Where Do Widows Find Rest?

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.” -Jesus

I went to Northern Uganda this last week and rested in Gulu. It may seem odd to rest in a place that 3 years ago was a war zone, but now that peace has come it is quite lovely and quiet. I spent time with friends, napped in the middle of the afternoon, and watched some episodes of The Office on the computer. I went into town and ate good wholesome food. I even watched an exciting local soccer match. Each day I sat in the silence and listened to the birds sing as I prayed and read scripture. My body, my mind and my soul were renewed, energized and rested, but what about the widows- where do they find rest? Is rest only an option for the privileged?

It is odd that I went to Gulu for rest and the widows I love left Gulu to find rest. War drove them from their homes, took many of their husbands and left emotional scars that may never heal. They came south looking to find peace and prosperity. They found a place without war, but not the peace and security they were looking for. I haven’t ever heard one of the widows tell me that they felt rested. In fact, there is a weariness that seems to attach itself to each woman.

I went to see Lovincer when I returned from Gulu. She was taking her lunch break, eating some few pieces of cassava, when I found her. We embraced each other and she asked me about my trip. Was I rested? Did I have fun? I babbled on about how great it felt to relax in such a beautiful place. Then I asked how she was doing. “I’ve been working hard every day. I miss my children. Now the landlord is threatening to chase us from the place.” She still owes him about $80. I was glad to be able to tell her that funds had been found to cover the cost of her back house rent and for some school fees. But as I listened, I wondered when does this mother of 6 rest. When does her weary soul get a break?

Yesterday, I saw Agnes, an HIV positive widow who quite literally almost died a couple weeks ago. Her bony arms embraced me and she smiled from ear to ear. “Welcome back from Gulu! How was your trip? Are you now rested?” Again I told her how wonderful it is to relax and sit in the peace of the moment. She smiled and hugged me again rubbing my back. “I’m so glad.” She then pulled me away from the other ladies and said, “Kari, can you forgive me?” I was confused, what had she done to need my forgiveness? “I am sorry to ask you, but since I have been so sick I have no rent money for the landlord. He is going to chase me from my place tomorrow and I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?” She went on to tell me that she had spent several sleepless nights while I was gone praying and worrying—feeling helpless. I was her last resort. I gave her some money-enough to pay the landlord her back rent. She thanked me and I wondered, where is her rest? Even as HIV destroys her body, she has no time to relax. Can she not even die in peace?

At the widow’s meeting last night, I looked for Joyce. I knew that she had been quite sick with malaria. Before I left for my rest, she was in the hospital. Malaria is quite dangerous for her as she is HIV positive. When I didn’t see her, I asked how she was doing. She is still shaking with fever and having bad headaches they told me. I asked if I could go now to visit her. “Oh, she is not there. Even though she is sick, she went to sell in the market. How will her children eat if she does not work?” The other widows looked at me as if I had asked a ridiculous question. “How will they eat?” they asked me again. I just sat there stunned and shook my head. Where is her rest? Can she not even be sick? Can she not even take one day to heal her body?

Suddenly, I felt selfish in taking so many days to do nothing. I didn’t rest because I was sick, or because I had some problem to work through, or because I was chronically ill with a deadly disease; I rested because I felt like it. I realized in that moment that my ability to rest was a privilege that the widows hadn’t seen in years and may never see in a lifetime. I felt sick to my stomach. It wasn’t guilt. It wasn’t the feeling like I had done something wrong. It was a deep gut wrenching sadness. The very ones who deserve rest the most will probably never see it. It was the deep pain of injustice. That kind of pain sits in your belly and squeezes you from the inside out. Righteous anger wells up inside and you want to punch, kick and hurt something, but nothing you do relieves that kind of pain. Injustice can only be healed through justice-through righting the wrong, but how do I right this wrong? Is rest for them ever possible? Is it only a heavenly right for them?

Didn’t Jesus call all those who are weary and heavy laden to come to him so he can give them rest? Where is their rest? Tell me. I want to know. I want to lead them to it. How can I be allowed to rest when the sick and the dying have no rest?

Update on the widows:

We are seriously considering a piece of land about 30 minutes from Kampala. It is near a market, a good health center, schools and has access to electricity and water. Cornerstone is also looking for land for a housing project that will cater to former Cornerstone boys and girls who are now working. They are building a subdivision of sorts. If we can buy land together it will help us get more bang for our buck and give the widows some people to work for. I am hopeful that this will work! Keep praying!

We are still working on marketing the beads the widows are making so we can get a sustainable business going. We are also working on developing a website in order to provide more information on these ladies as well as the current projects we have going. As soon as we have it I will post it to the blog.

Thank you, thank you to those of you who have given generously to the Dorcas Widows Emergency fund. That money has helped many widows who are in dire need and kept at least two of them alive! You are a blessing!

My life:

I think I have said enough about my rest in Gulu. I do love that place and it really is beautiful! I also got to spend time with the Youth Corps kids (formerly abducted kids). It was so nice to be able to play games with them and to see them acting like children.

I am now back in Kampala and visiting widows. I really did miss them when I was gone and am looking forward to having lunch at one of the widow’s homes this Sunday. Spending time with them is so fun for me!

Thanks for praying for me. It really does make a huge difference to know that people are bringing me to the foot of the cross. I really am feeling empowered this week and excited about what God will show me next! As you can see from this blog, not all questions are yet answered. Some I will know later and some I think I will only know in heaven, but the journey is worth all the uncertainty.

Feel free to email, I can be reached at karimillermn@gmail.com