The Widows Offering

“I tell you the truth,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” Luke 21:3,4

Giving out of our wealth…giving out of our wealth….Those words have rolled around in my mind and my soul this week. In fact they have had a haunting effect. In all honesty I give out of my wealth. I give out of the extra, the left over. I meet all my needs first. I make sure that I do not go without than I give what is left over. This kind of giving is all I have ever known. As Americans, we are taught from a very young age to use money to first meet our own needs and desires, then if we are compassionate to give to others. Over and over we are told to preserve ourselves first and applauded when we do just that. The individual is more important than the group. In essence my needs are more important than others. Yet Jesus told us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves--to put their needs equally as important as our own. Interestingly, Jesus did not notice those who gave out of their wealth, instead he noticed the impoverished widow who gave all she had. That’s right-- all she had. Would we ever dare be so risky? Would we ever be so foolish as to love God with all we have?

Every Thursday afternoon, I spend time with widows. I sit on the back of a motorbike and speed through the city of Kampala in order to spend a few hours with the women God notices. I have come to know their names. I recognize their faces in the crowd and see them as a collection of beautiful women who have been crushed by life’s cruelness. I see the devastating effects of HIV as it ravishes their bodies and leaves them feverish and full of sores. I hear stories of the orphans they love and care for despite their almost total lack of resources. I pray with them as they praise their great “King of Glory” asking him for food, shelter, improved health and school fees for their children. I sit among these suffering widows and my heart feels heavy. Sitting there you breathe in a combination of intense pain and long suffering hope. Sometimes, I feel so plastic—so fake. These are truly women of faith, dignity and intrinsic beauty. They have a depth of character and integrity that leaves me feeling shallow and naïve.

This last meeting was one to remember. After we danced, sang and celebrated surviving another week, Rosemary asked me to share what I knew about Jesus. I took a deep breath, stood and suddenly felt like a small child sharing their insight to the most learned adult. I opened to the book of John where it says that God loved the world so much that he gave his only son so that we might live. I told them how much I loved God for sending his son to die for me. I told them how I loved the story of the women at the tomb. They were the first to see that the Lord had risen just as he said he would. I told them that I asked God to come and be my husband. I wanted to love him as he loved me. I longed to know more of him so our intimacy might grow. It was a simple message, but it told of my heart’s love for Jesus.

One of the women in the group was a Muslim woman. The other widows of the group have shared the story of Jesus many times with this HIV ridden woman, but she always remained unrelenting in her desire to stay Muslim. They loved her anyway and accepted her in their group. Suddenly, as I sat down after my long love letter about my savior, she asked, “If I accept Jesus now, can I still be Muslim?” Everyone looked at me wondering what I would say. I sat quietly for a moment and then replied, “I can tell you this, if you ask Jesus to be with you then he will be. Then out of your love for him you will want to be around others who love him too.” Then the other widows began to testify one after the other how Jesus had rescued them. Joyce read the verse in Revelation about Jesus standing at the door knocking and waiting only for you to open the door. She also read the verse in Romans stating if you confess Jesus with your mouth, believe that he died for you and follow him you will be saved. Finally, I looked at this dear widow and said that the Bible has power and does not return empty, so the choice was hers. She bolted to her feet and said, “I am ready.” At this the whole group cheered and shouted, “Praise you, King of Glory.” Then we gathered around her, held her and another widow who spoke her language prayed with her. At the end, loud cries of delight were heard for miles around. Rosemary then told her neighbors to go to the widows house every day and teach her about Jesus.

As the meeting drew to a close, I was overwhelmed at how God had drawn this woman to himself. I walked out into the open field and began the long goodbye. One by one I hug the widows and we talk to each other. They share with me and I share with them. As we were laughing and celebrating our friendship, I heard Rosemary’s loud voice shouting, “Widows, widows …one of us is in trouble. Come and hear. Come. Come.” As I walked toward her I saw a young bony woman standing before her with her shoulders hunched into her chest. AIDS had stolen her shape and she was now no more than bones and skin. She stood there shivering as big tears rolled down her cheeks. I was so stunned. I just stood there and stared at her my eyes welling up with tears. Rosemary again began to speak, ”See our sister, our fellow widow. Her relatives have now disowned her and kicked her out of the house. Her and her children have not eaten for two days. We must help our sister. I want all of you to get the money you have out of your pockets so this widow and her children may eat.” The widows came in mass surrounded the young woman held her and talked to her. The others with HIV began to encourage her and as they did these women with nothing began to produce coins from their pockets worth nothing more than $0.25 or $0.50. Rosemary continued shouting, “Come widows give all you have to our fellow widow. She is in trouble. “ Widow after widow emptied their pockets giving this frail young widow their transportation money, their food money, their money they were saving for their children’s school fees.

I wish I had moved quickly emptying my purse of its contents, but I just stood there memorized by what I was seeing. How can they give everything? Is that smart? Then I thought how can they not give everything? I opened my purse and grabbed some money. For a brief moment, I thought about giving my wallet’s contents, but something inside whispered keep what you think you need to live on, to pay for your expensive taxi home, to go out to dinner this weekend. So, I gave but out of my excess. Somewhere inside me there was a feeling of deep sadness. What did Jesus say about the wealthy seeing heaven is like a camel going through the eye of a needle? In that moment I missed seeing what God would do. I pulled myself out of the blessing of giving to the least of these. I missed seeing heaven on earth because I couldn’t give like the widows. As I look at these words in print I feel deep shame and guilt. I backed away from the group as they surrounded this young frail widow and watched them give all they had. Shamefully, I looked at the ground and felt the deep disappointment of shrinking back from being Jesus’ hands and feet. Then the widows surrounded her in a tight circle lifted their hands to heaven and prayed for her. I felt like collapsing to the ground weeping over my innate selfishness. When will I ever be free from the sin that whispers death in my ears? When will I be strong enough to not listen to it? When will I learn to give like the widows?

One day I want to give, really give out of what I have not what I have left over. I want to see Jesus and I want Jesus to notice my gift. I want to love my neighbor. I want to free myself from the thoughts that tell me I am more important than others. For nothing is impossible with God, so even selfish suburban girls like me have hope for a new way of living. God will teach us giving if we let him. If we are willing to let go of what we think we own, then God will show us a new way to manage resources. Like Paul we will learn to be content with everything and with nothing because in the end it is all God’s to do with as he pleases. If he wants to give it all to his widows, then we will earn to give it freely. We will go without and it will not kill us, in fact we might really begin to live.

Will any of you be brave enough to ask God to teach you to give? Will you try it even once? Will you give and deprive yourself of what you need? I am trembling, but I want to learn to give, so I am brushing the dust off and continuing the journey. I hope to see you along the way.


Update:

There are 100 widows in the Dorcus widow group and many of them are being kicked off their land by August 1st. Several of us have decided to give of our resources to help them purchase a land of their own. The land will cost approximately $13,000. They want to build simple two room houses for each of the 100 widows on the new property. If you want to contribute to this effort, you may contact me at kari.miller@usfamily.net.

This last week has been great and full of activity. At the beginning of the week, I found out that I did not get the job at the International School. I was simply too expensive for them. They would have had to pay for a work visa, my housing and other “over seas hire” expenses, so that door has officially closed. I was surprised how sad I felt about not getting this job. I guess I really like living here and am happy staying right where I am.

I have continued to meet with the boys at Kibuli house. They are slowly learning English and warming up to me. I have loved developing relationships with them. In fact this last Friday, they finally told me that they would miss me over the weekend. This was a huge break through in our relationship!

I also moved from Veronica’s house to Simon Kabi’s house. I moved from one side of the city to another, so it will be fun to learn a new part of the city. Simon has been an excellent host and even made pancakes this morning for breakfast. I tell you it is like staying in a fine hotel. I love having my own room and bathroom. I miss Veronica though. She has been my rock. The person who has loved and cared for me though it all! I am excited though to get to know Simon better and to enjoy working on the widows project with him! God is going to something great!

Love to everyone at home!
Kari