Monday, March 17, 2008

Victory Amidst The Battle

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

We all want to be conquerors. We want to come to the end of a long battle of pain and suffering and rise like a phoenix out of the ashes. We want to know that sweet taste of victory after those long years of bitter hardship. It just is so hard to believe that victory is possible when pain covers you like a thick blanket and fear snuggles up close to you. When all you see is failure, tragedy and hopelessness, it is hard to even imagine a day when the war will be over. Victory seems like a mirage in the desert, always hoped for, never attained. Yet, we serve a God who left the grave empty on Easter morning conquering the worst of human tragedy. Despite the worst of worst, Jesus promises us victory, but are we strong enough to believe it?

I went to check my email last Thursday at Garden City mall near the heart of Kampala. I love the Internet café in the mall as it always has electricity and a strong Internet signal. I spent about an hour responding to my friends and family and then left to find a restroom. As I walked to the bathrooms on the third floor, I saw Lovincer out of the corner of my eye. I met Lovincer last year as she worked as house help for a friend of mine. She is a widow and a mother of 4 children. I was surprised to see her on this side of town. As I came closer our eyes met and she came quickly over to greet me. We embraced each other and I noticed that she had grown very thin. Thin is not a compliment in Uganda as being thin is often the hallmark of hunger or disease.

I sat on a nearby bench with her and listened to what had happened to her in the last 5 months. The woman she worked for had left Uganda 4 months prior and since that time she had not been able to find employment. Now her landlord was pressuring her everyday for the back rent and threatening to throw her out of her one room apartment. Lovincer looked at me and said, “You can see how thin I am. I have not been able to properly feed my children or to take them to the clinic when they are sick. It is only God who can help me now.” She then told me that the sponsor who had been paying the children’s school fees could no longer do it after this term. At that point, she just stared out into the distance and shook her head. “I do have one good thing though. I just started a new job today cleaning this mall; although I am walking almost an hour and a half to get here, as I have no money for transportation. Also, I am not home for my children and some are still in primary school, but what can I do? We need to eat.” At that point the battle for survival just seemed so intense. There we sat huddled together like two scared people in a foxhole. I reached in my bag and gave her some money to get her through the next few days. It wasn’t the victory she needed. I was only the medic on the battlefield stabilizing the patient enough to survive the next few hours.

After I left the mall, I went back to the Cornerstone offices. As I entered I saw Phyllis, an older widow, standing in the entryway waiting for me. I closed my eyes and wondered if I was strong enough to hear what she had to say. The battle seemed to be raging so fierce today. I greeted her and she hugged me tight telling me that I looked so fat. “You must really be eating. You look good.” It has taken me a year, but this American woman can finally smile to being called fat and say “Thank you.” I held her hands and quietly asked, “Phyllis, what has happened?” She explained that her father had just died. When a relative dies it is expected that each family member give money for the burial, so she gave all she had towards the burial of her father. Phyllis found 5 children wandering around Kampala begging for food five years ago. These children had left Gulu, where the Lord’s Resistance Army has been terrorizing the people, to find peace in Kampala. When Phyllis found them, she had compassion on them and took them to live with her. She also cares for another widow who is dying from AIDS and a daughter who has now become pregnant with nowhere to go. “Everyone is looking to me to feed them and provide for them. I am trying to get my brick making business going, but it is not enough. I can’t pay school fees so the children sit at home and the widow with AIDS gets sicker by the minute when I can’t feed her consistently.” Phyllis then looked out into the distance put her hands in a prayerful position up to her face and shook her head. There seemed to be no words left to say. Again the battle for survival seemed to be raging in my ears. How do you even take it all in? Victory was nowhere to be found, so like any good medic, I gave her just enough to survive.

I went home that night exhausted and defeated. Lord, where is the victory? You say you are the husband to the widow and the father to the fatherless, so where are you? You say if we ask for bread, you won’t give us stones, so why are these ladies holding bags of rocks? You say you will feed the poor, so where is the food? Like Job of long ago, I hurled questions and accusations at God demanding to be heard, to be answered. I shook my little fists and stomped my feet. Finally after I had tantrumed for over an hour, I just lay quietly on my bed, still fuming but totally out of words. Only one question came whispered back to me, “Where were you?” Is this a joke, what do you mean, “where was I?” I was there. “Exactly,” he whispered.

The next morning I went to see Jane, a widow whose body is giving in to AIDS and TB. I had good news for Jane. Both of her children had been sponsored and would be sent back to school. They would also be put into other homes where they could be fed regularly and where their other needs for clothing, soap and other necessities would be met. Jane was too sick now to care for them herself. I had come to take the oldest, Katherine, to a Cornerstone home 15 minutes away. This home had other girls who had lost mothers to HIV and mentors who were trained to counsel her through the upcoming sadness. I thought I would see defeat and deep battle wounds, but when I looked around, I noticed the eerie silence of peace. When I looked at their faces, I saw joy--pure celebration and elation. Suddenly I realized I was standing in victory. I wouldn’t have recognized it, but here it was. When Katherine went in the other room to pack, Jane raised her bony hand and began to speak to the mentors of the home. “Please give my daughter courage. Let her know that someone in the world loves her and cares about her.” “That is our only job in the home. We love the girls and give them hope for the future,” they replied. Jane sighed deeply and smiled, then she said, “God can do anything. He has given me my heart’s desire.”

It was the strangest victory I had ever seen--a dying woman giving her children to someone else because she can no longer care for them. Elation that someone else will feed, clothe and love her children into adulthood. All the while knowing somewhere deep inside her that she will miss all those special moments to come. I came prepared for pain, heartache and deep sadness, but they were nowhere to be found. Somehow Jane had found the strength to give her children the life she wanted them to have and the result was peace and the deep joy of victory.

The battle for survival rages on and the fighting is fierce, but miraculously amidst all the pain and suffering victory still stands victorious. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.

Update on the widows:

Well, it has been another rollercoaster ride this week. As you have just read, I spend much of my time in crisis management—feeding those that are hungry, helping them keep their small one room houses for another month and when I can find a sponsor sending their children back to school. It is sometimes emotionally exhausting, but the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

I saw two different plots of land this week. One of the plots is too far out of town and not near enough to a clinic for those who are sick. The other one is better located, but still a little far out of town. I am hoping to see two more plots this week. Buying land is such a HUGE deal, so please pray that God opens our eyes to the right one.

One ENOURMOUS answer to prayer also came last week. Carol, a widow in Minneapolis, also joined our team as lead fundraiser for this project. Lisa and I are so thrilled! We had prayed for someone with knowledge in this area to join us and God brought her right to us!

We will be fundraising to start phase two of this project. We would like to construct 30 homes and one office on the land we purchase. The widows most badly off can live there rent-free for as long as they need to. We are hoping this will give them a push to self-sufficiency. With no money going to rent, they will hopefully be able to better feed their families and put more money into their businesses. We would like to host seminars on business principles to help them as well once the land is set up. We are also hoping to market their beautiful beaded necklaces to stores in the States. If you want to know more about either of these projects, please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net She would be happy to help you!

Update on my life:

I feel like there is nothing left to say as so much of my time is spent with the ladies, but I am trying to take care of myself too. I make time every week to see friends and to rest. I have found it is good for my psyche.

This might give you a better picture of where I am at emotionally-- The other day I was sitting in the front of a taxi bus bumping in and out of every large pot hole when I noticed a “Boda” in front of us. (A Boda is a motorcycle you can hire to take you places.) The Boda had 4 chicken cages tied to the seat just behind the driver. Then there were about 15-20 other chickens tied by their legs to the outside of the cages. The chickens were all alive as I could hear them squawk loudly as they went in and out of each pothole. Now please know that I am not in any way shape or form for animal cruelty, but this whole scene just made me laugh. For twenty minutes I heard their squawks rise in decibel level every time they bumped in and out of those potholes. Suddenly, I laughed out loud and thought “wow, that is exactly how I feel.” It was like the chickens were flapping their wings screaming, “Oh no, here we go again. AHHHH! CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK” It was like watching a chicken roller coaster. It brought new meaning to the term Des Colores!

I guess I’ll end with some prayer requests: 1) pray for the ladies—feeding, housing, school fees 2) for the right piece of land 3) for the right contractor for the houses 4) for our fundraising efforts 4) for my relationships/friendships—they are my lifeline here 5) that I keep loving even when it just seems too damn hard 6) that I keep journeying with Jesus.

Much love,
Kari

Thursday, March 6, 2008

A Blessing Given, A Blessing Received

“Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action is dead.” James 2: 15-17

Last Friday, I was busy finishing the last of my breakfast and going through a mental checklist of what I needed for the day when my phone began to ring. Suddenly, I was in a mad dash around the house looking for my often-misplaced cell phone. I reached quickly for the phone and answered it. “Karo, Karo. I need help. I need help.” I stopped immediately, listened intently and said, “This is Kari. Who am I speaking to?” The panicked voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Agnes, a widow suffering from HIV and the latest opportunistic infection. In the calmest voice I could muster I asked, “Agnes, Agnes, what is happening?” “I am sick, Karo. I am not well. I can’t walk. I haven’t eaten since you fed me on Monday. I don’t know what to do. Please, Karo, can you help me? Please can you help me?” Her voice was rising to a terrified sob and she just continued to repeat her cries for help. Again I tried to keep my voice even, comforting and calming. I interrupted her, “Agnes, Agnes, I will help you. I will get money to you and I will send someone to go to the market to get food for you. I will help you. I will help you.” After getting some vague details about where she was staying, I set out to feed Agnes.

Yet somewhere deep inside me, I was scared to death, quite literally that this was the end for her. I have seen what AIDS can do. It is a monster of a disease. Its only aim is to destroy the one who carries it. It shows no mercy and gains strength as the one fighting it weakens. It robs you of your own dignity and steals your very ability to care for yourself. Its craving for death is insatiable. It is not easily intimidated and will stand its ground against even the fiercest attack. This monster is dangerous and will always be fatal. So, it is always with great respect for this horrific disease that I go armed with the only thing that can destroy it. This is a fight for God himself. Only he can battle this beast and win. So, I hold the hand of my father, the mighty warrior, and set out for battle.

I was quite far from Agnes when the call reached me and I knew that she needed help quickly, so I called Lisa, a young 20 something American girl, who had come to Africa to see what God was doing here. I had known her only a few days, but she was available and in the right area. I wanted to go myself, but my travel time would delay the help for Agnes, so I gave the blessing to someone else. This was hard, as I love Agnes and I wanted to see her for myself. I wanted to hold her. I have come to crave these kinds of adventures with God. The kind where God takes you into pain, into darkness and then suddenly shows his magnificent light. It is both humbling and empowering to love another person in the presence of Jesus himself. In those moments I long to become less, so he can become more. Even so God was going to send this young girl in my place.

I directed Lisa as best as I could by phone to Nakawa where the widow Rebecca lived. Rebecca would then help Lisa find the room where Agnes was waiting. Lisa wandered through the slums of Nakawa for some time asking each person if they knew the widow Rebecca. Finally, after about 20 minutes, an older man approached her and asked if she was looking for the widows. He then took her to see Widow Joyce. Joyce was overjoyed to see Lisa and invited her in for tea. As they drank tea, Lisa explained about Agnes’ frantic call. Joyce then stood, took Lisa by the hand and marched her straight to Widow Rebecca’s home.

Widow Rebecca had just finished washing her clothes and getting ready for the day. After hearing about Agnes’ frantic call for help, they set out to find her. Rebecca is terrified of riding motorcycles, so instead of taking a boda to Agnes’ home, they walked and walked and walked. Agnes lives on the top of a high hill just outside of Kampala. As they walked the long steep dusty road in the heat of the day, Rebecca told Lisa that she was unsure which path led to Agnes’ home. Lisa was close to frustration. It had taken two hours now to get to this place and now they had no idea how to find her.

In total desperation, they began to ask the men working in the rock quarry if they knew a widow named Agnes who had one daughter. Each person seemed to know a different Agnes, but not one knew the one they were looking for. Lisa was getting worried that they might never find her. Then a gentlemen driving one of the rock trucks overheard them speaking and told them that he was sure he knew where Agnes stayed. He took them down a path that lead to a small dilapidated home. As they approached the home, Agnes slowly stumbled forward and then collapsed into the dust. Lisa, Rebecca and the driver rushed to her side. Her skeletal frame seemed to have to no muscle to hold it up.

The driver picked her up in one swift motion and brought her into the house. Lisa came into the small house and watched as he put her sick frail body down on the mat. She began to thank Lisa over and over for coming to her rescue. Then she reached her shaky hand out and with great effort picked up a bar of soap. Agnes commented that Lisa’s feet were dirty. Then she asked for a basin of water and began to wash Lisa’s feet and shoes. Lisa tried over and over again to tell her to rest and not to bother with her feet, but Agnes remained determined to do what she could to love Lisa in the same way she felt loved by her. Lisa was overwhelmed by her act of love and in awe of how God can show up in the strangest places.

Rebecca took the money, went to the market and then spent the rest of the day cooking for Agnes. Rebecca helped her to the toilet, helped her eat and helped her get medicine for her aches and pains. Rebecca gave up working in the market. She gave up earning money for her own family in order to help her fellow widow. She has seen first hand what AIDS can do, so she stayed and prayed with this sick frail woman hoping that God would show up in the darkness.

Over the weekend, I had prayed for Agnes and sent messages of hope and encouragement to her. Then on Sunday night I received another call. It was Agnes, only this time her voice was calm. She simply said, “Thank you Karo. Thank you for loving me.”

Update on the widows:
I wanted so badly to upload a picture of Agnes, but the computer just wouldn't cooperate. Oh well! I have some good God sized news. Jane is still alive and God has brought another widow from another land to pay the money for Jane’s children to go to school. Her oldest daughter will be staying in a Cornerstone home and returning to school next quarter. Her son will be attending a day school near her home. This news is so recent I haven’t yet been able to break the news to Jane. I know she will be overjoyed! One of Rosemary’s daughters will be also going to a Cornerstone home and then back to school next quarter. Rosemary was overjoyed and immediately started praising Jesus. It was beautiful to watch. She still has sores all over her tongue from the diabetes and is in constant pain, but God is still standing beside her and so am I.

We are in the middle of looking at two pieces of land. I am hopeful that we will get the final okay to go survey the land this week. Keep praying!! Otherwise, I love the widows from one crisis to another! A good friend emailed and suggested starting an emergency fund for food, medicine and school fees. If you are interested in donating to something like this please contact Lisa Tschetter at lisatschetter@comcast.net Let’s see what God might do!!

My life:

I have had a strange week. I went from the depths to the heights and it has been an unsettling journey. On Sunday, I left the widows for a large house outside on Kampala, so that I could teach at the International School. It is an elite place where tuition is $15,000 a year. I am with the wealthiest families in a country where people are dying of hunger. Every part of me wants to leave this place, but I will keep my commitment. I will be back to Simon’s on Friday and I can’t wait!

Living in God’s great presence,
Kari