed an HIV positive woman? She worked 8 hours a day with no food! All of a sudden I couldn’t see straight and I think steam was actually coming out of my ears.

I called Lovincer early Saturday morning ready to demean this missionary couple with every ounce of energy I had. I wanted to curse them, but when I tried to talk to Lovincer about it. She simply said, “The life of a widow is not easy. I hope God helps them see the pain us women go through. We just have to let God speak to them.” I stayed quiet on the other end of the phone and shook my head. I wasn’t ready to play nice with them and offer them grace. Finally, when I talked to her on Sunday, she was calmly telling me that God’s plans are always good and that he would take care of her. I was calm enough to agree with her. I know God has good things for those he loves and I know he loves Lovincer, but I am still struggling to have grace for the missionaries. I am struggling to forgive them for the callous decision they made. I am struggling to understand how they can preach God’s love in one breath and fire Lovincer in the next. As I sat fuming about all that had happened, a whisp of a memory came floating through my mind. I remembered the first time I met my friend Jane. Her body was riddled with HIV and TB and she had not eaten in two days. I was asked to give out of my resources to help her and I gave very little. It was one of the most shameful moments of my life. I think God allowed that memory to enter my consciousness to remind me that I have not always loved well. My heart is still angry with them, but the light of forgiveness and grace is starting to soften my angry heart.

As I look back over this last week, I have never felt so full of failure. I have been angry, frustrated, irritated and despaired. I have felt the full weight of my humanness and have forgotten that I am God’s beloved conqueror. Yet, even in the battle, even despite my bad choices, the Lord still loves me and calls me a conqueror. He still teaches me about himself. He still provides me with an opportunity to say NO to all the evil and despair in my circumstances and in my own heart. The battle has indeed been fierce this week for myself and the ladies, but the love God has for us will conquer whatever evil the demons of hell throw our way. In the end, God will provide for the women he loves and love will indeed conquer all.

Update on the Widows: (www.dorcaswidows.org)

A BIG THANK YOU to Wendy, Marsha, Holly, Casey and Sarah for providing the widows with new chemically treated mosquito nets and reading glasses. Wendy, her mother and her friends came to Kampala from Minneapolis to encourage the Dorcas Widows Group and believe me they did! Wendy was able to get two grants to buy each widow a new top of the line mosquito net. She organized a “Net Party” for the women which was such a blessing for the them. They even did a very informative and might I say hilarious skit explaining how to best use the nets. After the skit, all the women were chanting, “No More Malaria, no more malaria!” The women truly loved having them around and showered them with gifts and affection at a goodbye party they arranged for them. Love was in the air! They also bought many beaded necklaces from the women which gave them some much needed income. Wendy’s family and friends have been a great support to our ministry and I just wanted to publicly thank them for their kind tender hearts! We love you!

We are waiting to hear from the lawyers this week concerning the land we are looking to purchase. If the land title is valid, we will begin the bargaining process this week. Currently, the ladies are expected to leave their homes by next weekend, so unless the government intervenes…there will be mass chaos next week. It is possible that they date will be extended as the IGG (top legal office in Uganda) is accusing the Land developers of misleading the parliament and the president. Originally, the developers promised to build low income housing for the residents to move to before removing them from their homes, but have failed to do so therefore it is possible that the parliament may force them to keep their word. Only God know!! Keep praying for this situation…it is only God who can help them now!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 3 women this week. Jostine’s family received money for burial and Rosemary & Lovincer received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled one order; which totaled 150 beaded necklaces from some recent visitors. We were able to pay 36 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. An American boy visiting Uganda is putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: A new school term just began and through our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3to 5 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/

Innocence Lost

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68: 5-6

Joyce grew up in the quiet peacefulness of village life. She loved her parents and they loved her taking god care of her. She learned to cook traditional Acholi food from her mother. Her mother was known as a great cook and neighbors loved to come to their home to eat her delicious food. When the whole village gathered she learned to dance their traditional dances. Her childhood was filled with love, laughter and joy. Her mother and father loved each other and she hoped to have a marriage as strong and loving as theirs someday.

One of her chores was to fetch water from the nearby well. It was a physically demanding task, but one she loved because the cutest boy she had ever seen was always on the road at the same time. To her great delight, he spoke to her and over time struck up a friendship with her. Quickly, Paul became her best friend and her heart would skip a best every time she saw him coming toward her. She found herself laughing at all his jokes and blushing every time he called her beautiful. Throughout secondary school, their childhood crush developed into true love. She truly loved him and he truly loved her.

One day she found her mother and father digging in the garden and decided to confess the love she had for Paul. Of course, her mother and father already knew how much her heart loved him. They had been watching them develop their friendship and love from afar all these years. Her mother and father liked Paul and his family and were willing to support their marriage to Joyce’s great delight. Joyce had found true love and it was breathtaking and filled her heart in a way she never had thought possible. She was sure that their life together would be full of love and joy just like her parents.

A few weeks before the wedding, her mother asked her to take a walk through their gardens. As they walked her mother told her all the things she liked about Paul and his family. Joyce was so delighted to hear her mother praise Paul and his family. She felt so proud that he had chosen her. Then as they reached the far end of their property, her mother stopped and turned to face her. “There is just one thing about Paul that causes me great worry…” her mother began. Joyce couldn’t believe her ears. How could there be anything about Paul that was less than honorable? She gave her mother a surprised and somewhat angry look. “He said that he wants to join the army and be a soldier. That could mean a lot of heartache for you. He could be gone for long periods of time. He could be killed in battle. The rebels are gaining strength and violence seems to be headed our way. Marrying him could be a very hard life, my dear.” Joyce was disgusted with her mother for even suggesting that Joyce was making a mistake in marrying him. She shouted at her mother telling her how wrong she was then ran off. “ How dare she say something like that? Didn’t she see how much they loved each other? How devoted Paul was to her? After all Paul wanted to provide for her…to build her a house and take care of their future children, so he had to have a good job. She decided that her mother was just being overprotective.”

Their wedding was so fun. She and Paul were so close. It seemed like they couldn’t get enough of each other. She knew she had made the right decision. He was the love of her life. She had never been with any other man but him. As his new wife, she was devoted to him. She organized their homestead, cooked food for their relatives and neighbors just like her mother had done, and encouraged his dreams. He trained hard to become a soldier in the Ugandan army and performed well in his duties. Then she became pregnant and they were both elated. Several months later she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Life was so good.

Then like a bad omen to come, the LRA rebels attacked a neighboring village a few months later. The fighting had now become intense and her husband was called to active duty. Every day he was gone she prayed for his safety…prayed he would come back to her healthy and whole. He came back when he could, but it was only for a day or two. Then came the day when he left and told her he may not be back for several months. He felt strongly that they had to fight these rebels. He had to protect her and his new daughter by beating this rebel army once and for all. She cried for days after he left. Her heart could barely stand the separation from him, but she had to be strong for their daughter.

In just a few short months, life became a terrifying game of hide and seek. The rebels came into her village on numerous occasions killing her neighbors. Each time she heard people screaming, she picked up her daughter and ran into the bush and hid until all seemed quiet again. Her nerves were raw and she missed Paul. She needed him; she needed his protection…his reassurance that they would live through this nightmare. Then one day tragedy came to her family. The rebels attacked her mother and father’s compound killing two of her brother’s and their wives. When the news reached her, she collapsed under the weight of the grief. When will this madness end?

Paul came back for the burial of her family members and she clung to him. She was devastated and terrified that she and her daughter could end up in the ground next to them. The stress of wondering whether you were next victim of rebel violence as well as trying to live this nightmare without her husband made her weak. Paul held her and comforted her. When he was with her, it took the edge off the intense pain she felt most of the time. But, he only stayed for few days and then left to rejoin his unit. It was unbearable to watch him leave. Joyce was now responsible for all of her brothers and sisters children. Now instead of taking care of herself and her daughter, she was taking care of 8 more children. How would she feed them? How would she keep them safe? How would she do this without Paul?

As the war dragged on, she learned to live without the love she had once swam in. Paul came home once or twice a year and only stayed for a couple days. When he was home, he was distant, never mean or rude, just mentally somewhere else. Still, Joyce prayed for the day when the war would be over and they could rebuild their lives and reclaim the love they once had. She still had childlike faith in God’s power to end the violence and to give her back all the years they had lost.

Several months later, tragedy struck again this time at Paul’s family compound. His parents had been slaughtered by rebel machetes. Joyce was there just minutes after it happened. It was horrific. She felt as if she might vomit and never stop, but she managed to pull their bodies to the side of the compound. Other family members began to prepare them for burial. The cries of grief seemed to never end…sometimes they were quiet cries…sometimes they were loud shrieks. Paul came back from the fighting to bury his parents and he seemed so heartbroken. He was so thin and the war had taken every emotion from his face. He seemed like the walking dead. Joyce tried to comfort him as he had comforted her, but he wouldn’t be comforted.

After his parent’s death, he refused to go back to his unit. He had had enough of war for one lifetime and he had been sick since he had arrived home. Joyce was glad he wasn’t going back. Finally, she would have her husband back. It would now be their love for each other that would bring him back emotionally. It was the first thing in years that felt right. Not too long after he arrived home, the army came looking for him. They accused him of deserting his post and put him in the local jail. Joyce went and pleaded with the commanding officer to please allow her husband to come home. She explained that he had been sick and she was caring for him. The commander told her to come back the next day for his decision.

She prayed that she would gain favor with him and that he would release Paul. War had stolen enough time, love and joy from them. It was time now to rebuild their lives. As she reached the army barracks where Paul was being held, the commander asked to see her. Their meeting was very brief. “You can take him home. He tested positive for HIV.” Suddenly, she felt dizzy…maybe she hadn’t heard him right. “What?” Joyce asked him again. “He has AIDS. He is of no use to us now. He is going to die.” Joyce felt like she couldn’t breathe. How could this be happening?

As she approached her husband’s cell, she saw him with new eyes. He was just skin draped on a skeleton. His eyes were red and he had terrible vomiting and diarrhea. Her mind couldn’t take it all in…my husband, the love of my life, has AIDS. But how? Slowly, her mind realized that the man she loved more than any other had slept with someone else. Due to the war, she had little emotional reserve and this pushed her over the edge. She started crying and couldn’t stop. Instead of taking him home, she ran to the clinic. While she cried they drew her blood and 20 minutes later told her that she too was HIV positive. At that point she collapsed. It was just all too much too bear. When she awoke, she went back home to the children, put on a brave face and cooked dinner. When they were all in bed, she prayed through intense sobs. She asked God why he had allowed this disease to enter her body. She kept telling God that she was innocent. ‘I have never slept with another man. I am faithful to my husband. I love you Jesus and worship you, so why, Lord, why?”

The next day, she returned to the barracks to see Paul. Her hands were shaking and she felt like she couldn’t breathe, still she knew she needed to talk to him. When she entered his cell, she found only a shell of the man she had once loved. He was dying and now she could really see it. She looked at him and felt such intense rage. He had cheated on her with another woman or maybe with many other women. He had betrayed her in the deepest place. She could barely look at him. Her heart now felt shattered into a million pieces. Yet, some part of her fractured heart still loved him. He had been her only love…her true love from childhood. How could she have been so stupid? How had she not known that he was sleeping with another? She stood silent before him staring at the ground. She thought for a long time before, she managed to say, “They say you have AIDS and that you are going to die.” Paul labored to nod his head. Then Joyce gathered her strength and said; “Now you have killed me too.” Paul looked up at her and then down at his hands. His lower lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears as he choked out, “I’m sorry…. so sorry.” At that Joyce turned and left him. She just couldn’t take him home, not yet.

It was only a few days later that a soldier arrived at her doorstep to tell her that Paul was dead. Even with the rage she felt toward him, she still wept bitterly. There was a time when they loved each other and that love was real and beautiful. Even though he had betrayed her and given her a deadly disease, she still missed him. He had always been her best friend. Those next few days were not easy. She buried her husband and her brother-in-law chased her away from her home. He had always wanted his brother’s property, so she left with nothing but the clothes on her back and the 9 children she was caring for.

“So, that is how I came to Kampala,” Joyce explained to me over tea one Monday afternoon. “I really loved my husband and I was so innocent,” she began to cry as she said, “now I am going to die. It is a daily constant reminder that my husband cheated on me. That he didn’t love me like I loved him.” Even 10 years after the death of her husband, Joyce is still reduced to sobs. I sat there stunned with tears in my eyes too. I rubbed her back as she said again, “AIDS is going to kill me.” My throat felt tight and tears were streaming down my face as I said, “yes, yes, it will.” I just couldn’t say anymore, so I sat there and held her.

Suddenly, she said, “But do you know who has never betrayed me, who has always loved me and kept me alive these last 10 years? It is God. When my husband died, I decided to become Jesus’ wife, to know him and love him and you know what? I am still alive, I have a place to shelter these children and most days I have food to eat. He has never left me or betrayed me.” I nodded my head as I rubbed her back. “For so many years, I have been so lonely. But now, God has given me your friendship and the love of your family. I asked God to give me a friend, someone who I could share my pain with and now God has given me…you. I just wanted you to know that you are a blessing to me and I love you.” I held her tight and cried with her. “I love you too. God has given you to me and I am so grateful.”

It was a tender honest moment between friends—no big words—no big theology…Just someone who was caught in a nightmare sharing about the God who rescued her.

Update on the widows: (www.dorcaswidows.org/)

This has been a hard week for us as a group. One of our members, Hellen Okello, died. She was a warm, compassionate lady who deeply loved her children. She left behind 6 children and 3 total orphans. Her 3 youngest children are finishing senior high school and the 3 orphans she was caring for are quite young. They are in nursery and Primary school. I sat with the family on Monday grieving with them and praying with them. We were able to give them some emergency money for the funeral. Many other widows from our group came to support this family.

The second hardship this week involves the land the widows are currently living on. That land was purchased by Qudaffi (spelling?) in order to build an Islamic University. Next Tuesday, President Musevini, is coming to put down the official boundary stones for the new university. Police came last week to put some boundary markers and were stoned by the local residents of that place. It was quite a fight, so I am sure more military and police will be there next week. Once the boundary stones are in place, the ladies as well as all other “squatters” must vacate the land ASAP. I have been praying like crazy for two things: 1) NO VIOLENCE & 2) for a land of our own!! I have looked at 5 pieces of land this week. I liked two of them, so now we are looking for documentation…land titles, proof of ownership, etc… Please pray. I have been very upset over this issue and I have no idea where ladies, like Joyce in the blog above, will go. It is a scary time for us, but one where God has to be big.

Emergency fund: I was able to help 2 women this week. Hellen’s family received money for burial and Joyce received money for medical treatment. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 200 beaded necklaces from some recent visitors. We were able to pay 36 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Some current American visitors in Uganda are putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: A new school term just began and through our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

What Do You Do Every Day?

I get asked this question often. Friends, family, followers of my blog want to know what my life in Uganda is really like. When do I get up? When do I go to bed? Do I have a schedule? How often do I see the widows? Is it a 9 to 5 thing? Do I have free time? Do I ever feel overwhelmed? Am I happy? Is it hard to move around the city? How do I find out if a widow is sick? What do I do about it if she is? Do I ever get tired of being here? Do I miss the US?

So, I thought I would break from my usual storytelling, to answer some of these questions. It is my hope that people see how simple and easy my life here really is. I’m not a superstar humanitarian. I’m not a holier than thou Christian. I’m certainly not “suffering for Jesus.” I’m just living life with people I have come to know and love while I try to follow the teachings of Jesus. My life is really that simple. I kept a diary of sorts last week. Every day, I tried to keep track of what I did or how I felt. Read the whole week at once if you want or read it a day at a time. I just thought some of you might be interested in what living here and loving the widows is like. Enjoy!

Monday:
I woke up late today, not for any particular reason other than my bed just felt so comfortable. At about 9:30 am, I finally put the kettle on the stove to heat some water for tea. I ate breakfast, took my daily anti-Malaria medication, showered and then left the house by 10:45. Transportation here is incredibly convenient. I picked up a taxi (small bus) right outside my door and was in town 20 minutes later. After getting out of the taxi, I walked 10 minutes to the Cornerstone office. Every Monday, the Cornerstone staff meets for a couple of hours to sing worship songs, study the Bible and report how the current programs/ministries are going. This Monday, Pastoore shared several scriptures about the peace of God. He asked us the think about how we can be peacemakers in our every day lives and in our ministries. I was thinking that peace can’t exist without love. Somehow we have to accept and practice God’s love before we can experience true peace. I let that thought linger in my mind for a while. Near the end of the meeting, Joyce (a widow who works at Cornerstone—my partner in ministry) and I shared about what was happening with Dorcas Widows. We were excited to report that a giant order for beaded necklaces had just come in and that two of the ladies had found employment in the last two weeks.

After the meeting was over, I had lunch with Joyce and Isaac. During lunch I received a call from Jane, an HIV positive widow currently being treated for TB. Her voice was weak. She told me she was sick. She had been vomiting all night and was shaking with fever. Her whole body ached. I asked her if anyone was there with her. She told me that Joyce Anywar, her best friend, was taking care of her. I told her that I would be praying for her and that I would come see her tomorrow. I then went with my friend Isaac to his office. Isaac had been visiting Cornerstone, but works with Shelter for Life. I jumped at the chance to use a fast wireless connection for FREE! I spent all afternoon working in his office returning email, writing up a current financial report and just having fun surfing the Internet. During the afternoon, my phone rang..it was Rosemary, another widow suffering from diabetes and caring for 19 children. Our ministry was able to find a place for one of the orphans to study in Lira free of charge, so I told her that I would come see her tomorrow to arrange things. When the office was closing, Isaac asked if I wanted to join him and his friends for some Cuban food in the city. I jumped at the chance…I just love spicy food and fun conversation. We laughed and talked until almost 10:00. Then he drove me home. I was tired so I went to bed.

Tuesday:

I woke up around 9am fully rested and still thinking about what a good time I had the night before. As I ate breakfast, I prayed for Jane. Jane has become such a good friend of mine that it is hard to accept how sick she is sometimes. I just kept asking God to heal her. My roommate was home, so I spent some time talking with her. I cleaned my room and organized my things for the day. Then I showered and left the house by 11:00. I took a different taxi bus to another part of town, so I could see Rosemary. She lives by the Nakawa market, one of the biggest open-air markets in Kampala. The conductor on the taxi bus was trying to overcharge people, so the taxi stopped while some passengers and the conductor argued with each other. Finally the passengers telephoned the police to report this thieving conductor. It wasn’t scary. I was never in danger, but I was annoyed. The conductor was blatantly trying to steal money from us and everybody knew it. The police never did come, but we staged a protest of sorts and finally the man backed down. Needless to say, I was late meeting Rosemary; but the great thing about being here is that time is somewhat relative. Being late is not a sign of disrespect, but something that just happens…you often can’t control it when it does.

As I approached Rosemary, she was smiling from ear to ear. We embraced each other and I proceeded to tell her about the naughty conductor. We both just laughed and shook our heads. Then we walked back into the “quarters,” a shantytown of shacks where many of the women live. White people there are very rare, so I felt every eye on me. I am never quite comfortable with that kind of attention, but I have learned to deal with it. I have learned that I never want to be famous. We greeted some of the other widows and then finally settled ourselves on a straw mat just outside her home. Her cousin Lucy had come to spend time with me as well. She sent one of her children to go get me a soda as lunch was cooking. We talked about the plan to move the orphan girl she was caring for to Lira, so she could stay in the Youth Core Home and go back to school. The girl was elated. Rosemary told me how hard feeding these children had become. She had taken in 6 more street children in the last year. She told me that she just couldn’t turn them away. In fact she has become known as the “mama” that will feed you if you have nothing. She told me that she waters down the soup and asks each kid to always leave something in the pot in case someone comes later. She is running her own soup kitchen for street children out of her 2 room run down concrete home. I listened and was amazed. “God’s given me the love for children, so what can I do?” she said. I gave her some money from our emergency fund, hoping that would help with feeding for a few days. We then ate lunch together and really talked about our lives. She told me that she was “the walking dead,” when Jesus found her. She began drinking heavily when her husband died just to numb the pain. But somehow in the midst of her deep grief Jesus found her. She stopped drinking and has been taking care of her own children and orphans ever since. I then told her about the deepest pain in my own life and how Jesus had come into it. How he had given me value and a purpose. Hours went by and it felt like just a few minutes. In the midst of our conversation, Jane’s brother called to say that she had been admitted into the hospital and was on an IV. She was very weak and needed prayer. Rosemary and I prayed for her asking God for a miracle of healing. Somehow when I pray with these women, I really believe that miracles are possible.

At about 4:00 I left Rosemary’s house and walked about 10 minutes to Logogo Baptist church to meet with the “Tuesday” group. The widows split their group into two, so that people had a choice of when and where to meet. These 15 ladies meet on Tuesdays from 5:00-7:00. We meet and roll paper beads together while we talk about our lives. Then we sing praises to Jesus and pray for each other. As the women came to the meeting one by one, I ran to each of them, hugged them and told them the great news—the group had received an order for 250 beaded necklaces! As each of the women heard the news, they screamed, laughed and began singing and dancing. It was a moment of spontaneous joy. It was so beautiful. Instead of sitting right away to make the beads, we decided to sing praise songs to Jesus in Luo while doing traditional Acholi dancing. It was so fun!!!! Just like a child I stood behind them and tried to move my body just like them. I laughed at how awkward I am sure I looked, but I was also just caught up in the joy of the moment. They loved watching me dance…I think because I am sure it looked funny, but also because we were celebrating God’s goodness together. It felt like heaven on earth…for a moment all that existed was joy, love and peace. It was an amazing, beautiful experience. We didn’t make any beads that night, but it was a party I will never forget.

As it got dark, we prayed with each other. Then set out into the night to catch a taxi bus for home. When I got home, I was still grinning with excitement. I made spaghetti for my roommate and I. We ate dinner while we watched our favorite Mexican soap opera, dubbed in English of course. It is one of those mindless things I love to do before I go to bed.

Wednesday:

I woke up at 7am to my phone ringing. I picked it up and mumbled a garbled hello. It was the American woman who had hired Lovincer. She told me that she hadn’t heard from Lovincer in a couple days and that she had not come into work. Shelia was worried about her. All of a sudden I was fully awake. “ Let me call her and then I will call you back.” I immediately called Lovincer. It rang several times before I heard her frail voice pick up the phone. I greeted her and then asked her if she was okay. Lovincer’s voice was barely audible. She had been vomiting all night, was weak and had a high fever. “The devil is a liar. The devil is a liar,” she said several times. I asked her what he was lying about. She told me that she was being tormented by this feeling that she would now loose her job. I told her that the devil was in fact lying to her and that I had just spoken to Shelia. “Your job is secure, so let that worry leave you.” I then asked her if anyone was there taking care of her. She told me that her 15-year-old daughter was staying home from school to care for her. She had gone to the clinic the day before to get malaria treatment hoping that would help her get better. She told me that she was going to wait and see if the medicine would help her. I told her that I would pray for her healing and come to visit her soon. Being now fully awake, I ate breakfast, showered and got ready for the day.

I went into the Cornerstone Office to greet 5 people who had just arrived the night before from my home church. They have all been supporters of the Dorcas Widows Ministry, so I wanted to welcome them. I met with them for about 2 hours, explaining how our ministry operated and about the condition of the women themselves. They wanted to visit some of the ladies, so I called Ruth, the widow in charge of the Thursday group. She then set up some home visits for us to do the following day.

After meeting with the visitors, I called Jane to see how she was feeling. She could barely speak and was still being treated in the hospital. I tried my best to encourage her and to tell her how great God is, but truthfully, I am always a little scared when she is sick. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I am just scared that one day she won’t get better and she will die. It makes my stomach ache. She thought she would be released tomorrow, so I committed myself to seeing her the next day. I also called Lovincer later in the afternoon and she didn’t sound any better. These women had gotten so sick so fast.

I met a friend in town for dinner, as I just needed to talk about everything that was happening. I needed to vent my frustration at a disease that just won’t be tamed. At a situation that sometimes seems hopeless, even when good things happen…like the bead orders…it won’t stop AIDS from killing them. I do this often. I go out with my friends and just talk it all out. Sometimes I am hopeful in a God who can do anything. Sometimes I am so weary…so tired of the pain. Sometimes I am angry…not sure at what or who, but I’m angry. I just let those feelings come and when I need to I talk about it, I ask a friend to have dinner with me. It helps release some of it, so I can stay emotionally healthy. As I sat on the taxi bus heading toward home, I got a call from Jane’s best friend, Joyce. Thieves in the market had attacked Joyce and had stolen all of her money. She was shaken and so disappointed to have lost all her income. I tried to encourage her, but all I could say was, “Oh, Jesus.” I went straight to bed when I got home.

Thursday:

I got up late, as two neighborhood dogs had spent a better part of the night fighting, growling and generally making it impossible to sleep. I think I finally had breakfast at 10:30. I spent some time praying for Jane and Lovincer. I couldn’t stop thinking about them. I hoped that they would be better by the time I saw them. Before I left the house, Lovincer called and told me that she was still vomiting and feverish. I told her that she should go immediately to the hospital. She asked if I could find a vehicle to take her. I called several people, but couldn’t find anyone available to pick her up. By the time I called back, her daughter had already taken her to the road to pick a public taxi. I felt so awful that I couldn’t find a ride for her. I couldn’t even imagine how horrible she felt and how awful it would feel to be crammed inside a public taxi. I really felt terrible. I felt like a failure. Just one simple thing and I couldn’t do it. She had come to care for me when I was sick and now I couldn’t do the one thing she had asked from me.

I left the house and headed into town to meet the visitors. We left Cornerstone at about 2pm to visit some of the widows. We went to see Alice first. Complications with HIV have made Alice blind and virtually incapable of caring for herself. She now totally depends on relatives to take care of her. Her skin has sores developing all over her arms and legs. She used to be a primary school teacher, but now is confined to her home. The visitors spent time praying with her; which really encouraged her. Then we went to visit Helen. Helen is living in a condemned public bath house with 6 of her grandchildren and one of her daughters who is HIV positive. She sells greens in the market and makes beads to survive. She is one of the ladies benefiting from the sale of the beaded necklaces. She gave each of the visitors a bracelet as a welcoming gift. We prayed and blessed her asking Jesus to create a home, a real home for her. Then we went to Jane’s home. I walked so fast, I practically ran. When I got there, I didn’t wait for the visitors, I just entered and knelt beside Jane’s bed. Her friend Joyce was already there sleeping on the mat beside her bed. I reached out and held Jane’s hand. “How are you feeling?” She opened her eyes and said weakly, “ a little bit better. I have stopped vomiting and have no fever.” “God is going to heal you. He is.” I answered her. Then the visitors came and talked with her for a short time and then prayed for her. After the visitors left the house, I stayed for a few minutes longer just to hold her hand and tell her that I love her. Then I went to Joyce’s house where she told us how the thieves had attacked her. My eyes filled with tears…Joyce is my friend. It just hurts sometimes. We prayed for her and then left for the Widow’s meeting at St. Peter’s church.

As we approached the church, the women had gathered with their beads. I bought the latest order then was so excited to tell them that we had another order for 250 more beaded necklaces. The women began to stand and cheer. Just like on Tuesday night, they began to sing, dance and thank Jesus. All of a sudden, all the sorrow of the day had turned to laughter. God had brought a blessing. We spent the rest of our group time together singing, dancing and laughing. I thought of the verse that says, “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” I looked at these HIV positive women dancing…they looked so strong. I think it was the joy that made them look so powerful.

After a long day, I went home ate dinner and then called Lovincer. She had been at the hospital receiving treatment, but was now being released. I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. “I will come see you tomorrow. I do love you!” I said promising to come see her tomorrow. Then I went to bed.

Friday:

Again I got up late, one of these days I am going to have to admit that I am not a morning person. I spent a relaxing morning at home and then headed into town to meet the Joyce, my partner at Cornerstone. We both wanted to visit Lovincer together. After eating lunch, we took a boda (back of a motorcycle) to her home. Lovincer stays in a one room mud structure just big enough for a twin bed and one wooden bench. When we got to her home, she was asleep on the bed and all the children were home from school. They woke her up…I felt bad about that, but I knew she wanted to see us. We entered the little room and sat on the bench next to her bed. She told us that the vomiting had stopped and the fever had left her which was music to my ears. She sat up and we began to talk. When the children left the room, she said that they were too afraid to go to school for fear that she would die when they were gone. They had stayed up most of the night kneeling beside her bed praying for her. She asked if we could help talk to her children and assure them that she would be all right. We called the children and hugged them and did our level best to assure them that their mom was not going to die. I assured Lovincer again that her job was secure which I could tell greatly relieved her. Before we left, we prayed with her and called down healing for her. I am just so tired of sickness, but I never tire of watching God heal.

After leaving Lovincer’s we decided to visit one of Joyce’s friends who had recently given birth to a stillborn child. It took about 1 and a half hours to get to her place. We both had no idea that it would be so far out of town, but once we committed to go…we were going to go. When we finally did arrive, I am glad we were there. Joyce and I listened to the pain of loss of this wife and mother. Joyce loved her and shared her own experience of a stillborn birth with her. The feelings shared were honest, real and painful, but God’s comfort also seemed to be there. We prayed for her and played with her daughter. By the time we left, the woman felt loved, not yet through the pain, but loved. Then we traveled the long bus ride back. I was so exhausted when I came home. I ate dinner late, watched again my Mexican soap opera and then slept.


Saturday:

I love Saturdays. Everything seems relaxed on Saturdays. In the late morning, my roommate and I sat at the kitchen table and made a grocery list. Then we cooked lunch at home….rice and vegetables. Then we took the taxi into town. Capital Shoppers, a supermarket in the middle of town, has the best prices so we head there once a week to get all the staples….rice, cookies (for me cookies are a staple), meat, noodles, cleaning supplies. Then we shop for vegetables at the open air market. On our way home, neither one of us felt like cooking, so we picked up some take out. We came home, ate and then watched at movie on my computer. My best friend’s kids also had a birthday party in the States, so I called and joined the party by phone. It was so fun to be a part of the festivities from afar. After speaking to them I watched another movie on the computer and then went to bed. Ahhh Sabbath rest…..

Sunday:

I woke up fairly early, at least before 8:30 because I need desperately to do laundry. I quickly ate breakfast, then proceeded to fill up 3 basins with water. One I fill with detergent and the others I use to rinse the clothes. All washing is done by hand and I am happy to say that I have gotten really good at it. It only took about an hour to wash all my clothes and put them on the line to dry. Of course, every time I do wash it rains…always! Today was no exception, so the clothes finished drying on the backs of the furniture in the house. Oh well!

After washing the clothes, I showered, got dressed and left to see Joyce and Jane. Instead of going to church, I just wanted to see how they were doing. When I got to Joyce’s house, we sat in the sitting room and had tea. She was overjoyed because the sponsor of 4 of her children had called her from the US. She felt so incredibly encouraged by her love and support. It has been so fun for me to watch these relationships develop between my American friends and my African friends. We talked about so many things. It is always easy with her. We are truly friends. As we were about to leave to visit Jane, Joyce pulled some papers out for me to look at. They were reports from the hospital. Her CD4 count was in the danger zone. It seemed the medicine was not controlling the HIV in her body. “What does this mean?” I asked. The doctor told her that her body was not responding to the drugs she was taking. He wanted her to go in for an expensive test so he could find out what was happening inside her to readjust her medicine. I knew she couldn’t afford the test, so I took some of the emergency money and gave it to her. “Go take the tests.” She just hugged me with tears in her eyes. As I hugged her, my eyes filled with tears too. I don’t want her to die…not for a long time.

Then we walked to Jane’s home. When I entered, she was eating lunch with her brother. I jumped up and down. “Wow, you look great!!” Her eyes were sparkling and she had enough strength to stand. She was smiling from ear to ear. I was so happy!! Then her brother served us food and we ate with them. I sat there for hours just talking and laughing. I always have so much fun with them. Finally, the sun began to go down, so I knew I should start heading home. Joyce walked me back through the market to the taxi stage. I hugged her goodbye and headed home.

When I reached home, I started to prepare dinner with my roommate. My parents called later and I got all the latest news from home. Of course, we watched our Mexican soap opera and then we went to bed.



Widows Update:

New web site: www.dorcaswidows.org/

A terrible flu is spreading through our widows community, so please be praying for our continued health. Both Jane and Lovincer are now well! Praise the Lord! My relationships with the women are deepening and I now really have true friends. This truly is a ministry of love relationships!

Emergency fund: I was able to help 3 women this week. Rosemary received some money to help feed the orphans she was caring for and both Jane and Joyce received money to help with medical costs. This emergency fund truly does “fill the gap” for women who are desperate. Thank you so much to those of you who have donated! If you would like to donate to this fund either visit our website www.dorcaswidows.org/ or contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Beaded Jewelry: This week the women filled two orders; which totaled 500 beaded necklaces. We were able to pay 36 women for their work! It has been a reason for great celebration as these women want to work—they want to be able to care for their families. Some current American visitors in Uganda are putting in a new order this week, so God continues to provide business for these women! If you want to order necklaces, please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com

School Sponsorship: A new school term just began and through our sponsors we were able to send 13 children back to school! Many of those children had been at home as their mothers had no money to pay for school. When I tell these children that they now have a sponsor and will be able to attend school again, they jump up and down, smile, and hug me tight. I wish you all could be here to experience that kind of gratitude. If you are interested in sponsoring a child of one of our widows, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net

Land & Housing: It is our hope to purchase 3 acres of land to build a widow’s community. On this land we want to build 30 homes where the ladies can live rent free in order to help them achieve self-sufficiency. We have already raised $20,000 to purchase the land and are now raising money to build the homes. We are still looking at properties and hope to finalize a purchase in the next couple of months. If you are interested in learning more about this project please contact Carol Daly Vogt at dalyvogt@hotmail.com or check out our website at www.dorcaswidows.org/