Live In Love

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” 1 John 4: 16

Life here has become a beautiful experience of new relationships. Each day I have been provided with an opportunity to love and be loved. My heart has increased its capacity and my walls I had built to keep others out have been crumbling. There is a new freedom that exists in forgetting myself and embracing the joys and sorrows of others. There is a view of God that is only visible when we let go of ourselves and fall head long into God’s great love. The letting go can be terrifying. It feels as if we might lose everything, but it isn’t long before we realize that we have gained much more than we feared to lose.

I love the widows. I love their faces. They are faces that wear deep lines of sorrow, pain, heartache, unfulfilled dreams, frustrated plans and deep love for their children. Their eyes are my favorite part. They show a deep commitment to the one who promised to never leave them, never forsake them and to count them as blessed. Their eyes dance with hope. Hope in a God that claims them as his treasured beauty. He told us in the book of James that pure religion is taking care of widows in their distress. He mentions them in scripture by name. From the beginning of time, God has interceded for widows and begs all of us to act on his behalf. If your spouse were suffering would you not move heaven and earth to relieve their pain?

This week when Joyce and I entered the meeting place of my beloved widows, there was a great eruption of wild shouts and cheers. Have you ever heard joy unabashed? I was taken aback by the sheer volume of the noise, yet drawn close by the pure happiness of the moment. When the ladies finally relieved themselves of their loud cries of joy, Ruth, their chairperson told me that they had spent the last year praying that God would send someone to help them. Someone to see their pain. Someone to care. She told me of the times they had fasted and gathered together to pray for a rescuer. Ruth looked at me intently and said that they were now celebrating that God had sent me. We recognized you by the love you have for us. It is genuine and real. Again the loud shouts came. I sat there and shook inside. Can they see how weak I am? Do they know my imperfections? Have they seen my failures? How can I be a rescuer?

It is an awesome responsibility to be in loving relationships. It carries with it great pleasure and great potential as well as great potential for failure. I realized as I felt the very hairs on my neck stand up that only God could be a rescuer; however, he somehow needed me to do it. I needed help, so I went to the only place I knew to get it. Snuggling in the loving arms of the father, I received enough courage to enter fully into this love affair with these widows. Ruth was now calling on me to speak to these dear women. I stood, opened my Bible and talked about the great love of God--a God who connects privileged Christians in the west with beloved Christians of Africa. I told them about a woman who was spending her time and talent making a scripture book for them. I told them about a group of people who wanted to give of their resources to help them acquire adequate housing. Then I told them that God blesses those that love deeply from the heart. It is their love for each other and for God that brought this blessing and it will be their continued love that makes this blessing a reality. I warned them against the evils that money can bring—jealousy, envy, greed, and anger. Don’t let this money divide you, let the blessing bring you deeper into love for God and each other. As I finished, several women stood to clap and to ask their fellow widows to stay committed to God and not to the money. They encouraged one another to think of how to bless the widow next to her instead of herself. Have you ever bathed in love? Seen it in human form? Seen it given in practical ways? I have in that moment. Ruth said, “Ladies, I want you all of you to get a house before I do. God will take care of me, so I will be the first to put my fellow widow ahead of me.” This started a chain reaction of widows giving the right of way to other widows. I could feel God breathing on my neck. It was so close. It was so magnificent.

Suddenly, a woman stood and said, “Please I must speak. I feel I might burst if I don’t sing praise to God right now. “ She burst into a beautiful song about God’s love. Suddenly we were all caught up in it. We were standing, arms waving in the air, our feet swaying and our mouths singing about God’s great love. It was almost too much to experience all at once. I shook again—this time with holy goose bumps.

As the meeting came to a close, Ruth stood and asked the widows to outstretch their hands and pray for me. “Can we now bless our daughter? She has come in love for us. Let’s now pray that God gives her a great love. A great husband to love and honor her.” Suddenly, a hundred voices in three different languages were praying for me—calling down a great blessing from heaven. They were crying out and lifting their hands to heaven. I stood before them and cried. My chest heaved as I cried. The love was just so great. How could they know my heart’s desire? How could I be worthy of this love? Then these dear women prayed for the privileged western Christians—those who have decided to be in relationship with them. They prayed that God would bless them beyond measure. Then we prayed for the land that God would prepare for them. We ended by telling God how mighty and magnificent He is. Suddenly we were cheering again. All I could think was God is great and greatly to be praised!

As I left that place each widow held me and called me daughter. I had become a part of them. I was in a committed relationship full of love and joy. I walked toward the mini-bus holding hands with two widows and feeling joy. It was a moment to remember.

Have you felt joy like that? Do you know God’s great capacity for love? You will find it in the least of these. Maybe that is why God said that the last will be first and the first will be last. It is us, the privileged ones, that see love last. It is only when we let go of all we hold on to that we will free fall into a love so magnificent that it can not be contained in words. It is long journey to the least, the lost and the left out sometimes, but one well worth it. In fact it is a journey towards the heart of God.

Update on my life:

These last couple of weeks have been intense. Each day seems jam packed with its own unique intensity. It is getting so hard to find time to just sit and write. I feel the need to process everything that is happening, but yet the days do not seem long enough. Over the last two weeks I have seen the beauty of God’s people in unity. It is breathtaking!

I first wrote about the widows group a couple of weeks ago. I tried to give you a glimpse of what it feels like to be a widow without land, with out a home, without enough resources, but with a mighty God. A couple of days later I was amazed and thrilled to hear from so many of you. The Holy Spirit had moved in you and people with resources were moving toward those without resources in relationship and love. Now it will be possible to for the widows to buy a plot of land and build some small 2-room homes for them and their children. The loud cries of joy shook the rafters of that place. Now the widows are busy meeting with each other and researching the cheapest land they can find. Once they have a plan, they will be ready to receive the funding from so many of you. It is amazing to stand in the gap between you and them. Keep praying that God continues to stay in the details so that the plan will continue to move forward.

I have continued to spend time teaching English and building relationships with the boys at the Kibuli house. They are really beginning to warm up to me and tell me things about themselves. I also went to a birthday party for a mentor in the girl’s house. She was turning 21 and asked me to be her “mother” at the party. It was a formal party. She was dressed in her finest and looked so beautiful. Then her friends gathered and played games and sang praise songs. Finally I was asked to read scripture over her and to tell what dreams I had for my daughter. She put her head down and cried mid way through the party. I just sat beside her and rubbed her back. It is so nice to be a mother!

Last Thursday I spent time at IJM (International Justice Mission) working on a project for their social worker. IJM is trying to create a seminar for illiterate women who receive settlements of large sums of money. These women need to be taught enough basic skills to manage their money and their business. I gave them some teaching tips and tried to give some suggestions for working with illiterate people.

I have also been attending chapel at World Vision every morning and God is really speaking to me through these chapel speakers. I have been so challenged to pray—often and with humble reverence for God believing that he is the lion of Judah-wild and powerful. One of the men at World Vision who cleans the offices is a powerful man of prayer. He sought me out last week and asked to talk to me. I sat down with him and he told me that God had asked him to pray for my husband. He told me that God has seen all my disappointments in the past and wants to bless me with a good husband. My mouth dropped to the floor and I just stared at him. I had never told this man that I was single or that I wanted to get married. I thanked him and said something of very little value. Then we parted. Later that week, while with the widows they decided that they would bless me by praying a man of great worth, value and love into my life. They prayed that I would have a husband who loves Jesus and wants to passionately serve him. I don’t even know what to say about this other than-- Lord I will take any blessing you give me. Maybe it is true that God gives us the desires of our hearts.

Finally, I have had the opportunity this week to represent Cornerstone and be their spokesman of sorts to a group of 15 American college students who are here visiting. It is nice to be a part of the staff and not a visitor any longer!

For my Memorial Day weekend, I was able to travel out to Rakai to attend Johnson’s pre-introduction meeting. During this ceremony, Johnson brings gifts to the girl’s family and formally asks her father for her hand in marriage. They then agree on all the details of the wedding. Finally they eat coffee beans together. It was really special to be included in this cultural ceremony. You can see the pictures from my weekend on my picture page.

On a personal level, I am making so many wonderful friends and really feeling at home. I like living here, in fact I love it; however, I do not love the cockroaches! One crawled across my leg the other day and I screamed and scared Veronica. I tell you it is always exciting here! I am also getting much more comfortable with moving around the city and using public transportation. I feel like a Ugandan muzungu more every day!

I have not yet heard the outcome of my interview with the International School, so I am still waiting to hear. Please pray that I hear soon as I would like to settle this decision. I am heading up to Gulu the first week of June or thereabouts. I can’t wait to report on all the joys and sorrows of that place!

Keep praying for me!

Much love,

Kari