From Mourning to Dancing

“…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61: 3

The widows and I ended 2009 emotionally battered and bruised. We were beyond weary…death had stolen 2 of our most beloved members and one of our sick children in the three months leading up to Christmas. Despair and deep sadness grabbed hold of us and drained us of any sign of life. Grieving was exhausting. We had loved them and now we had lost them. Here we were in the valley of the shadow of death… a dark place filled with dark emotions. I wanted to be a good leader…I wanted to lead us out of that place, but the sadness was just too much for me. Instead, I sat down in that painful place and sobbed…then I stared out into the darkness…unable to move. My soul was in deep anguish and any movement sent shock waves of pain through my emotions.

I wanted to get up…to be free of this overwhelming feeling of despair. I wanted to feel the warm light of love on my face…to know joy again. Ever so slowly, I began to faintly call to the lover of my soul. My voice was barely a whisper and it was a simple prayer, “Help me,” is all I managed to say. Yet at the time, it felt like it took all my energy to say anything at all. I was stuck in mourning…in despair…in hopelessness. I needed a rescuer and I remembered that God said he would turn my mourning into dancing. So, without any eloquent words or big gestures and with tears running down my face, I mouthed the words, “Help me.” It was then that those that love me most put their arms around me, fed me, sent words of encouragement, prayed with me and over me, took me to grief counselors. They were literally the hands and feet of Jesus. They picked me up and carried me into the light. It was hard for me to adjust to the light of their love at first, I was so used to the dark. But slowly, the despair began to fade. The world again had moments of love and joy. I have not forgotten Jane or Idah, but I no longer live overwhelmed by grief.

As I emerged from the valley of the shadow of death, I began to look around for the other widows. Now that I was on my feet, I wanted to rescue the others. In our first meeting after I returned from the States, Widow Ruth told me that she had called the ladies to a day of prayer just before Christmas. The women had fasted and prayed and asked God to lift the deep sadness and despair that had settled over the group. They asked God for healing and to restore their joy. They also asked God to provide for them as a husband would…food at Christmas and something new to enjoy. Before I left the Dorcas Widows Fund gave each widow 3 kilos of rice and 2 kilos of beans (thanks to 3 special donors!). Ruth said this was the beginning of the miracle of joy. I looked at her and said, “I don’t know what you mean.” She smiled and then announced, “Let the testimonies of what God did to give you back your joy begin.”

Beatrice stood up first. “Praise God!” she shouted. “I was unsure how I was going to make a feast for my children on Christmas Day, but God prepared one for me. First I received the rice and beans, then my relative came with 5 kilos of beef and another neighbor gave me a chicken. We ate and ate and ate. We even had enough to share with our neighbors. Imagine a widow feeding a family on Christmas day!” She shook her head and laughed.

Then Justine stood up, “Praise God!” she shouted. At this point we were all getting excited…something joyful and electrifying was in the air. Justine told us that she had also received beef, chicken and millet flour to go along with the beans and rice. “Do you know that someone who used to know me 10 years ago came to my home with milk from his cow? You know how expensive milk is in Kampala…well my friends we drank milk all day! “ Then her eyes began to fill up with tears as she explained that a relative showed up with new clothes for her children. Big tears rolled down her face as she said, “My children have never had new clothes. Imagine these are clothes no other person has worn before. God is so good.” My eyes welled up with tears too, but not heavy tears filled with despair, they were light happy tears.

One by one, each of the 40 women at the meeting stood up and told miraculous stories of how God had fed them on Christmas day and how he had given gifts to them and their children. It was then that I realized that God had rescued all of us. We had made a mass exodus out of the valley of despair into God’s love and protection. We decided to meet again the following week to have a time of prayer and fasting in order to thank God for his great love and mercy. We stood in a wide circle and all began to pray at once. About 50 women spoke with passionate voices in their own language. It sounded like a chorus of angles. It was our love song for a savior who didn’t leave us in the valley of despair…who saw our need and provided for it…who gave us back our joy…who turned our mourning into dancing.

A Personal Note from Kari:
As you may have picked up 2009 was a difficult year filled with a lot of sadness, but because of God’s great mercy…the ladies and I are looking forward to God’s new blessings in 2010. The reality is that 2/3rds of our women are HIV positive and it is incurable, so death will most likely always be a part of our ministry. Even though it hurts more than words can say to lose a friend…a member of our group, it is an incredible gift to be able to love these forgotten women. Widows are truly at the bottom of society, so it is an honor to give them the respect and love they deserve. I wouldn’t want to do anything else! I can honestly say with full conviction that the pain is worth it…the blessing far, far, far outweighs the despair.

It was a joy to be able to help feed the widows at Christmas, but the reality is that we need help all throughout the year. Widows need help feeding their families. They need help paying hospital bills. They need capital for their businesses. They need the widow’s community to become a reality. Therefore, we need some of YOU to help keep this ministry of loving widows going by becoming a monthly DONOR. Our love for the women is strong, but our budget for helping them is weak. If you are a faithful follower of this blog or if you support our work with widows then please consider becoming a financial supporter of our ministry. We cannot do it alone…We need you! Please go to our website www.dorcaswidows.org for more information.