Relief

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35

The other day it rained. I mean RAINED. The water poured from the sky, the thunder shook the heavens and the lightening crashed toward the ground. In a storm of that magnitude you are forced to find shelter and wait for peace to return to the skies. As I watched that massive storm roll through, I thought about the emotional storms I had seen that week. I had spent time with widows who were struggling to feed their families, who were one day away from being chased from their homes, who were sick with fatal diseases and who had no humanly possible way to pay for their children’s school fees. The storm was raging all around them and it seemed ferocious in its intensity. Then, as all storms do, the clouds break, the rain softens and the thunder and lightening become quiet. Suddenly, after all that wildness there is a moment of peace.

On Sunday, I had lunch with Joyce, an HIV positive widow who is caring for 15 children. Some of her siblings and their spouses have died leaving her with an extraordinary number of children to provide for. She had been cooking all morning when I arrived. Sweat beads glistened on her forehead and the aroma coming from the pots immediately made me hungry. She was excited to share her tribe’s traditional food with me. As she set the small table, she told me that these ceramic plates had been a gift from her daughter. She had told her mother to use them only on special occasions and only with those you love. Not too long after those plates were given to her, her daughter died in a car accident. So, I held that plate in my lap with tender care and ate every delicious morsel of food she prepared for me. It was a tender blessing she had bestowed on me and I accepted it with humble gratitude. Then we went to her bedroom and sat on her bed. We both lay back after that big meal and just relaxed enjoying each other’s company.

We talked about so many things…our families, our dreams, our challenges. She told me how her husband died and how she ran from the ones that killed him. She told me how much she missed him. She told me about her siblings and what they were like before AIDS took them. She told me how hard she works. She is up at 5am getting the youngest children ready for school and giving the HIV positive children their medication. Then she goes across town to sell in the market until 8pm. When she finally reaches home, she makes sure the kids have something to eat. Then she checks on her HIV positive neighbor who is too weak to work. Then she sleeps for a few hours. “Kari, I need help. I can’t manage these children alone. So many times I come in here and fall to my knees and cry out to God. And do you know what? He answers me.” She told me story after story of how God had miraculously fed and clothed them over the years. I listened amazed at the lengths God will go to save the ones he loves.

As I left her place, I asked God how my resources could best help her. Out of love for her I wanted to meet a physical need. Just a few hours later, my best friend contacted me and said that she wanted to support a widow in need. I shook my head as I realized that God had already created a way to love his bride. The next day I went back to Joyce’s home, early in the morning before she left for the market. She greeted me warmly and invited me in. As I sat down, my heart was beating with excitement and I couldn’t stop smiling. She looked at me and smiled, “You have the joy of the Lord this morning.” “Yes, I do.” I responded. Then I told her of how God had provided a sponsor to pay school fees for 4 of her children. She took a deep breath in and then jumped up in the air screaming “Praise Jesus, praise Jesus, praise Jesus.” Then she fell to her knees and began to pray in her own language as tears streamed down her cheeks. Then we sang songs to Jesus in Lwo. Then she stood and rubbed my back as she continued to pray in with her mother tongue. Even though I couldn’t understand the words, I understood her heart. It was a beautiful, holy, joyful moment. We praised Jesus for almost an hour before I left. Somehow in that moment, the storm had passed and the sky was blue and intoxicatingly beautiful.

Update on the Widows:

Praise the Lord, it has been a good week! I saw Lovincer today and she was delighted to report that the landlord had been pain his back rent and was no longer threatening her. She said that she was sleeping better, some sense of peace has returned for her. However, after visitng her home today, I must say that her living conditions are wretched. Three of her children sleep under the bed while the other 3 and Lovincer sleep on top of the bed. The room is no bigger than a pantry and too small for her large family. Please pray God opens up a housemaid job for her! She needs to get out of that “house” before it falls in on her! Both Jane and Agnes, those most sick with HIV, are feeling better this week. Both were up and moving around. Not to say all challenges have been met, there are still two other widows desperate for school fees, but the loud storm seemed to have quieted a bit.

We are working hard to get a website for this ministry up and running. It won’t be long now!! We are also looking for a way to market the widows beautiful jewelry (beaded necklaces), so if you are gifted in business and want to help—please drop me an email- karimillermn@gmail.com

The land is still in process. We are waiting for the appropriate documentation in order to move forward, but we do have a particular piece of land in mind. As soon as things move ahead, I will let you know!

Update on my life:

I have really settled into my life here and it feels good. I have good friends, people that really love me and an opportunity to love others. It is the best of both worlds. I am excited to see what God might do in the next few months! Essentially, I am happy and healthy…what more could you ask for?

Kari

Where Do Widows Find Rest?

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.” -Jesus

I went to Northern Uganda this last week and rested in Gulu. It may seem odd to rest in a place that 3 years ago was a war zone, but now that peace has come it is quite lovely and quiet. I spent time with friends, napped in the middle of the afternoon, and watched some episodes of The Office on the computer. I went into town and ate good wholesome food. I even watched an exciting local soccer match. Each day I sat in the silence and listened to the birds sing as I prayed and read scripture. My body, my mind and my soul were renewed, energized and rested, but what about the widows- where do they find rest? Is rest only an option for the privileged?

It is odd that I went to Gulu for rest and the widows I love left Gulu to find rest. War drove them from their homes, took many of their husbands and left emotional scars that may never heal. They came south looking to find peace and prosperity. They found a place without war, but not the peace and security they were looking for. I haven’t ever heard one of the widows tell me that they felt rested. In fact, there is a weariness that seems to attach itself to each woman.

I went to see Lovincer when I returned from Gulu. She was taking her lunch break, eating some few pieces of cassava, when I found her. We embraced each other and she asked me about my trip. Was I rested? Did I have fun? I babbled on about how great it felt to relax in such a beautiful place. Then I asked how she was doing. “I’ve been working hard every day. I miss my children. Now the landlord is threatening to chase us from the place.” She still owes him about $80. I was glad to be able to tell her that funds had been found to cover the cost of her back house rent and for some school fees. But as I listened, I wondered when does this mother of 6 rest. When does her weary soul get a break?

Yesterday, I saw Agnes, an HIV positive widow who quite literally almost died a couple weeks ago. Her bony arms embraced me and she smiled from ear to ear. “Welcome back from Gulu! How was your trip? Are you now rested?” Again I told her how wonderful it is to relax and sit in the peace of the moment. She smiled and hugged me again rubbing my back. “I’m so glad.” She then pulled me away from the other ladies and said, “Kari, can you forgive me?” I was confused, what had she done to need my forgiveness? “I am sorry to ask you, but since I have been so sick I have no rent money for the landlord. He is going to chase me from my place tomorrow and I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?” She went on to tell me that she had spent several sleepless nights while I was gone praying and worrying—feeling helpless. I was her last resort. I gave her some money-enough to pay the landlord her back rent. She thanked me and I wondered, where is her rest? Even as HIV destroys her body, she has no time to relax. Can she not even die in peace?

At the widow’s meeting last night, I looked for Joyce. I knew that she had been quite sick with malaria. Before I left for my rest, she was in the hospital. Malaria is quite dangerous for her as she is HIV positive. When I didn’t see her, I asked how she was doing. She is still shaking with fever and having bad headaches they told me. I asked if I could go now to visit her. “Oh, she is not there. Even though she is sick, she went to sell in the market. How will her children eat if she does not work?” The other widows looked at me as if I had asked a ridiculous question. “How will they eat?” they asked me again. I just sat there stunned and shook my head. Where is her rest? Can she not even be sick? Can she not even take one day to heal her body?

Suddenly, I felt selfish in taking so many days to do nothing. I didn’t rest because I was sick, or because I had some problem to work through, or because I was chronically ill with a deadly disease; I rested because I felt like it. I realized in that moment that my ability to rest was a privilege that the widows hadn’t seen in years and may never see in a lifetime. I felt sick to my stomach. It wasn’t guilt. It wasn’t the feeling like I had done something wrong. It was a deep gut wrenching sadness. The very ones who deserve rest the most will probably never see it. It was the deep pain of injustice. That kind of pain sits in your belly and squeezes you from the inside out. Righteous anger wells up inside and you want to punch, kick and hurt something, but nothing you do relieves that kind of pain. Injustice can only be healed through justice-through righting the wrong, but how do I right this wrong? Is rest for them ever possible? Is it only a heavenly right for them?

Didn’t Jesus call all those who are weary and heavy laden to come to him so he can give them rest? Where is their rest? Tell me. I want to know. I want to lead them to it. How can I be allowed to rest when the sick and the dying have no rest?

Update on the widows:

We are seriously considering a piece of land about 30 minutes from Kampala. It is near a market, a good health center, schools and has access to electricity and water. Cornerstone is also looking for land for a housing project that will cater to former Cornerstone boys and girls who are now working. They are building a subdivision of sorts. If we can buy land together it will help us get more bang for our buck and give the widows some people to work for. I am hopeful that this will work! Keep praying!

We are still working on marketing the beads the widows are making so we can get a sustainable business going. We are also working on developing a website in order to provide more information on these ladies as well as the current projects we have going. As soon as we have it I will post it to the blog.

Thank you, thank you to those of you who have given generously to the Dorcas Widows Emergency fund. That money has helped many widows who are in dire need and kept at least two of them alive! You are a blessing!

My life:

I think I have said enough about my rest in Gulu. I do love that place and it really is beautiful! I also got to spend time with the Youth Corps kids (formerly abducted kids). It was so nice to be able to play games with them and to see them acting like children.

I am now back in Kampala and visiting widows. I really did miss them when I was gone and am looking forward to having lunch at one of the widow’s homes this Sunday. Spending time with them is so fun for me!

Thanks for praying for me. It really does make a huge difference to know that people are bringing me to the foot of the cross. I really am feeling empowered this week and excited about what God will show me next! As you can see from this blog, not all questions are yet answered. Some I will know later and some I think I will only know in heaven, but the journey is worth all the uncertainty.

Feel free to email, I can be reached at karimillermn@gmail.com